I (M24) am seeing a F22 woman who has been a friend of mine for a while. Then at some point we deepened our connection and we got into some sort of weird limbo that I never really understood. Like, we did stuff that couples do, we talked until 6am in my car, we did nice trips, and even when I went to another continent for a few months we had lots of phonecalls and everything. It was very intense emotionally and it really looked like we liked each other a lot. However, she never wanted to exit the limbo, basically it seemed she just wanted me as close as possible but neither as a friend nor as a boyfriend, so I had to break it up. We were definitely each other's most important person so it sucked. After three months of no contact, we talked about it a few days ago and she said that she knows it's a defense mechanism. a) She has had a traumatic 4 year long relationship that makes her associate commitment to self-sacrifice and now she's in a comfort zone where the idea of dating a random guy that she doesn't even know feels less pressuring to her, because she could exit the dynamic at any point. With me, indeed, pressure is the problem: we know each other very well, it would be real intimacy and she would have to give her best. b) She told me she is definitely not great at understanding her emotions and it takes a lot of effort, so a serious relationship would be quite demanding for her. c) She told me she might have suppressed her feelings and that after her breakup (one year and a half ago) she has felt like she was compensating for the fact that she was too vulnerable before - so she forced herself to feel "less".
She is taking some time to think about it, but I am not sure how to feel about this whole story. Do you have any comments / insights? Thanks!
tl;dr i am in the limbo and i'm not sure what to do. I am only 24 and I know much more experienced people might have a better insight than me on this.
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