Was I wrong for hanging out with ex despite gf's wishes?

I (25M) have a beautiful girlfriend whom I'll call Anna (22F), we've been together for over a year. I truly love Anna deeply and can envision a life with her, which is what I want to preface this with.

Around two months ago, I was out at a bar one weekend with some friends in downtown Seattle (where I live) where I unexpectedly saw my ex-girlfriend whom I'll call Zoe (25F). We got to talking, I had no ill intentions at this point, she was practically just an old friend whom I hadn't seen for like over five years (in the seven years since we broke up we'd only seen each other once, and not for long; at a mutual friend's funeral five years ago).

Some info on Zoe: we've both grown up in a town by the outskirts of Seattle. We were childhood friends, and began dating since we were 13. We were high-school sweethearts; Zoe was my first kiss, my first girlfriend, my first love- everything. When we went to college (I stayed in Seattle, she moved to Colorado for college) we broke up soon enough into our freshman years due to the long distance. We ended things amicably and on a good note, and haven't spoken since we bumped into each other at that bar.

After hanging out, we exchanged numbers and decided to keep in contact. Zoe and I have been texting regularly these past couple months, everything has been strictly platonic between us.

I have told Anna about this, and how she felt; she stated that she wasn't sure why I had to keep in contact with Zoe now, especially after all these years, but that she trusted me. And that she wouldn't like the idea of us hanging out alone.

Yesterday, it was the fifth year anniversary of the death of one of mine and Zoe's mutual friends, whom we'd known since high school. The friend's family and a bunch of our mutual friends and classmates gathered together in her honour, at her grave and then by the lake we used to hangout together; we all caught up and just talked about our memories of her. It was a nice and nostalgic but pretty emotional day.

After everyone left the lake by dark once it was time to go home, Zoe asked if I wanted to get a drink. I agreed, we went to a bar alone and did just that. Only that. Talked, caught up, and got a little drunk. For a fair bit of that time we were talking about the memories of our passed friend.

I got home late that night, around 2am, to my angry girlfriend. I'd only just realised I had three missed calls and a bunch of missed texts from her, since I had told her before I'd be home by around 10pm after the gathering by the lake. She asked where I'd been, that I was meant to be home ages ago; and I told her the truth: the gathering, and I went for drinks at a bar with Zoe and lost track of time and wasn't on my phone. Anna was furious, we had a massive fight and haven't spoken.

TL;DR Hung out alone with ex despite gf's request. Am I in the wrong? It was all platonic.

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I’m jealous of my wife for playing GTA RP with a romance story in it. How do I deal with it?

My wife and I (both 24) are both gamers and we play a variety of video games. Recently we came across a GTA RP server in which we both got “hired” as officers in the LSPD. Everything was fine, until she mentioned that she’s doing a kind of romance story with a guy from LSPD. As a person that did experience some really shit relationships in the past, I cannot get over a feeling of being kind of cheated on and it wrecks my head.

I cannot say that she’s not giving me attention, because she is, and seeing how this RP romance is getting into my head, she constantly talks that I’m the only one she loves, that she’s not going anywhere, and she’s mine.

The big issue I have with this is that in my mind, this scenario of romance roleplay lights up the same feelings of jealousy, sadness, heck, I could say I’m depressed because of it. I completely understand the concept of Role Play, and that she’s just playing a flirtatious character (related to a streamer that we both watch on Twitch).

I also play GTA RP but the concept of “going on a date” or even S*X RP for me is a really difficult area for me. I can talk to a girl in RP, but as soon as I’d see that they are thinking of getting a romance story role play with my character, I feel guilty, as if I was cheating on my wife. That’s why I keep this kind of stuff as far as possible. I’m chill with planning stories, heists, etc, but the romance aspect just scares me.

I’ve been really depressed since it started with the romance story, and I know that it’s completely irrational. I’ve stopped playing RP for this reason as well.

Another thing is that I work a standard 8am - 4PM/5PM jobs, so I do end up going to bed around 11PM, but it’s time when the most people are on RP and I’m feeling really shit, falling asleep by myself.

Is there anyone who’s had a similar experience, or who can open my eyes on the subject of not having to worry about rp stupid romance story? I really need it.

TL;DR My wife is playing a romance story in GTA RP and I’m jealous of it. What do I do?

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* This article was originally published here

Relationship Guru Esther Perel's 7 Ideas for Keeping Calm and Staying Inspired - Inc.

Relationship Guru Esther Perel's 7 Ideas for Keeping Calm and Staying Inspired  Inc.

* This article was originally published here

I (23F) am not sure I want to live with my boyfriend (24M) anymore after we’ve signed a lease

I (23F) just signed a lease with my boyfriend of 10 months (24M) to move to a new city together and am getting major cold feet. Background: I broke up with my ex of 2 years ~10 months ago at the advice of my current boyfriend and another friend, and almost immediately started dating my current boyfriend (I did not break up with my ex for my current boyfriend & had no feelings for him prior to the breakup). I am now realizing I likely got into this relationship to cope with the breakup and have just started grieving my ex, who I still feel very strongly for. I know I did several things wrong to both parties and am not looking for judgement, just advice. My current partner is relying on me financially for this move, and we’ve ended our lease at our current apartment and have also gotten jobs lined up. There would be no way for me to have a conversation about ending our relationship without significantly impacting him financially, which I would like to avoid doing — however, if I continue feeling like this, I don’t want to lead him on or stay in a relationship with him where we’re not on the same page because he doesn’t deserve that. I genuinely don’t know what to do that’s respectful to both him and myself. Any advice is appreciated.

TLDR; Planning a major move with my bf, only to start to feel like this relationship isn’t right for me at this time in life after plans have been made that will impact us financially.

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Hel regarding my "best" friend

We've known each other for six years now. She (22f) left her discord open where she talks with her situationship and I (23f) found out she badmouths me, saying things about me being ugly and trans, even though I didn't want her to out me like that to a stranger, and I was wondering how should I approach this whole thing, since in theory I shouldn't have seen all of that but at the same time I cant forget all of it.

Tldr; saw discord chat where I was being bad mouthed and I don't know how to approach this.

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My girlfriend (19F) cheated on me (18M) with her abusive ex (18M)

In November 2023, my girlfriend slept with her ex. This man is mentally and physically abusive to her. He would beat her while they were dating, and when they broke up, he would threaten to harm himself if she stopped talking to him. Sometime in November he pushed her to sleep with him, and she was scared to say no. I believe her fear because I know how this guy is. He is very manipulative. After this occurred, she cut him off shortly after. Since December 2023 I’ve noticed she’s been incredibly happy. Before this she was very depressed and had lots of mental problems, and our relationship suffered a lot at the time because of it. She’s been incredible these past months, we’ve had no problems, and her mental health has been significantly better. I only learned about what happened yesterday (April 2024). She proved to me that they weren’t in contact, showed that their last texts were from December, and that he’s blocked. I don’t know how to feel now, because on one hand I feel like she cheated. I feel sick thinking about what happened. On the other hand, this man is abusive and I know she was terrified of him. What do I do?

tl:dr her abusive ex threatened to hurt her if she didn’t sleep with him. She did, and cut him off shortly after. I only discovered this recently and don’t know how to feel

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I may of rushed into Marriage from a LDR

I apologize ahead of time for my writing skills and ranting.

I (32)M got married in December to my Wife (30F) and I just slept on the couch again. She's mad at me this time because my gluten allergy is very inconvenient for her when packing lunches for my work. A lot of little things set her off and it can ruin our day or week depending on how upset she is. I don't think she really loves me for me, but says she does and I'm struggling myself with the love. I've always felt I have sacrificed a lot more than her for this relationship. I feel unappreciated and hurt a lot. Which we've argued over before.

