Team Building Ideas 2023: How Mystery Games Strengthen Teams ... Southwest Journal
* This article was originally published here
Thursday, August 31, 2023
Wednesday, August 30, 2023
help:(
i (f27) met my fiance (m39) almost two years ago. we hit it off immediately and had an amazing connection and to this day, we have a few differences, but are mostly the same person. ive never felt so loved and close and intimate with anyone else. i love him more than anything.
we lived in different cities however and a year ago he asked me to move in with him. i was very unsure as i hate his city, though he has a lovely house and farm, and i absolutely loved the city i was in. all my friends are there, and its a bit bigger so more events happening etc. i also had a very good job there.
anyway i didnt want to lose him so i moved, but a year later now ive realised how miserable i am living there, i still havent made friends, and i have a shitty job bc its hard to find something here.
he is the love of my life, but i cannot live here and i dont know what to do.
if i stay, i will have him. if i go i will be in my favourite city, have my friends, more job opportunities.
but also if i stay i have to live in this poo hole, where i dont feel comfortable and at home. if i go i have to work full time and support myself alone (im mentally ill and my capability to work is greatly hindeded by it, and i fear managing on my own).
tldr; should i choose the love of my life and live an uncomfortable life, or my friends, favourite city, freedom and comfort?
any words of wisdom? 😭🙏
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, August 29, 2023
Academia relationships
I've been following some threads on reddit regarding couples in academia, with one or both parties being post docs who constantly have to travel internationally between positions (especially in science fields but I've seen it in other fields as well).
I'm in one such relationship myself so I really would like to hear from people who are in the same boat. Like how do you manage the uncertainty this career path brings, like potential prolonged periods of LD and no clear future time or place to settle?
Is it very difficult to stay in one place as a post doc if your goal is to stay in academia? And is becoming tenured really the only option for stability? What does the road look like for such a relationship if the struggle for tenure means enduring uncertainty sometimes lasting into 10+ years?
To give some background, my (29F) bf (33M) is a post doc in nuclear physics, I'm a high school science teacher. Together 5 years, LDR for 4. Each research post takes him to a different place internationally and we dunno how long it will remain this way. We have discussed him entering industry and leaving academia, but he finds that idea saddening... He really has a "pure scientist's spirit" if that makes sense, I admire him for it. And I will never ask him to abandon his dreams, I love the nature of his job too. He similarly supports my career as a teacher and encourages me to go for further education on that even though that means I have to stay put for a few more years.
TL;DR I'm here asking for some insight into academia relationships. Like how to consolidate between the need for stability in relationships and the uncertainties that often come with post doc positions, like moving around internationally while trying to get tenured. Long distance etc. What does that road look like for you and your SO?
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, August 28, 2023
Guy I'm seeing says he likes me but doesn't want to continue dating I don't know how to deal with it or how to feel about his reasons why
I (F25) have been dating this guy (M28) for over 3 months now. I’ve had a crush on him for a long time and we’ve been friends for almost 7 years before this. Recently we told eachother that we’re both falling in love with eachother. But he doesn’t want to continue dating because of (mental) health problems. He is chronically ill and spends a lot of time in the hospital, and often has to undergo surgeries and other treatments. I know that I don’t care and that I want to be there for him, he recently had surgery and I supported him through all of it and he told me how grateful he was for it and I felt very connected to him through all of it. But I feel like he’s trying to create some distance between us.
We both have feelings for eachother but he says we should distance ourselves from eachother because he doesn’t want to continue dating. He says that he has too much problems and doesn’t want to put them on me. I think it’s a stupid reason because I know I can handle it to be there for him and I don’t think this should be a reason to not date. His past relationship of 4 years failed because of this, when he was in a really bad state his ex-girlfriend cheated on him and got pregnant which was traumatic for him. So I can understand that he’s scared to get hurt. I don’t want to push him either. So I don’t know what to do now but I just don’t know how to accept the fact the we both like eachother and to just throw away the amazing connection that we have.
My friends say that I should give him space and that he will change his mind but I am scared to get hurt as well and I don’t want to continue waiting for someone who isn’t ready or too scared for anything. I just feel so bad to be in this situation.
Tl;dr: guy I'm dating likes me but doesn't want to continue dating because of personal problems. I don't know how to feel about it or how to deal with it
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, August 27, 2023
Saturday, August 26, 2023
I am korean(24M) and my girlfriend(21F) is Ukrainian Having a problem about where to live in the future what should i do?
Hello, I am a South Korean male, and my girlfriend is Ukrainian. We met at a language school in Japan, and my girlfriend is currently unable to return to Ukraine. My visa is expiring in January next year, and I have to return to South Korea, which inevitably means we will be separated. However, I love my girlfriend very much. She is my first and special girlfriend who makes me happy. Due to her difficulty in adapting to life in Asia, she will be going to the United States next year. I am aware of how challenging it can be to obtain a visa in the United States, so I applied for the Canadian Working Holiday Program (4 years) to find a compromise with my girlfriend. However, it appears that Canada has suspended visa issuance for Ukrainians, (my girlfriend has consulted with the authorities) and I am completely unsure of what to do. We are both in our early twenties(24M 21F) and not financially well-off. It will take at least a year or more for me to graduate from college to go to the United States, which my girlfriend doesn't want. She doesn't want to be apart for a year. I am getting more and more scared. How should I handle this situation?
I actually keep asked to her live with me in Korea
but she definatealy doesn't want to stay in asian country
ps . I used Chat gpt for this. Please understand my bad english.. XD
TLDR: Idk where to go and what to do. please help
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, August 25, 2023
I (24F) recently found out my bf (36M) frequently paid for sex in the past before meeting me. I don't know how to feel about it and have a hard time moving forward from this. Any advice on how to tackle this and what type of conversation we need to be having?
I'm not overreacting in the sense of freaking out and I won't break up due to this but I find it gross to say the least. It was something we had previously discussed and he denied having done things like that. I forgive him for it because he's very open about everything now and I understand why he initially denied it. I'm a virgin and I will remain one till marriage and I've accepted his history of having slept with many women.
This, however, is making me feel very icky. I have trouble just accepting it somehow. My bf is quite avoidant as well so talking to him about it is difficult. At the same time i'm not sure what I would even need to be talking about. After all, i'm the one who is having trouble with this.. so how do I accept it and move forward?
TLDR: I (24F) recently found out my bf (36M) frequently paid for sex in the past before meeting me. How do I move forward from this?
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* This article was originally published here
Thursday, August 24, 2023
My 22F boyfriend 23M had sex with me non consensually
Hello everyone,
My original post got taken down due to the edit I added so I attached it here! The link in the comments is to the post and it has some comments that are relevant to the situation if you’re interested or you can find the original post from my profile. I’m reposting this because the advice I got so far has really been helpful in navigating this situation and I’ll share some of the comments with my boyfriend which will help us navigate the situation.
