Using a throwaway because he'd be able to identify me based on my other work-related posts.
For some background, my husband and I work in the same industry and met at university while studying similar disciplines. We work in creative fields and naturally, work and personal life begin to blend when your practice is so deeply rooted in what you love - this is something that we really bond over. Like, what we do for work is also what we'd do for fun.
We've always talked about working together someday but were on slightly different paths over the past few years. My husband was working within an agency that wound up going remote, like most businesses did, during the pandemic. At the same time, I was building my freelance business, which was already remote by nature.
For additional context, I got started on my career a little later than him, we're an international couple and I was the one to immigrate, which took time, money, and for some of it, I wasn't allowed to work. When I did finally get my visa and gained the right to employment in this country, it was mid-2020 and the pandemic was in full swing, we wound up moving away from the city, living in his parent's basement for over 6 months, and it wasn't exactly the right time or environment for me to go out and apply to agencies myself, since everyone was being laid off or furloughed. I mention this because this was the starting point of my career, I went from being unemployed in a new country to growing a freelance business through word of mouth alone and making an income that was triple that of my husband's salary within a year. So... this was a huge feat for me, I care a lot about what I do, how it was built, and the stability that it has offered us. Though we have a pooled income, I went from feeling inferior and like I wasn't bringing anything to the table, to being the breadwinner - which my husband was proud of me for and would openly express to others.
When all work went remote, we went from spending the hours of 9 to 5 apart, to working together in the same room... starting in his parent's home and then moving back to the city where we found a place with a beautiful space for our studio in the home. For some couples, this was hell, for us, though it presented some challenges, it actually brought us closer together, as a couple as well as professionally. This arrangement actually combated the loneliness that so many felt, especially because we would relate to one another professionally and actually provide feedback and collaboration on one another's work. This lead us to occasionally sawp work, provide support on upcoming deadlines, and even take on several clients together on the side.
The more success I saw with my business, the more apparent it became that the nature of work was never going to return to the way that it was, my husband began talking about leaving his agency job and joining me to start a company together. Working for ourselves would ultimately be more profitable, more flexible, and more fulfilling, it seemed like the right idea.
I helped him devise his exit strategy and supported him while he put his plans into motion.
Around the same time, one of his previous colleagues who had already left the company to start his own venture reached out to my husband to see if he'd have availability to help him with a side project. My husband agreed to it since it seemed like a really interesting prospect and would pay slightly. He expressed how he really wanted me to get involved in the project as well and that this could be one of our first clients together.
I was introduced to the colleague and began to get involved at a smaller capacity since I was already overbooked with other projects that I had to see through first. During this time, an offer was made to my husband for him to join at a larger capacity when he left his job, which he was excited about and made it seem like an opportunity that we would share. We discussed that, when he did leave his job, we would both work on this new project but he would also help me wrap up the projects with my current clients, some of which weren't as exciting or sexy, but had provided a lot of value and leads thus far... with the idea being that we'd transition them out together and pursue more exciting projects to take on as a team.
So... this was all very exciting, during this period I also registered my business officially, under a name that my husband and I came up with together with plans of working under as a team. This meant a lot, since this was a business that I built, I made sure that he was 100% serious about joining me because I didn't want to have the namesake of my business be based on the both of us if he wasn't going to truly be a part of it - he confirmed that he was firm in his intentions.
But... as he was leaving his job, officially submitting his letter and going through the process of offboarding, the head of his side project offered him a full-time position. I asked if this changed anything for him, if he was still going to join me and work on it together or if he wanted to operate within this startup, solo. He again confirmed that his intention was still, and was always to join me in business and work together as a team, under our company, as an independent contractor of this startup. We talked extensively about how that would work, how we would operate, how much time would be allocated to what project, responsibilities for both of us, and how this would be proposed to the head of the startup project.