Our relationship started by matching on OkCupid back in Jan 2022. I was talking to a few women at the time irl, but I eventually found out she was from the Philippines. Her humble, hard working nature as a catholic school teacher inspired me. Yet, her mental instability at times scared me. Yet, she was a lot more sane than the usual girls that were around me. When I said I didn't want to talk to her anymore due to the distance and her mental state.(Mind you I only knew her for less than a month at this point) She threatened to kill herself and stalked me on my social medias when i blocked her. She never really dated before me and I thought maybe I was being too hard on her. I asked her out the same night like an idiot.

I was in a 7 year on and off relationship before this and tend to fall for controlling people like my parents were. I was raised by my mom to basically be the dad/caregiver of my severely autistic and brain damaged brother. Which leads me to care and serve those less fortunate than me. Even if it almost kills me or destroys my mental state. So I had to leave behind my brother and my ex to survive. Which leaving my brother behind haunts me and she can't really understand that.

Anyways, I visited her twice in May of 2022 and 2023. It was so beautiful there, and we had so much more fun in person than LDR. The first time seeing her and meeting her family almost brings tears to my eyes thinking about it because it was so unreal. I was on the other side of the planet with her and learning so much about a different culture. I proposed to her while island hopping because i felt pressured to be a man from my peers and that our love would grow more in time. We started our K1 visa in June 2022 and the soonest she could arrive was October 25th 2023. During the LDR parts there was a lot of jealousy issues from her end even though I was loyal throughout and she hated asking for money, but sometimes she would only have enough to eat rice once a day. I moved up in my job so I could afford to help her be happy and eventually fly her over. We almost broke up a couple times during the LDR period. I told her i may not be able to afford to come over May 2023 and she was really hurt. She began calling and yelling that I was a Weak Man for saying that and stopped talking to me for a few days. Of course we got back together and I worked overtime to fly over again.

Now, we've been fighting on and off since she arrived. She made me wait until marriage to have sex due to her being virgin. She would say we'd have sex on each visit and night of our marriage, but we never did. Not until a few weeks after our marriage. The sex became really good eventually, but i still felt alone in the relationship. Meanwhile my job was killing me, I'm the sole provider and she can't seem happy unless we're spending money. I really do care for her a lot, but our maturity levels are different. Despite her work, she acts childish which is something her dad warned me about. (For example, I asked her to grab some wires with her fingers through a tv stand hole. I walk away and come back. Shes using scissors to grip the wires. I ran over and stopped her...) Anyway, everyone has been happy for me and mention how beautiful/gorgeous she is. Yet, they don't know what happens behind closed doors. We do have great days playing games and shopping, but I feel stressed, depressed and had to get therapy to survive work and this marriage.

TL;DR: Rushed into Marriage with someone from the Philippines where the relationship has always been rocky for various reasons.

I feel like I wanted to achieve American dream too fast, and rushed the wife, the house and possibly kids in the future. Should we part ways, so I don't waste her years to have kids or is there something I can do to fix this?

Thank you for the help

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Does the man I'm dating have commitment issues? F24 and M27

Does he have commitment issues? M27 and F24

I'll give a brief timeline.

Met him 31st March 2024 at a Festival. He approached me and we started to talk. Stayed for 2 hours talking. exchanged numbers.

He called the following day and we arranged our first date on for Thursday 4th April. Went out to dinner and had a great time.

Called me Saturday 6th April and asked to go out with me that day. Date lasted 12 hours had the most amazing time.

Monday 8th April rocks up at my work just to say hello. We also went out on a date that evening and had a fantastic time.

Saw each other again on Wednesday 10th April. Had a fantastic time. Super affectionate and complimentary. And told me he really really likes me about 10 times.

Saw each other again on Thursday 11th April and again another fantastic time. Super affectionate and even said he can't wait to marry me.

Called me Saturday 13th April in the morning sounded a little different and said he hasn't really spent anytime with his family this week and needs to spend time with them.

Called me Sunday night on the 14th April and asked if he could see me. I had visitors over so told him I couldn't.

Monday 15th April called and asked if he could see me after work. I said ok. He was pretty distant. and said we will see each other sometime this week.

I could sense a change in behaviour. He was no longer planning dates but instead would want to meet me on a whim and expect me to be available.

He asked to see me again on Wednesday 17th April after work. We met up and I had a talk with him about where this relationship was going. I told him what my expectations are among those being that if he wanted to pursue this relationship I would like him to plan proper dates that included the weekend. He was very receptive and we actually discussed what he wanted from each other for a couple of hours.

Next day Thursday 18th April I don't hear from him all day. He calls me at night and tells me he is feeling numb and overwhelmed. I said to him that he is obviously confused and its best that he takes some time to think about what he wants.

This morning he calls me and says he is near my work and asks if I have time to grab a coffee with him. I told him no that I was busy. I'm so confused with this guy. He went from being the most amazing self assured guy to someone who doesn't know what he wants.

I was never the initiator in the relationship. He would always call me and text first. I never called or texted first. During our dates he would just stare at me with the widest grin on his face to the point where I had to look away. He would refuse to sit opposite me at the restaurant and only want to sit next to me. He would not let go of my hand the entire date. He would hug me and not let go for 5 minutes straight. He was so into me and now he suddenly is numb. I don't get it. I'm just so glad I didn't sleep with him then I really would have felt even more like shit.

Does this guy have commitment issues? Because I feel he has one foot in the door and the other out. I really like him but I don't want to waste my time on someone who is going to be hot and cold all the time.

TL;DR - should I just end it now and save myself future heartache?

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Husband caught cheating.. this time we have a child together.

My husband cheated and tried to justify it..

At a HUGE loss. Any advice or uplifting words would be much appreciated..

Long story short as I'm dead inside writing this. Once a cheater always a cheater. I keep giving him chances as i did love him. Love is blind. I'm an idiot. Cheated before marriage. Still married him thinking he changed. Even agreed to an open lifestyle to help those urges, spice up our love life... Caught him cheating during an unplanned pregnancy (only found dating site emails), forgave him for our "little family" sake. Been going well until I found out yesterday by photo and multuple videos of partners he has been cheating basically our whole marriage. Married 2018/started from whag the evidence shows back in 2021

Again, idiot, stay at home mom no income coming in. Made an appt with STD clinic and lawyer.. honestly just dead inside while trying to stay strong on outside for our little one. Just getting this off my chest really and any advice to go forward.. don't want to tell my family in case we work through things?

I'm so fucking scared this is happening now that we have a little one.. marriage was so important to me so that's my excuse for sticking it out.. through thick and thin. Again... IDIOT. The guy I loved died two days ago 4/16 it feels... I'm grieving someone living.. I don't even know who he is or what he is capable of

He hasn't really done or said anything but I want you to keep the house for you and the baby. He's tried sleeping in his truck but I told him we need to be cordial and to sleep on the couch..

Lengthy Update 4/18 I had to initiate conversation.. but he basically said he hasn't done or said anything like he's done in the past because he doesn't feel he deserves any more chances. He's shamed to look or even be speaking to me. If I want he can go figure it out or if I want to go he understands.. things got heated at the end where I said if he wasn't the father of my child I'd want him to off himself which wasn't right where he then proceeds to say "this happened because you didn't leave me alone when I tried to break up with you before.." which yes we had problems but it was a mutual agreement to work through things.. he also said where's my passport and tried to grab it where I stopped him saying you're going to leave your son?! Like that?! Our baby woke up and we didn't and won't argue in front of our little one. He grabbed our baby hugged him then looked at me and told me he wants to be with me and him. He wants his family. That stuff happened in the past.. he's ashamed for what's he done. He just knows a relationship can't be built off trust... I said so you're saying your not willing to try and build it again? How'd this be me fighting for it.. he said yeah but we both know I don't deserve anymore chances.

