Rumours to relationship: Paige DeSorbo and Craig Conover's chaos journey to exclusivity The Tab
* This article was originally published here
Thursday, February 29, 2024
Wednesday, February 28, 2024
My (27M) girlfriend (26F) lied about other man
We have been in a committed relationship for 6 months and went on our first date 8 months ago. In the first half of our relationship, she told me multiple times that after our first date, she stopped talking to other guys as she had strong desire to make something work with me early on. She asked to be exclusive about a month after our first date where she claimed to have not slept with anyone since we met, I believed her at the time.
Last week she brought up the fact again that she had not been with another guy since we met. She would bring this up without me prompting the topic, I guess the intention was to woo me in a way. This time when she made this statement I asked her if she really meant that and that literally absolutely nothing occurred, she paused and starting talking about how she had made plans with a guy before we met who does not live in our city to meet him while he was in town for work. The story was that she drove an hour to see him, they got dinner, kissed and she drove home, no sex. It was hard to believe for me that there was no sex so I asked her to just tell me the truth. She looked me in the eyes and sweared multiple times, there was absolutely no sex and she drove home alone that night.
This stayed on my mind because it was hard for me to believe. Yesterday I unjustifiably went through her phone to read messages from that night. Long story short, she slept at his hotel. By the date, it occurred after our second date and before we were close to being exclusive.
Even though I don’t like it, I don’t penalize her for sleeping with this guy. What keeps me from getting over this is that she lied and was convincing too. I am tempted to have a conversation with her where we first promise to tell each other the truth, even if it hurts the other. If she agrees, I will ask her about the guy she met and see if she really will tell the truth, obviously she won’t know that I am already aware she slept there. Am I playing games at this point? I would prefer to simply put this in the past as the action itself was not condemnable given the timeframe, it just hurts being lied to and it’s tough for me to trust her without truly testing her after this.
It should be stated that during our relationship, she has treated me very well and with respect. I believe she truly does love me and she has stated several times she sees us getting married, that it’s not a matter of “if” but “when”. I have little concern that she will be unfaithful, she’s a very affectionate and loyal person. I don’t want to walk away from her given everything else is great. How do I get over this?
TL:DR:: everything is great in our relationship accept that she lied about a time when we first started dating. How do I trust her to tell me the truth at times when the truth hurts?
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, February 27, 2024
Is it ok to text my ex who I haven’t spoken to in years but whose girlfriend is in class with me?
So my ex (33M) and I (31F) dated for 6 years when I was 18 to 24. It was a bit of a rocky relationship although we were both very serious about it and we broke up once before our final breakup. He had issues with lying and avoiding his problems by gaming all day which eventually led to the end of our relationship where I am ashamed to say I went to seek comfort in someone else. It’s been a few years now and we both moved on to new long term partners. I’m engaged to be married this summer and he’s been together with his girlfriend for a few years too. We haven’t spoken since. I think we both felt it was more respectful to our partners and also we wanted a clean break. I do think about him occasionally because we were together for such a long time and I wonder if he managed to fix his issues and hope that he’s happy. I’m really happy in my current relationship so it’s not that I have unresolved feelings or want to rekindle anything. I just still care for the person that was in my life for so many years.
However by a crazy coincidence it just so happens that his girlfriend and I are in the same course. It’s a big class so it’s not like we have to interact. But I’m guessing she also knows who I am. It’s a bit awkward.
This has made me want to reach out to my ex to tell him about it and ask him how he’s doing at the same time. Would it be wrong? I told my fiancé about this and he’s fine with it. He said I should introduce myself to the girlfriend but I think that would be really weird. Thoughts?
TL;DR : Weird coincidence: I’m in the same course as my ex’s gf. We haven’t spoken in years, but we dated for a very long time. I’m thinking of texting him to tell him and to catch up. Would it be wrong ?
