I guess I'll start from the beginning. My boyfriend and I met through college. We're doing the same degree and we really hit it off. We were friends at first for a few months and then we started dating. Immediately within the first week we started having sex, lots of it.
Pandemic sent us home from school but our relationship never suffered from it, at least in the beginning. We drove to see each other and I really hit it off with his family. They're such great people.
Before we started dating, we signed a lease together with some friends (living in separate rooms). When we moved in everything was great throughout the whole first year and even in the summer when we moved back home. He had an internship that was pretty far away but it was really fun because when I'd visit we would explore the new city and go on dates and whatnot. Our sex life was decent, not crazy like in the beginning but enough.
After the first year of dating, our sex life started diminishing though. I believe there are a lot of factors contributing to that and I think it's a sign there's something wrong in our relationship. In fact we've grown more into the "roommate phase" to be specific.
We go out to eat on dates (when we can afford it). We never stopped doing that. We watch TV together and occasionally movies and we cook dinner together. But it's just not the same. Living together the first year was fun and I enjoyed it and I enjoyed having my own bedroom (although I slept in his a lot). I felt like we could live together but still be independent which is important to both of us.
We thought our sex life was diminishing because of my birth control. I think it was more so that I was more stressed with school and this whole school year he's been doing a co-op instead of school like I am. In general, it's hard for us to spend time together when we're not on dates. When we run out of things to watch we're not sure what to do. I love to cuddle and be touchy feely but he's not always into that. We talk about our day but after that it's just like what to do?
I've always enjoyed video games. I love to play video games with him too, but the big problem is we do not like the same games at all. He gets upset that we don't have anything to do but when I try to suggest certain games, he's "not feeling it." In fact he doesn't really play much video games in general. When I ask him to suggest games or even things to do and he just doesn't know. So when we run out of things to do together, I go have me time and play video games with my other friends (who he also doesn't want to hang out with.) That's another problem, I've tried to include him in things but he just doesn't like my friends or want to play the same games. It's strange and I don't know how to help him when he's so damn stubborn but then complains about "not really having friends" or not "spending time with me." I'm practically his only friend and I'm really getting tired of it.
We like the outdoors but in the winter it's hard to do stuff. It gets pretty cold here and it makes me just want to stay inside and cuddle. I think it's been a big contributor as well since people are more depressed in the winter.
The next problem, which don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces and I don't think he's ugly because of it, but he's gained a lot of weight and mostly due to the pandemic and not walking to class (cause of his job and us being online for a good portion of our college career). I think it's making him really unhappy. I've told him that I'm willing to go to the gym with him. To be honest, I wasn't at first. I really didn't want to go and I don't feel like I need it. I'm fine with my weight and I don't eat a lot of sweets. He, on the other hand, loves sweets. At the grocery store he picks out donuts, cinnamon rolls, you name it and I try to be nice about it by saying things like "How about we only pick one sweet this week," "we should pick out a healthy snack instead," etc. But he says things like he "can handle himself." and puts it in the cart anyways. I used to buy him lots of his favorite candy and stuff as surprise gifts in the beginning but I stopped doing that when he started gaining weight. I felt like I was a bad influence on him. Not to mention, he has ADHD and I've learned a lot about how to handle it with him. That being said, I think that is a big contributor to him not going to the gym. I've asked him multiple times to plan it out for us (such as, let's go every tue and Thurs) but he just won't do it. He's stopped taking his medicine ever since he started his job and I honestly don't want to do everything like that for him. He's his own person and I'm not really sure how to handle that.
I love him so much. We've passed our two year mark and I want to so desperately stay together. I know I'm not perfect and I'm probably a big contributor to this as well. I think I play too many video games when I'm not doing school, but in my defense, it makes me happy, esp since it's cold outside. We talk a lot. This is the best relationship I've had thus far. We talk about our feelings and I've done things like stop taking my birth control (we use condoms now) to see if maybe it would help but we've come to a rough spot again. We took a small break when we went home for the holiday because we both wanted to think about things and see if we want to continue our relationship. We came back and decided we still wanted to go on, which was good. We were having more sex and enjoying our time together, but now after a few months, we're back to our dead spot again. I started back up in school again and our longest period we didn't have sex was in my midterms. I think I'm stressed (due to school) and the fact that I don't feel secure in our relationship is not helping me be turned on at all. OR, it goes the other way around where I'll try to initiate, or just ask to make out and see where it leads but he doesn't even want to do that half the time.
Thank you for reading this and thanks in advance for any advice. I just want us to be like the way we were our first year of our relationship.
TLDR: I love my boyfriend a lot and I know he loves me but we don't enjoy spending time together like we did before.
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