Small part of me doesn't want to give up our marriage.. maybe therapy would help? ..I hate myself for not just throwing his shit out and saying good riddance

TL;DR My husband got caught cheating again..want to keep our family together but it seems like our whole marriage was a sham.

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Online friend is stuck in life and bringing me down

Tldr; long time online friend is stuck in life and I can’t help him, at the same time he’s basically holding me hostage in this friendship and I don’t know what to do anymore

I met this friend in an online RTS game when we were around 15 and for many years I was happy to have him as my online friend.

But lately we have crossed paths - I have a job, hobbies, friends, and he is just stuck in life.

He’s 33, never had a job, despite him being a coding genius and always having some personal projects at home. The thought of looking for a job is like giving him trauma and his father is still sending him money.

He lives alone, has no friends IRL and often claims that I am now his only friend. He gets needy and often demands attention when I don’t check messages on Discord for days like a sad pup.

I tried helping him for years to just finish a CV and start looking for work, I got him a few freelancing gigs and he made some small money, but he’s got literally no personal initiative while at the same time dreams of owning a business. Honestly I think he doesn’t want to be employed because he can’t bear the real life of working night and day which is a norm in his country despite laws against it.

By this time, every time he talks to me it makes me feel weaker. Like I can’t help him and like there’s a problem to be solved that I can’t touch anymore. Nothing worked, he’s still squandering his life away alone in his room, broke and spending time on useless bs and video games.

I want to do better in life. I can’t continue pretending like everything’s okay and we’re gonna experiment with open source AI libraries for fun while he’s broke and miserable.

At this point I am sometimes ignoring his messages. I just cannot anymore… it drains me. It makes me feel tired and weak chatting to him already.

At the same time he tells me how I’m his only friend and how he doesn’t know what he’d do without me cause he gets depression and anxiety and he likes talking to me. That is guilt tripping me and I feel responsible for him although I shouldn’t. He won’t go to therapy because he believes in his country no psychologist would take him seriously.

What can I do? I want to be happy and build a better life and his mentality is contageous and is dragging me down as well. Whenever I have fun or have a good thing to share he keeps comparing us and how I’m so great and how he’s so miserable and cannot do or have what I have. It’s making me feel miserable about the good stuff.

I can’t be his parent. I can’t think about his career and his projects or his bank account. I can’t have his mental wellbeing as weight on my shoulders or whether he will fail in life or not, or feel guilty when he is lonely because he has no friends, and I struggle making conversation with such a huge elephant in the room. Whenever I bring it up it’s like he’s on the verge of a panic attack.

Sometimes he plays victim like there’s no solutions for him but all he does is sees problems and no opportunities - he makes me feel like he would be suicidal if I stop talking to him.

What do I do?

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If you use these 4 phrases regularly, you're more likely to form healthy relationships than most, says psychologist - NBC Southern California

If you use these 4 phrases regularly, you're more likely to form healthy relationships than most, says psychologist  NBC Southern California

* This article was originally published here

I (26f) kinda want to break up with my boyfriend (30m) but I don’t want to lose my benefits

i understand that my bf is not insurance.

my bf helps me out a lot. he likes to provide. he likes to give me things that he thinks would be good for my apartment. he likes to surprise me with bubble baths even though i could care less for a bubble bath. he likes to book helicopter rides because he wants to be cutesy and romantic and that’s his thing. but i’m not cutesy or romantic.

i like a lot of things he does for me though. cooks me food, picks up my meds, gives me money sometimes, cleans my house, organizes my closets.

i know i sound like i’m just using him. but i feel like it’s more of an exchange thing going on. i wash his underwear and have sex with him. if he says can we move the bed against the wall instead of the middle of the room, i do it. and he doesn’t even live with me. when i go grocery shopping, i buy things that i know he likes.

but he is such a douche. when he was trying to surprise me with the romantic bubble bath, he asked me where the candle we didn’t use yet was. i said i forgot where i put it. i asked him if he could just use the one we already used because it still had lots of wax left. he got a kinda aggressive tone with me and said no where is the new candle. i said idk. then he woke me up from my sleep and told me to come take the bubble bath with him. it was pretty. he put vines along the tub and on the shower pole. he turned off the lights and had both candles lit. he had a nice soothing playlist. and i said wowww this is nice just to be kind . and i told him to make sure he took a picture of it once we got out of the tub.

well i guess that he didn’t like that i only spent 10 minutes in the tub with him because i don’t really like baths and i was getting too hot. then he took everything down and starting taking a shower and i said bae did u take a pic before u took everything down and he said nah maybe next time. so that pissed me off.

some other fucked up shit that he does is stick his penis in me without a condom.he put his penis in me with no condom while i was in the laundry room. i told him i don’t wanna have unprotected sex. he also is controlling. and he’s stupid. he said “do u really not want me to cum in you?” like it was a shock to him. i said do you really want to cum in me because it’s all fun and games and it not thinking about the repercussions at all? i’m not a birth control or anything. him doing that really makes me angry. i don’t think i can get over that.

but if i lose him i lose my benefits. i lose fun times. i lose cooking together. i lose the parts that i like. and i’m not trying to go back on the dating apps and start again for the 100th time. even though we’ve only known each other for less than 2 months. so i’m conflicted. i did block him today but i unblocked him after thinking about all the things he does for me.

tl;dr: wanna break up with my bf but don’t wanna lose the good tomes

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How do I get over my girlfriend not being a virgin?

I (18 M) started to talking to this girl (18) for a while now and honestly things are perfect. Just amazing. She's super funny, and chill and... she's just great. We're not dating yet as we both talked about it and decided to take it slow.

So now we were talking and the conversation of virginity came up. To get straight to the point, she' not and I am. I handled it well. Didn't make her feel bad or anything. I have been in a few relationships but I guess this is a new one for me? Look I get it... people have pasts. I'm truly not judging. It was before my time. But why do I feel weird about it? Like this feeling genuinely sucks.

Am I planning on breaking up with her?

No! Definitely not.

But I can't get rid of this feeling. And I don't want to look at her a different way but I'm starting to feel the way I see her chnage. And I don't want to close with feeling off. Done it before. Not it.

So how can I get over this? This is just a little phase right? My little ego being shattered? I just don't want to keep going like this while talking to this amazing girl. I feel childish and immature. I've built myself up from a previous relationship that was just toxic. But now I feel all that progress of me growing up is gone.

Any advice on how to get over this? Some tough/brutal words? A Swift kick in the ass or a nice slap to get my damn head on straight? Because I'm not going to end things just cause of that. I need to make this work. I really like her :(

Thank you!

**TL;DR: Found out the girl I'm talking to has already had sex. I'm not going to break up with her over that but I feel hella weird about it and need some words/advice on how to deal with it. Not willing to lose her because she's not a virgin and I am.

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Another gay breakup story

Another gay breakup story .

My boyfriend left me because he found out i had a gay Facebook account .