ORIGINAL POST: Hi everyone I’m looking for some advice. My boyfriend and I had something traumatic happen and I’m unsure what to make of it. We’re both in our early 20s, I’m 22 he’s 23, and are high school sweethearts (we’ve been together for 5 years).
The other night we were hanging out, we grabbed food and talked. We began to fool around and I told him I didn’t want to “do it” that night but was okay to keep doing other things. Normally when this happens we either stop before we reach that point of doing “it” or I change my mind because I feel into it, but he always makes sure it’s what I want before it happens. I think as the foreplay continues I become more receptive and turned on which is why I change my mind.
During this instance I did say I wanted to in between during foreplay and when he asked if I was sure I said no and this happened a couple of times (yes I went back and forth during our foreplay which was an hour long). After a few times of this happening the next time it did he told me to grab protection and I said “I don’t want to”, I’m not sure if he thought I meant I don’t want to use protection or if he understood that I didn’t want to “do it”. He ended up doing it anyways and I fell into a state of shock and completely froze. His face was in my shoulder so he didn’t see my face. I didn’t say anything except “whats going on”, I’m not sure if he heard me say it because I didn’t get a response. The actual act was pretty quick( probably under a minute) and when he got up he saw my face and realized I looked upset and hurt and began to ask if I was okay and I told him I didn’t want to do that. He immediately apologized and looked genuinely horrified over it. I think I was still in shock so I just asked to go home, he told me he wanted me to stay but would take me home.
It’s been a few days and he’s apologized more times than I can count and brought my favorite foods and flowers to apologize. I asked him to not touch me since I still haven’t fully processed what happened and he respected my boundaries completely.
He genuinely seems remorseful and wants to make things work but I don’t know how to process this. I’m looking for advice on how to proceed from here. Is this something we can get over?
Other than this our relationship and sex life is great. We were both virgins when we met and lost our virginity to each other and have only ever been with each other. We’re very serious about our relationship and are talking about marriage soon. We’re also very integrated with each others family.
EDIT: after reading a lot of comments and thinking about our sexual encounters it may be more of a kink for me to tease him and almost edge him and then he gets to dominate. It’s both of our first times being sexual with a partner so I’ve never realized it’s a kink and I doubt he did either. Some of the things I’ve decided to discuss with him are safe words and talking out how this was a miscommunication. I’ll keep replying to comments as I can!
TLDR: my boyfriend had sex with me non consensually and I’m unsure how to proceed
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* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, August 23, 2023
Is it wrong of me (22f) to ask him (22m) for a casual relationship?
Bf and I have been together for about eight months but things got serious fast. I've recently realized I need some time to figure out some sexual trauma & identity related stuff on my end.
I tried to break up with him yesterday but I made him cry so much; he asked me why we couldn't fix things together so I told him we could stay together and try to fix things.
Yesterday it felt right but this morning I feel like I've made a huge mistake. I know when I'm very depressed as I am I can't sustain a relationship well.
We're going to talk again and today I want to ask him to have a more casual relationship. He keeps saying that even if we broke up he can't see himself with anyone else. I don't know why but this feels like such immense pressure on my shoulders to figure my shit out and be a good partner. But I want time to grow and heal as a person. I am starting to worry this is a right person wrong time situation. But I don't want him completely out of my life because I love him. And he was upset at the idea of me kicking him to the curb.
Is asking to see each other casually and stepping the relationship back cruel? Should I just try for a clean break in our conversation today? I really don't want to do this but I'm not the kind of person to jerk another person around to wait for me to figure my shit.
TL;DR: I want to break up with my boyfriend but I want us to remain casual or at least friends. I'm worried that this is going to be too painful for the both of us, though.
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, August 22, 2023
Is my gut friend(29M) try to flirting with me(31F)
i once asked one of my guy friend, "what kind of man do you think ill end up married to?" and this guy friend answered me, "a guy like me" i swear my heart was about to burst at that time. i need to know if am i over reacting or is it just a casual jokes? another situation is he was very mindful of what i told him.
i once told him he looks good without wearing a cap, and since then he doesnt wear a cap anymore. when i told him, " can you just and go fix your hair please? i dont like it" he goes to the bathroom and fixing his hair and said its because of me that he fix his hair.im quiet shocked that my words was matter to him because im sure he could just ignore it.
help me,i need opinion to clear my head. TL;DR!
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, August 21, 2023
Sunday, August 20, 2023
Saturday, August 19, 2023
Is it cheating if I(24M) have had sex a short time before I started dating (22F)?
I know the title sounds absurd but please, keep reading.
I have been knowing this girl L for a couple years but have never thought much about her. We didn't really talk much.
Starting from June we "accidentally" started talking more and we started texting like once every two weeks or something (stupid memes and stuff like that). I also invited her to a camping trip in mid August.
In July an old friend of mine came to visit me and she confessed feelings for me. I told her I didn't want a relationship with her but she insisted in at least a test drive and, after a bit of pushing, I sadly accepted. In my mind I was not in a relationship and also I was not texting all that much L anyway.
After she left I went in the camping trip with L and others and we started getting closer and we went on a date a few days later.
Now, I want my relationships to be transparent but I feel like it sounds so bad to tell someone that I have had sex with someone else like 1 week and half before our first date. (Btw we only talked and walked on the date, I'm not going to Speedrun things but still)
What do you think? With a logical thinking I have done nothing wrong but morally I feel like I have betrayed her or something... Am I thinking too much of it? Thank you for the attention
Tl;Dr
Have had sex few days before starting hanging out with a girl, is it morally correct?
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, August 18, 2023
I regret the break up
I (21f) broke up with my broke up with my boyfriend (25m) and I’m not sure if i regret it or not? We were together for 3 years and some months. We had a break for maybe 1 week and We had a couple arguments but I miss him so much. I’m trying to date but it’s so difficult when you can’t get someone else out of your head. My ,now, ex didn’t treat me terribly or anything. He actually was sweet and tried his best, I think I just was over it. The first year I was in tears, We would argue about always simple things. I let things slide because he had never had a girlfriend before. I had to over communicate, and call his mom to make him understand what I needed. Even then it felt like he was halfing it. I didn’t feel loved and I don’t know why. Maybe it was the little things? Maybe I asked for too much?
TL;DR Don’t know if I broke up with my bf because of feelings or ‘simple things’.
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* This article was originally published here
Thursday, August 17, 2023
Losing interest or just circumstances?
I [22F] have been seeing this guy [22M] for three months now. The first month we went on a date every week and it was lovely. It was going great until one day he asked me to meet up for and he told me about his ex he broke up with a few months back before we met. I knew about the fact that they broke up because she was too posessive and things were super toxic before. Apparently she found out he was seeing someone new and went ballistic, giving threats of su*cide and how she was going to ruin his life. Their families also are involved in a business together so the whole thing is quite complicated. He was really nervous while telling me all of this and said he was sorry that he got me involved in this and that I was free to move on if I wanted to. He said that he's having to talk to her out of responsibility but still that feels wrong when he's seeing someone he really likes.
