I think I am becoming a person I am actually not.

I am a decent earning man, who has a wife and a house.

Few days back, I had a fight with my wife, and I told her to go back to her parents home, and that she is a "begger" if she stays in a house she is not welcome in. It was something I said in rage, and I actually didn't mean it (though she thinks I meant it, and she is now starting to look out for a decent job by her own, so that she doesn't have to depend on me for anything).

Then today I saw a man in ragged clothes. He was a fruit seller, and I thought to myself how bad a person he is, just because he is not well dressed like me while going for work. I didn't realise not everyone goes through the same on their days like me, and being dressed properly doesn't mean being a decent person.

Then I boarded the metro train, in their I saw a man probably in his 40s who was short on hight (probably 5 and a half feets tall).He was trying very hard to grab on the supporting handles hanging from the train roof, but wasn't able to do so due to his short hight. When I saw that, my instant reaction was secretly giggling over him and trying to make fun of his short hight in my head (I am 6 feet tall, I thought how hard it is to grab the metro roof handles that this man isn't able to do ?).

This exact moment I realised perhaps I have an arrogancy towards my job, the fact that I earn money, the fact that I have a house, and that I am tall built man. And these are the things I have figured out till now, it's possible I am arrogant of more things in my life. This is not the picture I had in my mind for myself, and neither do I want to remain this kind of person.

What should I do ? How should I fix myself?

PS : Please no abuses. I need genuine suggestions. Also, I can't go to a shrink for this thing, I don't earn that much well.

TL;DR: How should I fix my arrogance/ego ?

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* This article was originally published here

What are nice things that I can call, and do for my boyfriend?

I've (21f) been seeing my now boyfriend (20m) for just over 7 months, although we've been officially together for just over 1 month. We've fallen for eachother, hard; we've met eachother's families and we always have a great time when we see eachother - usually 2-4 days a week...

Now I've never been very good at buying random gifts, or giving people nicknames; but I really want to just get him something little and find something to call him that I can surprise him with😩

I've read about men liking to receive flowers, so I'm thinking of getting him some - but not right now cause there's not really anywhere in his mum's house he can put them. I was also thinking of maybe getting him one of those naked-(female)-body-shaped candles because I think that'd make him smile... As for nicknames; he's started often adding 'beautiful' on the end of a 'goodnight' or 'I'll message you later' texts, and he'll often tell me I'm pretty to my face - I want something that I can match this energy with? I saw on a comment section somewhere (not reddit, I did search this topic but either I didn't search it right or there's not much around) that guys like to be called "pretty boy", but I'm not sure he'd like that too much - or at least not if anyone else heard... I was thinking of going with "my love" or "lover" but any other ideas are welcome 😁

tl;dr - what are some small gift ideas and nickname ideas that I (21f) can give/call my boyfriend (20m)?

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* This article was originally published here

How do I (22M) tell the girl I like (20F) the truth about how I know her?

I'll try to make a long story short. I met an old coworker in early 2020 and he was in a relationship with this one girl for a few months. I genuinely never thought of her in a romantic way, especially since he and I were cool. I did think she looked extremely good though, something I told him to his face a number of times whenever she was brought up.

They either broke up later that year or in early 2021. He ended things and on top of that, since we were cool or whatever he'd tell me stories about how cheated etc. He got fired from our job early last year too. He and I haven't talked in over a year. I realized he only talks to me when he wants something (car rides home, registering for classes, etc.), owes me money, is not the brightest, he's deceitful, and the list goes on. To put it simply, we're not cool anymore.

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Fast forward to this summer. I randomly found his ex's social media about two months ago. Of course, she still looks good. I thought "What if?" so I followed her, liked a picture, and she did the same. Again, I'd always found her attractive and after following her, I'm finding out that she's intelligent and so on too.

Throughout the last few weeks, I've been thinking about her a lot. I like her and want to pursue something with her. I was gonna wait to talk to her but yesterday I just messaged her off impulse and things went well. I got her number and now we're texting.

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Of course, I want and need to tell her the truth as soon as possible. I want her to know that she went out with one of my old coworkers (And maybe tell her that I was cool with him/that's how I know her?). I don't want her to find out some other way and then be mad at me.

I feel like she'll think he and I are trying to play her or something. I want to stress to her that he and I don't talk anymore, never will again, and so on. But I don't know how to word it or how to tell her without getting a bad reaction. Can someone help me, please? I just wanna be honest with her. If that results in her ending things, then I'll have to respect that decision and move on.

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Not that it matters, but I don't care if he were to find out. We're not cool, we don't talk, he cheated on her, broke up with her, and has been in a new relationship for almost 2 years. As far as I'm concerned, we were just coworkers who made small talk to pass the time.

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TL: DR; I'm texting the girl I like but I only know her through an old coworker (Who I don't talk to anymore (1 year+)) who broke up with her over a year ago. I feel like I need to tell her this so she doesn't feel like she was played, set up, etc. but I don't know how/how to word it. Can someone help?

Thank you.

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* This article was originally published here

I (29F) really need your advice in figuring out how to deal with my sister (44F) and her husband (42M)

I need to take in your anonymous thoughts or advice to figure out how to deal with my sister Lori and her man Brandon.

It is a very complex story to write down but I'll try to keep it as comprehensible and clean as I can. I will also keep it vague, as I do not want to be identified.

TL;DR

1. Lori and Brandon broke contact with the rest of my family except for me and a mutual sibling. They pushed me into taking their side and do the same. When I told them I wouldn't break contact with the rest of the family, they harassed me for a whole year, weekly.
2. They had a cancer sick child which became fatal, making us re-establish contact. After her passing, we still interact and communicate, but it is really tough and painful at times.
3. I have since met a partner. He is understanding but fed up with how they have treated me and what Lori (but mostly Brandon are capable of.
4. I worry for Lori and her children because Brandon is intense and seems controlling/abusive. I want to be there for her and the children. At the same time, I am torn from the stress & harassment of the past.

___

History of harassment against me

Brandon and Lori had a child together who I had a special bond with. The child sadly got cancer.

At the same time they had a long-lasting fight with our parent and parent’s partner. The conflict spawned from racism and political views. Brandon and his children are darker colored than white. Ultimately my parent went no-contact with them and the only contact they had was with me and another sibling.

They tried pushing me into doing the same; taking their side. But it was their decision and fight. I did not want to end my relationships within my family. When I refused and stood up for myself they harassed me for a whole year. Every other day or so, I would get a text asking why I was spineless and weak coward, why I was an egoist and a betrayer. That their child was asking why I wasn't there, etc. It was very painful and stressful. It was so bad I had to get help from the psychiatric intensive care. This was a couple of years ago.

After a long hiatus of three years or so onward, news reached me that the cancer reappeared in my niece and that it would be bad. Palliative care. My niece had also gotten a sibling during the time. We re-established contact and I spent a lot of time with them again. Felt important to be there for my niece. And for Lori. Until the very end until my niece...

It was terrible and heart-aching for all of us. I have since kept in touch with them.

They now have two lovely children. They are both very energetic and curious. One is diagnosed with ASD and ADHD, the other might have speech delay but is not investigated or really suspected for ASD. They are both very mobile and everywhere. They need a lot of attention and care.

I myself found a fiance, moved away and we have a child together. I take them with me when I visit Lori and Brandon.

___

The story could end there, but things are sadly much more complex, and this is what I really need your thoughts on.

It is exhausting and unbearable to be to close with them these days. Brandon makes it very difficult for Lori, their kids, us or whoever is near him because he is infinitely arrogant, manipulative, mentally abusive and intrudes into social situations (e.g. sibling conversations) where he makes himself the protagonist or completely changes the narrative of the conversation. He has always been this way. It is nothing new.