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, February 26, 2024
How Long Were Jodie Turner-Smith And Joshua Jackson Married? Relationship Explored As Actress Opens Up About Divorce - PINKVILLA
Sunday, February 25, 2024
My (33) GF is hated by my family and I'm (30) in the middle of it
Me, I'm from Chinese family with quite traditional family background. My girlfriend is half Chinese, half. After dating for a year, brought her over to my family gathering and she was shun by my family. During the lunch and dinners she was quite expressive, vocal and loud. As most asians we are more on the quieter side.
My Chinese parents spoke to me, advising me to pick another girl as this girl isn't for me. They are very against her and went to the extend of telling me not to bring her home. Reason being due to her being rude.
I really do love her and I've accepted her for who she is way before dating her. I'm in the limbo now if I should lean towards my family's side (break up with her) or go on the side with my girlfriend (stay).
It's taking a huge toll on the relationship and our mental health. What would you advice?
TL;DR: My family isn't accepting towards my girlfriend and wants us to breakup. They making me choose them or the girl.
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, February 24, 2024
Friday, February 23, 2024
I (26M) don't know if feelings have changed with me and friend (21F) Should I talk to her about it?
I (26M) asked this girl (21F) out who is my friend through a phone call. I said "hey would you be down to hang out one on one ever?" she said yeah. then I said "like a date?" and she said "I'll have to get back to you on that" . Then later she texted me saying "i appreciate you asking me it's very sweet, but I think we should be friends hope we can keep hanging". This was months ago. Now, I feel like I'm getting signs feelings changed. She laughs at everything I say and do, she takes a lot of pictures/videos of me, she keeps touching my shoulder when I make her laugh, she teases and make fun of me a ton and then will say just kidding, she always stands or sits next to me and if I don't have anywhere to sit she'll tell me to just sit on the arm rest of her chair, she talks about being bad with guys, showed me DMS from some guy who has been asking her out since June, she looks at me a lot and smiles when I'm around, and we both have clinical together in nursing school and one day during clinical she kept having me follow her everywhere delivering food when she could easily do it herself, Also, whenever a girl responds to me she'll be like "oh she's so into you", and I just get the feeling that her feelings changed and my feelings for her only grew and don't know If I should bring it up again or leave it since I already asked months ago.
TLDR - Asked girl out who is my friend and got told we should be friends but I'm getting the feeling that her feelings changed.
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* This article was originally published here
Thursday, February 22, 2024
Me 25M and my 28F Fience. How to take care of the baby when both parents work? [UK]
Hello everyone,
Overall our relationship is quite healthy in our opinion. We didn't had a single fight for nearly 2 years since we started dating/living together. We do communicate we just don't get angry with each other.
She is really too optimistic(that she thinks there will not be much issue with sorting out time for the baby and she will be able to get a job from home after the birth) and I'm totally opposite
The issue is my Fience is working in a factory so she needs to be in office all the time and her PhD will not count as she done it for her mum and don't want to do anything relating to it.
All that means she really don't have work experience so I'm quite nervous about her having chances of getting remote job as well as the fact that she stutter quite a lot that i personally don't mind but i know how jobs works and they wouldn't really want like custumer service having issue speaking with cosutmers. She knows English perfectly but her stutter kind a underline it.(Maybe I'm wrong about how jobs operate due to my pessimistic way of thinking)
I'm perfectly fine with her decision about not wanting to have job in the carried that her mum has chosen for her and overall i don't mind what job she does as long as she is happy about it but sadly full time in office will not work for rasing baby in our situation.
I currently work remotely as IT support but i will need to change my job in couple months due to agency contract.
I do try my best to find another full remote work but doesn't seems to be able to find anything. Meaning that i will have to be in office like 2/3 times a week.
My mum is working full time as well so she will not be able to help us really with taking care of the baby and my fience mum is not living in the country nor speak the language.
That said our families cant help us with this. After the age of 5 of the baby it will be easier as she will be able to even work part times and drop off/pick up kid from schools. The issue is before that age on how to deal with it.
