I want to preface this by saying this is my first long term relationship. So please point out anything I am thinking and doing wrong so I can learn from my mistakes.
Background is me and my gf live in separate cities. We’ve been together for almost a year. Long distance is rough but we talk everyday and usually video chat and have virtual dates on weekends (watch movies together etc). Generally we have great relationship with occasional fights that I guess looking back doesn’t get 100% resolved.
Today was an important day for my GF, she had a big exam that she had prepped a long time for. I called to wake her up, spoke with her until she went inside, called her again after the exam. We then agreed to video chat on our computers and relax after she went to get food and went back to her place. Before she hung up to get food, I briefly mentioned I might play some games, and she said don’t, spend time with me. I said yeah my intention was just kill some time, my plan is to have the virtual date with you. I also said okay, I won’t play games. I didn’t take her request that seriously.
After I hung up I figured I had a bit of time to kill, so I played video games for 30-40 minutes. During that time I didn’t check my phone. And she sent me a few messages, last one was asking if I was gaming. I didn’t take it seriously, so I just replied haha yeah. I’m done playing. Ready to chat when you are. She was upset and told me go date my gaming friends since we can eat and game together but I won’t spend time with her. I explained I planned tonight to video chat, but since we never said a specific time, I was just gaming to kill some time but I just was too absorbed to not check my phone for half an hour. Anyways this led to a long argument, which I’ll summarize our perspectives below.
Her issues with me: I went back on my word for her (said I won’t play games), I refuse to apologize and make her feel better (I felt angry that this should be a non issue), a couple of other issues that popped up in our earlier fights.
My issues with her: I feel like she made this to be way bigger deal. I was already spending/planning to spend most of my day with her. Think she blew this out of proportion and made us both unhappy.
I tried to get us to move on. We ended up video chatting for an hour, she turned her camera off, was passive aggressive, didn’t say much when I tried to have a conversation. She played music in background loudly. She’s never done any of this before. Eventually after one hour I had enough and turned off the chat. She then called me and we argued for another hour.
TLDR: played video games for 30mins after telling gf I wouldn’t. Got in a huge fight that escalated and want to know what went wrong and how to avoid future fights.
We just seem to be unable to see eye to eye on this situation. I think it’s not a big deal but she thinks I’m being inconsiderate and going back on my word. The truth is I didn’t pay much attention to her when she said not to game (like when your parents say go do this and you reply yeah ok). I realize my mistake in not taking that request seriously. After our fight, I really regret not making more of an effort to let my anger and feeling aside, and apologize and make up to her, especially since she was drained after a big exam. I apologized to her for not really listening to her request, for being inconsiderate, but I told her I didn’t want to apologize for saying she blew this out of proportion. Am I truly an asshole from this situation? Am I wrong in trying to diminish this situation, in thinking it’s not a manifestation of bigger issues as she suggests?
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* This article was originally published here