Lori

1. Lori is noticeably burnt out. She never gets the peace and quiet she so very much deserve. She never gets to recover from the kids or Brandon.
2. Lori has voiced that since the passing of their first child, life hasn't really felt worth living (which I can grasp) and that she lives for the kids. She has mentioned suicide when she has been to her very limit.
3. Speaking of which, she is at her limit very often. Every quarter of the year or so. This usually leads to a huge fight with Brandon and she ventilates to me or our sibling. It's hard to hear and listen when I cannot really offer help, because she wouldn't take it and feel its insulting.
4. She has mentioned wanting to leave Brandon at the climax of those fights, but has always bounced back to "normal" (which REALLY is chaotic to say the least).
5. Even though Lori has harassed me in the past, me being there for her in that situation means a lot to her I feel. I feel the harassment was more Brandons doing, by manipulation and gaslighting.

Brandon

1. Brandon is 110% intense. And he loves to talk. To keep himself updated about you, your current thoughts and opinions. So that he knows where he can place you in his hierarchy model. But first and foremost, he talk about what he thinks and ponders on. He takes you on this analytic journey where he asks you questions but then doesn't care what you answer or have to say. He just wants to have your constant attention.
2. He can say awkward and uncomfortable things,
3. He has got a black-and-white perspective on things and has a hard time navigating gray areas. E.g.: Doesn’t understand how people can be dwell and be anxious over things when they should be able to not be phased by it from the beginning.
4. While being hyper-social, he doesn’t pick up on social cues regarding when he should stop talking, be gentle, etc. Doesn't really read the room. Thus, he comes of as being very arrogant. He even says out loud that he takes pride in being arrogant. He is unbearable and everyone I know who interacts with him get exhausted and should step aside to save their sanity.
5. He is currently being investigated for autism because his child got diagnosed. Me and my partner already suspected he’s a bit out on Asperger scale & ADD-scale.
6. He has said out loud many times that he doesn’t want to earn a living for the family because he wants to be with the family at all times. Says it’s because nothing else matters after his child died.

​

​

None of them are have income from jobs. They don't work. Lori is on long term sick leave. Brandon is pushed by government programs to become working again. He is not motivated to go back working, so he keeps coming up with ways to ”pause” this push. They have been on social security for years. They borrow $ from time to time to make ends meet.

Their social network is small. It consists of me, my sibling and around three other persons they communicate with. It's kinda obvious and sometimes evident they analyze snippets of information they get from our everyday life. They often make false deductions about us which is annoying.

At least one of their children has special needs, but they are both very energetic and loud. It can get quite chaotic in their house from them alone. They scream, cry, laugh, and shout. They crave constant attention from Lori, less so from Brandon. This can spawn conflicts between anyone of them and raise the average dB to unhealthy levels. It is super exhausting for me and my family when visiting.

It is not ALL bad when interacting with them. I get to have a sister-relationship with Lori and I like being with her and her kids. I like bringing little gifts to them as they don't have a lot of money or get gifts from the rest of the family. And I have great talks with Brandon as well at time to time.

As aforementioned, BIG fights will happen between Brandon and Lori every four months or so. Often because of how Lori is sick of Brandons shit. At least one time I know of, Brandon has broken Loris things. While Brandon has never physically hurt Lori, he has put himself between Lori and the room's exit making it impossible for Lori move around him or leave. Lori will went to me or our sibling. I can only listen and be there for Lori, but often wish I could do more. It feels somewhat terrible to write out but... sometimes I wish for Brandon to be struck by lightning or die from a random natural cause I think it would be alleviating for Lori.

Apart from that Brandon is subjecting Lori to psychological violence. It doesn't come as a surprise to me because I know what least harassment Brandon is capable of. My partner thinks Lori is afraid of ending things with Brandon because she alone knows exactly what Brandon is capable of. And because she would have to have the spare energy to take care of the kids extra.

About two weeks ago they brought up some minor family related stuff in our group chat consisting of me, my sibling and Lori. That was enough to stress me out and spike my adrenaline. I couldn't think or relax for half an hour. My partner had to still my guts and take me outside for a walk with our little one. He told me it looked a text-book panic attack.

Partner (+ our child)

My partner understands what the situation is but wasn’t in my life when Lori and Brandon went no contact or the stressful year of harassment.

My partner got fed up with Brandon when he saw the texts (I saved every message from the time when they harassed me.

He has suggested I could break contact with them (but keep a door open for Lori + kids) to spare myself, him and our daughter from future potential harassment and exhaustion. But ultimately says the choice is mine to take.

Partner doesn’t really like for our child to be present in their chaotic environment, where sudden out-lashes may happen, now that he knows what they’ve done to me in the past.

Partner does not want our child to be exposed to their harassment or their conflict with our family.

___

How I feel and think

Now, all of this makes it feels like I am being pulled by the bad times in the past on one end. In the other end I feel pulled by the need to be there for my sister and her children. And keeping status quo. Status quo = I/we meet them, but it's on their terms as to not upset them so we keep a low profile. Both me and my partner do not to our full selves at their house and I know we both are selective about what I tell them because we're afraid that what we say will be used against us (mainly by Brandon).

I realize there will come a day where either

• my partner will become too fed up with Brandon while we are visiting and things will get dramatic or,

• My child will see/hear things that aren't appropriate or harassing.

I feel like I manage this somehow. But it's hard because I get scared because I know what kind of oppression follows and bonds that might break. I am afraid to not be able to interact with my sister.

I welcome your views on how you would act and think in such a situation.

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* This article was originally published here

I (25F) broke up with my partner (25M) of 7 years and he still loves me but shows it weird

I (25F) have recently ended almost a 7 year long relationship with a man (24M) from another country. We were in a long distance relationship for 3 years at the start and then i decided to move to his country to live with him for 4 years. Everything was good in the start but I think that in the end I didnt really know him that well. It took me a long time to realize that he wasnt really supporting me in anyway. I moved to this other country for him and he never helped me with learning the language. He was also often very cold and seemed annoyed when I asked him for help with anything. His parents were the ones supporting me and helping me with moving and stuff. I tried my best to get friends in his country, people were nice but didnt really keep in contact. I would say that i am not an extreme extrovert but still have social manners where my boyfriend is an extreme introvert and seems to lack on any social manners which makes him seem very quiet and rude. When we traveled to meet my family or friends he would hardly even greet them and didnt talk with them and it made me often feel really bad. I had a stressful job and would often work the whole day which gave us like 3 hours before bedtime to have time for eachother. I always went to say hello to him after coming home and found him playing and he often seemed really annoyed that I "disturbed" him. Then whenever I would be playing or talking with my friends on computer he suddenly decided to want affection from me. Like cuddling or sex. It made me feel like my needs had no weight while I should be always ready to satisfy his needs. Not to even mention that I was the only one keeping the house tidy and often told him that which he would always make a joke about and never took me seriously. He had really hard time with communication aswell which resulted in us having arguments of not having sex for a while. I was working long days, came home and was often very tired and he would never be clear about wanting sex, instead he would just assume that I somehow have to know that he wants sex (while he was not giving any signs) and that i have to do everything in sex which caused arguments and made him cry after he let things build-up for weeks. It was incredibly frustrating to me! Then recently I traveled to my homeland for over a month because i got the chance, asked him to come to my parents when his holiday started which he would just find an excuse to see them instead on Christmas. For 4 years since I moved to his country, he never followed me to my homeland to meet my family. It frustrated me that he clearly didnt even put an effort on it. While I was away I had a realization that this wasnt what I want. I had been falling out of love with him already and finally understood that I really dont have to be together with a person that couldnt respect me or support me in a country that made me feel lonely. I returned to our home and I told him about everything and that I wanted to move back to my homeland. He was very upset and crying but seemed like he understood. For a little moment. He started going through a lot of moodswings and told me on the 3rd day of me being home that he didnt want me there. So I travelled on the 4th day to my homeland to stay at my parents and felt instantly better even if I had pain on my chest. Ever since that he has been texting and calling me every day about wanting to start over. He tells me how terrible he feels, how he wants to kill himself and sends pictures of himself crying. He even drove to my parents house to another country (12h drive) even after i told him that i want to be alone. I wasnt home though so he left after I called and told him to leave. I have talked with him on phone so many times but it feels like I just have to constantly keep repeating myself over and over. I asked him for a week alone without constant texting and calling and he said fine. The very next day he texted me again so I blocked him everywhere for a week (I left a message to him explaining why I block him) and he has been calling me every day and even made a new instagram to contact me. He keeps sending me how he is a new man and how he really loves me. He sends me how he wants to go on a date again and make me fall in love with him again. He even sent my mom bunch of unsteady messages and pictures of himself crying. Then at some point during that week he started threatening that he will send my nudes to my friends and family if I didnt answer. All this happened because I asked him for a week without him and I blocked him because he didnt respect my wish. He thinks still that I will fall back in love with him since he feels like a new man now. However all this has made me feel like he is extremely mentally unstable and it makes me feel like I have made a right decision getting away from him. Any advice?