Me ( 26 Y ) and my boyfriend ( 26 Y ) have been together for like 9 months , everything was so perfect till i started my residency and became extremely busy , i might be working 60 h continually , ofcourse our meetings have been reduced , our texts , our calls and everything . Even when we meet i - involuntary - fall asleep while talking to him . We fought a lot cause he felt i was withdrawing myself on purpose , i truly wasn’t . Back then at the beginning of our dating we agreed to be exclusive and delete every gay accounts anywhere . We both agreed and i had this stupid Gay Facebook account which i used to look at shirtless guys and wank , never met anybody over it . I opened that account again when we used to fight a lot cause i needed to masturbate , he knows my phone password and found out this account and left me , got over me in no time and started to see other people . I never cheated on him , in fact i even stayed like 5 months after we broke up can’t have sex with other men cause it felt wrong and i felt my body is still his . I started to move on but i can’t help feeling it was my fault ( and it really was ) but also can’t help feeling this stupid account was an excuse for him to leave cause he couldn’t handle he wasn’t the priority during my residency . TL;DR;: my boyfriend left cause he found out i have gay account though i didn’t cheat on him

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Me (25F) feeling hurt and confused by partners lack of replying. Relationship just under a year long. Am I being unreasonable? If so could someone enlighten me on the behaviour

TL;DR Hey folks, I feel rather silly about this but don’t know where else to turn for advice.

My partner won’t reply to my messages for 3-9+ hours even though he will go online regularly during that time (via messenger). At points I will be left on read for hours as well. He also hardly ever calls me but will speak to other people in his life regularly if not daily on the phone.

I understand when he is busy or working, but over the past few it has become a regular occurrence (even when he has had weeks off work). It makes me feel as if there is a lack of interest in me and that I’m not a priority. I have found that it also makes me anxious as I sit and wonder why he would actively communicate with others but not me.

Personally I wouldn’t not reply to his messages if I were online as I care about him and like hearing off him. Maybe I shouldn’t be adding my own meaning to his behaviour but I honestly don’t understand why someone would do this to their so.

I have mentioned it to him and he says “he is working” but the behaviour carries on out of work hours as well as his time off.

Any advice or insight on this behaviour would be massively appreciated. Also if I’m in the wrong and need to correct my own take on contact etc please let me know. Many thanks from a stressed little human.

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This daily habit all couples do could be killing your relationship, says expert - but the advice has proved to be ... - goodtoknow

This daily habit all couples do could be killing your relationship, says expert - but the advice has proved to be ...  goodtoknow

* This article was originally published here

I (M18) am thinking about asking out (F18). It is going to be the first time in a relationship for both of us. Should I ask her out or should we stay friends?

TL;DR: I am making this post to assess whether I should even try to ask her out. Some might say I lack confidence or "the worst she can say is no," but I'm worried about the friendship we have if she says no. I do not want to be friendzoned, so I'm wondering if I should just stay in the friendzone.

I am a junior in high school (I was held back in Kindergarten b/c of my autism) and she is a senior. We've been friends for about 5 months now and I have acquired feelings for her. I think she's smart, kind, funny, and very beautiful. We've been texting with varying degrees of frequency, but when she does text me she seems engaged and entertained. She often laughs at the humorous things I say or do so that gives me some hope. Her intelligence stands out to me. The number one thing that attracts me to a girl is intelligence. I just see a "light bulb over their head". She is someone who I can engage in political/moral conversation with and not lose their temper. I don't know for sure but she seems like the type to disapprove of casual/rash sexual behavior. She has never had a boyfriend (she's straight) and she is a virgin. This is important to me because I'm a Christian and I don't believe in premarital sex, and I think she would respect that based on the conversations I've had with her. I think a lot of her morals align with mine and I think she's intelligent enough to understand where our differences come from. I was also able to compliment her hair without getting an awkward response.

Here is what makes me lose confidence. Firstly, she hasn't been texting me recently. I told her about my spring break but she never got it because she closed the DM's. That hurt my feelings quite a bit. She also stopped sitting beside me in class. It was so weird. Maybe it was to get closer to her friend but when the teacher moved the tables around, she stopped sitting next to me. She also never mentions me among her friends. She has told her parents about me and she does consider me outside of school but I am definitely not one of her close friends. She's black and I'm white. Although she doesn't seem like the type to be into white men, I think she's incredibly beautiful. I mean, REALLY beautiful. She told me she doesn't even wear makeup and I couldn't believe it. I love the way she does the braids in her hair and I like how she dresses. I have had a struggle with terrible acne my whole life and it shows up more apparently because of my complexion. I am definitely not the best-looking guy. I've never asked for ratings but if I were to rate myself it would be a 2.5/10. Another thing is that I don't see ambition in her. The second thing that attracts me to girls is ambition; the drive to get work done; a sense of duty to the world. She is very present-minded and just wants to "get by." This is unattractive and concerning for me. I have some huge goals in my life (I want to change the world for good) but I don't know if she would be supportive. I already asked her if she wanted to join a friend club I made (it's NOT a fraternity) where me and my friends hang out, but also start businesses to raise money so we can do community projects and help the poor. She said no, and laughed at the idea. She didn't say "good idea" or "that's great" or anything along those lines like I hoped she would. I started talking about it in class again and she laughed. I completely understood why she said no. It's a big time investment for her, especially considering she works and doesn't fully understand the club. However, I would have liked a little more respect. I have also taken some sort of a vow of poverty. I am a firm believer that material things aren't givers of happiness, but rather your fulfillment in life upon achieving your goals and the joy of shared experiences with friends, family, and partners. I doubt that she would like that. I couldn't give you evidence beyond the fact that she spent $25 on a small vial of lip gloss. I think that's enough said. Finally, the biggest thing, we're going to different colleges. I don't think there's much more to be said here. Is it really worth my time? One of my friends said yes, the other said no, and the last one was neutral. I need your help.

I kindly request that you be nice to me because I was flamed/bullied off of my other Reddit account for posting on here because I knew nothing about dating.

Btw: My autism was more apparent in my childhood, but it is not major and it doesn't negatively affect how I interact with people. No one knows I have autism until I tell them. I never make my autism an excuse for anything, I always say I have to do the best with what I have and not complain. Also, please do not make fun of my Christian or traditional beliefs like others have. I know they are uncommon and "uncool" now, but I haven't judged anyone for thinking otherwise.

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Do you think 3 weeks of alone time is reasonable? I’m 24F and my partner for 2 years is 24M

I (24F) and my partner (24M) have been together for 2 years. We don’t live together but we usually see each other every weekend. Sometimes I stay in his place from Saturday to Sunday and sometimes he stays in my place from Friday to Saturday. We call each other every night after work.

Lately I want some alone time because I just want to rest and I miss doing things/going to different places on my own. I want to be alone for about 3 weeks.

He never really asks for alone time but whenever I want some time on my own, it’s usually just 1 week max and he’s fine with it.

Tldr: Before I tell him about this, do you think 3 weeks is reasonable considering we only see each other every weekend?

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RBC fires female CFO Nadine Ahn over secret relationship with employee who received promotions and bigger pay - MSN

RBC fires female CFO Nadine Ahn over secret relationship with employee who received promotions and bigger pay  MSN

* This article was originally published here

Biden's response to Netanyahu means the US-Israeli relationship has changed for good - MSN

Biden's response to Netanyahu means the US-Israeli relationship has changed for good  MSN

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Houston leads Texas cities for open-relationships, threesomes - Houston Chronicle

Houston leads Texas cities for open-relationships, threesomes  Houston Chronicle

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My gf 18F wants to break up due to my 19M Company’s Industry

I 19M and my gf 18F have been dating just over a year and during this time I have set up a Nightclub events management company with a few of my friends. We are in Ibiza this season delivering events and she already don't like the fact that l'm out there as she thinks it's for 'single people only' and she don't know if she trusts me enough.

