Painfully ordinary man

Background: I(20M) am a student used to be very bright, nerdy so didn't go out much. I believe (or like to believe) that I can pursue social life(e.g. travelling, partying, such bigh things)after I become financially independent and get a job(tautological) for I don't have the resources to do so now.

Immediate context: had a good female friend(22F), she fell for me somewhat and since I didn't want anything serious for now, we agreed for a casual relationship. After some days of normal quarrel, she called me 'You're such a painfully ordinary man'. Nothing has hurt me more. I'm on the verge of crying and it's not normal for me to cry. I am out of my wits and emotions. I guess it's hurting even more because it's somewhat true. I don't know what to feel now. Help me.

Tldr: girlfriend called me painfull ordinary man and it hurts.

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I (26M) love my gf (24F) and find her very sexy, but I feel mentally blocked while having sex with her - any advice?

Let's start with this - before this relationship [2 years of it now], I engaged in casual sex only. I was having a problem to find a girl for relationship, so I went into sexual - based relations to fulfill my sexual needs and it was very physically arousing for me.

Now, in a romantic relationship, I find it hard to "unlock" myself to have really good, arousing sex with my gf. I love her and having sex with her in the way I used to have with my previous partners I find a bit... objectifying?

I read alot about madonna-wh*re complex and I'd say I think I'm suffering to it. I consider my gf pure, beautiful, and clean entity who I love by my entire heart, and I connect with it an inability to have free-minded sex with her which would fully arouse me and sexually release me. I feel terrible with it, but sometimes I think of other women and it makes me very aroused there [I hate it].

I feel as if I was unable to show love through sex, meanwhile I'd love to do that because I love my gf, but I feel totally lost there. Any advice?

tl;dr I love my gf but I don't feel sex with her as arousing as with other women even though she physically arouses me

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My GF has a close guy friend who tried to make moves on her before. I'm not really comfortable. Is this being too overbearing?

My gf [23F] has a close guy friend [23M] that she met during the pandemic/online classes. They became study buddies and gaming buddies way before we met. This dude has tried to reach out and made moves on her a couple of time, and yet to no avail. Their friendship got cut off for a while but has recently been restored. And now that they're in med school together, they study together quite often in cafes.

I've confronted her with this and she has been nothing but reassuring on a positive note. It just ticks me that I sense her parents' approval of that guy instead of me. I'm just trying to find security in the trust that we have and our commitment to this.

Am I being too overbearing on her?

​

tl;dr

My gf has a guy friend who made moves on her before but he got rejected. I'm just honestly uncomfortable.

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I'm (30M) planning a trip but my friend (28F) is unreachable

My friend (28F) and I (30M) have known each other for a few months and from the start we've connected really well.

My friends and her friends are separately planning a trip to the same country at the same time (by coincidence).

I recently asked her whether she wants to plan the trip together and meet up while we're there. She said we could but that she'll only be there a short time and will be in a rush.

A complication to this is that she's currently hiking and unreachable for days and I need clarity on plans soon.

I can't tell if she wants to plan and/or meetup or whether this is a nice way to say no.

Is she saying yes or a soft no? I could plan a trip without her input but I know she'll be really offended if I exclude her thoughts and organise it without her.

tl;dr - Friend (28F) is unreachable but I need her so I can plan a trip. Her last message was confusing and need to make a judgement call based on it.

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Girlfriend[f27] lied to me[m30]

Hey so I’ve been with my girlfriend 9 months and on her Snapchat this guy she knows from school messages her and replies to her stories often.

She said she never had any feelings for him and nothing ever happened between them.

I found in her conversation before we met that they were sex talking and she had sent photos, so to me she lied.

She said she never told me because she didn’t want me thinking bad of her and she was ashamed.

During our relationship she has sent me photos when I’m not with her, it just makes me think hmm how do I know she didn’t send him them too.

We argued and she said she was going to block him because of it but I found out she hadn’t a few days later and brought it up and she said she forgot and then she blocked him on Snapchat but before that he had also removed her on Facebook.

Can’t stop thinking about this 24/7

Does this mean anything?

She always seemed a little dodgy opening the messages from him when he messaged originally or going on Snapchat, but sometimes did open it.

She always leaves her phone near me or when she’s in shower next to me and I know her passcode.

Tl;dr

• she said there was nothing between them before we got together
• found out they sexted
• not sure what to think

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I (m18) am very conflicted wether my friend (f18) actually wants and cares to talk to me and continue our friendship

For more context ill explain: We met around 3 years ago in highschool

Id say even back then i cant seem to recall a lot of times after school (we were in the same school so naturally we would see eachother and talk) where she would initiate a conversation in like whatsaap The thing that makes this very conflicting is Every time we talk (well not every time but) She told me im one of her closest friends that she really like talking and hanging out with me

But it is genuinley messing with my brain a bit that not once did she think to send me a message (and i get that now even more then ever since we finished highschool and dont live in the same city and such)

In general the TLDR is Im getting conflicting messages from my friend and dont know if they want to keep the friendship going It feels to me as if im trying very hard to make a sinking ship float

If anyone has some advice or thought that would be nice

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Was I assaulted?