He also said he really likes me and is really confused about how to handle all of this but knows that from his side, he wants to make it official between us when he can. He also told me he's not playing games and doesn't know how to and doesnt want to either. For my response, I thought about it and told him that since we both really like each other, I was willing to give him time to sort things through.
Its been two months since then and we have been texting everyday and meeting up irl when we can but we havent really discussed the issue w his ex. He's in my workplace so we do see each other often but we haven't been on a long date. The reason for that is that he's been having really bad stomach issues and since dates usually involve food, we've not been able to go and he told me last week that if things get worse, he might have to undergo surgery. But, he's been hanging out and going on trips with his friends!
Right now, he and I have been super busy with university and exams as well. He's been texting less frequently, with one word responses and he has shown me his schedule and it is pretty hectic, same for me and I communicated that as well. I guess the circumstances aren't really the best for the both of us since I'm going through some personal issues as well. But I cant differentiate if its him losing interest or if I'm just overthinking because he's been a little distant? The situation with his ex and the fact that he might be in some sort of communication with her does make me feel insecure sometimes since they're added om social media as well (he did tell me this though, without hiding). I think my main issue is that this is very new to me and I dont know how much back and forth is normal, in terms of going on dates and texting, especially in a complicated situation like this. Him going out with his friends but not me could be bcs of the fact that even if he's a bit unwell, its easier to handle when hes with his friends and less uncomfortable as it would be with a date?
Also since its been two months since I told him I'd give him time, I'm not sure how much of a decent time frame that is. I've kept myself busy as well but sometimes I tend to overthink. Maybe he's gonna communicate something once we're done with our exams and deadlines? Also, he's one of the top students in his class so when he says he's studying, its for sure that he's focused because it really does show in his grades lol.
Im just scared of being strung along because he's been less and less communicative and I'd really like it if he told me how he wants to take things forward. I could approach him but I'm not sure how to bring up the topic. I'm not sure if two months is a decent time frame as well? All in all, since this is new to me I'm super confused. Any perspective or clarity would be appreciated! I'm pretty sure I'm overthinking too much and I am finding ways to tackle that but I'm mostly confused about timing and how much communication is decent.
TL;DR? Pretty complicated situations for both of us and I'm not sure if its because of that or he's genuinely losing interest. My overthinking plays a part in it as well to be honest.
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* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, August 16, 2023
My (f36) boyfriend ( M38) is accusing me of breaking my promise of buying him a new car and ruining his birthday
TLDR: My (f36) boyfriend Quinn ( M38) and I got into a heated argument because I won't buy him a new car with money I will get from a client. He's accusing me of financially lurching him and I'm upset over this. He says he's doubting my views on our romantic commitment.
I have finally pulled my business into the space I'd been trying to achieve for years. To be very honest, I'm rich "on paper". I live very simply and had very limited ability to splurge until a few months ago. Business is soaring for me in terms of contracts. I'm getting some payments but I need to be careful with this money. I'm not crazy about talking about money with love partners unless they are a fiance or husband, or a live in SO. My boyfriend isn't any of this, although I love him. He found out that my company got a contract about three months ago (via searching in Google), and he doesn't believe me that this money is only available once the client company launches its program. It's a smaller project, my bigger projects have not been made public. His behavior changed after this. We've had our problems, but this is hurting me. He joked that he needed a new car and I also laughed. I picked him up for his birthday and took him to his favorite restaurant. He seemed to be having a good time but acted cold and weird the next day. Because he criticizes me a lot, I got emotional and he lost his patience. He called me manipulative and selfish. This caused an argument in which he dropped the bombshell that I led him on about buying him a car. I was astonished when he said I'm letting him eat crap because he's still driving a 2008 Ford while I can afford to help him buy a new vehicle. I said I can't get into that type of transaction and he said I'm acting like I don't care about our commitment and that I can just get the car and we can share it. I left his place feeling drenched and demoralized. Part of our issues came from his fear of commitment, so his accusations have taken me by surprise. His car works okay. I feel pressured and anxious and would like good advice about talking to him about financial boundaries without making things worse. Whenever I try to reason with him, he immediately brings up that I was paid a lump sum just recently. Whenever he starts this conversation, I tend to zone out because it doesn't make any sense and because he won't hear me out when I say the money isn't available yet and I won't use it that way. Help??!!
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, August 15, 2023
Stoped talking after a petty argument
Hi, this is my first ever Reddit post, so please bear with me. I am just looking for an outside look to see what others think, sorry if it’s all over the place, but I’m just trying to summarise everything that happened.
I was talking with this girl (f20), and I am (m20), and we instantly clicked, and our personalities and views matched. The only thing is that she came out of two toxic relationships, the most recent one being two months ago. She likes to go out, and I'm more of a stay-at-home person, but I even went out of my way to go out to places I’ve never been to make her happy because I thought I had a future with her and wanted to see her happy and try change for her.
She told me I brought out her "inner child" and she felt so happy with me and how I treated her, she felt so "loved", I never yelled at her, put her down, or did anything of the sort that I think she experienced in her last relationships.
To start things off, we didn’t have any issues at the start; we were peaceful and civil, and we established our dos and don’ts and how we both view relationships, we both agreed communication was the most important thing, and we stuck to it.
Firstly on of the main issue is that she kissed her best friend at her party (f) and hid it from me because she was scared of how I’d react, and I acted like it was fine when it wasn’t because I really did love her, saw a future with her, and was willing to put it aside and forgive her.
Secondly, she wouldn’t listen to me to remove guys off her social media (snap) who were trying to get her to come over and obviously do things with her(apparently she had a phase). She eventually did, but it took a bit for her to even acknowledge and see what I was talking about. I’m not sure if they ever did things, but the things they were asking for pointed towards it.
I then told her I didn’t want her to go clubbing because 90% of times people go clubbing for a quick hookup with no strings attached, and she was going with all her single friends. She’s not going to sit there while they are hooking up and talking to guys. She even agreed to the points I was making. We then talked about it, and we came to the conclusion that it was fine because I really did trust her (I didn't want to go because the nightlife isn't for me and I don't drink, which I did say before we started getting deeper into our relationship).
Now coming to Sunday, we had an argument that I thought we could resolve, but nope, she didn’t even want to call me to try sorting it out, she just said she was feeling tied down and didn’t want to even talk to me anymore or want to continue building a relationship with me. She also said she met my family too fast when she wanted to come over, and I even told her they would be here, and she said it was okay and she even wanted to add my sister on snap.
I just feel like I was used for comfort and fed lies to keep me from losing interest. I had to always hear about everything her exs did, and she would always mention them no matter what even if we where having a moment to ourselves. I just feel so used and dumb for falling for it because I really did like her.