TL;DR I fell out of love with my boyfriend of 7 years because of lack of support and he has not left me alone ever since I left.

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* This article was originally published here

My (f27) Best Friend (f26) tried to get with my boyfriend (m35)

TL;DR; My best friend tried to make my boyfriend cheat on me.

So we’ll call my (f27) best friend Amber (f26) and my boyfriend Nick (m35). We were all out with a group of our friends and we stayed at Amber’s afterwards. I went to bed early as I was sober and driving and I was very tired.

As far as I was aware, the others had a drink downstairs as I went to bed. I’ve been tired recently, very busy starting a new job and dealing with health complications.

The next morning, everyone seemed normal except Amber was nursing an unbelievable hangover. The rest of us went home and nothing was said.

A few days later, Nick told me that he wanted to tell me something but he was terrified of ruining my friendship with Amber, so I pressed him and he told me that Amber had tried to kiss him, put her hands in his underwear and told him that if he ever left me, he knew where she was.

The whole thing sounds crazy to me, but I hate the fact that Amber’s behaviour doesn’t really shock me. Nothing else has been said or done in the days since, and Amber hasn’t tried anything else or really spoken to Nick, except Amber has tried her hardest to make sure I don’t find out what happened.

She doesn’t know that I know, and she’s begged Nick not to tell me. I’m not sure if this is out of guilt for her drunken actions and she knows it was a drunken mistake, or because she still feels that way and doesn’t want me to know.

Also I feel like it’s worth mentioning that Nick rejected her at the first opportunity and told her there wasn’t a hope in hell that he would ever hurt me, but she still persisted. Other friends of mine and Nick’s have confirmed Nick’s story.

What do I do?!?!

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* This article was originally published here

86% of Brits say music helps their mental health and personal relationships - Mixmag

86% of Brits say music helps their mental health and personal relationships  Mixmag

* This article was originally published here

My (36M) Girlfriend (19F) has a REALLY fast resting heart rate and she won't go to the doctor to get it checked out and brushes it off like it's nothing, am I being paranoid?

TLDR: Girlfriend has resting heart rate of about 130BPM, but whenever I urge her to go to the doctor she just changes the subject, laughs it off, or tries to distract me with sex of food.

I met my current girlfriend about six months ago at the Muay Thai gym I go to (I live in Thailand, although I'm a US citizen, not sure if that's relevant).

I had seen her there often and she seemed really fit and active -- she's always doing something whether it be boxing or going out long-boarding or even running in some local fun-runs. One night at a BBQ at the gym we hooked up and have been together since. And it's been great! And I really haven't noticed anything wrong until recently.

About a month ago I noticed something I hadn't seen before. We were laying in bed in the morning and her Apple watch screen lit up with an alert like "high heart rate" or something and I see her heart rate is like 130 BPM.

I'm like holy shit -- we're just laying here doing nothing -- why is her heart rate so high? So I asked her about it and she said it's been like that for a couple of years. It started two years ago (coincidentally around the time she got her C-shots -- not saying that's the reason, but it seems to have started directly after).

And I asked further about whether this spike in heart rate happens just sometimes or if it's sustained -- and she showed me the heart rate history on the app and her heart rate is like at a CONSTANT 100+ BPM at rest. Like even 115BPM when she's sleeping, which is bananas.

For comparison, my resting heart rate fluctuates between 47BPM and 56 BPM. I work out up to 2 hours a day around 6 days a week, but even so I have bad habits that she doesn't have. Like I will definitely smoke a pack of cigarettes and drink a TON of beer once or even sometimes twice a week on the weekends if I'm not training for a fight or something. And she doesn't smoke at all.

Even if she did like ZERO activity -- and had a healthy body weight (she's super skinny) -- her resting BPM should be between 60 and 80 at the upper limit.

I'm ESPECIALLY worried because 10 years ago I had a girlfriend who I loved very much, die unexpectedly in her sleep. I was 26 and she was 25. She died while visiting her family in Kenya and the only answer I got back about what happened was something to do with an irregular heart beat.

I've told her this and told her my concern and asked many times to please let's just go to the doctor and get it checked out.

But every time I bring it up she laughs or plays it off and then she tries to distract me by basically making me food or trying to have sex with me.

I've tried to stay serious about it and be like "No -- don't do that, let's take this serious" but she just keeps cracking jokes, getting touchy-feely, or trying to do something nice for me and it gets to the point where I just feel stupid to keep talking about it.

But I'm really worried and I don't know how to express how serious I think this might be.

Do you guys have any advice?

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* This article was originally published here

My gf(20f) broke up with me and wants to be friends..

So we were dating for 8 months and on fortnight of my birthday she said she's feeling suffocated in this relationship as she always thinks about how I feel before making any post on social media even though I never judged her for anything and convinced her for not to overthink...I wanted this to work and i am still trying but not sure weather I'll win her again as she just want a friendship now because she doesn't want to lose me either...

TL;DR; My gf broke up and wants to be friends. However I want a relationship and trying to win her again.

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* This article was originally published here

My boyfriend ( M, 23 ) went on a trip with two girls and his male friend. Do you think this is right ?

My boyfriend (M, 23) and I (F, 22) have been together for two years. We've had our ups and lows and we struggled many times as we both have communication issues but we handle things quite well cause we love and respect each other. Or this is what I thought until last week. He came to me with supposedly "great news???" he told me that his friend invited him to go on a trip with two girls whom I know pretty well. To give you some context, we've basically fought many times because of the two girls, they're pretty provocative and one of them had a strong crush on my boyfriend for a long time. He liked to be friendly with her and I wanted him to put her back to her place cause she frustrated me. Anyway, she's in a relationship with his friend now (the one with the invitation) and the other is just like her, provocative and also very beautiful so you can understand why I didn't want him to go on this trip. He doesn't have any girl friends or whatever so this is pretty new to me. After many explanations over why I didn't want him to go, he just told me " oh I wanna go, I need to go on a trip cause I don't feel so well, you must understand, you don't have to worry, the girl is with my friend and I don't care about the other one " so I broke up with him cause I felt betrayed and kept remembering the many times I wanted to do stuff for myself and didn't cause it frustrated him. It's been 3 days that he's on that trip and he keeps sending me " I love you " texts and I left him on seen. I don't feel okay and I don't even wanna go to work. Did I overreact ? Or was I right to take my decision ?

TL;DR: my boyfriend went on a trip with his male friend and two girls which disappointed me a lot. We had fights over one of the girls all the time cause she liked him so much. He didn't care about my feelings and just went for it saying " nothing would ever happen, I love you so much " I don't feel okay. What do you think about this ?

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* This article was originally published here

I dont know how to continue this relationship

I (27F) have a definitive love/hate relationship with my Father (54M). It sounds so weird to say it that way, but I do. The love part is the advice he gives me, he came every weekend when we were renovating our house to help and that was the most we ever talked, when he tries hard he can be a good father.