She earns minimum wage and i earn slightly more. I don't earn enough for her to just leave her job so that option is out of the question. I do trying to quit smoking as i do spend nearly 1/3 of income on it that is insane and i know.
Only one thing is that she told me lately that she still have her own house in her country as due her father inheritance(He passed away when she was little) her mum bought 2 houses for herself and daughter(my finece). My Fience is trying to sell her house now so i can get a bit more mortgage and buy house in the country we live in (UK). She would get around £100,000 for that house. If we buy a house we will want to buy a bigger one to don't have to move in a future so i was planing to get like 50,000 mortgage that with our current earnings it would be no issue paying it off but now I'm thinking maybe it would be better to hold that money for the time she will not be able to work?
TL;DR; : Fience work in factory and i will have hybrid job. How to take care of the new born baby utill age of 5 when family cant help.
I would really appreciate any advises!
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* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, February 21, 2024
My [19F] best friend [23M] likes another girl but continued to be affectionate with me..?
I wanna come on here to vent and get your guys' input on this...did I make the right decision? Any thoughts would be appreciated :)
But basically, I met this guy at the start of uni in September and we've been best friends ever since. I started to like him early on but that didn't make the friendship awkward or anything. Actually, we're so very close it almost feels like...soulmates. I don't want to be cliche or anything but that's really what it feels like.
We both express our *platonic* love for each other and we're so happy we met. We say I love you and he expresses how much he cares for me and how much I mean to him. I'll never forget when he told me that he doesn't know if he can have a life without me in it, and that I complete him.
So that's the thing...he says these things which, from an outsider's POV it might look like he's in love. But he's always just been so affectionate and I can't help but fall for it. We've been clear with each other on how things actually are though. He broke up with his ex around 2 months ago so he's not ready to emotionally invest in someone else.
The thing is we've been physically affectionate with each other for some time now, and almost regularly exchange texts about cuddling, kissing, and generally just doing physical things with each other. But to him it's just physical and a good time and I understand that so the fact there's no emotion to it stopped bothering me and I was just having fun myself.
Recently though he started to like a girl from our uni, and it had me raising questions because of his recent breakup, I thought he didn't want to be with anyone yet, and we've known each other longer and have shared so much, connected so much and feel super comfortable with each other. So I guess it made me feel like...why not me? But I understand it's not intentional and we simply just feel things.
Anyway he revealed to me that they recently started to be physically close as well, like holding each other and a few kisses here. Though I've been preparing myself for this time it still hurts and it's been bothering me. Today, he started with the usual cuddly/physical texts and as much as I want to engage with them, it makes me feel weird because he already likes someone else, so I feel like we're in no position to be doing this. To add, they're not in a relationship because the girl is kind of unsure if she wants to be with him, though she does like him back.
So I suggested that we take a break from speaking to each other for like, 2-3 days? I just feel like I need to remove myself from this situation for a bit. I told him he might be okay with being this way with multiple people but it just makes me feel weird/uncomfortable, and he said that I'm the only one he does it with. I don't know if I made him feel bad by saying that.
At the back of my head I'm wondering if this will make us grow apart? If things will be a bit different later on. But I just know this space is something I need, idk what else will follow after. He likes someone else, after all, I'm not the main focus. But in the past, anytime we don't talk for a while he'll come looking for me. He literally becomes restless and just HAS to talk to me. He tells me he can't sleep without me saying goodnight. I don't know if it will be the same now.
TLDR; taking a break from talking to my best friend who i like, who likes another girl, because boundaries are blurred, did i do the right thing?
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, February 20, 2024
Boyfriend (28M) of 6 years doesn't want to marry me (26F) so I fell in love with someone else.
Hello everyone!