If anyone reads this or responds I’ll try my best to reply to any questions. TL;DR we stoped talking over a petty argument and now looking back at everything I feel used to help her fill in the “partner” role
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, August 14, 2023
Girlfriend decided fo dump me on my birthday because of alleged cheating on my side
True that from the posts that you read from reddit, a cheater should not be let go off easily but to not trust you or believing others even before looking for facts and making assumptions on their own is a never an acceptable one.
Long story short, I(23M) was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend (23F) for 2 years and to be honest it was a good relationship as far as i can see. We did not have much fights but we would always sit and talk through whenever we have issues and resolve them. I even get along with her family and she is also the same with my family. This is what makes this post even more hurtful as I post this. I would like an unbiased opinion on this matter.
I was having my birthday two months ago and my ex-girlfriend was planning on a party for me in surprise, which makes this all even more blindsiding when it occured. I was supposed to be at my place around 7.30 in the evening as per discussions with her prior to this to have a small silent party with only me and her. When I reached home, I opened the doors to a massive number of my friends and family including her friend, her parents and my parents. I was welcomed in to the celebration and i was taken aback but rather was happy for the surprise i got. I thanked all for coming to celebrate it. When going to cake cutting celebration, my girlfriends friend opened the cake box, it took me a second for what was written on the cake. It stated "Happy Birthday Cheater" i was shocked to see it and thought this might be an elaborate prank from them. What i didn't know is that my girlfriend telling me that she knows all about my affair and that she hates me and threw the cake in my face in front of everyone. Followed by which her friend (23F) said not to contact or disturb her anymore and they left leaving me with my friends and my parents. It was such a shock that it took me a while to come back to my senses to even contemplate what had just happened.
My parents told me that they were disappointed in me for doing such a thing and said to not contact them anymore as I had embarrassed them in front of everyone. My friends who i thought would believe me also sided with her leaving me alone at my house on my birthday. I sat the whole night thinking on what happened and I kept awake till late night not knowing what to do and i eventually dozed off.
To give some context ... No, i did not cheat and I work late everyday due to my work schedule and stress from around 9 to 9 or sometimes 10 in the night.
Anyway this happened two months ago and post which i tried reching out to my girlfriend numerous times with each time she disconnecting my calls and eventually blocking me altogether. Even her parents and friends blocked me leaving me with no way to reach to her. I went to her house hoping she would listen to me and I could explain things to her and also know what happened but she threated to call the cops if I don't leave her alone. I am an egotistical person and never for one to accept things if I did not do them. I left her and did not disturb her from then on. My parents too went no contact with me after this as my parents and her parents are close friends and do not want to break their relationship because my 'stupidity'.
Anyway, coming to last week, I got a call from my ex-girlfriend saying that she wants to talk with me. I was hesitant at first but wanted to know what this was about and hopefully understand what happened before my birthday. I told her that we can meet at a coffee shop not so far from my place and hers (we live in the same city and work in same area). I was hoping to get my closure and move on from her, as this was the worst two months of my entire life and I want it to end quicker.
I met her on the said day at the coffee shop, when I went in I saw that she was there with my parents and her parents and they left me alone with her to talk. I asked her what she wants to talk about, as I said this she started crying her eyes out, saying sorry profusely and apologizing for hurting me. I was taken aback, as I thought this was another chance for her to humiliate me. I asked her what she was sorry for and why was she apologizing to me. She told me everything that culminated to my birthday. She told me that it was her friend who told her that I was having an affair and I was lying to her about working late hours when I was going out with another girl. I asked her what made her believe that i could do this. She started crying again and said that she did not believe in the beginning but started to questioning to herself that I might be having an affair and that is when, 3 months back I promised her that I would take her to a fancy dinner and at the last moment I had to bail out due to work emergency. I promised her that I would make up for it but she thought I was having an affair with one of my co-workers and who was a good friend of mine at work, whom she always thought was attractive.
I was starting to get irate at this point and asked what made her realize now after all this time, she said that she happened to run across the said coworker and when she started arguing about her being a relationship breaker made the coworker get her to understand that nothing was going between them and that I was just a good friend and even showed all the conversations between her and me right then and there. This made her realize that she was just a friend and nothing more. I asked her what she wants to do now. She said that she wants to get back with me and is sorry for everything that happened between us in the last few months. Note that my parents and hers were sitting at a table not far from us and were eagerly awaiting my response.
I looked at her and the family disappointed and told her that there is no chance for us to reconcile as this was the most hurtful thing that someone has ever done to me. As said previously, I'm a person to put all my effort into something but when someone hurts me for something i did not do in the first place, I am a person to have the worst of egos. I left the place telling her not to contact me ever again. When I was leaving my parents and hers stopped me to rethink my decision as I was being full of emotions and taking blind decisions. I spat back their words at them that they and my ex-girlfriend took blind decision not to give me a chance to explain my side of the story but decided to go NC with me without hesitation. I told them to look in the mirror before calling out on someone else on their stupidity and left the place. Now, I've been getting calls from my exgf, families, her friends and my friends that I'm being an ahole for not giving her another chance, the friends and family who did not even hesitate to cut contact with me couple of months ago. I've decided to block them all and move on.
tl;dr My girlfriend embarassed and dumped me on my birthday because she believed that I was cheating on her with a coworker.
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, August 13, 2023
Is my (19F) boyfriend (21M) inexperienced or just disinterested?
Hi Reddit, This is a bit of an extended case, so I'll try as best I can to summarise. I started dating T about four months ago, whereupon he said he admired etc etc. We've had some real ups and downs in the relationship, but I do fundamentally like him a lot, due to his intelligence and humour. Note: he has quite severe social anxiety. The issue is, is that everything we based a good relationship on is crumbling. Our metric used to be; 1)Intellectual conversation, 2)Sexual stuff and 3) Affection.
Now, we are long distance (a few hours) and so the sexual stuff was conducted over phone; pictures and words, not to be too descriptive. He was always pleasured by the descriptions and I enjoyed them well enough as well. However, it was ALWAYS me who initiated them. We met up the other night on one of our meetings and things got a little heated. I basically climbed on top of him (asking the full way, of course) and things went from there. We didn't do the act, but I serviced him. He partook a little bit.
He's been distant these past few days and I checked in with him, to make sure he felt okay about it. His reply made me a little depressed. He said he "enjoyed it in the moment " but that he was "whoah" about it afterwards. He claims he just isn't a sexual person- a low libido. This is upsetting, as I was under the assumption it was something he wanted to do, ESPECIALLY from the descriptions, where he always took a very dominant role. So to hear it was just eh to him was upsetting.