But most of the time hes a complete asshole. My parents have their own business but she does all the work. He sits on the couch from morning to night playing clash of clans all fucking day long while shes stressing. He has no problem calling us out, even today saying basically my husband was a girl for going to my aunts baby shower among the other men going - and yes he stayed home on the couch. He wont go to my aunts babies birthday because he wants to sit on the couch and not socialize with other people. He told me today I didnt text him at all this month meanwhile he never reaches out to me first, ever. He thinks its fun pushing buttons meanwhile making everyone upset. The amount of times hes yelled or degraded my mom in front of my sister and I is probably more than a hundred - and the answer is thats just how he is.

I legitimately dont know how to talk to him about anything, if I was alone with him I would be uncomfortable. I feel like I cant confront him because then he’ll probably make fun of me for it, or brush it off or turn it back on me. The worst part is he makes me feel liKe its normal and I dont want to be like him. I dont know what to talk to him about or how to confront him on this

Tl;dr: My dad is a jerk most times and says hurtful things, then gets upset when I never reach out to him and idk how to continue this relationship

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* This article was originally published here

Feeling not enough for my boyfriend

Disclaimer: not fluent in english

I’m a 22yo girl and I have been in a relationship for 2 years now. In the beggining of the relationship, me and my boyfriend (26M) had a really hard time because he used to follow “”models”” on ig and like their pictures. After we had many, many fights over this, he finally realized i would not stay in the relationship unless he stopped. And he did.

He has been really committed and has not liked one single picture or followed a single girl since that incident.

However, that really broke my image of him. 1 year later, I still constantly think about the way he made me feel when he liked other girl’s pictures. Feeling not good enough, feeling betrayed, feeling like, if he had a shot with them, he would take it.

Also that made me really insecure (which I wasnt before). I know it’s not right, but now i check his phone often in search of evidence of him lusting for other women. I’m not even talking about DMs or texts; i’m beyond that. I go to the search bar and type 1 letter (e.g: “S”) and wait to see what it suggests. It is usually a “”model””. And that’s how i know he went to their page. And that makes me feel terrible.

I swear I wasn’t that “crazy” or insecure before. But I don’t understand why he feels like he has to look at other woman. I’m young, i work out a lot, i’m in medschool, I satisfy him in bed. Why is it not enough?

“Just break up with him OP” i would, but i think every man does this. Am I wrong?

TLDR: i can’t get over the fact my boyfriend goes to other girls pages to lust for them while i sit around like im stupid

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* This article was originally published here

How do I go about this?

I really like someone. I mean, A LOT. She's just so damn cute, she's lovely, and she's so like me in so many ways. I finally plucked up the courage to ask for her socials, and ended up with her instagram. I'm a chronic overthinker though. I asked for hers, and she messaged me first after I did that, which I took as a good sign - I was going to wait a little bit as to not seem too eager. Apparently neither of us knew what flirting is, but we've been doing that?

My issue is, when we do talk, she's always enthusiastic to do so. But then she doesn't talk for like a couple of days but also isn't active for those couple of days, I assume she's just busy but I have a lot of anxiety surrounding people replying to me, due to issues with someone else in the past which have messed up my mental state a bit - I've worked on it and im okay now mostly, just a few lingering issues.

Also, in person, we frequently go silent, probably because we're awkward teenagers who don't know what to say? I dread asking her on a date because of this, I dont want to be awkwardly silent. But I'm pretty sure I have a good chance with her. She gave me a silly little thing because of a joke I made, spent a good 20 minutes making it, and labelling it, with a date and smiley face and all, surely she wouldn't go to that effort just for some random guy?

I need to know what I'm doing wrong, I get nervous around her which is of course natural, but I want to be able to hold a conversation better with her. Over text was fine, we were talking from like 10pm to 1am the other night, that was the night she made the little thing she gave me. Trying not to give too many details in case somehow, miraculously, someone who knows about the two of us finds this post.

I probably haven't made much sense. TLDR: two awkward soon to be adults (I'm 18 in just under half a year, she's 17 in a month or so), at least one of us has never had a relationship (me, maybe her too considering she has said she doesn't know how to flirt/didnt know we were flirting), How do we hold conversations better and how do I ask her on a date, I'm thinking of cinema, then food?

Thankyou for any advice.

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* This article was originally published here

My wife (21f) got angry at me (24m) because I told her I would have had more to drink if I were not driving.

A couple days ago, my coworkers and I were invited to go to a baseball game in a private suite. For reference, this was the first time I had gone out without my wife since we got married. There were drinks for etc… initially my wife was going to pick me up from the game and I was planning on having a couple drinks.

My wife texts me before the game that she’s extremely tired and that she will come pick me up but that she wanted me to drive back. I said of course no problem.

I had a drink when the game began with all my coworkers and haven’t had more since then. They tried to get me to drink more but I told them I was driving and they laid off.

Anyways my wife picks me up and immediately says she didn’t do this because she didn’t want me drinking and that she was extremely tired. I said I know it’s not a big deal I had a great time. She then asked me if I were not driving if I would have had more to drink.

I said yes I probably would have had 3-4 drinks. The mood instantly changes, she is now angry with me. I ask her what’s wrong and she says that she doesn’t understand why I need more than one drink.

I said she was acting controlling and that 3-4 drinks is perfectly normal in the context I was in… she gets angrier and starts saying why can’t I just respect her wishes and she’s giving me the silent treatment all the way till the next morning.

For reference: her mother has had issues with alcoholism and I haven’t struggled with that but I have had too much to drink on one occasion earlier in our relationship. I understand it’s coming from a place of care and love, but it’s stifling.

I just don’t know what the correct next step is here. I don’t know if maybe I am the one in the wrong and I just need other peoples thoughts here.

Before people start asking, nearly every other aspect of our relationship is extremely positive.

TL;DR: wife is being very controlling over alcohol.

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* This article was originally published here

Date turned friend acting weird after rejection

I’d (31F) friendzoned a person (36M) I went on one blind date with and he was still pursuing me from the friendzone. I had a conversation with him about how some of his comments/behavior felt like things people would say/do in a relationship rather than friendship and how I didn’t see us being anything more than friends. I told him I did feel a connection with him but given some differences couldn’t picture a future together. He expressed some disappointment and said he’d be more mindful of what he says/does. Since then he’s been acting quite cold and distant, which is understandable. But I feel like he’s being immature by just leaving my messages at read especially when they are about his dog that I’m dog sitting for a bit while he’s traveling. He’s traveling at the moment so I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but he has time to post stories, be online etc all except respond or react to the texts. He used to text me daily and be quite responsive and now he ignores messages that aren’t even for my benefit (I’m doing him a favor with the dog sitting). The more he behaves this way, the more I start thinking that perhaps my gut feeling about him being immature at 36 was true. This makes me feel like none of the things he said or did as my “friend” was genuine and he was just pursuing me and is now showing his true colors. Is his behavior justified or should he be handling it more maturely? Should I bother telling him how I feel?

TLDR: Date turned friend being distant and unresponsive after I told him I only saw us as friends. Is behavior justified or should I speak to him

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* This article was originally published here

What does everyone think about this conversation? Am I trying too hard? Shall I just give up altogether?

Person of interest (POI): I just need some time to think about this. I didn’t realize that you were subject to more long term deployment internationally within the next 13 months until our call, and at the time I didn’t quite wrap my brain around it 😅

Me: This is the last and only deployment I'll be a part of until I finally get out around about July, possibly earlier. That is truth, but yes, it's also an attempt to get your interest back. If not, and you've ultimately decided not to go at this altogether, I'd understand and fully respect that decision.

POI: Ok, not gonna lie to you that definitely helps the situation.

Me: I'm putting all my chips at the table for that outcome... (After 4 days) I'm writing this only because I've got enough strength and courage in me, thanks to alcohol. This is, though, by no means, not a desperate attempt. This is no more than a mere confession about how I feel about everything.

I understand and respect how you feel about the distance and frequency. I don't blame you on that and, honestly, it's not the first time I'm exposed to it. I'm not going to say anything that would otherwise convince you to try and stick things out with me.

What I'm going to do instead is to let you know of how much I'd like to be in a relationship with you. I've already told you that I'm really interested in you, but I also won't force myself to you if you've made up your mind about the whole thing in general.