I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for 6 years already. We met in college, and it was a wonderful relationship from the start. We formed an instant bond, and both fell in love. When I saw him for the first time, I was sure that I found "the one," and he said he felt the same. We lived together for a year while we were in college, but as soon as we finished, we moved back home and have lived separately since. He found a job with his university degree as an engineer offshore, so he would be at work for a couple of months then back home. I was hopeful that we will move in together soon and start living like a couple again. This was in 2020, and nothing has changed since. He lost his job in the meantime because his eyesight has been getting worse, and he can't work if his health is not perfect. He is now unemployed, living in his parent's house and doesn't even look for a job, and I work as a manager on a project. Even though he lives only 17 miles away, we see each other once a month for 5-7 days because he cannot drive due to his health issues and has to take a bus. I've been unhappy for a long time, and the fact he won't put an effort to see me is making me very sad.
I've chatted with a friend I met online. This guy (33M) is someone I share interests with, but I never saw him as a love interest. When this guy was in my country in November last year, I met up with him, and I felt an instant bond forming. I've told my boyfriend about my friend, and he said I can meet up with him because I would never go behind his back on something like that. Then it was December. During the Christmas period, I was at home, and my family was here, so, naturally, I asked my boyfriend to join us and celebrate Christmas with me because I can't be with his family due to my work. He declined my offer, said that it's boring to celebrate Christmas with me, and that he wants to be with his family. I felt devastated and figured out he has been avoiding holidays with me throughout our whole relationship. He always prioritizes his family over me. Then it was New Years, and I asked him to come so we can spend it together. Again, he declined the offer and spent the night drinking with his buddies in his town. My birthday was recently, in February, and my boyfriend said he would definitely be there. I waited until evening, and then he said he won't be here for the weekend as planned because it might rain later on, and he can't travel by bus in rain. So he missed my birthday and arrived a day later, even though I asked for a few days off from work weeks before that to properly spend the weekend with him. He arrived when I had to work until 9 pm, then complained how he is just sitting alone in my apartment while I'm at work, and that it's boring. Other than that, when we are together he is kind and caring.
I was devastated and felt very lonely. I started chatting more with my friend I met in November, and during the Christmas period, we even video-called, which became a regular occurrence. He advised me to ditch the guy. We talked more, and I told him how unhappy I felt, and I never talked about my relationship problems with anyone. I opened up to him completely about these problems. He said he wants to be with me and that he was in love with me for a long time. Due to my loneliness, I think I fell for this guy too. I dream about him often, and I think about him all the time. The problem is I am afraid to leave my 6-year relationship, and a part of me just wants everything to be just like it was. Even though he has been neglectful and made me feel bad, I am still hoping he will come back to his senses, sort his life out, and everything will be fine. And yes, I did talk to my boyfriend about everything that has been bothering me, he just says that everything will be fine if I just wait for a bit more. I don't want to lose more time waiting, I want to live my life and have a family of my own.
Please advise me on how to solve this mess. I would like a fresh perspective. Thank you.
TL;DR - Boyfriend of 6 years is neglectful towards me, refuses to find a job, refuses to spend important holidays with me or my family and refuses to try to work towards a goal of having a family. I fell in love with someone else due to the loneliness I feel. Now I am afraid if I am making a mistake by leaving this guy for someone else.
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, February 19, 2024
Am I (25F) overreacting if I am anxious that my guy (24M) has a dummy account where he accepted friend requests from a few random hot girls but he “never flirted with anyone using the account”?
I’m aware of my guy’s dummy account (he used a fictional character’s name) that he created when his main Facebook account got banned for 3 days for some reason in 2021. I found out he had a few random hot girls as friends on the dummy account all because one day I saw those random girls as Facebook’s Friend Suggestions and his dummy account was a mutual friend.
He rarely used the dummy account after he got his main account back.
But today, I saw him online using the dummy account, and when I chatted him there, he immediately unfriended and blocked me saying he needs to use the dummy account for a business in which he needs to protect his identity.