He is sexually inexperienced though and admitted porn wrecked him a lot. I offered solutions for the next time, but honestly he doesn't seem that keen to want to do it. I feel I was sold a false premise to be honest. I'm not not hugely sexual person, but you need to understand the level of lewd humour/fixations this man has. He said he'll tell me when he's ready to escalate it again- but it won't happen, I know it won't. I wouldn't have minded the low libido, if I had known beforehand. Also, in addition to the sexual side being eroded, he is a LOT less affectionate than he used to be. Most of our conversations are just discussions on world events or banter now. I don't mind those things, but I really miss the affection. He used to send me these lovely voicenotes and give me these most warm compliments. Now if I want one, I literally have to prompt.
I think I am a little insecure as a person, but honestly the lack of being 'wanted' is driving me mad. I'm an intelligent and not bad looking person, yet I have to dig for this man to take heed of me. I want to bring it up, but we keep having these conversations and he always says he's just 'inexperienced'. He has some emotional issues for sure.
Honestly, I just have to wonder; is it worth it to wait around for a man who doesn't even want to hold your hand? Who will describe a future together, but can't even bring himself to kiss me. Who won't even be kind to me now, even in the absence of the sexual component. College begins soon, and I wonder if it's worth trying to start afresh and find someone who isn't afraid to show how much they care- who always iniates contact. Any advice is appreciated. Tdlr; Boyfriend has issues with expressing physical intimacy, but he has also stopped general affection as well.
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, August 12, 2023
My boyfriend (25M) of 3 months never wants to see me (19F)
The beginning of the relationship was great we worked together, we see each other often, like i’d stay over and we’d go on dates i loved it. He even said or joked a few times about moving in (I know it’s quick) so i moved more clothes and bits in that i would use often. Then after some time, the job we worked at kinda screwed him over so he hasn’t been making money for 2, 3 months and has been quite down with himself and everything. So i decided to work my ass off so I can help him out and we can still enjoy things which he appreciates, but we also started arguing a lot like out of nowhere. It’s like these insecurities all just come out, it’s like everything was a problem from both sides. So he started asking me to go home more frequently and for longer, like before i’d decide to go home for a bit to see my mom so on, but then he started asking for a longer amount of time, but he’d ask like the day before i’m supposed to come back and as a person who doesn’t deal with change well it constantly caused arguments. After questioning it all he tells me he needs his alone time cause we’re limited to one room which i totally understand. But what threw me off was how he acted in the beginning he acted as if he was clingy and always wanted to be around me so on, but half the time when i’m never i never get a reply to messages because “he’s never on his phone”. He never calls because his “phone heats up”. I’ve asked him endless times to at least message when you’re walking the dog or going the gym because he’s been attacked many times and like to know he’s safe. Anyway we had this big argument that leaded to over a week of not seeing each other after telling me it would never be that long on the day i left. After that I came back for like 2 nights maybe 3 and went home, then when i was home after work one night he decided to tell me that now he might be getting somewhere with a job (He hasn’t got one still) that i only stay once a week and we go on a date and see each other another day. This threw me right off because it’s a big change from what it was. I recall him telling me that when he got back on his feet and got a job i wouldn’t have to go as much because we wouldn’t see each other much but then when he thought he had one he wanted to see me less. He gets angry and annoyed at me when i start to overthinking that he’s not interested or something but idk what else to think. I deal with overthinking badly as it is so this is really bad for it. Anytime i want to talk in person he doesn’t want to he’ll try end the conversation and do something else and if i try to talk over message he’ll assume i’m arguing and say “i’ll talk later” and doesn’t message for three hours. He also changes his mind often and acts like he never said it in the beginning, example when i was with him last i asked when i could next see him he asked when i was off I said Saturday he said probably Saturday then. I said i had work early Sunday morning and he also has an interview Sunday morning so he said that’s good because that help him get up (me getting up) so he said yeah Saturday then. So I thought oh he thought i was asking about staying over which i only meant seeing him but i was still happy with staying Saturday, but i didn’t want it to seem like i was pushing to stay again so soon (it was Tuesday). So I said i meant only seeing you and he said “definitely see me Saturday” so I was like cool and probably end up staying like he asked. Friday night comes i ask about staying he says no and then tells me he never said i could and that he said maybe. Which i hate to argue but he didn’t he was keen on me staying so I’d help him get up. Anyway today’s Saturday and we’re going to watch a movie, he doesn’t like to see me that long when we go out especially if it’s a movie he’ll see me like half an hour before it and then go straight after. I don’t know what to do, I feel like he’s losing interest in me or maybe seeing someone else? Any ideas? Any questions i’ll answer
TL;DR : My boyfriend never wants to see me anymore, I feel like he’s losing interest or seeing someone. He says he just needs to get back on his feet?
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, August 11, 2023
Improving myself after a breakup. First girlfriend, first everything.[20M][20F]
Hello,
Recently my girlfriend decided to break up with me, after I had threatened with a breakup for countless times, and she said that I'm the sweetest person ever, and that if we both go to therapy and work on ourselves that she'd be willing to reconnect.
I've started journaling and I took my time and wrote all of the bad things (HABITS) I have had - this was repeated behavior, not something I had done once, and I think that I were to do that if we continued dating, thus I want to learn how to fix those things in order to continue dating, or reconnect (which I'd love, but seems very unlikely).
My main takeaways:
-Whenever I felt ignored, I'd start a fight, threaten with a breakup, or try to ruin her day - because she ruined mine
-I found out that I have anxious attachment style. I had a hard time being separated from her and I was constantly overthinking everything. Leading to me being very needy, and not giving her breathing room ; I was bothering her while she was out with her friends, family, when she was on vacation etc.
-Excessive Jealousy - Whenever she'd go out with male friends, even though they were gay, I had suspicion and I disliked them for being the opposite gender.
-Hard time trusting her ; She never did something to upset my trust, but I just had a hard time because I know she's very attractive and assume she gets hit on when she goes out.
- I was lying so I could get more attention - whenever she didn't feel like going out I'd lie about being sick or feeling unwell so she would come and caress me.
-I wanted to be visibly upset so she could give me attention whenever she did something I disliked.
-Took her for granted after some time. We dated for a little more than a year and after some time, I took her for granted. I stopped making her bouquets, stopped writing her little notes, stopped giving her my origami flowers and in general, stopped surprising her.
How do I treat all of this? I want to become a decent human being and I don't want to hurt my partners. I sincerely want to work on myself and I hope you take this with little judgement as I have a hard time admitting this.
Note: I have started going to therapy recently. I go there every two weeks as it's free and I only have sessions that last about 30 minutes. Although it helps, I'd love to speed up the process. I'd love to hear advice from you guys. Thanks in advance.
tl;dr : After over a year of dating, my girlfriend and I split. I made many mistakes, formed bad habits, and need advice on how to get rid of them. I want to become a better person.
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* This article was originally published here
Thursday, August 10, 2023
My (31M) GF (30F) accused me of having an emotional affair because I shared my passion for cooking with a friend (31M)'s fiancée (32F)
I (31M) have always had a passion for cooking. I enjoy cooking for other people or even just for myself. My parents used to say that me finding a new recipe to try is like a child finding a new favorite toy.
