How we met: ‘I was trying to have a baby alone when we matched on a dating app’

Emmy was on en route to Athens to try artificial insemination when she started chatting to Andy. Now they have a child together

After turning 30 in 2018, Emmy made the life-changing decision to have a baby alone. “I had always really wanted children,” she says. “But when I did a fertility MOT, I discovered I had low egg reserves.” Single, and reluctant to wait for a suitable partner to come along, she began the process of IVF. “I naively thought it would work, but I had a couple of miscarriages in the early stages.”

In February 2020, she travelled to Athens to try artificial insemination by a donor. “I’ve lived and worked in Greece and loved it. It was cheaper and I had friends to stay with,” she says. Before she landed, she matched on a dating app with a man from Liverpool called Andy, and they began to chat. “I’d been single for about four years and was quite happy in my own world,” he says. “But I was open to meeting someone and I found Emmy really engaging.”

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26 [M] has no idea how to break up with 28 [F] girlfriend

So.. I have been living together with her for a bout 4 years and I keep noticing that I have been pushing myself into the background for more than a year.

I don't really feel "happy" anymore and I am kinda running on auto-pilot. Every day is the same. Wake up, work, eat, watch tv/play video games, go to bed. We aren't intimate anymore either. I get annoyed with the tiniest things that she does. She always lectures me, even on my job, almost pretending she is my boss.

There is almost no communication between us since it almost always ends with me apologizing or a huge akward silence.

The problem of breaking up is that she doesn't have a job, she is finally doing an education to get a job, and I am afraid I will push her back down now that she is finally becoming more positive. She has had a very difficult life. The only money that she gets is a funding from the government wich isn't enough to go and rent something. And she doesn't really have any family nearby to move in with.

So I have no clue. I don't just want to throw her out. I know how "unstable" she can be... And even though I notice my feelings for her are completely fading, I still want her to be okay.

Any help would really be appreciated because I am completely lost and don't know how much longer I can take this :s

TL;DR I am in a relationship of 5 years that is going nowhere and making me unhappy. I have no idea how to end it because of multiple reasons.

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I think I am falling out of love with my husband, should I stay?

I (33f) have been with my husband (32m) for nearly 14 years, married for 5, we have one toddler daughter together and I’ve slowly been feeling myself falling out of love with him.

I think it started after we had our daughter and I realized he isn’t the kind of dad I thought he would be. He’s always had a short temper and had irrational blow-ups but all of the sudden it was happening with my child, not just with me and I started to resent him for it. I always confront him about these anger issues when they surface and he always apologizes and agrees he needs to work on it, but they always resurface.

I think he also resents how I spend much more time being a mom to our child than being his wife, and I know I should try harder with him but if we have time alone I’m really hoping to be alone, not with him or with anyone. For two years I’ve been wrestling with feelings that we are completely disconnected and I don’t know that I can regain the love I once felt.

I also lost weight recently and have begun to have self-confidence for really the first time in my life and I’ve started to enjoy getting looks from other men. We were so young when we met and I never really experienced dating.

He’s a good person and he says he’s still very in love with me and can’t lose me. He’s agreed to couples’ counseling but has never followed through with therapy in the past. I’m afraid I’m just wanting a counselor to give me permission to leave or say we should separate because I just don’t want to hurt him.

Can counseling fix us or is it too late?

TL; DR! Falling out of love with my husband and wanting to know if counseling willful this or if divorce/separation is best.

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You be the judge: is it OK for my boyfriend to keep butter in the cupboard?

She thinks butter belongs in the fridge; he thinks it’s fine sitting out. We air both sides of a domestic disagreement – and ask you to deliver a verdict
• If you have a disagreement you’d like settled, or want to be part of our jury, click here

My boyfriend insists on keeping butter in the ‘pantry’. To me it’s strange and unhygienic

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Black Authors Share The Best New Books Celebrating Black Love And Joy

"The very happiest I can be is writing about Black love, Black joy, Black excellence. That’s what I want to see all day every day."

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It takes two: the five best podcasts hosted by couples

From married comedians to polyamorous players, if it’s insights from couples you want, well there’s a podcast for that

Couples’ podcasts are very much not for everybody. If they lean a little too far one way, they’re overbearing and smug; too far in the other direction and they become unbearably tense psychodramas. The safest place for you to start is probably Shagged. Married. Annoyed, hosted by married comedians Chris and Rosie Ramsey. A weekly unstructured chat, Shagged. Married. Annoyed is relentlessly lighthearted and unchallenging – and as such, actually very pleasant to listen to. One potential criticism is that the Ramseys do sound like they’re aggressively trying to turn their marriage into a brand. So if that’s not your sort of thing, stop reading now.

