TLDR: My (f36) boyfriend Quinn ( M38) and I got into a heated argument because I won't buy him a new car with money I will get from a client. He's accusing me of financially lurching him and I'm upset over this. He says he's doubting my views on our romantic commitment.
I have finally pulled my business into the space I'd been trying to achieve for years. To be very honest, I'm rich "on paper". I live very simply and had very limited ability to splurge until a few months ago. Business is soaring for me in terms of contracts. I'm getting some payments but I need to be careful with this money. I'm not crazy about talking about money with love partners unless they are a fiance or husband, or a live in SO. My boyfriend isn't any of this, although I love him. He found out that my company got a contract about three months ago (via searching in Google), and he doesn't believe me that this money is only available once the client company launches its program. It's a smaller project, my bigger projects have not been made public. His behavior changed after this. We've had our problems, but this is hurting me. He joked that he needed a new car and I also laughed. I picked him up for his birthday and took him to his favorite restaurant. He seemed to be having a good time but acted cold and weird the next day. Because he criticizes me a lot, I got emotional and he lost his patience. He called me manipulative and selfish. This caused an argument in which he dropped the bombshell that I led him on about buying him a car. I was astonished when he said I'm letting him eat crap because he's still driving a 2008 Ford while I can afford to help him buy a new vehicle. I said I can't get into that type of transaction and he said I'm acting like I don't care about our commitment and that I can just get the car and we can share it. I left his place feeling drenched and demoralized. Part of our issues came from his fear of commitment, so his accusations have taken me by surprise. His car works okay. I feel pressured and anxious and would like good advice about talking to him about financial boundaries without making things worse. Whenever I try to reason with him, he immediately brings up that I was paid a lump sum just recently. Whenever he starts this conversation, I tend to zone out because it doesn't make any sense and because he won't hear me out when I say the money isn't available yet and I won't use it that way. Help??!!
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