i understand that my bf is not insurance.
my bf helps me out a lot. he likes to provide. he likes to give me things that he thinks would be good for my apartment. he likes to surprise me with bubble baths even though i could care less for a bubble bath. he likes to book helicopter rides because he wants to be cutesy and romantic and that’s his thing. but i’m not cutesy or romantic.
i like a lot of things he does for me though. cooks me food, picks up my meds, gives me money sometimes, cleans my house, organizes my closets.
i know i sound like i’m just using him. but i feel like it’s more of an exchange thing going on. i wash his underwear and have sex with him. if he says can we move the bed against the wall instead of the middle of the room, i do it. and he doesn’t even live with me. when i go grocery shopping, i buy things that i know he likes.
but he is such a douche. when he was trying to surprise me with the romantic bubble bath, he asked me where the candle we didn’t use yet was. i said i forgot where i put it. i asked him if he could just use the one we already used because it still had lots of wax left. he got a kinda aggressive tone with me and said no where is the new candle. i said idk. then he woke me up from my sleep and told me to come take the bubble bath with him. it was pretty. he put vines along the tub and on the shower pole. he turned off the lights and had both candles lit. he had a nice soothing playlist. and i said wowww this is nice just to be kind . and i told him to make sure he took a picture of it once we got out of the tub.
well i guess that he didn’t like that i only spent 10 minutes in the tub with him because i don’t really like baths and i was getting too hot. then he took everything down and starting taking a shower and i said bae did u take a pic before u took everything down and he said nah maybe next time. so that pissed me off.
some other fucked up shit that he does is stick his penis in me without a condom.he put his penis in me with no condom while i was in the laundry room. i told him i don’t wanna have unprotected sex. he also is controlling. and he’s stupid. he said “do u really not want me to cum in you?” like it was a shock to him. i said do you really want to cum in me because it’s all fun and games and it not thinking about the repercussions at all? i’m not a birth control or anything. him doing that really makes me angry. i don’t think i can get over that.
but if i lose him i lose my benefits. i lose fun times. i lose cooking together. i lose the parts that i like. and i’m not trying to go back on the dating apps and start again for the 100th time. even though we’ve only known each other for less than 2 months. so i’m conflicted. i did block him today but i unblocked him after thinking about all the things he does for me.
tl;dr: wanna break up with my bf but don’t wanna lose the good tomes
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