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Need advice on how to “quit” my friend’s business

Since June last year I(28f) have been working with my friend to help grow her(36f) business. She always treated (and paid) me as an equal partner, and we had tons of fun together.

As we rolled out a new version of our offering this past month, I was planning on having a sit down and officialize my partnership in the business.

A couple of months ago though, she hired a “business coach”, and things started to change a lot. I disagree with several strategies he suggests, and my friend’s behavior towards me changed.

She’s micromanaging what I do/don’t do and the last drop was that she “cut my pay” by almost 5 fold because “she needs to start treating this as a real business”. She did that by taking me to a sit down dinner and had a whole speech prepared, which undoubtedly came straight from the “coach”, who I later learned is getting paid “thousands of dollars month”.

I was in such disbelief and did not have the confidence to say anything so just kept going. I know I need to leave if I wanna preserve the friendship long term, but I’m sad to leave the project behind AND don’t know how to start this awkward conversation.

What would you do?

TL;DR: Friend no longer treats me as a business partner and I need advice on how to quit

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Vent- I feel like I’ve killed part of myself for him

I (21F) am 9 months pregnant, due date is in mid March. Been with my boyfriend (29M) for a year now, we just celebrated our one year anniversary on Valentine’s Day last week.

In my prior relationships I’ve always been very clingy, very physically close and affectionate to my partners. I started off this way with my bf but as time went on he let me know that wasn’t his thing. It eventually became a problem bc I just didn’t know how to not be affectionate, and it severely annoyed him as that’s not the way he enjoys to be loved. So I stopped, and for awhile I stopped almost entirely. It just makes me feel so sad and empty inside. Whenever I look at him and want to express my affection for him, but can’t bc I know he won’t enjoy it like how I would, kills me.

He almost broke up with me on February 9th, 5 days before our one year anniversary/Valentine’s Day. He said even though he loves me deeply, he felt he jumped into a commitment with me too soon and he doesn’t feel happy bc he hasn’t been able to focus on fixing himself as he was intending to do when he first moved to this area in 2020. He made it clear that he could still keep his commitment to our unborn son as a father without being committed to me, but that he’d always love me and treat me as family forever since we’ll have that permanent bond through our son.

I cried on the phone when he said that to me; we were both at work when this phone conversation took place. Later in the day when I was at my second job, he came in and said, “fuck everything I said, I love you and want to make this work” then proceeded to hug and kiss me in front of everyone.

He told me that bc I’m the mother of his child, he likely will fall deeper in love with me seeing me become the mother my son needs me to be. That seeing me grow in that way and becoming parents together (he already has 2 kids of his own) will grow our bond stronger. But what if it doesn’t? I worry that maybe it could make us grow further apart, bc I know it does that to some couples.

Also another thing to note is that our sex life has suffered since we learned I was pregnant. He said it makes him feel too weird, he feels like he’d be hurting the baby, etc. so the last time we were intimate was New Year’s Day. That’s another part of me that I feel has died, bc before this I was openly very expressive and in tune with my sexuality. Now I can’t even remember how it felt to be that way.

TL;DR - I (21F) am pregnant with my bf’s (29M) baby boy. I’ve had to severely decrease how physically affectionate I am with him since he doesn’t enjoy that. He almost broke up with me 5 days before our anniversary/V-Day, but then decided not to. We haven’t had sex since Jan. 1st, and I feel between having to suppress my sexuality and my desire for physical affection, that I’ve killed a part of myself for him.

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asking a guy i hooked up with to hook up again? (18f) (21m)

so on valentine’s day i met up with this guy on bumble and we had a lot of fun and ended up hooking up at his place and i spent the night. later that day he texted me about some game we both play. then on wednesday i asked him if he still wanted to meet thursday because we originally were supposed to meet up that day before hanging out monday. he said “i’d rather do another day, maybe next week” and i replied ok”

but now i’m feeling like i really wanna hook up but i don’t wanna go through the whole process of finding someone on the app and making sure they aren’t a killer or something.

should i ask him if he would be down to come over tonight or if i could go to his place (if it’s not weird inviting yourself to someone’s house) or should i just see if he reaches out later in the week since he said “maybe next week” but i kinda want to today so i’m not sure if it would be wrong to ask. or does it seem like it was a one time thing for him?

tldr; hooked up with a guy on monday and want to hook up again but not sure if i should ask him or find someone else

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Blind date: ‘I told him I’d come to his magic show, and I’m a woman of my word’

Rhys, 34, touring magician, meets Kate, 26, fintech executive

Rhys on Kate

What were you hoping for?
A lovely evening, getting to know someone, good food, great company.