I also want to communicate through my willingness to become friends even if we don't end up in a relationship because I really do want to get to know you and I don't really have much friends at all. If I'd be so bold as I can, I'd be willing to wait until my time here is done. Whenever than happens and you're still single, I'd like to come back and see if there's still interest in your end about us potentially dating. If there is, brilliant. If not, then I'd simply chalk this up as a wrong time, wrong place scenario yet again. Regardless, I'd wait for your answer about everything. The only thing I'd ask is that you'd be honest for both our sakes. You're a very desirable man, [POI].

POI: Thank you for your candor [ME]. With the stage I’m at in my life, I’d really like to be engaged in something that doesn’t demand distance. Even with you back in ___ you’re still pretty far away and seeing each other regularly feels like it would be challenging.

That said, I’d still like to go on a date and see if there’s something here. Naturally I can’t promise anything, but a date at least feels like it would provide the missing chemistry component I’m still looking to evaluate.

Me: I'd take that or any other chance I can get at hanging out with you. I'll let you know as soon as we're bound to come back. Let's go on a date by then. If there's nothing after that, I'd gladly accept whatever comes out of it, friendship or not or whatever the outcome may be. If we do end up being back to complete strangers after that one date, I'd like to express my desire to come back and see if you're still single after I get out, given the chance that you'd still be interested in me by then. If not and there's really no interest and no chance at all for us, I'd very much respect that as well. I'm not going to give up on you easily until you actually tell me to stop. I won't push myself on you especially if I'm made known of the fact that there's no place for me there, but I also don't give up easily, hence the things I just said.

POI: Understood 😊

TL;DR- I'm trying to date someone who seemingly doesn't want to proceed because I'm often away on missions and we live about 2 hours from each other. Shall I still pursue a possible relationship or just give up altogether?

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* This article was originally published here

Is it bad to want to exclusively celebrate your boyfriend's birthday?

Context: we've been dating for 4 years, we're both adults (24f and 26m), but we haven't moved in together yet. He doesn't care whether or not he does anything for his birthday, but I always like to celebrate his birthdays. Usually, I have plans to go out for the day/have dinner, prepare/bake a cake, and buy gifts. I do this without thinking that his family would want to do anything for him too (cause I never get any birthday celebrations, esp as an adult). But I realise that his family literally buys a cake and has a mini celebration for him every year. I don't want to judge, but I do think it's a bit weird to still do that for an adult. Anyway, it's not that I don't want him to celebrate with his family, but most of the time, I want to treat him with these kind of things, and vice versa... My family already doesn't celebrate my birthdays lol, but even if they did, of course I would appreciate it. But it's a different feeling when it's your family and your significant other. I would want to celebrate my birthday with him too. Like I no longer expect anything from my family, but with a significant other, you kindaa expect it you know. Cause family will always be your backbone, but your significant other (esp a serious one), is your future... Lol cringe statement, but it's true. Anyway, what do you guys think? And yes, I could literally just celebrate with his family too. But like I said, it's a different feeling... Like I have plans to be romantic and stuff. Can't really do that with family around... But anyway, let me know what you guys think...

TL;DR: Bf's family still buys him a cake, and has a mini celebration for him every year, even though he's an adult... but I also want to make plans with him too, and do romantic stuff with him... Is it bad that I want to celebrate his birthday exclusively?

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* This article was originally published here

I feel like I was only a second option from the start

I 16M met a girl online 15F. She lives 6 hours away by Train. Started talking a lot. Phone calls almost everyday. Even talked about meeting which at the time I thought wouldn't be possible. We met in the middle which was a 4 hour drive for both of us. We met at 11 in the morning. It was a nice long day. Made out a lot, talked a lot just fun overall. The after we met she was on a biking trip for a week so she really sacrificed rest and preparation just to see me which kinda shocked me. She invited me over to her place. I asked my parents and they let me. When I was there she started saying things like I'm the first guy over at her place and tbh I didn't really know if I should believe her. Anyways the first three days were really nice. On the 4th day I actually vented and cried about what happened to me (went through a lot of shit) which I've never done in my life and she listened and comforted me. It felt good in the moment but now I really regret having told her. That was also the day I noticed her constantly texting with a guy. She says she knows him since kindergarden. He plays football and is about to go to Spain this summer to play for a club there. Anyway it was really annoying cuz we would just be chilling cuddling whatever but whenever he messaged her she replied instantly. WHILE WE LAID IN Bed! I couldn't return the favor because my phone was broken so I just laid there. Usually sometimes she would leave me on read for hours and act like nothing happened so I got suspicious.

She left the room with her phone unlocked and when I saw the messages I got more suspicious. He would say stuff like "I'm only thinking about you rn" and they'd always use heart emojis which we rarely did. Apart from that the messages seemed pretty normal except that the said that she went jogging in the morning or that she's about to go do sports in the evening which she didn't do cuz I was there and were together the entire time. She also said that she's at a bday party which also wasn't true.

Damn I just realized while writing this. Maybe she didn't want him to know that I was at her place. Today's her birthday and I've been thinking about how we're gonna proceed because obviously she lives to far away to see each regularly and I also feel like she might got someone else or I'm not that important to her because when I left the goodbye I got was pretty dry and quick and she didn't even see the train leave.

Ever since then which is now a little more than a week ago we haven't been talking as much, she replies after hours and It just isn't the same. I don't know if I've committed myself to something now because she seems like she didn't. And I don't want to commit myself to something while the other person is already looking for their next options.

TLDR: Met a girl online. Started talking a lot. Drove to her place. Turns out I might not be the only one in her view.

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* This article was originally published here

What should I do ? What would you do if u was in the same position

Idk what to do

I’m (21 F) and ex (21M) let’s call him boi. Boi was the sweetest guy I ever met and we used to go to the same hs. We dated for 3 years but we had some on and off gaps. I loved him so much but never told him bc I’m scared that being in relationship will hurt me or basically afraid to get left out so I prefer to not experience anything so I don’t feel the need of it . He reply to my story and my heart dropped ! He told me that I’m his girlfriend! Texted him back saying “ prove it to me “ he did . We talked a lot and eventually met again and Covid time hit . Wasn’t able to go out or be around bc of covid so we kept contact online ( we know each other in real life) . We start to be on and off bc I was afraid to give it up 🍒 . But by time I trusted him and we start to get to used to each other slowly . 1.5 y after and I decide to let him have it bc he been trying and waiting for me . Thought me giving up will stop the on and off situation and he won’t need anything else . Well that didn’t go well , we still was on and off . We kept in contact and still talked but he decide to break it off . He dated multiple girls etc but one day I decide to text him on his birthday ! I cry every year on his birthday ! I love him so much bc it’s the only person who could bring out emotions out of me .. I been numb and depressed for years … he show up in my life and I start feeling .. I start to feel again ! I was severely numb to all emotions but when he’s around I feel something ! After I texted him a meme saying happy birthday he texted me back and re added me on social media and we got back to each other again. It was from his birthday to almost the end of the year and those was the best few months with him ! No fights or anything and we see each other more often and he asked me to level up the relationship and maybe start to try for a baby ! I was happy and we start trying . One day he got so strange and deleted alot of our previous messages like the ones from two years ago .. and asked me to delete too and I fought with him and he blocked me out of blue and then a girl texted me saying I need to talk w her .. I recognize her and he told me that was his cousin so I replied to see what’s going on .. she got mad at me and crying and I’m in total confusion .. turns out to be his ex and they have a child together .. mind you …. He asked me to have his first kid with him . Things went down and she told me everything and I completely shut down and that was near the end of school year and and I couldn’t even focus and almost failed my classes …I went back to my numb state again… couldn’t talk or think I was completely dead but breathing .. did i just lost my love and the only person that brings out the live in me? Stayed quiet and then he text denying everything and demanding we should go back and yes I gave him another chance but his behavior changed drastically towards me and he wasn’t the sweet boi anymore. I spoiled him before and did everything I’m capable of and everything in my power to make him happy and it’s as far as not considering my self first and giving him all I have . He’s so different and idk why .. one day he so in love and the other accuse me of things I never did . Turns out the ex lied and told him I said things to her and i clearly didn’t even speak bc I was in shock and she was the one talking badly about him and his family but she was trying her best to make him hate me and he believed her . Every argument after he has to bring out the things she said and re accuse me again and no matter how much evidence I show him.. showed him everything and he still accuse me and he keep saying I’m a lair and I have no idea why…he know I’m bold and straightforward and he even told me before that he like that about me . He wanna stay but obviously don’t wanna change or help to not let our love go to waste and everything we did for each other. That’s the part where I walked away , I felt so unloved and he wasn’t making as much efforts at the end ,he did ask me on a date after but the two days before the date he did something that literally made me lose hope in him ,he blocked my insta and proceeded to send me a snap saying that I’m a werido for putting similar emoji in my bio and other stuff …I first stormed off and send him bunch of snaps but decide to block him before he sees it ,I felt that he don’t care anymore about my feeling so I just didn’t wanna bother him no more .i miss him a lot everyday but I can’t stay where I’m not loved properly. Ik he love me or at least he used to but he is never been good at expressing his emotions , he is the quiet kid that is also antisocial and not good at interpreting things or situations.tomorrow is his birthday and I cry every year on his birthday . Yes I love you still because you my precious boi but you need time to work on urself and realize what’s good for you one day and eventually know the truth about everything , I still find difficulties to feel any emotions that doesn’t involve you bc I was emotionless and felt like robot for years and somehow you brought it out of me , everything is empty and time going slow but I’m okay , happy birthday precious boi.