Hey Reddit! (English isn't my first language so keep that in mind!)
I (F21) was on a date yesterday with a guy (M22) I met through mutual friends. This was our third date, we had kissed but nothing else physically. We had some drinks at a bar and then another one at his place. After that, we started to makeout and things progressed (you get the idea). As he was fingering me, I asked him to stop but he continued. I told him repeatedly to stop and even tried to move his hand away about four times, but he was a lot stronger than me so I couldn't really do anything. After a while I just let it happen and I even orgasmed. The thing is that during it I wasn't really scared, I didn't really feel any strong emotion. Afterward, we had PIV sex, I stayed the night and we even cuddled. The morning after he was really sweet and we made plans to see each other again.
I'm really conflicted about it because, on one hand, I know that what he did was wrong and a crime in my country's jurisdiction. But at the same time, I don't really feel assaulted or sad about it. And as previously stated, during it, I didn't feel bad or something like that. I think he must have thought that I was only teasing and not really meaning it when I said: “stop”. I just want an outsider's perspective on it as I don't want to talk to my friends about it.

TLDR: A guy im dating continuted to finger me after i told him to stop. Was i assulted?

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I think my (18m) gf (18f) is depressed

As the title says, i think my gf may be depressed or burnt out and i have no clear image of anything I could do to help.

Basically we've been toghether for close to 8 months and so far it was good, with no problem that we couldn t find a solution to. She's a bit of a fragile person from an emotional pov but on all the other fronts she's the smartest, cutest and outright person i've ever got to know. Anyways, she came to my place some weeks ago and one of my relatives said in a joking manner that we have totally different career paths and passions and we ll also go in different cities for university so what will happen then, which she took as a joke initially ( as it was meant to be ) or so I tought.

Fast forward a few weeks and she started to get colder not only with me but with everyone in her social circle and started to have struggles with sleep, eating almost one meal a day and reasponding to messages after long intervals of time, which is not usual for her at all. I didn t think much of it since she also had some stressful situations in that period and a competition in another city to attend for 4-5 days.

Anyways, this week she texted me after classes one day and told me that she feels unable to do anything anymore and that if I d be ok with taking a break, but that she would love to meet up to express her feelings and see me. We talked about it and I reassured that if it s meant to be it ll work and it s of no use to stress herself out based on a problem that doesn t even exist yet, since we don t know what could change in eachothers career plans and uni choices. She seemed better after the talk, in the beggining she was crying and looked totally broken but at the end i managed to somehow put a smile on her face. After that she said that she needs some more time and asked me to wait a bit for her to sort herself out because she feels like a shitty person for not giving in as much as usual to our relationship, but without breaking up or taking a break, so we re still together. 

The thing is that i have no ideea how to help her or if I can even do that at all, except for giving her all the space she needs. Any advice would be appreciated. Also we still text daily since then, but she s still cold and responds after several hours and has a messed up sleep schedule. ( going to therapy is not an option since her parents believe that therapy is just a scam )

I also feel anxious since i don t know if anything will go back to normal or if it is me who caused the problem and she s saying i didn t do anything wrong just so she doesn t hurt me. I am overthinking all this so i wanted to check out eith others opinions as well. 

TL;DR! I think my gf is depressed and i have no idea how to help

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My bf keeps jerking off to random women on the internet. Should I break up?

TL;DR My bf jerks off to random women on the internet. I asked him to stop, he says he will but doesn't. Should I break up?

So I've (30f) been with my boyfriend (30m) for almost 2y. I have complete confidence that he would never cheat. Or at least not physically. But he keeps jerking off to random women on facebook. Women with big breasts and bottoms and full makeup. And that makes me super uncomfortable. On one side for obvious reasons, and on another side because the women are the complete opposite of what I am physically which makes me insecure that my boyfriend is not attracted to me.

I know all this because one time I caught him doing it. After that, from time to time I check his facebook history and confirm that he keeps doing it despite me being clear that I didn't want him to do it. He just got better at hiding it but I always know that he keeps doing it because I keep going there to confirm. So I've been thinking about breaking it off for quite some time. First because me going into his facebook history is a complete lack of privacy respect and already a red flag that there's no trust in the relationship. And secondly because I've asked him many times to stop it and he always says he will, but I keep finding out that he continues to do it. He is not respecting my boundaries. This is really hard for me, because apart from this, our relationship is very good. He's loving and caring, we share the same interests, we are super confortable with each other and can completely see ourselves being together in the future. However, I feel like what I'm asking is not that big of an effort and the fact that he is not willing to stop it and keeps getting better at hiding it is a major red flag as well. Am I exagerating or should I break up?