I started cooking when I was 11 and I never stopped. My parents suggested I studied to become a chef but I refused: I want to be able to cook freely ( and it was the good decision; I studied Computer Engineering and I love my current job).
5 years ago I started dating Kate (30F). I love her and we get along quite well, except when it comes to cooking. She is an extremely picky eater. She only eats a very small set of things and only when they are cooked in a certain way. She refuses to even try anything else and some of her restrictions are nonsensical (example: She eats burgers but only those bought at the supermarket. If I buy the same meat, mince it and make the burger myself, she will immediately refuses to eat it.)
I won't say it was easy but after few months of bantering we came to an agreement: I cook for myself the way I want and she cooks for herself. Sometimes I offer to cook for her what she wants, depending on the mood of the day.
After we reached this compromise, everything went smoothly for almost 4 years.
I have a friend, Mike. We have known each other for over 25 years. He loves tasting new foods and so in the past 20 years he was my "guinea pig" when I had to try a new recipe ( he volunteers himself, I never force him). Around 1 year ago he introduced me his fiancée, Megan (32F).
Megan share the same love for cooking so, while hanging out all together, we sometimes found ourselves talking about it and sharing recipes.
I don't remember exactly how it came to that but one day Mike suggested a cooking competition between us and we agreed. It was a fun Sunday: I enjoyed cooking, Megan enjoyed cooking and Mike enjoyed the food. We decided to repeat the experience from time to time.
We started doing this "cooking night" twice a month. I invited Kate multiple times to join us but she always refused. Two days ago she changed her mind and decided to come hangout at Mike's house while we were having our contest. Everything went as always. I knew Kate wouldn't eat what we were cooking, so I prepared another dish for her.
While driving home, though, Kate was evidently irritated and she suddenly started crying. I asked her what was wrong and she accused me of having an emotional affair with Megan. I said she was wrong and tried to say something but we were already in front of our home and she stormed off and locked herself in the bedroom. She refused to talk to me for the whole day yesterday.
TL;DR : My GF accused me of having an emotional affair because I shared my passion for cooking with a friend's GF.
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* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, August 9, 2023
Girlfriend (24f) expects me (27m) to pay towards a car that I won't be able to drive?
I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and we live together in the UK and neither of us have a car. I work from home and my gf has been fine with public transport to get to work. She is starting a new job next month and was talking about getting a car to make it easier to get to work. My gf is planning to pay monthly for the car since she can't afford to pay for one upfront.
We agreed that I would go on the insurance policy with her so I can also drive the car when needed and that I would pay the extra insurance cost that comes from having me on the policy. We worked out this would be between £50-£100 a month depending on provider. My gf sat sown to talk with me last night and said she wants her first can to be just her own so she doesn't want me on her insurance policy.
She said she would still like me to pay towards the car since she won't be able to afford it otherwise. She asked if I would pay between £100-£150 a month towards the car since the costs are higher than she thought. I refused since I'm not going to pay towards a car I cannot drive, especially since I have no need for a car. She asked again and said it should be fine for me since my employer gave all staff a £120 a month pay rise so it's affordable for me.
I refused again and told her if she wants her first car to be completely her own then she should pay for it herself then. She said the car would make it much easier for her to get to her new job instead of relying on public transport but I just told her again I'm not paying towards it.
She said I was being unfair since I can afford it and that she's not asking for a lot and that I should want to help her. Does anyone have any advice on how they would handle this?
tl;dr my gf is wanting a car to get to work. Initially we were going to put me on the insurance policy and I was going to pay the extra costs of the policy but my gf said she no longer wants me on the policy since she wants the car to be just hers. She still wants me to pay towards it and got annoyed when I refused. Does anyone have any advice on how they would handle this?
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, August 8, 2023
I (22 F) broke up with my boyfriend (28 M) who made jokes about inflicting domestic/physical abuse and beating me up
Hello,
I am new to posting on reddit and I just installed the app also. I just wanted to let this whole situation off my chest. I kept crying the entire time last night and I have no one else to talk to, the situation feels very fresh for me and I don't know what is the next step to take. I wanted to go visit a guidance counselor in my school to have someone to talk to, and also maybe tell my family members, but I don't have the courage yet. So anyway, here is my story:
I(22 F) met someone on a dating app through switching my location. I'm living somewhere in the Asia and my boyfriend (28 M) is living somewhere in Europe. We've never met yet, LDR, though we have been dating online for almost a year now. (Turning 1 year next month). My dating experience has been very difficult to navigate due to our cultural differences. We're planning to meet on October but we've been breaking up then getting back together then breaking up again then getting back together. That's the cycle of our relationship.
We recently got back together after I gave him a second chance. We had this major argument and I didn't know he reactivated his account on the dating apps behind my back. When I found out about it, my friends told me this is cheating already but he kept convincing me that he only opened it and did nothing on it. So we talked and I forgave him thinking our relationship might be different the second time around.
So things are going well between the two of us, but for the past few days, I noticed he kept on making jokes about physical abuse/domestic abuse/ everything on that spectrum.
He told me,but in a joking way, when we're having a video call that
"I'll domestic abuse you" "I'll beat you up so bad" "Ill only stop making jokes about physical abuse when it stops being funny"
Things like that. I know it's a joke and I'm trying my best to not make it a big deal, but physical abuse/domestic abuse shouldn't be used as a joke. It's immature and dark. It shouldn't be normalized either. I don't know why but I'm super disgusted of his behavior. Everything was going on so well between us but it didn't really last long when he started making those kinds of jokes to me I just kinda lost my interest/will to continue the relationship also.
My bf was never the type to do that. This is the first time he did it to me. I tried calling him and asking him to apologize to me and not make those kinds of jokes again,I bombarded him with text and calls because he never responds/tells me he's busy and when he finally answered he yelled at me for being so crazy psycho gf and dramatic over that thing. He shut me down completely, avoided all my texts and calls, and told me I should feel bad for what I did.
The last thing he told me was " I don't wanna deal with you rn, ring one more time and I'll block you. I don't fucking care I can do whatever I want"
He didn't talk to me and kept ignoring me. So I broke it off because I felt like I was being punished for expressing how I feel. I didn't receive any kind of reassurance or a simple sorry if the joke had an impact on me. It was a joke I know but idk it made me very uncomfortable and terrified. I broke it off but idk if I did the right thing. I still love him very much.
Am I being too sensitive if the joke made me uncomfortable and literally what I did was ask him to say sorry to me but he got angry?
TL;DR
I broke up with my boyfriend because he has been making jokes about domestic/ abuse and beating me up and everything under that spectrum. I got uncomfortable and terrified but he got angry and annoyed when I tried to confront him about it by calling and texting him multiple times and all he did was ignore/shut me down telling me I'm crazy and psychotic.
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, August 7, 2023
Sunday, August 6, 2023
Advice for break up
Hello! Hope you are doing fine!