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8 Breakup Tips For When You're Heartbroken And You Have To Go To Work, Too

Breakups suck, not least because you're still expected to work as if nothing happened. Here's how to make it suck a little less.

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Had a disagreement over a joke my (F27) fiancé (M30) made.

My fiancé and I have been together for five years, and just got engaged a couple of months ago. Our relationship has been kind of rocky mainly due to immaturity and communication issues, but this past year has been our best yet. He has become so much more loving and patient and willing to do the things he never was willing to in the past.

A couple of nights ago, (Valentine’s Day) after wrapping up a great night spent celebrating, we started talking before bed. Since getting engaged, we’ve been talking a lot about having kids, how we will raise them, etc. I can’t exactly remember how we got on the specific subject, but I said something about wanting to make sure that if we ever have a son that he’s respectful towards women. In response, he “joked” that if his teenaged son ever said something like “women are b!tches,” he’d high-five him and agree with him.

I got mad and then he tried to say he was just joking around and that I should’ve known he wasn’t being serious. I told him that it’s a serious subject to me, especially given the fact that many male members of his family display a lot of sexism. His father and cousins frequently say stupid, sexist things. My fiancé also did earlier in our relationship which caused issues between us so he stopped. He defended his dad and cousins saying it’s just the generation his dad’s from, and that his cousins just had a poor upbringing.

I told him that joking like that really bothers me. He sort of relented and said that he’d try not to do it again, but that it should’ve been obvious that he was just joking and would never do that. Normally if he was joking about something kind of fucked up like that, he would say he was just joking right after. I don’t know whether or not I’m overreacting. I don’t honestly think he would ever actually do what he said, it’s just the way he joked about doing it that bothered me. It also put a damper on an otherwise really good day for us.

TLDR; fiancé made a fucked up joke on Valentine’s Day. It upset me, but not sure if I’m overreacting.

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8 Signs You're In A Toxic Friendship (And What To Do About It)

The constant friend drama can be draining. Here's what to look for and how to deal.

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There Is No Such Thing as Self-Care in Relationships - The Good Men Project

There Is No Such Thing as Self-Care in Relationships  The Good Men Project

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The Dumbest Mistakes Diners Make On Valentine’s Day, According To Chefs

From overdoing it on Brussels sprouts to ordering for your date, these professionals have seen it all. And they have thoughts.

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Last-Minute Valentine's Day Gifts You Can Get Literally Right Now

Digital gifts and instant presents for when you forgot about Feb. 14.

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The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Feb. 5-11)

"Was enjoying playing legos with my son until my wife tapped me on the shoulder and said he went outside an hour ago."

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Tinder takes dating back to the 90s with blind date feature

App says generation Z users want to sample what dating was like in pre-smartphone era

From low-rise jeans to reruns of the sitcom Friends, generation Z has a seemingly endless appetite for 90s and early 00s nostalgia.

Now that extends to their romantic lives, as Tinder has introduced a blind date feature to boost its popularity among young people – by enabling them to meet partners in a way that resembles the pre-smartphone era.

The new feature on the dating app matches people based on preferences, and enables them to make conversation before they are allowed to view each other’s photos. It will shortly be available in the US before being expanded globally.

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Cheaters review – as romcom coincidences go, this one’s a whopper

The ten-minute-long episodes of the BBC’s new comedy about infidelity are funny, they’re well acted – and they’re based on quite the plot twist

Nothing sets the heart racing in quite the same way. The anticipation, the excitement, the apprehension – the risk of being hurt again. The fluttering prospect that this one, this time, could be something special. Yes, we’re watching a new romantic comedy-drama, Cheaters (BBC One).

Josh (Joshua McGuire) and Fola (Susan Wokoma) meet, pretty cutely, in an airport, when their flight back from Finland is delayed. He annoys her – accidentally, by spilling her coffee, then self-righteously, by interfering in an argument she is having with an airline employee. Later on, frustrated and stranded for the night, the pair meet again by chance in a hotel bar. They end up in bed, and not in a Steve Martin/John Candy way. Josh has already said he has a longterm girlfriend, who has recently cheated on him; in the morning, Fola shocks him by saying she is married.