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My (27) boyfriend (M32) won’t be sincere about his sexual desires which hinders my self-work to become more trusting in him.

My boyfriend was originally straight until we met and dated together. He usually considers himself as having no label on his preference, meaning probably something similar to pansexual I guess. Lately I’ve been under the assumption he’s pretty intrigued or turned on by vaginas, which would be normal if he’s attracted to both sexes (even I, being gay, cannot lie I’m curious how vaginal penetration would feel) and as he’s never had sex with a woman since I was his first sexual partner. The thing is when I talk about it with him, he tells me and insists that no, « i’m enough », « he doesn’t even thing about that kind of matter » , « he’s not interested in having sex with someone else other than me » and what not but he always ends up contradicting himself and if I push him long enough he will finally admit « yeah maybe I’m a bit intrigued or turned on by vaginas bla bla» but the fact he’s not sincere with himself, therefore not sincere with me makes me mad. I have big struggles trusting others, and I do my best to trust him, but when he acts like this, it ultimately ruins my attempts at improving my flaws. When he lies, he usually has a little childish smirk on his face. Last day, I confronted him and he said it wasn’t true -with that little liar uncomfortable smirk-, that I was annoying by acting so distrustful. The same evening, when he told me something (he was honest this time) he told me I could trust him because this time he didn’t smirk from discomfort, meaning he did lie before. I again confronted him about it and he blabbered as if he didn’t remember and stumbled on his words as if confused and we got upset at each other. He’s an amazing boyfriend, well-attentioned, caring, innocent, loving and affectionate but I hate when he behaves in this insincere kind of way. Should I rationalize and work on myself or am I in the right to be continuously upset by his behavior? Thank you.

Tl;DR: boyfriend in gay relationship seems to be turned on by vaginas but won’t admit it which hinders my attempt at being more trusting.

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My gf(F21) does not want to have sex with me(M21) because of religious purposes

My gf (F21) wants to stop having sex with me(M21) because of religious reasons

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 6 years and she and I are very close. I love her a lot and she is my best friend. That being said while I do love her on a emotional level, I also feel like sex is a large part of a relationship. In the beginning of our relationship, we had sex frequently, however that stopped when her grandparents moved into her house. For three years straight from about 2017-2020 we did not have sex. It wasn’t until later in 2020 that we began having sex again, as we started to go to hotels and doing it at my dorm, since I had just started college and had my own place. Granted, during this time she has explained that she sometimes felt guilty about having sex because she felt dirty sometimes or that she was doing something wrong. This is understandable as she grew up with semi strict parents. While we didn’t have sex often because of a couple of reasonable factors, we still found time to do it and enjoyed it a lot. I honestly felt like the sexual aspect of our relationship was staring to get better. However, in the fall of 2022 my girlfriend became increasingly religious and wanted to build a relationship with God. I really think it’s great that she’s doing that as she was really searching for something spiritually.(before becoming religious she was into spirituality and crystals and stuff like that). However, now after becoming religious she started to explain how she feels guilty that she had sex with me before marriage. While I knew this was coming, today she asked if we can stop having sex entirely until marriage. I totally respect her decision and I’m not pressuring her for sex but I’m trying to get her to understand that this a difficult change for me, especially since we recently started having sex after a 3 year hiatus. I’m kinda stuck on what to do or think.

TL;DR : Gf of six years want to suddenly stop having sex due to her new found faith.

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what can i (16f) do to get over severe jealousy and abandonment issues? im scared im going to self sabotage my relationship because of it

ok so for some background me and my girlfriend (also 16f) started dating almost 7 months ago, but weve been friends since 4th grade so we have a way closer bond and stronger connection with each other than most hs relationships

so basically i need help learning how to deal with jealously and abandonment issues, like it gets really bad sometimes

for example, she plays basketball and theres been times where ive cried (a lot) because she had to go to practice instead of hang out with me, and then ill start thinking a bunch of bad things about her teammates, like i genuinely do not like any of them at all, and this is a super dumb reasoning but in my head i feel like a lot of lesbians play basketball so the chances that someone else on the team is gay is actually kinda high, and if one of them is they might have a crush on her or try to ask her out or something, and i try to be nice whenever i talk to the other basketball girls but on the inside i cant help but hate them.