TL;DR : Lived in confusion for so long , should I even consider going back ? He is my only love but our situation wasn’t the best

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* This article was originally published here

How do I (28F) act tomorrow when Im at a wedding all day with my boyfriends long term relationship ex girlfriend?

They were together for a long time and Im the new relationship. Simply put, I feel insecure. Im dreading it. I know he loves and really cares for me, and we get along great. We really have something special.

But he was sad when it ended between them, she broke it off.

I am scared, probably irrationally but Im being honest, that seeing her will evoke feelings. I know how she was controlling and didn’t like his friends and made him feel bad a lot. I’m worried she will try to pull him away to have a one on one talk since thats what she tried to do and he refused her previously. Im just feeling so uncomfortable… and can’t wait til its over.

TL;DR : insecure about wedding tomorrow with new boyfriends ex

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* This article was originally published here

My roommate (19M) doesn't let me (19F) even tiptoe outside my room at night, I don't know how to compromise

The title is a bit dramatic, it is more complicated than that sounds. So I (20F) have lived with my friend 'Dan' (20M) since the start of this year, we have been friends since university started three years ago.

Before living together, we spoke about noise at night and how Dan did not appreciate how his old roommate used to make noodles at 2am before his lectures, and I of course said that I would have no issues with not doing that. Since moving in together, Dan has had issues with me not being quiet when brushing my teeth at 2am. So I started tiptoeing and quietly opening and closing the bathroom door. We have a third roommate (21F) who is also friends with both of us, none of this is a problem for her as she is a deep-ish sleeper.

My only issue is that recently, Dan has been saying that he does not want me to leave my room for any reason at all after midnight. He has stated that due to his (very much legitimate) childhood trauma he does not get woken up by the loud noises outside (we live in the city), but will get woken up by my very quiet footsteps.

I have been trying my absolute best to brush my teeth earlier and not have any reason to leave my room after midnight, despite my usual bedtime being 2am. I would of course change my bedtime or just remember to brush my teeth earlier (and often do), but it is extremely difficult for me due to my (recently diagnosed, yet to be medicated) ADHD. The ADHD means that I often don't remember to brush my teeth earlier and I can't go to bed earlier as I can't study without the pressure of it being late at night.

I have suggested many times that he uses a white noise machine, earplugs, or sees a doctor. He hasn't looked into if a white noise machine would work, does not want to be using earplugs every night because he doesn't want to rely on them, and he claims that because it is due to trauma he needs to see a therapist instead of a doctor (but has not put the effort in to seeing a therapist).

For more context, also due to his childhood trauma, my friend has been improving but is generally not great at roommate things (ie doing dishes, cleaning things). I of course understand how this stuff can be hard (because of my ADHD), but it feels more difficult for me to try really hard to change my routines around if he can't do things like take the bins out. Dan has also recently been in the living room at 1am, has an ensuite, and has a similar bedtime to me except when he has to wake up at 7am for work.

'Dan' if you're seeing this hey whats up I want to know if random internet people have any ideas what we can do

TLDR: I don't know how to compromise with my roommate/friend who can't deal with me brushing my teeth after midnight when there isn't really any way for me to never go outside my room at night (mostly because of my ADHD).

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* This article was originally published here

How can I (30f) help my partner (27m) overcome his trust issues and potential depression ?

TW: Suicide attempts/threats

Please tell me whether this is the right place or not, as it is my first time posting on Reddit. This might be kinda long.

I met my bf at work last year, we have been together for about 7 months. We still work together. At first it was -obviously- really nice, but when he moved in with me (my fault for making things go too fast..) I started noticing that he was very jealous, and kinda controlling: checking when I am online, asking who I am talking to, thinking that I'm either cheating or that I don't love him anymore when I go out with friends - mostly girls... Because he doesn't plan anything on his side while I'm encouraging him as much as I can to do so. Anyway, going out leads to resentment because it feels I'm not as interested as I used to be. Noting that going out for me equals coffee or board games with friends... Not like I'm going to the club or anything.

Turns out he has a history of being cheated on and lied to, which explains his behavior.

This weekend, it went down again when I went to a restaurant with a friend that I hadn't seen since college. As we talked I showed her pictures on Instagram, WhatsApp... And my boyfriend thought that I was voluntarily ignoring him and not answering his messages, so he got mad, to the point of saying it was over, that he would leave...

I decided to stand my ground and enjoy my afternoon with my friend, which didn't make things better as I was only supposed to eat with her, but she offered to go for a walk in town so I told my boyfriend I would get home a bit later. He accused me of making him wait for nothing, but I told him I'd never given a specific hour of me coming home, as I had never told him either to wait for me and do nothing.

The afternoon went by, we fought a bit more and he said he didn't want to leave me or he would end his life.

I take this very seriously since I have made 2 suicide attempts in the past 12 months, the most recent being in April while I was with him. I have been under medical treatment and followed by a psychiatrist for about 2 years with Xeroquel to help with self-harm and suicidal thoughts.

So I got home and found him asleep, he slept for about 5 hours and as he woke up he told me that he had taken 2 of my pills. Which worried me even more since this is the medicine I used in both of my attempts and it can get pretty nasty even when you're just changing your daily dose. I tried to sleep on the couch as it was past midnight and I didn't want to talk, but he insisted that we should talk. I tried then to get out and go to my father's, saying we should talk about it the day after. He stayed in front of the door saying I was tired and I needed to sleep and he wouldn't let me go so late.

I was kinda angry but he reminded me that in an older argument I pretty much did the same in the living room. Guess we are both lost causes on this?

Anyway, he let me out at one point but kept following me in the hallway and the stairs, and the only time he finally let me go, he said that the only thing he had to do was kill himself. I did make a suicide attempt while I was with him but I never used this as a threat to get my way.

Once again I got back home.

Since then, I've insisted that he gets medical help which he is about to get (he has an appointment on Thursday), but he has been really sad despite my efforts to do everything "as usual" (taking care of him, doing chores, cuddling, watching TV, planning activities for the weekend).

Today I learned that what was the most painful to him was that I felt distant, because we hadn't been intimate since Saturday morning. I did try to turn him down gently on Monday because I was feeling tired, and us being all sad during the day and not knowing how to interact with each other didn't help.

I start to wonder if this isn't unconscious manipulative behavior and how I should react, knowing that I don't want to leave alone someone who needs help and who feels so down.