I told her the plan was to go out next summer and continuously go out there to continue the business growth and she said we may as well break up now. She would come out but she doesn't want to put her career on hold for me and I don't expect her to, and she doesn't want to come out as she doesn't like/trust my friends I'm going out there with.

Any suggestions to what I can do/say? Or is it one of them things where I’m helpless.

TL;DR Girlfriend wants to end things as I'm going to Ibiza for the season with my business and she don't think she can handle me going out there every season.

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Is me (19F) asking for updates and being uncomfortable with certain people my gf’s (19F) with unhealthy?

Me (19F) and my gf (19F) have already been together for a year and a half, but we’ve only recently became LDR because I had to move places. I’m quite an overthinker, which I do know is unhealthy when isn’t controlled. Because of this I prefer for my gf to tell me where she’s going and who she’s with when she’s out and about. She’s also a very social person with big groups of friends and loves to hang out with each other through drinking while I’m quite the opposite.

However, most of the time she only tells me when she’s already going home, meaning there were no updates the entire time she was there. I communicated this to her, and told her that I would appreciate it if she could at least update me, but she told me that she doesn’t like updating every single thing to me all the time.

Another thing is that I’m uncomfortable with some people she’s friends with because they had a (romantic) past together. Not offical girlfriends or anything, more like flings but still. But those things were far in the past already, and these people had been her friends for a long time, even before I came into the picture. She wants to hang with them but I can’t help feeling uncomfortable.

We get into constant fights about these things because she said that she feels uncomfortable with me acting that way, although I only see my actions as asking her to be considerate of my feelings. I genuinely want to know if my actions are already crossing the line of being controlling, immature and unhealthy? I don’t know if it’s me who’s in the wrong or not

I would appreciate to receive honest answers, doesn’t matter if y’all need to say that it’s me who’s in the wrong, and also some advice on how I can bring this issue up to her again

TLDR: Is me asking for constant updates and asking her to consider my feelings before hanging out with people I’m uncomfortable with being immature

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Help! Cheating 53m on girlfriend 50f with me.

Long story shortened… I’ve 50f been separated from my husband 50m for four years. We had an agreement to separate, but stay in one household for the kids. We were allowed to date. I was not looking but of course that’s when it hits… I found someone. But not just someone, definitely my soulmate. He was also separated at the time. He was eager to move forward together and finalized his divorce right away. While I loved him, I wasn’t ready to finalize my divorce because of my kids. So we were on and off for three years. I finally felt ready this summer and of course at that exact time, he met another woman. They started dating and he kept saying as soon as I was in the divorce process he’d be there for me. We continued our relationship but the other woman didn’t know. And still doesn’t six months later. He said she was a Plus One for holiday parties, etc, but that was it. Well, his feelings grew and now he’s choosing her over me. I want her to know that he’s been lying and cheating on her, but I don’t want to be the one to reveal it. I have messages, cards, etc but how do I do this without her “shooting the messenger”. Anonymously won’t work bc it will be obvious it’s me based on all the texts. Any ideas? And no judgment please.
TL;DR my love got tired of waiting for me to get divorced and started dating someone I know. Yet he hasn’t cut things off with me. How do I tell her?

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Is it valid for me [25F] to want a stay at a hotel from my boyfriend [21M], because he did it for one-night-stands?

Yesterday I [25F] found out that my boyfriend [21M] of four months had paid for a night at a hotel with a girl he never did anything again with, and that he used to do it before we met. He never did it for me, and that makes me upset. He says he loves me, and that when he is in a relationship, he splits everything (which I have no problem with). To me, the issue is that I never got any sort of special treatment, but a one-night-stand got it. It makes me feel « less than ».

I tried to tell him this, but I could instantly tell he did not want to do it. He said yes initially, so I asked him more questions about why this change of heart. The conversation devolved into whether he did anything for me (nothing that wasn’t reciprocated, which is fine), and now he says he does not want to do it.

Am I invalid here? I know it sucks now that I had to ask, but it really is a dealbreaker for me, no matter my high opinion of him or the feelings I have for him.

TLDR: I feel disgusted by the fact that my boyfriend will pay for one-night-stands, but not for me. Is that valid ?

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Love Island's Kai Fagan and Sanam Harrinanan prioritise relationship over fame - Yahoo Movies UK

Love Island's Kai Fagan and Sanam Harrinanan prioritise relationship over fame  Yahoo Movies UK

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Sister has admitted to liking the guy who now likes me

My sister (24F) and I (27F) are really closed, we work together an have similar friend groups. I’ve recently gotten out of a long term relationship that I had physically and mentally left months prior. This last week at work I was told by a male co worker that his friend thinks I’m attractive and would like to get to know me but it to shy to make the fist move so k was just feeling out if I would be interested ( his friend wasn’t aware he was telling me this). I left it open and admitted I was attracted to him but didn’t know him enough to really tell at this time as we hadn’t had many conversations but was open to get to know him. A lot of fellow co workers heard about this and were talking about it, which eventually got around to my sister. My sister had admitted to me in the past she thought he was attractive, had good quality’s an would make a great boyfriend but never admitted to me that she liked him or anything serious like that. I figured she may have had a crush but a lot of the girls on the crew did for him plus she would talk to me about other guys she liked so didn’t think much of it. Once she found out about this she confronted me and asked about it. I was honest with her and she then admitted her feelings for him, saying she’s been trying to get to know him ( even during the time I was still with my ex) and had a couple of times messaged as friends about work and life. She knew it was a friends level but was hoping to eventually progress. So she was kind of hurt his feelings were expressed for me. Now, she’s known him longer and obviously gotten to know him more but he’s got feelings for me( he has yet to do anything about it though). I told my sister I would back off and let it play out for her but I feel after her knowing him for 6 months and nothing has happened it may not for her an I’ll loose my chance. I love my sister an she will always come first in this situation but I can’t help but feel a little let down that I have to step back when it’s me he’s interested in but I also understand my sister’s situation. What should I do, and how should I deal with it if the guys asked me out. I don’t want to hurt my sister an I don’t know this guy as well as her but he’s definitely the type of guy I would get to know typically

TLDR; Sister likes the same guy that likes me. She knows him more and has spent more time with him but feels havnt been shared with him or reciprocated so far. A male co worker shared with me that this certain guy likes me but is to shy to confront me straight away about it. My sister heard about this an told me she felt hurt an expressed her feelings for me which is wasn’t fully aware of. I have told her I would back off an see if something eventuates for them but I can’t help but feel a little hurt and sad I won’t get to know him now. What do I do if he asks me out and how do I get over feeling this way?