but its kinda like that whenever shes with anybody, and then also whenever im not with her my anxiety starts going crazy and ill start thinking about how she probably doesn't even like me that much and shes only dating me just to date someone, whereas with me like shes the only person i can see myself ever being with, like even marriage isnt enough i literally want to become a part of her (yes ik that sounds weird but idk how else to describe it)

and that kinda ties in to the abandonment stuff because im so terrified of not being with her, like i seriously dont know if i could live through a breakup with her. and then people will say that highschool relationships arent supposed to last and when i hear that i just completely break down, like i can already feel my hewr beating fatser and my breathing becoming more labored and my eyes are starting to tear up just from writing it down so im probably gonna get a panic attack soon now that its on my mmind and im thinking about it so much right now

but im just so scared that all my own issues are gonna end up causing problems, and i keep getting the feeling that im gonna self sabotage our relationship somehow, the worst thing i keep thinking about as far as this stuff goes is that if highschool relationships are supposed to end soon anyways, and i know that i wont be able to handle that, then i should just k myself now cause it'll be less painful than breaking up at some point in the future, and i dont actually wanna do it at all but the thought keeps popping up in my head

but yeah its like super early and my anxiety like scary bad right now so i cant rly think clearly so i forgot what else i was gonna say so hopefully this makes enough since cause i really need help

TL;DR: i get extremely jealous of everyone my girlfriend hamgs out with and im terrified of her leaving me at some point, and im scared that these issues are gonna cause problems in our relationship if i cant learn how to manage them better

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* This article was originally published here

What is modern monogamy? How it's saving some long-term relationships - USA TODAY

What is modern monogamy? How it's saving some long-term relationships  USA TODAY

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I rejected the breakfast my boyfriend made me because he stayed up all night

My boyfriend (m27) and I F(28) have opposite sleep schedules. We have been living together for about 1 year and we have had ups and downs. I wake up by 9 every day. He stays up until the earliest 4am and often times until 7 or 8am playing video games and doing god knows what else. He is constantly telling me he wants to change and I always tell him yeah I support you but I can't do it for you.

Today is Sunday. Last night I wasn't feeling well and he said he would clean up the dishes from dinner since I cooked. I went to bed around midnight and woke up at 9 to go for a run to find him in the kitchen. I said "You haven't slept yet huh" and he said "No I was doing the dishes and I went to the bakery to get us pastries. I made you breakfast." I said "Well I'm going running now." and I left the house. I was immediately enraged because I knew that this meant that he will now sleep the entire day, meaning I have to creep around our house silently and that I can't go in our room comfortably if I want to get clothes or something.

But weirdly the thing making me the angriest is the breakfast he made. I could see he felt rejected but I honestly feel like he did not do that for me, he did it so he will have something to defend himself if I get mad that he stayed up all night. Also the breakfast was eggs and toast and a glass of that sugary bottled iced tea. I drink coffee in the morning, he doesn't, so I think he just doesnt know how to make coffee. I would literally NEVER drink iced tea first thing in the morning. I also haven't eaten pastries in a year because they give me acid reflux. I am certain I have told him this a million times. I just feel like he does not understand me at all.

He could have done the dishes last night and slept by 2 or 3am, and woken up even by 11am or even noon and I wouldn't be pissed. (Also I found the dishes were not completely done and I spent 20 min this morning finishing them and wiping the counter/ cleaning the floor) I am so disappointed that this is my relationship. I feel really guilty because he is sweet and really patient about my own many flaws. I love so many things about him but I really cannot continue like this. I am losing respect for him even though he is financially stable thanks to some good investments and actually makes more money than I do. He just doesn't have to wake up and go to a job every day like me. I wonder if we are just too different. I'm scared to talk when he wakes up because I don't know how to frame my concerns. Any advice welcome

TLDR: Bf stayed up all night gaming, tried to make me breakfast but it was food I don't eat. He feels rejected and I feel misunderstood and unhappy.

​

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GF LOVES ME BUT CANT DO LONG DISTANCE?

F23 M27.

We met eachother in summer and hang out literally every day for 2 weeks straight and went on dates etc. it started as a fling but as we both found out we fell for eachother. She was gonna move to another city and study there for 2 years. we both wanted to try long distance.

so we text/facetime everyday non stop for 24 days after she moved, she telling me how much she miss me and wish i was there, people asking her if she got a bf and she tells me she says yes.

she got covid 4-5 days before we had planned i was gonna visit her but i went anyway.

when we met after not seing eachother for 25 days the spark was still there, we had an awesome time and went on more dates, watched movies, made love, made dinner and talked about our feelings and said we love eachother many times, 1 week after i come home she facetime me crying saying she cant do it anymore because of the long distance.

She said she loves me, misses me, wishing i was there and that if it wasnt for the distance we would keep going and be together, that we are so good for eachother and that we have something real...She also said she hopes but cant promise that we find our way back together.

she comes back here in december for 3 weeks, im struggling rlly because she is rlly special and i never met someone like her and we both know we have something real, its just the distance ://

​

TL;DR I (27M) should i just move on with my life or maybe meet her when she comes back in december and figure things out?