I had a terrible break almost 3 months ago. Meaning my girlfriend was physically violent to me. So I had to end the relationship.
At first, she had a good behavior towards me. After 3 months the behavior changed a bit. I told her that I want an exclusive relationship with her and she told me that she wanted an open relationship. Well, this kind of... "relationship" lasted 4,5 years. We lived for 10 months at the same place (different houses) and the rest from distance. During this period, she broke up with me via a phone call telling me that: I don't want to talk to you anymore. Then after 6 months she texted me asking how am I doing. Long story short we got "back together". Oh, btw, she was telling me that I am a liar, I am fearful, I am a chameleon, I do not have my own opinion, I don't have dynamism. Despite all these, she said that she stayed with me because I have other good features of character. She was often angry and I was feeling like I was walking next to eggshells, afraid of breaking them. She told me that she could love me, but not fall in love with me and even that we do not match romantically. She told me I am a narcissist.
Last time we met she told me that she wanted to be with me but I am not acting right towards her. We had a terrible fight because she thought to I was seeing other girls (I did not). She left from my home, and I went to find her. I was trying to tell her to come home to sleep, because it was cold and rainy outside. She refused and then I left after 20 minutes. Then she phone called me and said that she'd tell everyone that I abandoned her. I went back and picked her with my car. Then, in my home as I was trying to sleep she was turning the lights on and off and when I told her I will lock my bedroom door, she hit me. She told me that I should be embarrassed that a woman hit me. After she hit me with her fist, she turned around the script saying that she'd call the police and tell I hit her. Afterwards she said: Did I hurt you? Because, I do not want to feel guilty. She did not even apologize after the event. She did not regret it (she told me)
After all these she told me that she want no contact and that shed would delete me from all social media. But she didn't. Also, she phone called me once and texted me twice to see how am I doing.
Fact is, I still care about her. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks
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**TL;DR;**: Terrible break up with my ex. How should I move?
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, August 5, 2023
Feel as though boyfriend (26) is getting complacent already
I have recently begun a relationship with a man; it is not even 3 months old. He is wonderful—intelligent, loving, funny, understanding, and helpful—but I feel as though the romance has gone a bit already. He doesn’t compliment me as much as he used to, and he doesn’t plan or initiate outdoor dates unless I ask him to. In the short time we’ve been dating, I have planned maybe 80-90% of our outdoor dates. He has only ever taken me out on a romantic date completely initiated by him once, our fourth date, and it was the best date of my life. So it’s not that he can’t, and it was one activity followed by a restaurant. But it meant so much because it was the knowing that he thought about me, and I felt wanted and romanced.
My love language is words of affirmation, and when we got together he was full of compliments, and I for him, but it’s nowhere near the same now. I often find myself reading back our old messages to feel that verbal affection and romance from him again. It concerns me because we’re far from being in a “settled”, long-term relationship; we’re meant to still be in the honeymoon phase, trying to impress each other. I still put in effort to look good for him, to make him feel special, to plan dates, and to surprise him. For instance, I once surprised him by writing him a letter and placing it next to cupcakes which spelled out, ‘I appreciate you.’ I’m not asking to be whisked away to Paris for a romantic weekend; I just want to feel special, and for him to care enough to put some effort in while this relationship is still young.
That being said, he is very introverted (so am I but I like going out as long as strangers don’t talk to me). He has cooked nice meals for me many times, often brought me my favourite coffee while I was still in bed, and been there for me without fail every time I’ve been sad or stressed. He has been incredibly supportive, and he understands me more than I give him credit for sometimes. It’s not that I want to break up with him at all, far from it. I can see myself with this person for the long-term (I wouldn’t be in this otherwise), potentially forever, and we have spoken about our future multiple times. We have met each other’s families and friends, and I have seen how genuinely good he is. I have improved as a human being since knowing him... I just don’t want to be settled and domestic so soon.
The solution to this isn’t even to talk to him about it, because I have. I have communicated to him at least five times that I would appreciate it if he initiated things more, and every time he seems to listen but then nothing much changes. I have even expressed that sometimes when I’m in a more depressed, illogical state it can make me insecure and doubt his feelings for me; still, not much of a change. I am beginning to wonder if maybe he’s not as good a listener as I initially thought he was, as when I bring something to him, there is acknowledgement but little to no changed behaviour. I have tried leading by example.
It doesn’t seem like there is anything else to do; perhaps this is something I just put up with. Inevitably though, it disappoints me, and it has made me hold back more now myself, as I don’t want to keep putting as much effort in if my partner isn’t, especially after I’ve told him. I honestly just wish we had taken everything slower.
tl;dr Believe boyfriend of about 2.5 months is getting complacent in our relationship already and not planning dates without by asked. Have tried explaining how this makes me feel but to no avail. However, in every other way he is incredible
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, August 4, 2023
I know it's a bad idea. But it's exciting.
I'm no spring chicken (38f) and I just got off a breakup. No rush to meet someone, enjoying my single life, etc.
But I just started dating a guy I met at a spa. There's a common area for men and women to hang out and relax after their massages. Guy starts talking to me out of the blue and I talk back, we go to dinner, I find out he's 19.
In the back of my mind, I told myself "no", but he's nice and respectful. And he didn't flinch when I told him I'm twice his age. He's shorter than me (he's like 5'5, and I'm 5'10), thin as a rail, and wears dorky glasses.
But he makes me laugh and knows a lot of stuff. Like he can carry conversations like a man with twice the years of experience he currently has. That's really the thing that gets me. I love talking about history, culture, and all that other boring stuff. But somehow he stays on the level. And what really gets me is he acts like a lord from the 1850s (opening doors for me, standing up from the table when I stand up, holding my chair for me, that kind of shit). I'm not into that, but it's fascinating.
We've gone on 4 dates. No kissing or any type of fooling around yet (neither of us broached the subject). I didn't know society built 19 year olds this way? Or maybe I'm being scammed or something. I don't know.
Whatever it is, he makes me feel younger and excited. Perhaps I'm just in the rebound phase? I also don't want to upset him if we take this too far. I'm not stupid. Relax. I know It's a bad idea to keep going and I can already sense the comments telling me to stop it. Maybe someone can knock some sense into me. :)
TL;DR - dating a guy half my age and he's nice, respectful, and knowledgeable beyond his years. Bad idea, maybe someone can make me realize it.
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* This article was originally published here
Thursday, August 3, 2023
Boyfriend shamed me for getting drunk
I went out with a group of friends (and my boyfriend) for an event, afterwards we went to hang out more and get drinks. I had multiple events to go to and didn’t have dinner because they were hosted from 6-10 and none of them had food.
As a result, I was on a pretty empty stomach but felt comfortable because I was with my boyfriend and my friends. I didn’t realize I’d had as much to drink as I did, as we were moving around from place to place, and I got a bit drunk (as did most of my friends). My boyfriend got upset that I said I could drive home, so he stormed off and left me in the parking garage, so I had no choice but to drive myself home anyway.