I believe I do also have some unhealthy behaviors, which I'm aware of and trying to change, but I don't think I go that far, or maybe I'm not being objective enough.

Tl;dr:

My bf is very jealous and possessive due to difficult past relationships, possibly depressed as he threatened suicide twice when we were talking about either breaking up or just sleeping apart for one night. He has been very sad and kept talking very negatively about himself since, especially after I turned him down for being intimate due to our current situation. He is supposed to get medical help soon, I am being followed by a psychiatrist myself.

Thanks a lot.

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* This article was originally published here

Am I (20M) too soft with my gf(21F)

We went out on a nice date, haven't been on one for a while. Everything's going well im being a bit playful with her and having a good time with my gf. I was doing some really dumb thing with my hand that my brother use to do and was showing my gf, then she goes why are you doing that, I can't wait til you grow out of this phase and mature. Idk why but I just felt so attacked and like woah, it just really killed the mood. It felt like she was having a go at me for no reason, calling me immature. I was just like trying to show her something and it seemed like she misunderstood but it was just really weird the way she reacted.

Idk couldn't stop thinking about it and letting it go so the date turned really awkward and sour, am I soft for letting a comment like that get to me? Wtf

Tdlr; gf said a weird comment, it got to me. Is it my fault that I held on to it and couldn't get over it that made the date go sour?

submitted by /u/Own_Fun1592
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* This article was originally published here

My (26F) friend (24F) didn’t clean their sick up from my bathroom, thinks i’m out of order for bringing it up

A couple of days ago, my friend came round to me and my partners house to celebrate a birthday. We had a nice evening, although our friend got very stoned and went quite pale at around 9pm, she eventually ran upstairs and me and my partner assumed they were probably being sick in our bathroom. No big deal I thought, she’ll probably feel better afterwards. after about an hour she comes back downstairs and has perked up a lot. she tells us that she missed the toilet somewhat, and that the bathroom is a mess. She starts smoking a cigarette. I had needed the toilet for a while because it is our only bathroom, so I went upstairs. there was quite a bit of visible sick all over my toilet and around the general area, even somehow on the walls? I went back downstairs and didn’t say anything at first because I am quite shy. I felt somewhat annoyed that the mess had been left. I wouldn’t have been able to use the toilet without getting sick on my socks. I waited for my partner to go upstairs and followed him up. He saw the mess and was also quite shocked at the state. This gave me the courage to say something so I asked if she could try and sort it out a bit so we could use the bathroom and brush our teeth before bed. she said she needed the mop to sort it. i was quite hesitant to give them our mop as it was brand new and I would have to chuck it out after it was used to clean sick (I am a bit weird about germs and stuff) I asked if they could try with kitchen roll and toilet roll and surface cleaning spray. They refused and essentially said they were only going to clean with the mop. I gave up and just sacrificed the mop. The bathroom was still a mess, there was still visable sick streaks on the wall, floor and toilet. There was also a plastic bag full of sicky tissues lay open on it’s side. We went to bed. i had a message in the morning asking if she could borrow one of my tops as she’d gotten sick on hers. she had already gone when I woke up however. The bathroom hadn’t been touched at all. So my partner and I had to clean it up. the shirt covered in sick was also stuffed in the corner of my bathroom behind the bag. I was quite annoyed and so sent her an image of the mess, and said I can’t help but feel annoyed by this, and that they’ve left it to me to clean up. I asked her to respect my space more in the future. I got quite an angry response, blaming me for not providing adequate cleaning supplies. They also said that they are stressed with work and have a lot going on at the moment that I know about. they finished up by saying they make a lot of adjustments for my neurotic behaviour, and that I should do the same for them. I asked what they meant by that and she said that I always cancel plans, have anxiety and am a germaphobe. I am quite upset by this. Would be interested to hear some opinions.

TL;DR: friend made and left a sicky mess in my house. Reacted badly to being confronted about it

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* This article was originally published here

Update I (17m) don’t know how to tell my dad (42m) that my step mom (37f) hates me

Link to previous post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/widc9q/update_i_17m_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_dad_42m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Hey I thought I would update since my psychiatrist said it was ok I could.

For all the support and advice received, I really appreciate and wholeheartedly so grateful for all who dm me to see how I was, thank you.

This will be long cause a lot has happened but many things are still not resolved. TRIGGER WARNING i will mention self harm, so please if it might trigger you pls don’t read further

I wish I was able to say I followed the advice that was provided and now everything is better but some things in life don’t play the way we want it to and we can either let it destroy us or make us better.

After writing my edit where my SM was taking my things away and assuming I was on drugs I started recording on my phone and she said a lot through the door, many things about my mom and me, and just plain hateful words that I don’t want to repeat on here. I fell asleep while I was barricading the door with my body when my dad demanded me to open the door, at this point I don’t remember much of what happened but my SM told me I had to leave the house and my dad agreed. I didn’t know who to call but I decided to call my coach and he picked me up, and I was a crying mess. He didn’t ask any question but just told me that I was safe and if I need to talk he was here for me, I stayed over one night when the next day, dad picked me up, SM was not at home when we got there. Dad told me we needed to talk.

We had breakfast and my dad spoke to me about many things my SM told him and I couldn’t believe all the lies she told him. It was a long talk but in summary it was:

• My use of drugs and alcohol
• How I disrespect her in our home
• I don’t do my responsibilities like chores at home
• I’m nasty to her when Dad is not around

He asked me why I was acting like this and if I had a problem with SM I should’ve spoke to him. I let him talk and when he was crying and asked if I had anything to say. I was so lost for word I knew whatever I said my dad was on my SM side. So I told him I wanted him to watch the recording of the incident that I can send through as an email attachment and the link to my reddit post and than we can talk more, I also said I didn’t want to be here when he was reading and watching so I’ll go for a drive and he can txt me when he’s done and ready to talk. He was hesitant at first but I told him it was important to me so he agreed and I left in my car to the beach and sent the email with the video attached and the link to my reddit post.

I don’t know how long I waited but many thoughts were going through my head, I was missing my mom so much and what if my dad still sided with my SM what can I do now? I fell asleep at the beach spot and was woken up by a police officer knocking on my car door and asking for my name, after confirming my name he advised me to get out my car and to hand over my keys to him and to follow him to his car, he handcuffed me and assured me that I wasn’t in trouble but this was a welfare check cause someone made a call that I was possibly suicidal, I didn’t talk after he told me that and all I remember was just crying. He made me sit in the back of the police car until the ambulance came and they took me to the hospital. I was asked many questions and was evaluated and was told I was depressed and may have extreme anxiety. The physician did say I might have other things but will require further testing and some sessions with a psychiatrist.

My dad came and visited me while in hospital and when I saw him he looked really tired. When he spoke it sounded like he was crying and he told me he called the police on me because the video recording I did, he heard everything my SM said but he also saw my cuts on my thighs and was scared and thought the worst. Honestly I never watched the video so I didn’t know my thighs were visible.

After our cry we spoke about a few things. I told my dad that I don’t feel comfortable living with SM after everything she said and done to me over the years, and I’m not sure I can handle being around her cause I don’t trust her. We spoke about arrangements and knowing my dad still loves my SM and I didn’t want him to choose between us, i told him that I could talk to Coach if I could stay with him, and after calling him he agreed. I’ve also been admitted to an agency that will support me cause I am mentally unwell. I have been to 1 session and waiting on another evaluation to be done on me and some testings with my GP so they can diagnose me.

I’m currently staying with my rugby coach who has been an amazing pillar. He has set out some house rules but I respect the fella and don’t mind following them. My coach even set a date next week for me and dad to catch up on. My coach is an awesome dude, I thought of him as just a coach who just wanted our rugby team to win but when he allowed me to stay over he showed so much care for me and I saw a side to him and understand how much he cares for my team, he has a lovely wife but I’m kinda anxious whenever it’s just me and her at their house.