During this time, I also began the process of meeting the team behind this startup and integrating in. After several meetings with the head of the project, I was offered a part-time position... due to budget and funding, TBD as to whether or not I'd join at a larger capacity when those things were known.
Now, while this was an exciting offer, it became clear to me that my husband did not communicate clearly, to the startup or myself, about his intentions. Per the discussions between my husband and I, it was agreed that the startup's offer would translate to the total number of hours that our company would work for them each week, not "part time / fulltime". After receiving this offer, I had a discussion with my husband about what this meant, would he still be working with me to wrap up the other client projects? Are we still working under our business? Would both offers equate to a total of 60 hours a week dedicated to the startup, 30 per person?
He expressed that he would need to allocate the majority of his time to the startup because they were expecting that he'd be working for them fulltime, and hadn't discussed the breakdown with them.
Basically, he agreed to go into business with me but he also agreed to go full-time with this startup...
It seems like he's trying to satisfy both parties but is ultimately going to disappoint one or both.
To add to this, the amount that the startup can offer is a slight pay-cut to his previous salary, and a significant pay-cut to mine. We both understand the value that this can bring and are willing to invest our time in something that we believe in. However, I'm basically in the process of offboarding several high-paying clients in order to make room for this opportunity, only for it not to pan out how we had initially discussed.
Now, it feels like in addition to this startup project, I'll need to take on another client or two in order to support us. This would be fine if we were both working for the startup 30 hours a week and had room to manage another project to supplement our income, but because my husband is 'fulltime' and I'm 'parttime' it feels like this responsibility has landed on my shoulders alone. He says he'll help but again there's this 'expectation' from the startup that they have him 100%.
Beyond the division of labor, this just isn't the way that I wanted to start a business together... because it doesn't feel like we're in it together. We named my business for the both of us, he made a commitment to doing this together but then took a different offer without being clear to myself or the client about his intentions. He keeps encouraging me to stick to the plan, to make room in my schedule to also go 'fulltime' if / when funding is received (but when is unknown)... but it feels like I have less time to make an impact on this project while he has more time to solidify his position with them. The whole thing makes me feel like I'm being put at a disadvantage, with the startup as well as with my own business which I've worked so hard to build... without clarity as to where I'll stand when my husband has something that's certain.
It doesn't feel like the right foot to start on together. I really want this opportunity with the startup, which is very exciting, right up my alley, and has a lot of potential. Together, we're incredibly well-suited to do the work, but with the current arrangement, it doesn't feel like we're doing it together at all. If we were building a business together we'd split the client hours 50/50 and spend the other time, together, on other projects or outreach.
I've tried to talk to him about how this outcome has made me feel like he isn't really intending to join me in business, but each time he says that he is, that we can even divide the hours between the two of us behind the scenes, that we'll do other client work together, etc. However... he doesn't feel the need to tell the client that's how we're operating and it can just be between us... so when he's treated like a fulltime employee buy the client on calls and in conversation, and he let's it happen, I don't feel valued in the way that I'd want to if we were truly working together as a team.
We're going to be getting into some more business planning and conversations in the next weeks and I really need to address this before moving forward, with anything. In order to have a good working relationship I need to feel respected and valued as well, by both him and our clients.
I realize that this is a very long post and an incredibly specific situation but any advice would be appreciated, especially on how to clearly and calmly conduct this conversation with my husband, what I should be asking of him, and what I should and shouldn't settle for.
Thank you
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TLDR: My husband and I are going into business together, after several months of preparation, talking, planning, and him taking action and leaving his job, he's "accepted" an offer to go full-time with a client that was supposed to be a joint project. He still says that we're working together, under our business, and that work can be divided between the two of us, but client-facing he's expected to deliver on a full-time basis... It feels like he's trying to satisfy both parties but will ultimately disappoint one, or both. At the moment, I'm disappointed as this client is an incredible opportunity, but the current arrangement leaves me responsible for all of our other work and without enough time to get fully involved in the project.