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BP CEO Bernard Looney Steps Down as Past Relationships Come ... - Bloomberg

BP CEO Bernard Looney Steps Down as Past Relationships Come ...  Bloomberg

* This article was originally published here

House Call: Want longevity? Nurture your relationships. - The Spokesman Review

House Call: Want longevity? Nurture your relationships.  The Spokesman Review

* This article was originally published here

I need advice for dating someone with a very different financial situation

I need advice for dating someone with a drastically different financial situation

I'm 27F, he's 34M. We've been dating a little over a month, and finances have come up in conversation a few times, and I'm unsure how to approach it or what the best way to handle it is.

Sometimes he'll complain about something, and I'll recommend he get something that might help his problem, or I'll mention something I did/bought and he'll say "I wish I could afford that." Stuff like a new keychain, or a trip to the movie theater. Not crazy expensive stuff. He also is against the idea of me paying for our dates, so we don't go out.

I knew his job doesn't pay much, but yesterday he told me he only has $2 in the bank despite getting paid 3 days earlier. I know it's none of my business, so I didn't say anything. I have about $25k saved up, have a very good job, and budget thoroughly. I also have a retirement account with a few thousand in it. We had very similar childhoods and I live very frugally, so I don't think he knows how stable I really am.

I'm just looking for advice on how to approach this relationship, how to get him to let me pay for our dates, and if I should discuss finances with him. It seems way too early for that, but I want to be able to treat him occasionally! I don't look down on him at all for his financial situation, and I don't want him to find out that I'm not struggling and start thinking I look down on him at all. I hope this doesn't come off that way, I've never really talked about money with anyone but my ex, and i was broke a few years ago before getting my job. I know I'm fortunate and very lucky, I dropped out of high school and never thought I'd be in a good place. I really like this dude and want to handle this the right way.

Tl;dr: I have a decent savings, my boyfriend is broke. How can I make this relationship work?

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I don’t know why I am so unlucky with dating and relationships

I’m quite attractive but the perpetually single one. Never been chased by a man that is kind and caring

Just trying to find a nice respectful man but I’m perpetually single and scared

When I was 25 f, I still hadn’t had my first boyfriend. All my friends were getting into relationships, whilst I only had men slightly interested in me or only wanted me for sex which I wouldn’t do with someone unless I know they wanted a relationsip.

That was until I met this man on a dating app. I’ve never had such flowing funny and flirty conversations. We had a connection which translates into a real in person connection too! We just clicked and he told me how much he fancied me (no man has ever done that.)

We became boyfriend and girlfriend and had so many fun and special times together. I had to plan all the dates as he was new to the country but I didn’t mind and it was easy for me. He was always telling me how lucky he was and that I’m special, kissing my forehead, we held hands everywhere we went. I felt so happy and confident and relaxed and looking forward to our future together. We just clicked and I was so happy doing fun things together like camping and picnics and boat trips. To have someone like me in that way too it was special and I really cared about him

But at 3 months, when he was meeting all my friends etc. something changed. All my friends are married and we’re pregnant or had children. My boyfriend asked me if I wanted kids in future and I said yes. And then he was like ‘oh no, I’m going to get a vasectomy. I didn’t realise you wanted kids one day. I fancy a child free life.’

He pulled away and became all cold and critical with me which was so upsetting as I’d fallen in love with him by that point.

At 6 months he dumped me. It broke me so much because I don’t know how I could find a partner again

And 2 years on, I still haven’t. I get constant dating app matches that lead nowhere. Men just talk to me for weeks and never ask me on a date. I get personal trainers at the gym asking me for my number, but they don’t seem like nice caring relationship type men and I don’t feel comfortable around them. I have constant men begging me to meet them for a drink, but they are guys that I know are compulsive liars or they don’t want kids or anything

I’m worried as I’m 28 now and I’m scared it’s going to get too late for me to ever have children. I really put myself out there

My male housemate the other day even said to me ‘isn’t it getting a bit late. People over the age of 30 have loads of complications in pregnancy.’

I’m even talking to a man on a dating app, we click but he’s not asking me on a date. He threw some date ideas and said ‘how about you come to me at the seaside, we play mini golf and get some fish and chips, but he’s not set a firm date for that suggestion.

I also went on a date from bumble the other day but he said he didn’t feel a connection even though the conversation was flowing

I don’t know what to do. I’ve always been the perpetually single one. I miss having a sex life too. My friends and family always wonder something is wrong with me

Me and my ex just clicked in so many ways, it just upsets me he freaked over the kids thing

I’m a very confident and friendly woman with my own things going on. Always keeping busy. I have a good sense of humour and I’m not argumentative. I’m creative and quite indie. I attract a lot of men, but only for sex and I don’t want that

tldr scared a relationship will never happen

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Do I [20M] have a chance at love if I don't have a job?