Now he’s insisting that he isn’t doing anything wrong and that he removed all friends from that account. He even defended himself further saying he never added the random girls — he only accepted their friend requests. I am anxious now and I pointed out that he wouldn’t accept those girls if he really didn’t have any plans to flirt.
He said I am just overreacting.
Am I?
—
TL;DR My guy has a dummy Facebook account where he became friends with random hot girls. I pointed out that he wouldn’t accept those girls if he really didn’t have any plans to flirt.
He said I am just overreacting.
Am I?
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, February 18, 2024
My (32 M) gf (26F) (ex) cheated on me with a white guy who is supposedly her bf now. Should I ask her if she cheated on me before this also?
We were in live in relationship since past two years. She was the love of my life. It's been 4 months since breakup and I'm devastated to be the understatement. I would prefer to die than bear this pain.
Anyway, she went to Europe for further studies. Did her first year, came back to me for three months break from university, we fought and everything and she was very hard on me during that time, but I knew she was always problematic but she's my baby and I tried to make it as best for her as it can be. She went back for second year, and after 15 days fought with me for no reason and told me that I'm worst bf and everything and she's going to go out on dates there now. After 7 days she posted on Instagram a photo with this new guy calling him love of her life.
She says that she did it all after she fought with me and told me we broke up. I told her she cheated on me, but except for above excuse once or twice she never denied it. She'll cheat is the last thing I expected from her.
Now I'm thinking if she cheated on me before as well. When she was in Europe in first year. Should I ask her this? I wanna know because I would like to know the truth and get a closure, otherwise I'll die in pain. But is it okay to ask this? Will it yield any result?
I am still the nicest to her, and we are in touch. Should I just ask her. I came here to ask you guys because I'm very high and I'm not trusting my judgement at the moment.
tl;dr - she cheated on me when we broke up. I wanna know if she cheated before as well.
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, February 17, 2024
How to not be resentful of your partner making a lot of money?
For context, my partner was fresh out of flight school when we met, I was just starting my associate’s degree. We supported each other through financial hardships for a couple of years until he got his CFI and attained enough flight hours to join an airline as an official pilot (well, FO). Anyway, I took some time off of school and coasted on the money we were making while he was flight instructing and just recently decided to go back. Well, he would rather I get a job and pay half the rent so he can put money towards his credit card debt he accumulated a few years back that has been gaining interest (which I understand), but has since started moving his money into another bank account and insisted we separate our finances… I can’t help but think this is his way of pulling away from the relationship and am resentful of the fact that he is hiding money now that he makes an exponentially higher amount than when we were together, meanwhile I am trying to figure out how to get enough money together through loans to go back to school. I am currently living in an apartment he is paying for but have not seen him for almost a month due to the fact he is on reserve. Though, he insists we are still together yet cancels any plans we make to see one another. How do I deal with feeling like he is being avoidant and waiting for me to leave? I am currently working part-time as a security officer and making close to minimum wage, meanwhile he is making what I believe to be around $80k/yearly… I am both embarrassed and ashamed to say I am envious and spiteful of the entire situation. Am I wrong to feel this way?
tl;dr: partner got a job as a pilot that makes almost $100k 5 years after we met and is never around anymore and I feel left behind while they fly around staying in nice hotels. trying to get into flight school to catch up…
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, February 16, 2024
Thursday, February 15, 2024
valentine’s day between my bf (28m) and i (26f) wasn’t what i thought but am i overreacting?
so i explained to my bf that it would be nice for him to ask me to be his valentine this year. he’s never asked me before, so i wanted to experience it at least once.
we don’t live together. he had work and i had some appointments. i wasn’t expecting us to go out the actual day or to see him at all. i thought maybe a phone call or facetime. instead, he wrote on a piece of paper, “will you be mine? <3 :)” and took a picture of it and sent it to me via text with, “say yes pls.” i was disappointed… i honestly thought the piece of paper was a napkin. apparently, it wasn’t.