I called him four times to let him know I was home and he ignored all of my calls. The next morning he still hadn’t reached out to even check on me, so I called him and he berated me, shamed me, scolded me and completely made me feel like a terrible human for getting drunk and driving myself home after he left me. He said he shouldn’t have to be responsible for me if I get drunk.
I felt confused, not because of his statement about drunk driving, but about the fact that he was scolding me for getting drunk while actively doing nothing to help me get home safe. He talked about how he has a friend who was seriously impacted by drunk driving, and I was acting like a child.
Yes, I was drunk, but not black out drunk to the point of having zero recollection of the night, he had also been drinking too and so had my friends. We were all a bit drunk by the end of the night.
I’m not upset about him pointing out drinking and driving, I’m not arguing that and I made a mistake. But I AM concerned about the fact that while he shamed me for driving drunk, he did nothing to ensure that I didn’t have to drive or that I even got home safe. He has since said that he doesn’t believe in me feeling comfortable enough with him to get drunk because it means that he is “expected” to make sure I’m okay, which is an unfair expectation of him.
I know that I am responsible for myself, but truly, I work so hard, rarely go out with friends (this was the first time I’d seen them in months), I’m not drinking everyday nor do I even get drunk every time I DO go out. He said he has had a problem with my drinking for a while and that I disrespected him by not accepting his offer to drive me home the first time and that he should not have to spend five minutes convincing a drunk person to accept a ride home and that other drunk people would have just said “okay, thank you for driving me.”
Though I can hear where he’s coming from, I feel that I am being punished for not immediately accepting his ride. If I was as drunk as he says I was, why was he expecting me to have sober decision making capabilities and WHY did he leave me alone in the middle of downtown and force me to get myself home and then not even check to make sure I was okay. I don’t need a babysitter, but I had one night of fun and felt comfortable to do so and part of that is because I thought my boyfriend would care about me enough to just make sure I was good, should anything happen, I would expect that if I were sober as well. Am I overthinking?
And side note, I am not making excuses for getting drunk and I do understand the severity of drunk driving. And if the roles were reversed, I don’t care if he said “no” to a ride home, I would have taken his keys and drove him home or gotten an Uber if I really felt like he was too inebriated to drive. I’m shocked that he doesn’t believe he should be expected to do that for me and also shocked that he has now completely bashed my character for issues that he has also never taken the time to communicate he even had with me. He said this was the third strike, but I was never updated on the first two strikes! I’m shocked and unsure of if I can actually depend on my boyfriend.
TL: dr my boyfriend left me downtown while I was drunk, after a night of hanging out with friends. He said I was stupid to drive home and should have accepted his ride and that it is not his responsibility to make sure I’m okay just because I had too much to drink
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* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, August 2, 2023
Girlfriend (24f) called me (27m) selfish for wanting to relax during our 10 days off
I have been with my gf for 3 years. The place I work closes over Christmas so everyone gets 10 days off. I have to complete exams through work and I have 3 in December. I have 3 study days a week from mid September until the week before the exam and this is alongside still doing my job the remaining 2 days of the work week. I had 2 exams last year and my stress levels got really high and by the end of it I was burnt out.
There are quite a lot of video games coming out in the autumn and winter that I'd normally buy straight away but I just won't have time to actually enjoy them so I'm planning on getting them over Christmas and playing them then. I live with my partner and for Christmas, she will be going to her parents for christmas eve and christmas day then coming home boxing day and I'll be doing the same with my parents. This gives me 7 days off. I was talking to my partner and said I'll book us a nice restaurant and cocktail bars for new years eve but apart from that I mentioned that I was thinking about us just spending the week relaxing in the apartment.
I'll have the games I want to play and my gf will have gotten games for her Nintendo switch, I'll have gotten some comic books to read and my gf will have gotten some other books to read so we'll have plenty to do. I explained that I know I'm going to be burnt out after the exams so I think a relaxing week might be nice for both of us since we rarely have time to just focus on our hobbies.
She said that's not what she wanted and she was thinking we could have a holiday for 3-4 nights. I refused and said there's no way I'm going to be up for going away when I can pretty much guarantee I'm going to be tired. I said we can possibly do a night away towards the end of the week but I want the majority to be relaxing since I'll need it. She said I was being selfish by refusing to consider her idea but I pointed out I've offered a compromise and explained why I don't want to be doing much over that week.
She just repeated that she thinks I'm being unfair and selfish by not going away for 3-4 nights since it would still leave me with 3 days to relax at home. Does anyone have any advice on how they would handle this?
tl;dr I get 10 days off work over christmas and I have 3 work related exams in December that are going to be stressful so I mentioned to my gf about using our time off to just relax and enjoy what we get for christmas etc she said no because she wants to go away for 4 nights on a holiday. I tried to compromise by offering a night away but she said I was being selfish and unfair since I'd still have 3 days to relax if we went away for 4 nights. Does anyone have any advice on how they would handle this?
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, August 1, 2023
My 26M boyfriend called me 20F fat
We’ve been arguing pretty much everyday for the past couple months he’s done with it and I’m done with it and it feels like we can never get on the same page, we break up frequently and he treats me horrible but I can’t find it in myself to leave him because of how low he’s brought my self worth. Tonight he called me fat ( I’m literally not fat I just have big boobs and a little tummy barely anything because I do work out ) he told me to “ shutup you fat b**** telling me he’s going to drag me out of the apartment by my hair if I don’t shutup I said I’m not fat while I’m balling my eyes out and he’s saying “ could’ve fooled me “. He just told me “ im tired of this negative relationship “ too and he’ll say the most hurtful things you could think of call me a “ dirty*hore” etc. I don’t know how to describe it but I feel stuck it feels like I’m losing so much more than just some random guy I’ve been with for 3 years, I’ve completely lost myself. it feels like before all of this he made me feel so protected and loved ( I didn’t have a dad growing up and the father figures I did have that my mom had around tall ended up leaving ) i don’t know if it’s related but it really feels like was healing me and also being older it’s so hard to leave him but I know I shouldn’t be with him. I have no self esteem left I’ve never felt so horrible in my life
and it feels like that was what he was planning to do all along ( it feels like at least )? in the beginning he was the perfect man but he was always talking about how I was too beautiful for him telling me he doesn’t deserve me he’d always tell me how beautiful I was etc. but overtime ( around a year) the compliments stopped and he started to say nice things like that less, and he started being horrible during our arguments. I find myself holding onto that man he was before.
I feel horrible about myself now. I’ve always been known for being beautiful and especially in high school. I didn’t believe it within myself but I know I looked good, I can’t get the things he’s said to me out of my head all my self esteem is gone and I know I need to leave him but it feels like I can’t. Please someone help me I feel so attached to this man but he’s absolutely horrible.
Tldr; my boyfriend calls me names
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* This article was originally published here
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