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My GF (18F) is saying that I (18M) cheated because i was interacting with a girl she’s uncomfy with

My girlfriend of 1 year and 4 months broke up exactly one week ago, just a few days before our monthsary

now, this March i participated in a prom in our school, and i happen to be partnered with a girl (let’s call her Zoe) who has tons of issues at our school (issues being a sidechick and flirty even to guys who has a gf) know that i didn’t choose to be her partner because our school was the one who chosed it and the girls that my girlfriend is comfy with were already taken.

now little trivia about our relationship, ever since january, she’s been stubborn up until march, one of those things she was being stubborn about was her not telling exactly what she feels at the moment and playing mind games, note that she was the one who brought that up in the first place saying that, whenever we have a prob at each other, we’ll tell it right away and it bothers me so much when she lets me guess whats wrong instead of telling it right away.

now back to the prom thing, the day i got in a partner with Zoe i told my girlfriend right away that she was my partner for prom, at first she was upset but she didn’t tell it directly and i kept asking her what’s wrong but she says nothing, it got to the point where we argued because she didn’t follow our rules in the relationship, that being her saying what’s causing her to be acting that way instead of saying harsh things about the situation and she didnt reply to me anymore and i got fed up so i didnt talk to her too we edned up not talking for three days it was more like she gave me a silent treatmeant because she just seen mylast message

the next day it was start of practice, at first i was being distant to her, everything was smooth, but bit by bit knowing she’s very flirty around guys she find attractive, she starts interacting with me, do note i never initiate contact first and that whenever she interacts with me i keep it short and briefly. and as days go by, the way she interacts with me just keep increasing and increasing, to the point where we both start laughing at the same things. i’m interacting with her too because as a person who is very socializing at school and has lots of close friends in different grade levels, i try to not come off as rude because i dont like going to school that im in bad terms with. i never liked her nor was i interested with her, i was just being civil and just matching her energy but in a way that’s matchy matchy you know?

now when me and my girlfriend started texting again i just told her i had small interactions with Zoe i didnt detailed it all the way. she even said that i was laughing with her while she was holding me and such but in reality, we both know the music is gonna start for practice so we we’re already holding each hands, it just so happens that i was laughing with her while there’s body contact. again i’m interacting with her back not because i like her, but because i’m just trying to avoid issues around school and because i have anxiety when people talk about me in a bad way.

but other than that, there was no other interactions between me and Zoe outside practice and we didn’t talked in social media either. but i am wrong for thinking for myself instead of my girlfriend who is now my ex. i could have just avoided all her interactions knowing that my partner is uncomfy with Zoe, now she’s ranting on ig notes, stories, reposts and such that i’m a cheater mainly because i failed to think of my girlfriend feelings and that i was protecting zoe’s feelings not my girlfriend. there was also after prom that she followed request me on instagram and i followed her back another mistake that i failed to think what my partner would feel but ofcourse i cut off the mutuals and assured my girlfriend that there is nothing between me and zoe and showed our conversations which was nothing. what do you guys think? is it considered cheating?

tl;dr my girlfriend who is now my ex called me cheater because i interacted with a girl she is not comfy with and is ranting on social media that im a cheater.

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either they’re leading me on or i’m going crazy. i don’t know what to do

tldr; guy (i think) is leading me on but claims to only see me as a friend. not sure where to go from here, they’re the only person i’ve ever truly loved

never thought i’d have to come to reddit for advice but i’m desperate here. i met this guy studying abroad in england couple years ago, and we got really really close. even that is an understatement honestly. we both cared deeply for each other but as time went on we started talking less (distance and what not). eventually though i moved to his city (not for him just coincidence) so we’ve reconnected in ways.

when we started talking more i wanted to have a serious conversation to clarify what ‘we’ were. since throughout our weird relationship he’d say things like i love you, but then later would take it back. and then add that he meant it platonically. i’m oversimplifying since i don’t want to go super into detail.

as for how i felt about it, i was exhausted. it was such an intense relationship and i was always so confused by why he was saying or doing the things he did. it was honestly like a mental tug of war.

so i called them and explained my thought process, pointing out all the things he’s said and done that are making me believe that our relationship wasn’t just platonic. more importantly i needed to know who i was to them. they said i was their best friend.

ah yea. a best friend who has been your wallpaper screen for 2 years, your “best friend” who you invited over for thanksgiving to meet their family, who you bought a valentine’s day gift (with hearts chocolate and flowers might i add), buying them expensive gifts and paying for their meal, who you tell “you give me a feeling stronger than love”, and then says there’s nothing going on?

i brought up the valentine’s day gift. i told him it was making me uncomfortable, because (yes i clarified) he said it was 100% platonic and “a joke”.

he disagreed with everything i said. he said how love was sacred to me(?? how is that related) and he should have known sooner. and then said that i had an insecurity i wasn’t telling him about. said he grew up with valentine’s day being a time for him to give loving presents to his friends. he talked about how the gifts weren’t expensive. said something about how it shouldn’t matter if we were just friends. and then said i was priceless and my company was all enough for him.

i realize this is like. a million red flags in one. but i guess im still in denial. i really loved this person. they were incredibly smart moral and actually understood me. perhaps i’m naive. but i cant explain all the nuances that went down in a reddit post.

i guess my question is that is it worth it to try to communicate this more to work it out? or should i just cut my losses. or hell i dont even know maybe i did something wrong too.

sorry for such a long post. thank you for anyone who took the time to read it. any advice is appreciated :)

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I (19F) jealous of fiance (21M) going out with friends

My fiance (21M) and I (19F) have been together for almost 2 years. We did long distance for a year as i am from Chicago and he is from Bosnia. We have definitely gotten past the honeymoon stage and are talking about our futures more seriously. We are in the process of a fiance visa for him to join me in the states. Because of this big step, i decided to take advantage of my online classes and spend the year in Bosnia with him. My family has an apartment here and so I do not currently live with him.

Here’s the issue, he works full time and so we see each other 1-2 a week. He struggles to find time to see me as often as I would like given I am a naturally anxious person. I need constant affirmation and check ins not because I don’t trust him but because of childhood trauma. Because of this, I can definitely come across as jealous especially because I sometimes get upset when he hangs out with friends rather than come and see me.

I fully trust him and cheating definitely is not on my mind in the slightest but I feel like because we’re so close to the big step of marriage, he’d make himself more available for me.

Id also like to mention that I am fully aware that we are both very young for marriage but this is not the topic of this post.

In regards to his friends, many our my family members who we met through. The issue with this is that many of those family members talk to my fiances ex and so she makes appearances at hangouts. In a way she definitely makes me a little uncomfortable with him going out even while knowing they do not speak to one another or have a relationship.

Any advice on controlling my emotions?

TL;DR Insecure about fiance hanging out with friends rather than seeing me especially right before taking big step and getting married. We see each other about 1-2 times a week because he works and is often tired after. What can I do about being less jealous and insecure when I’m not his main priority?

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I (27m) feel like I am falling in love with one of my best friends (38f) although I know for a fact that it would never work out

I've developed feelings for one of my best friends. When I first met her, I did think she was cute, but thought nothing of it. But as the months went by, we started hanging out and got quite close. We would spend hours and hours talking and laughing without getting bored, and she's always been so comfortable and vulnerable around me. Not in a flirty way, but as a close friend.

Somewhere along the line, as corny as it sounds, I feel like I may have started to fall for her. I know it will never work out; there are so many reasons why it would never work out even if the feeling is mutual (I can never tell whether it is or not). But we get along so well and I care for her so deeply that it's difficult to let go of these feelings.. and she is exactly my type too. We would be so good together.

Althoigh it really hurts, I don't want to initiate anything or act on my feelings because I would hate to waste her time. She's such an amazing and beautiful person, and I want her to be with someone that she can have a future with.

I guess one of the reasons I'm posting this is to finally vent these feelings out, and at the same time, I would really love to get some advice on how to deal with this. We are such good friends and she's sometimes a little dependant on me, both emotionally and also with getting things done sometimes.. should I just do my best to suppress my feelings?

Thank you

TL;DR: I've started to develop feelings for a close friend and although I know it would never work between us long term, we are so good together and I can't seem to let these feeling go. I don't want to waste her time, so I'm looking for a way to get over these feelings.