idk. i know he went to five below and walmart this past weekend. he couldn’t have bought some construction paper, glue, markers, and glitter? just anything to make the “will you be mine” look like it had more thought/ effort? couldn’t buy one of those little balloons on a stick?
i know the question in most people’s heads rn is what do i do for him. pretty much every year, i gift him something. big or small. i make baskets filled with treats. i made different arts and crafts for him that contained memories of us for him to display in his room. one year, i made us cupcakes and lasagna in heart shaped containers but ended up eating that alone (lol least favorite vday). this year i bought him plushies that reminded me of us and an engraved necklace.
i don’t even want jewelry or a basket full of things or a room full of balloons and roses. i just wanted him to put a little effort into asking that question that i’ve never been asked before. we have a date this saturday but even that date was my idea… we’ve been together 7 years. i just wanted to experience it once like i said.
idk maybe you guys could tell me if im overreacting or being dumb. then, i will apologize to him for not being grateful enough.
TL;DR! : my bf didn’t ask me to be his valentine the way i expected. it left me feeling disappointed but perhaps i’m overthinking it.
thank you for reading.
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* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, February 14, 2024
Tuesday, February 13, 2024
How do I openly and honestly approach going on first dates with two different relationship prospects?
Background: I (26F) met 2 wonderful men through a religious dating app (where most people on it are looking for serious relationships). Both of these men live in different countries (Europe and the Middle East), which I don't view as an issue, since I speak both languages and my professional degree from the US is recognized in both places. Additionally, both men are also open to living in the US and have some family here.
Man #1 - Europe (30M): I began talking to this lovely man first. He stood out for his thoughtfulness and consideration for my feelings. Our values, goals, and religious beliefs align, he is kind and gentle when he speaks, and there is mutual respect. For 2 weeks, he would call me everyday and we'd occasionally text. Our communication was consistent and equally initiated/reciprocated. Then, he went a day or 2 without messaging me, so I gave him space, since he works loong hours and possibly set the bar too high at first. Then without explanation, he reached out again and we now call every few days. Since I am visiting family in the Middle East soon, we discussed I take a cheap flight over to him and spend a couple days together, which we are both excited about.
My friends told me his behavior of gradually communicating less frequently could mean he's playing the field and keeping me as an option. I am not comfortable asking him about, bc we're not dating so he can really do whatever he wants. They told me I should be doing the same because this is just how modern dating works. (Plus I don't really want to be waiting on this person's every word, in case I really am just an option.)
Man #2 - Middle East (28M): So, I replied to a message from this other wonderful man. We too have shared values and religious beliefs, he is kind too, and makes me laugh a lot. I haven't spoken to him long enough (only a few days), but he's been responsive and is really excited for me to visit.
The issue: Now I have first dates/meetings lined up with both of these men in 2 different countries. This does not feel right, but it's the only way for me to get truer impressions of them.
My questions: 1. Should I inform each of these men that I will be going on other dates? (I can't stand lying, and I'm sure it will come up in my conversation--like why I'm going to Europe and with who) 2. If so, how do I break the news to them?
TL;DR! - Met 2 great guys on an app and want to meet them, but feel disloyal having dates w 2 different people planned at once. I would not have this challenge if they both lived in town, but I am flying out so this is my one opportunity to meet both of them.
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, February 12, 2024
Why do we catch feelings for/become attracted to those we shouldn't?
This might seem like a general question, but I have had it happen to me more than once. I seem to always catch feelings for the 'dominant' types if you like (I am anything but that, introverted, caring and somewhat socially awkward, etc) and nearly always it ends the same way, with a broken heart. This time has been no different, with one small exception. She doesn't know, and all going well she's not going to.
I won't bore you with great details. But more or less I (24M) am attracted to this girl (22F) who works at my local pub. I have somewhat of a history with her so it was awkward at the start, but we're all good now and it was not long after we smoothed things over that I realised I had feelings. Or at least I think they are, but I do at very least think she is somewhat hot. Maybe it's her looks, maybe it's the way she carries herself, maybe it's just because I have a history with those types of people. I don't know.