Hii! :)

I have some mental illnesses, which cause me to not be able to have a job. This might be, and probably will be a permanent thing.

This obviously means I don't have a big income at all. And I can see that being a turnoff for anyone wanting a relationship with me, which I ofcourse understand.

Is it possible to find and keep a healthy relationship, even if I don't have a big income? I am not talking about attracting golddiggers, but a stable financial situation is an attractive trait, I like to think. Does anyone have any experience with this?

TL;DR Is it possible to get and maintain a relationship without a decent income?

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My (31F) bf (26M) is super clingy and is jealous of everyone. How to proceed?

As the title states, my partner has extreme abandonment issues and is jealous and weary of every male that even looks my direction. We’ve only been together a few months (~4) and It’s become so annoying that no matter how many “promises” he makes on changing behaviour, I’m not seeing the light at the end.

He had a terrible childhood from drug addict parents, being in the system and abuse at all angles. He used to be quite obese but has lost the weight so he does struggle with self esteem issues unfortunately. When he gets into a jealous mode he is never aggressive or angry, he reverts back to a kid and mopes with his head down and even cries. It was manageable at the beginning but recently it’s been worse. I work 12 hour days at an airport in an office and my supervisor (24M) sits directly behind me. A few days ago my bf seemed very inquisitive of him, asking his age, what he looks like etc. After I answered he said “I don’t have to worry about him do I??” I was FUMING!! About a day after that him and his friend group met up with mine at a festival, he immediately singles out one of my guy friends with dirty looks, moping and asked the same sort of question! Even if there was something to worry about (absolutely not) did he expect me to just say yes?! This is basically anytime we’re in a room with a male.

In terms of the clinginess, he has been getting better after I said it was a major issue. He will literally follow me around my house like a lost puppy, is always trying to do a “good deed” for me, and when I refuse the deeds he tells me to “stop trying to be so independent”. It could be something like he’s trying to help me change the cat litter, if I say nope I’ve got this, he gets upset. I could be hovered over the stove cooking and he will try to make it some passionate movie moment, while I’m there struggling not to burn my brows off cause he’s holding me over it.

I don’t want to break up with him but I also see no actions changing at all. Is there a better way to approach this? I’m not good at consoling upset people and don’t want to come off as dismissive. Thanks and sorry for the rant 😮‍💨

TL;DR How to have the hard conversation with a clingy and jealous bf without forever upsetting him

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Jealousy and co-worker

Does anyone else get jealous over co-workers?

Myself and my partner work at the same place, a new woman started last year and she's really attractive and they speak quite a bit (nature of the job) although he speaks to others. I have been with my partner for 5 years.

In my head I don't see why he wouldn't want to be with her and in my head I've created this scenario they're close and eventually he will leave me for her and how could I work somewhere where they would be together if we did break up and how would I manage it.

It's a terribly destructive way of thinking and I find myself becoming quiet and short with him because of this scenario I've created in my head. It's not healthy for me, how do I manage it?

I've been cheated on at least 3 times in my life and wonder if it stems from that?

Tl;dr jealousy over co workers

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Shelter stress tests Healey's relationships - POLITICO - POLITICO

Shelter stress tests Healey's relationships - POLITICO  POLITICO

* This article was originally published here

Long Distances Explore Complexities Of Human Relationships On ... - Wild City

Long Distances Explore Complexities Of Human Relationships On ...  Wild City

* This article was originally published here

My 38F boyfriend 42M was publicly humiliated for being a golddigger and he's complaining that I'm denying emotional comfort

TL,DR: my boyfriend has made me feel awful at times and is overly focus on money. He was assaulted just recently and after being called a golddigger. The exoeykeft hik mentally vulnerable but I don't feel like I can offer comfort.

My ( F38) boyfriend( M42) isn't offering me emotional support. I feel empty sometimes. Good sex isn't everything.I've talked to him because there are times when he makes me feel like I'm settling. He finds it funny when I cry over these gs from my past, or dismisses my feelings when I get hurt because of his jokes ( saying things to make.ke jealous, making fun of my looks after I go to the salon).

We are very different, but that didn't affect us at the start. I come from a past where I had to work very hard to get respect from my peers and sacrificed many things to make a turn and create a startup. He's an avoidant and a laid back personality. We've had arguments because he never finishes what he starts and I'm frankly a bit tired of supporting his dreams so that he can drop them in a few weeks.