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Liu puts relationships at the heart of Citi Private Bank - Euromoney magazine

Liu puts relationships at the heart of Citi Private Bank  Euromoney magazine

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The Most Common Dreams About Relationships And What They Really Mean dreams - kiss951.com

The Most Common Dreams About Relationships And What They Really Mean dreams  kiss951.com

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This Is One Of The Most Damaging Phrases In A Friendship

These words — and the assumption behind them — are surprisingly toxic to relationships.

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16 Last-Minute Valentine's Day Gifts You Can Still Get On Amazon

Including wireless headphones, cozy slippers and a plush full body pillow your loved one will want to lie on all day.

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The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 29-Feb. 4)

"I woke up, saw my toddler’s shadow, and predicted 6 more cups of coffee."

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Valentine's Day Gifts To Buy For Yourself

Silk pillowcases, reusable eye masks and chunky hoop earrings to love on yourself Feb. 14.

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‘It stopped me having sex for a year’: why Generation Z is turning its back on sex-positive feminism

The movement championed the right to enjoy sex and was supposed to free women from guilt or being shamed. But now many are questioning whether it has left them more vulnerable

Lala likes to think of herself as pretty unshockable. On her popular Instagram account @lalalaletmeexplain, she dishes out anonymous sex and dating advice on everything from orgasms to the etiquette of sending nude pictures. Nor is the 40-year-old sex educator and former social worker (Lala is a pseudonym) shy of sharing her own dating experiences as a single woman.

But even she was perturbed by a recent question, from a woman with a seven-year-old daughter who had caught her new partner watching “stepdaughter” porn involving teenage girls. Was that a red flag?

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My boyfriend (26) won't let me (24) have friends.

Throwaway because he knows my main account.

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for four years now and for the majority of it I haven't had any external relationships. I have a couple of friends, however I rarely see them because it visibly upsets him when I do. He doesn't want to have these feelings, but they never get better and I avoid spending time with people to not deal with his mood swings. He has tried clinical help and it has not worked for him. My family has visited me once in the last 4 years and he avoided them the entire time they visited. He can't handle being around my family and has never come with me on a holiday to see them. It's not that he dislikes them, he just can't handle being around people he "knows", strangers are fine though. He doesn't have any friends of his own and refuses to make them. He also has some pretty serious anger issues. I wouldn't call him abusive, but he has broken things and gotten irrationally angry at me over things that don't matter.

I recently asked him to go on a trip with me somewhere and mentioned I wanted to spend a day meeting up with one of my friends and he got mad and shut it down. He said that I would be wasting a day if I did that and it would be pointless to go. He can't handle me being gone for more than a day at a time or he can't be productive.

I have tried countless times to talk with him through his issues (I've glossed over some for the sake of brevity and identifying situations), but to no avail. I've urged him to talk to therapists or go through a program to work through his opinions of friendships and his feelings of other people in his life having friendships, but the times he has tried it doesn't work. I feel so lost, because I love him and I want him to grow as a person; but it feels like I can't do anything else to help him. I am really struggling over this and I hate feeling guilty everytime I start a phone call with my family or a friend. I don't know what to do anymore.

I am so sorry if this is convoluted or poorly written, I'm not in a good headspace at the moment.

TLDR: Boyfriend doesn't let me have friends or make friends of his own and it's damaging our relationship. He doesn't outright tell me not to have friends, but his body language, anger, and actions towards me say it.

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How we met: ‘I was looking for new hair – new me. The salon booked me in with JP’

Iona, 27, and JP, 31, were both recently single when she went to the hairdressers looking for a fresh look in 2019. Now they are married and live in south London

When Iona stepped into the hairdressing salon in 2019, she was hoping for a fresh look after a break-up. “I was going for the new hair, new me thing,” she says. “There was a bit of summer left and I thought I could still be hot and sexy.” She had been going to the same salon for a few years, but usually had her hair cut by a female stylist. “She wasn’t working when I wanted to go, so they booked me in with JP instead as he was the only stylist free,” she says.

When Iona arrived, she was struck by how attractive JP was. They chatted as he cut her hair, bonding over their shared love of music. “I’d seen her around before,” says JP. “I remember thinking she was beautiful. We realised we’d been at the same small festival in France earlier that summer. It turned out we’d been in the same room quite a few times, but never spoken.”

Want to share your story? Tell us a little about yourself, your partner and how you got together by filling in the form here.

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