That’s it right now, my dad lives at home with my SM and is trying to sort that out. I have many appointments to get the help I need and alot of school work to catch up on and rugby trainings to attend. I’ve taken a leave of absence from my maccas job. I’m gonna miss going to the beach for a while but I understand that it’s not a forever thing so I hope that the next time I go there I’m not crying my eyes out. Im kinda working on being ok if my dad and SM after those of you who shared your similar experiences, some day I’ll be ok.

Thank you all who advised me and encouraged me. Those who reached out through DM, thank you for the kind words and reaching out. I’m not sure if I’ll update again but maybe I’ll let you know if something happens in the future.

Take care everyone, also be kind to one another and most of all be kind to yourself cause you deserve it

TLDR i showed my dad my reddit post and recording of my SM being verbally abusive and now I’m staying at my coaches house trying to sort out my mental health

submitted by /u/Unfair_Impact_1400
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* This article was originally published here

My wife (30) and I (32) have a crush on the same person

Not really a venting or complaining post, just a funny situation we just found ourselves in. To get it out of the way, my wife is literally my best friend in the entire world and we’ve never fought about anything in our 9 year relationship. We’d do anything for each other and could not be happier together. That being said, I also have a group of friends I’ve known for over 12 years and we are beyond close as well. We’re a group of 3 couples and when we are together we could legitimately take on the world. Everyone just becomes the best versions of themselves, full of confidence and love and you could take any combination of us 6 and everyone gets along equally. In particular though, my friend’s wife and I are essentially the same person and connect on many things that only the two of us understand. Never really any sexual attraction, but when everyone gets super drunk the two of us just go down a rabbit hole of our interests and it can get lightly flirty at times. To be completely clear to the reddit psychologists out there, this has been going on for 10+ years and any jealously between anyone that existed is long gone. Her husband is my best friend in the world and even busts our balls about it because he knows there is nothing serious about it. Now I will say I do feel bad about it at times because I never want my wife to feel that she isn’t as close with me as I am with my friends wife, but again any sense of insecurity on her end is also long gone because she knows I would do anything in the world for her and would fucking die for her without a second thought.

So with all that background out of the way, here is the real interesting part. My wife and my friends wife have started doing the same thing together! So instead me and her going down the rabbit hole, the two of them are connecting on deep stuff and are forming their own little pseudorelationship late at night. A few weeks ago it literally looked like a string was tied around those two and my wife was making little nervous smiles and laughs at times. I couldn’t help but laugh because I knew exactly how she was feeling. The next day I jokingly busted her by saying “wife…you were crushing pretty hard last night on (friend’s wife).” She immediately turned red and I burst out laughing. Like I said before, my friend’s wife and I are pretty much the same person so it would only make sense that my wife is attracted to those same qualities and another reason I am not jealous and am just enjoying her newfound romantic confusion.

So not really looking for advice or hoping for anyone to psychoanalyze the situation because there is no way anyone is going to be able to explain the relationship I have with my friends and wife to me, but thought it was a funny situation I’d share. Not sure if anyone else has had a similar situation and a story on how it turned out but would love to hear it.

TLDR: my wife now fully understands the reasons for my slight crush on my friend

submitted by /u/Hmmhmmhmmmmm
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* This article was originally published here

Right person, wrong time?

Right Person, Wrong Time?

I (21M) truly believe I may have found my Soulmate (21F) and yes, I know, maybe you think I’m too young to feel this way but believe me when I say I don’t use that word lightly.

She and I are so excellently matched and when I’m with her the biggest problems become the most tiny imperfections, time flies by, the last 9 months have seemed like maybe 3 at best. I think of her and a smile comes to my face.

Yet I am plagued with thoughts saying it isn’t going to last, the two of you are going to change, you will grow apart, you should break up with her now rather than breaking her heart later.

I’ll admit these thoughts are souring my feelings a bit and making me worry.

So I suppose what my question is, am I chasing a pipe dream? I know I should be happy in the moment and focus on the here and now but I suppose I’ve always been more focused on the long term.

The one thing I will say is I WANT it to work out with her.

TL;DR: I want it to work out with my GF, I suppose I worry that I’ve met her too soon.

submitted by /u/JenaisBerre
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* This article was originally published here

Im (M34) my gf (F30) brags, moans, and shoves down my throat about how she works all the time

My gf got a new job and has been there for newly 2 years. Sometimes she works weekends (by choice). She says she wants to do weekends for the extra money for savings. She has to travel by train (less than an hour) to get to work. 9-4.30pm full time job. She does admin work.

So with me, I work as a web developer, I get to work from home a lot, but I've often done overtime which isn't paid for. When i do have to go into the office its 3hrs away.

I didn't like my old job & quit, so i got a new job. But I don't start my new job till next week. So ive had 2 weeks off.

NOW HERES THE PROBLEM with my gf.

She often complains and moans how tired she is when we meet for the weekends. If i suggest something or say anything to do with getting stuff done outside of work hours its: "How am i supposed to do that?" "I don't have time! I'm working!" "Your at home, you have time to do that!" Etc etc.

She often makes me feel guilty for being able to work from home, having time off when she's working, and being very condescending and belittling what i do in my spare time because she works.

It honestly just makes me feel like i just don't wanna be around her. By the way she talks its almost like she doesn't like working at all. But she'll use work to to hold over peoples heads. I feel like she values work more than me.

Now for those wondering, i do make more money than her, by a lot. Im 34 and have done my share of hard work for years since i was 17. I never made a big deal about it to anyone.

We live in separate apartments.

I surprised her last weekend at a really expensive restaurant to wind down and treat ourselves for the hard work. But on the way back home, within conversation she did it again.

Me: "when it gets really hot in the summer i feel like i can't even move in my apartment, i just lay there"

Her: "just lay there, was is that? I have to go to work man, Im working"

At this point i snapped an just told her so what, and to stfu. She almost ruined an amazing day.

Its really frustrating. The last couple of days I've been off I've felt guilty. I feel unappreciated, i work hard to make the money i spend on dates, and pay my bills. And in the end i just get disrespected. It makes me feel like i don't wanna be around her because it keeps happening.

Tldr: girlfriend makes me feel guilty for having time off work and acts very condescending and belittling my spare time. Even though i make more money and have slaved for decades of my own life.

submitted by /u/OrileyT
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* This article was originally published here

reasons to Take an ex Back? gf broke Up bcs i Had less Time (w22/m24) what can i do?

Hey what are reasons why you would Take an ex Back, you Just lost feelings for because He was Just Not so available (didnt See Each Others in 4 weeks) and Had much work to do.

Gf broke Up because she was Always reaching out, sceduling Dates (80/20%). And i didnt have that much time.

In our relationship was No violence, betrayl or anything Like that.

Our meet ups we're Always Nice, We Had a good time and i also got to know her Family and some Friends. She invited me to her Birthday But i couldnt come since i was Out of time.

She also asked to Go for Dinner with her parents. I also Had No Time (finishing my studies right now).

(Maybe i Should mention that shes got bpd probably because she Made Bad expiriences in her youth 13-15)

A week ago WE meet Up and sze told me that she couldnt Go on with since WE Had different perspectives on Relationships, she wanted to See me more Often, told her i didnt have much time lately.

The Same evening i asked her if we could Talk again, she Said she Had to sleep over and consider.

The next day she Said that she Had distanced Herself emotionally from me in the 30 days WE didnt See Each Other cause she was Out of town.. And she couldnt Change that so easily. But she was thanking me for the good Times WE Had.

I responded that i think WE Had the Same needs concerning closeness and that id Loved to See her more Often but i Just didnt have time. Furthermore that i Accept IT but dont want IT, Love her, want to See her again and Sort Things Out. And that If she Changed her mind she can contact me.

She didnt reached Out by then (1 week).

Anything i can do? What are reasons for you to Take your ex Back?

TL DR: Gf broke Up, bcs i was Less available. WE Always Had a good time. Cant See her for 2 months/ shes traveling. Any Chances ? What to do?

submitted by /u/Alfredodori
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* This article was originally published here