I don't know if this is valid, but I told him that he's now paying the price for not finishing college, not completing his community college education and also dropping out of a short course certificate class. He finds himself constantly starting over, and seething when his coworkers get a promotion. He got very angry, said that I'm being disrespectful and said that "he's internally powerful", whatever that means.

Because I believe work and pleasure don't mix and because we are not engaged or anything, I've been keeping my career and business progress very low key. It's not that I'm hiding it, but I don't want him to treat me different and prefer to be loved for who I am. Last year, I got a very large lump sum for my very first large contract. A few more clients poured in with similar terms. That allowed me to give my family the life of their dreams after so much sacrifice, in a huge home to hold 5 households and plenty of physical and financial security. I invested in scaling my business and saved a chunk. Locally ( I live in a different state from my family), I live a very regular life in a modest apartment and I'm very happy with it.

I've been concerned for a few weeks now. I couldn't control certain things, so a local company announced our agreement and a soft disclosure of the project value. Charles found out, like everyone who heard the news. I didn't feel good about him quizzing me. He doesn't understand that those 9 figures are destined to cover project costs and are a corporate investment. When I clarified, he jumped at the projected ROI that some accountant friend calculated. I won't deny that I've been struggling after that. My mind goes from trying to forgive his slight and thinking it's his lack of knowledge to feeling very offended.

Last weekend, his ex got into his face and confronted him about some money that he owes. I do know this. He smirked and two men whom I thiy might be her relatives manhandled him and tore his clothes "because he has no right to wear what she bought him". He ended up face up on the floor while they assaulted him. One of them yelled that he's nobody and a leech. I had to drive because he was sobbing. I'm very out off. Now I'm out of touch with him , because he's apparently using women. He wanted a hug but I couldn't bring myself to it. He says that I'm emotionally lurching him when he needs me the most. He can't sleep and he's not eating. I'm very confused as to how to proceed and just want to spend time by myself.

Should I just break up with him or should I talk it over and set boundaries? Please advise.

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Inside Courteney Cox's love life – on-screen romances and 'tough' relationships - Daily Star

Inside Courteney Cox's love life – on-screen romances and 'tough' relationships  Daily Star

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My Fiancé's Family Might Be Trying To Use Me and I'm Unsure of What To Do

I apologize if I go on a tangent here and there; there is a lot to know and only so much I can bring up about this.

My fiancé (M 25) and I (F 23) have been together for 3 years. We both have lived very different lives, where I grew up with plenty of money from both my separated parents and my fiancé lived with far less. We have rented an apartment together for the past year, and recently had to move out sooner than anticipated due to his type-1 diabetes being unmanageable and my depression spiraling. We've since been staying at his family's home, and to say things have been hectic would be an understatement. His family has financially struggled for a long time, with their lack of money inhibiting the ability to get back on their feet for many years. I truly do adore his family, and I want the best for them for as long as I'm here and longer, but their behavior recently has been stopping me in my tracks.

Two particular family members, his father and grandmother, were looking forward for us to leave our apartment and come live with them so we could support them with bills. The thing is I don't particularly have an issue with helping them financially, as I'm currently staying with them for free with my partner, but their comments have made me a bit uncomfortable. It's important to note that my fiancé's family are some interesting people, who have strong personalities and a strange way of going about life. They are very loud and are prone to yelling, talking over eachother, and just overall lacking awareness of things outside their own mindset.

For starters, my father-in-law and grandmother-in-law have been trying to be buddy-buddy with me, constantly trying to get on my good side, despite us having never properly had a conversation with one another. They have been been talking to me with the money sign glued to their eyes; the father has been nonstop mentioning how much money my fiancé and I will help contribute, with expectations that we will be staying with them for the long-term. The grandmother has been planning on having me tell my father to loan us money for a food truck so that the family can earn money this way; the worst thing about this? She hasn't even talked with me about it. For the past couple days, she has been randomly mentioning us getting a "truck" to make money, and I was clueless as to what she meant, until my fiancé finally told me; she has been forcing him to agree to this, trying to make this happen, and have him be the one to discuss this news with me. My biggest worry is she is getting too far ahead of this and might react poorly to me pushing this idea aside.

My father is a well-off attorney, but we have a strained relationship, and I don't feel comfortable asking him for something like this after he's already helped me so much with other financial problems. I'm very confused about my grandmother-in-law's views on this, as this is something that should be discussed with me, rather than passed along and only lightly mentioned around me. I have no idea how to go about this and convince her that my father will not be involved with this. It's also important to mention that she already has plans for other outrageous costs, such as building fancy toy-houses for my niece and nephew, and a whole kennel building for the family's 6 huskies.

My father has also not even met my fiancé and his family, as we live many states apart from eachother. I've contemplated talking with my mother-in-law about this, as she's the only sane one in this house and is aware of how they are. I want to make me being here work, but I worry that they're trying to use me and my family's money for their own benefit. They have asked my fiancé to have me give them money plenty of times, but he's always rejected them and I don't know about it until much later.