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My (28F) wife (28f) of 3 years, together for almost 8, are divorcing over incompatibilities, but I don’t know if it’s the right choice anymore

My wife and I have been going back and forth on getting a divorce for a while. We have too many incompatibilities, and we’ve agreed that this is the case. There are things I want that I know I’ll never get in our marriage (a healthy sex life; going out and not staying in; etc) and my wife says she realizes this to be the case. We’ve been looking for apartments for her to move into (I’d be helping her move). However, I feel so devastated by this. So does she. These last few days we have been very touchy and intimate again for the first time in weeks. Is this a sign we shouldn’t divorce and give it another shot… even if I know I shouldn’t expect things to really change much? What deep desires are worth giving up for a marriage with someone you’re, say, 80% compatible with? I love her. She’s my closest friend in this world. I just don’t know what to do.

tl;dr: wife and I are getting a divorce. I’m no longer sure if it’s the right thing to do but I can’t tell.

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Stuck in a hard place in my relationship

I, 19-F, have been dating my boyfriend, also 19- M,for about 4 & a half years now. At the beginning of our relationship, we fought an insane amount. We used to be completely opposite with our morals (he was extremely homophobic, transphobic, racist, pro life, supported trump) so pretty much the complete opposite to me. This cause us to fight pretty much everyday, all day. We started dating when we were 15 so he was my first proper relationship. I struggled because I felt like breaking up wasn’t an option, I was so attached and still am. I’m an extremely anxious person, and the years that we’ve been together have made it even harder with how strong my attachment to him has become. He has extremely abusive and religious parents, and though it isn’t an excuse, this is where he got all of his questionable morals and opinions. Throughout our relationship, he’s pretty much done a 180 and completely worked on himself, he’s a totally different person now than he was then.He’s totally accepting of the LGBTQ community, isn’t racist and no longer supports trump, understands abortions and why women may need them. We also used to (and still somewhat currently) used to fight pretty badly because our communication is horrible. I have an anxious attachment, while he has an avoidant attachment style. (He’d push me away, ignore me, drive home, or even break up with me) in the earlier stages of our relationship when ide try to talk to him about a fight we’d had. But now, after working hard on himself, He’s a lot more patient, understanding /doesnt leave when things get heated anymore. Our relationship is the best it’s ever been. Yet I’m still terrified at the thought of us being together forever, getting married and having kids. I have this big part of me that fills me with guilt. Where I have the longing to experience being single and as cliche as it sounds, finding myself on my own. I feel like I put a lot of my mental wellbeing on him and depend on him emotionally a lot. I feel like I don’t know how to live without him. The problem is, he’s just as attached to me as I am to him. He would completely crumble if we broke up, it would destroy him. And honestly, it would destroy me too, we’ve become so intertwined in eachothers lives that it would feel like losing a limb if we broke up. But, it also terrifies me thinking about pushing away this feeling I have towards being single and exploring other people and relationships that I’ve never got to experience before. So reddit, in desperate for advice, How do I figure out how to come to terms with what I really want? Please help 😩

TL:DR

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Megan Fox And MGK's 'Intensity' Not Healthy After 4 Years of Relationship; Here's What Source Said - PINKVILLA

Megan Fox And MGK's 'Intensity' Not Healthy After 4 Years of Relationship; Here's What Source Said  PINKVILLA

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How can I smooth things out with my brothers or shall I just leave them to it?

I’m 48 and my brother’s are in their early 50’s. Around 11 years ago, I needed to buy a house, I was struggling to find rental accommodation at the right price for me and my family.

Meanwhile, my poor mum was having a terrible time trying to keep up with her house and the bills, she also had loads of debts, left by my dad. We didn’t know how much it was until after he passed away, 5 years prior. My mum was unable to give up full time work cos of these debts and she was getting on herself (age 70), the house was in disrepair, I hated seeing her like this and feeling hopeless at what to do next, I went to my older brothers to ask for help, I suggested buying mum’s house, they said as I was looking why didn’t I buy it and get her into council accommodation, she could then use the equity to pay off her debts, have a little left over and give up work. It wasn’t a bad idea but there was a lot of work to do but I chose to do it so I could help mum out also. I bought the house and did a mini refurbishment, had to get extra funds to fix the property. I helped mum sort out her council accommodation and move her in. It was a tough time as I was looking after my own family too.

In 2021, I found out my partner was cheating on me, we ended up separating and selling the house. Had some equity which helped pay off my debts and some legal costs etc. Fast forward to 2023, my brothers came to me and ask me for money as they’ve racked up some debt. I really wish I could’ve helped them but I didn’t have anything left, they haven’t spoken to me since, they said that they were expecting money from mum and it was down to me to pay it. They said that they didn’t worry about getting into debt as they knew it would be paid off. My mum isn’t happy with them but why I am made to feel so bad, how do I correct things? They won’t talk to me now. What are your suggestions to repair our relationship?

TL;DR; : Brothers wanted money from me as I got money when I sold my house but paid off my own debts & legal costs. I have a family to support. Shall I leave them to come round? I’ve apologised for not having any to give them but since I’ve said I don’t have it they’re not talking to me.

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Weekend reads: From intriguing tracks of relationships to social relevance of sports | Lifestyle News | English Manorama - Onmanorama

Weekend reads: From intriguing tracks of relationships to social relevance of sports | Lifestyle News | English Manorama  Onmanorama

* This article was originally published here

In-Laws vs My Parents

So, the issue is practically the title. As far as relationship timeline, I mean a lifetime with my parents and known my in laws and partner for 4 years. My (23F) parents (52M, 51F) have previously felt threatened by my in laws (70M, 65F), and I can think of a couple reasons: 1. because my in laws have more money (they had one kid, and work well into 60s, while my parents had 4 kids and have struggled a lot) 2. because my in laws have encouraged us to move out of my hometown where my parents live (something I have always wanted to do) 3. because of their own experience between my two sets of grandparents constantly turning sleepovers and family functions into competitions for which side is the most loved. My parents and in laws have never met in person due to COVID at the beginning of our relationship, living in separate states, and honestly because my partner and I don't really feel the need to have them meet just yet. (Plus timing has never worked out for visits and the possible personality conflicts.) I am happy to elaborate more if needed on pretty much anything. Current issue: My in laws are planning a trip to Europe with my partner and myself. It's about week, couple of countries, and we're excited. it is about two months out and I haven't told my parents yet because I'm afraid how they will react. They never have had (nor do they now) the money to do trips like this even though they have talked about doing one down the road. Specifically, my dad, I am worried would feel bad about not being able to financially provide this opportunity himself, but my mom could see this as my in-laws trying to bribe us to "side" with them. My dad has always felt bad for not providing more when we were kids and it was never his fault (he is the most hardworking person I know) and my mom's parents were the ones who tried to compete with my dads parents for grandkid affection (if I was with my dads parents one day, had to be at their house for two or it wasn't fair-that kind of thing and they forced my mom to cooperate.) I can totally elaborate more on details, but for now how would you approach this conversation?

Should I treat it more casually and just text or call, or go sit them down in person and tell them? Not sure which would cause less of a fuss and I just want no drama.

TL/DR: complicated relationships between parents and in-laws, not sure how to handle new issue.

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Went on the best first dates of my life, and then she ended it and now I don't know what to do

Never posted something like this before, but really struggling with processing this. I had given up on finding someone I could be happy being myself with, until I connected with someone on a dating app. Right off the bat, the banter was good. Within a few days of connecting, we met up for dinner, and talked for hours, until the restaurant closed and we moved to the bar next door and continued talking and hanging out until the bar closed too and we got kicked out.