Any advice on approaching this would be greatly appreciated, as I worry I may be overreacting or looking at this the wrong way.

TL;DR: Since moving in with my fiancés family, the father and grandmother have been making financial plans on me greatly supporting them without my knowledge

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What to do with someone had no respect for your boundaries?

I had a family friend go over the line and did something which I think is a complete breach of trust. I am practically livid and I think I should stop and think before I make a decision because the sight and thought of him is making me angry enough I just want to ghost him.

I went through a horrible car accident last year and have been going through a terrible time with physical therapy. I lost my job cause I couldn’t keep up with the hours along with the therapy I have to do 3 times a week. I have also been having a hard time in my dating life as I basically can’t “perform” the way I used to. I have been depressed since then and have locked myself away and thought I still should until I can emotionally recover from this. I haven’t been actively meeting family, friends, or former co-workers.

This friend happened to be in town for his work and I offered for him to stay at my place. Sometimes I would open up to him about how everything has been just shitty. I don’t normally talk to people about it, but since he made me feel safe and that he won’t discuss it with anyone, I trusted him.

He went behind my back and told basically our old friends from HS, his family, and basically anyone I know who I haven’t even talked to for years. Now I’ve been getting calls from people asking, not how I am, but generally just asking for more details on how exactly I am managing life. I even heard gossips, completely a different version of the things I opened up to him. He apparently even took pictures of my house on days I didn’t have the time and energy to clean and sent those to my sister. Now my sister is raiding my apartment and have been coming over to “fix things” but I clearly don’t want that right now, I am not a child.

Now somehow I’ve become an “anonymous” topic for a podcast an acquaintance is making to “teach about the pitfalls of mental health illness”, and I can’t even complain about it to have it taken down because they’ll know it’s me.

I feel so gutted and betrayed. I have never felt so used and I don’t know how to explain it but this entire situation feels like I’m not a real person, I’m just some piece of topic for everyone to talk to about.

Fuck this shit hurts like hell.

Tell me what to do, reddit. Am I allowed to feel this way, fuck man this blows. I don’t wanna walk away from this without justice.

TL;DR friend violated my trust by gossiping about what I opened up to him in confidence, what should I do to make him pay for this?

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Is it fair to only want to make sacrifices for your partner they'd reciprocate for you? (26F, 27M)

My bf and I have been LDR for 1.5 years, dating for 2 in person before that. I'm in Amsterdam, he's in the SF Bay Area. He got into a great grad school program there paid for by work, so it made sense for me to try to move back there. Now, I love Amsterdam. It's designed practically perfectly, I love how bikeable and human-friendly it is, and being able to travel Europe is amazing. So I did feel like I was giving up a lot here, especially because I'm 99% positive I want to return here one day to raise kids and I picture myself getting old here more than in the US. He was on the same page as that and knew how important it was to me, said he wants to move to Europe too when he's done with school (he's already an EU citizen). However, we were discussing this one day and he said that if he gets a job at the end of school that can afford him the lifestyle he wants in the US, he's not sure he'd be able to resist that, and that if I happened to get a job in Europe while he didn't, he doesn't know if he'd also move there with me if he doesn't get a job at the same time. This really shocked and deeply hurt me, as I had basically planned to give up living in this city I love for him, and to hear him say that he doesn't know if he'd make the same sacrifice really upset me, as I don't know how he could think of me as a life partner yet say that. Now I feel like I shouldn't go back for him if he wouldn't do something similar for me in the future. Is that wrong and immature of me to think? Should you only sacrifice something that the other partner is willing to sacrifice too?

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TLDR: I was willing to make a sacrifice for my bf, but then learned he wouldn't necessarily make the same one. His stance makes me not want to sacrifice for him either. Is that fair or am I being stupid?

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Tired of hot and cold behavior from co-worker. What do I do next?

I met someone on a speed dating event about 6 months ago and we got along great. Unfortunately because they had to leave for work we didn’t see each other for a few months but when we did it was really nice. Coincidentally they were moving to my town and my office also. After we met I asked how things were and if he wants things to be friendly and where he stood. He said ok and we can keep things friendly but keep hanging out and take it from there and see how we feel. Since then we’ve met a few times. He’s extremely flirty in person but sometimes has cancelled plans last minute. Sometimes he’s hot and cold - if i dont message he’ll message a lot but if I do he won’t message as eagerly sometimes. At this point I do want to date and explore things but I’m not sure how to go about initiating that conversation. How do I discuss this with him?

TL;DR: 30F 30M a person I dated is now working at my office. We said we’ll see how things go but I’m developing feelings. What should i do?

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