I think from that night, I was instantly in love. It has been years since I felt this happy with someone, from just talking. I could be myself, didn't have to put up an image, and I felt she was being herself too, just sharing her story as I shared mine. A few days after this date, I asked her to go on a day trip with me. She had mentioned that her birthday had recently passed and she hadn't celebrated it at all. So I planned a trip to a farm a few hours away, and found some small town bakeries, got a 3 and 0 sparkle and a birthday candle. Picked her up from her place, and we went on the trip. Again, the conversations were amazing, the farm was so much fun, we walked around the small town, holding hands and laughed and talked for hours. Drove around by the water, made fun of each others playlists, found trails to check out. Finally stopped at a store, and I got her fav icecream, and put a candle in it to celebrate her belated birthday. She was surprised, and had the most adorable smile on her face. We shared the ice cream, and then continued driving. I wanted to find a clear spot to see stars, but the weather didn't cooperate...so eventually i just stopped on the side of the road, and asked her to step out with me for a minute. She was def confused, but I took out the sparkles and again wished her a happy belated birthday.

On the 4 hour drive back that night, we held hands the entire way. It felt genuine, she'd put her other hand on top of mine, change positions, but we kept holding hands the entire way back. I dropped her back at her place, tried to go for a kiss, but she faced away, so I kissed her cheek and said goodnight.

This was a sunday, next morning I didn't hear anything from her, I messaged her but didn't hear back until the night that she had a busy work day and is going to bed now. Next two days, the conversations were like this, dry and absent. Then the dreaded message came "I had a great time, but for personal reasons I can't continue this, hope you find the girl you're looking for, take care"

I've had so many dates that led nowhere, long term relationships that ended...and maybe I have forgotten how much those breakups hurt, but this seems extra hurtful. I didn't know how to respond, so did the usual "I'm sorry you feel this way, best of luck to you as well and I hope you find what you're looking for", and deleted her number and unfollowed her from social media. But then quickly went and saved her number again. It's been 3 weeks now, and I can't stop thinking about her. I sent her another message a week later, saying that I felt a connection after such a long time, and wished that there was something I could do to have her open up to me and see if we could resolve the personal reason she had to not continue. But no response, she kept following me on social, didn't block my number, but no response.

I know time will heal, but just wanted to get this off my chest. I've never fallen for someone this quick, and then be given such a vague reason for things ending. I think if she had told me I was not funny enough, or too ugly or something of that sorts, it'd been easier to process...but not knowing what made her end is driving me crazy. I've lost my appetite, and just feel hopeless that i'll feel this way about someone again or if I even should.

​

TLDR: Had given up finding someone I could be myself with, found someone, and went on a rollercoaster and crashed

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I (22F) found old provocative pictures in my bfs (25M) phone

I (22F) found old provocative pictures on my bfs (25M) phone

I found them by snooping on his phone but for context he told me I’m allowed to do it if I want. His phone broke and he’s using an old one so the pictures are from 4-3 years ago and it’s uploaded from Dropbox and has other random pictures in it, the pictures aren’t nudes but a past partner in bikinis or other stuff like that. I’m upset bc it’s in a folder that’s cover is a woman in a bikini so why didn’t he think of deleting them since it’s so showy, also what upsets me is my partner is an extremely jealous guy so if I put him in a similar situation he’d be very upset so I wish he’d think of me in his own terms too. I was upset with him for a whole day and I’m not sure how to feel now or what to do. I’m not completely innocent bc I have random nudes in my photos too bc I have so many pictures and they’re just randomly around there but for him it’s a specific folder he could’ve deleted. :/ I don’t know if I will be able to get over this.

TL;DR: I found a folder with some bikini pictures of a past partner in my bfs old phone that he didn’t delete and it made me upset

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How to tell my mum [70sF] that she's driving my sister [30sF] away?

I found out recently that my mum is sad that she does not have a strong connection with her daughter (my sister) and wants to be closer to her. The problem is that she often says things that are hurtful, especially about people's weight.

My sister is somewhat overweight and it is a sensitive subject for her; she blames my parents for causing her food issues in her teens, something she has been in therapy for. My mum has always been quite slim, and has her own issues with food that we trace back to our grandfather who was always teasing his wife about her weight. Mum is not that bad, she doesn't say things directly to my sister about her weight, but she will comment on other people being "fat" and "gross"; is quite obsessed with nutrition and will steer a conversation towards the subject; will make comments during meal times like "oh I could not possibly manage a dessert after all that" after a small main course.

My sister is not the kind of person who will directly confront her about it, but instead she keeps my mum at arm's length and never spends one-on-one time with her. In a group setting things are manageable but can get quite tense if the conversation turns to food, as it often does.

I think our mum is somewhere on the autism spectrum and doesn't quite realise how offensive she is being. I think my sister agrees but still can't bring herself to be direct about it.

Mum is only getting older and I worry that she will spend her final years without the sense of closeness that she wants from her daughter, and likewise my sister will miss out on being able to treasure her last years with her mum.

We're going on a group trip this weekend and I have some time alone with my mum beforehand, and I want to broach the subject but I have no idea how to do that without offending her or otherwise putting her on the defensive. In some ways it's not my place to interfere with their relationship but I also feel like I am the only person who can see what's happening and am in a position to try to make things better.

TL;DR What is the best way to put my mum in a receptive mood to take my advice ("stop offending your daughter with fatphobia/nutrition advice") in the way that it is intended?

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Relationship Struggles: Seeking advice (22F)

Hello everyone, I'm a 22-year-old female who recently had a major disagreement with my 23-year-old boyfriend. It all stemmed from a Snapchat message from three years ago, and I could really use some advice.

Here's the backstory: We've been officially together for three years, but we were talking for a year before that. One night at a party, a question was asked during a drinking game that caused a huge fight between us. Despite my attempts to downplay it, my boyfriend had a hard time trusting me afterward. Another incident occurred when I reached out to a lecturer for help with a software issue. Even though I made it clear I was in a committed relationship, my boyfriend accused me of flirting.

To regain his trust, I went to extreme lengths, like blocking men on social media when they want to request to follow me ,to constantly reassuring him. But despite my efforts, trust remains an issue.

In the most recent argument, about three weeks ago, my boyfriend stumbled upon an old Snapchat message from three years ago probably just before our relationship or the beginning, might even be from the short period me and my boyfriend had a very small minor break up . Despite my explanation that I didn't even recall having the person on Snapchat, let alone a message, he struggled to believe me. This followed a situation a week prior where a this same man,who is somewhat of a local celebrity, liked some of my old Instagram pictures, prompting me to express discomfort to my boyfriend. Despite my efforts to be transparent, the trust issues persist, leaving us both at an impasse. He called all 3 of these fight infidelity based on my part.

I feel stuck. My emotions are being disregarded when i try speak to him , all he cares about is how i hurt him, and I'm tired of constantly trying to prove myself ,when i know i didn't do anything wrong. My boyfriend says he knows intellectually that I haven't been unfaithful, but emotionally, he struggles to believe it. He's asked for space, but I'm not sure if I should continue trying to fix things alone (per his request, that because i broke it i should fix it ) or consider taking a break. Because I'm angry and hurting too

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

TL;DR

Hey everyone,

I'm a 22-year-old female seeking advice about trust issues with my 23-year-old boyfriend. It all started with an old Snapchat message and has escalated from there. Despite my efforts to reassure him and be transparent, trust remains a problem.

I feel stuck and unheard when trying to communicate my feelings. My boyfriend struggles to believe I've been faithful, even though he acknowledges it intellectually. He's asked for space, leaving me unsure whether to keep trying to fix things alone or consider taking a break.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

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