The reason I wonder why it's actual feelings or not, is because for the first time ever apparently, the realisation did hit me at some point that we would not work. Apart from her being tied down anyway, we have very friggen little common interests, and while we do get on that's for a few hours one day a week. Every day, I feel would be a different story. That's not to even mention my actual chances with her regardless (slim to none imo).
I have 8 months (the pub's closed for renovations) to try and forget about this stuff and, jee wiz I hope I do.
But my question is, why does this stuff happen? Why is it that we can fancy people that we know we're not compatible with? We know it, I mean I had a girl who was almost exactly the same (with a few exceptions) basically gaslight me for years and it completely shattered me. To the point that I havn't felt anything for anyone, more or less until now.
Deep down though, there is that burning desire for it to work. Why?
TL;DR: Caught feelings for a girl that I have next to no chance of getting in with, and even if I did I doubt it would work. Why do we still want what we cannot have?
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, February 11, 2024
How do I (M29) get over the fact that my girlfriend (F29) isn't conventionally attractive?
Julia and I matched on an app and one of the first things I noticed were that her pictures had been very flattering. But we'd gotten along well and by the end of first date, I was hooked. We've been together for almost a year now and I never thought I could love somebody this much. For me, the more I like someone the more beautiful they become and because of her strength, her passion, her kindness and so much more I do genuinely believe that she's beautiful. Sometimes I'll just look at pictures of her and smile. It's early on but I want to give her the happiest days of her life.
I'm worried I'll ruin it by being dumb. I'm a conventionally attractive guy, and Julia's the first person I've been with that doesn't really fit the mold of a "typically attractive" person. I've introduced her to some of my friends and I've worried that they'll judge me (which is stupid, they're good people that look beyond appearances). When I see picutres of us together I sometimes think "I'm the hot one and that's okay" or "I've been with people who looked better". When we're together I call her things like beautiful and sexy and wonderful and unstoppable (all of which are true), but I don't say things like "gorgeous" because it feels like lying. I've seen pictures of celebrity couples where one is physically stunning and the other is physically "okay" and I've thought "See? We can just be one of those couples". I don't think physical appearance is important beyond the early stages of dating, and I am very attracted to her, physically and emotionally because of who she is and the way she makes me feel. But I know she'd be devastated if I told her about these thoughts. Can I get over this or should we break up?
TL;DR - I love my girlfriend but she isn't conventionally attractive. How do I get over my social conditioning?
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, February 10, 2024
Am I just stressed about the future with my boyfriend or am I unhappy
I (26f) have been dating my boyfriend (23m) for almost 5 years now. The relationship wasn’t bad all in all, we click really good. We did have many fights but we get over them quite quickly… This summer we’re planning to make some life changing decisions that really depend on us being together. So like, we won’t really have a choice to stay together after that (we will be moving to another country and we won’t be able to survive financially without each other). It’s both of ours first relationship so we have no experience or anything to compare this to. I know he loves me a lot and I do love him too but it stresses me out to have this kind of pressure and I keep wanting out of it, even though every time I imagine my life without him I get so sad. Also , if we break up before this summer, we won’t be able to be together because he will go back to his family (we met as international students in uni and he told me that his parents won’t let him leave after he comes back to his country- they are very strict). So I’m so confused right now because I really don’t know what to do, we also have different life experiences, where I had jobs since I was 16 but his family didn’t let him have any so he has no experience, he’s also not the best student or learner and I’m so afraid that it will create so many fights because as it is I feel like so much is on my shoulders… also my parents will be supporting me and my cats for as long as I need, whereas he will have no support, but he’s very good at saving money and has some savings, where I am the worst at saving… I’m also so afraid to break up because I want to believe in the first love thing but sometimes I’m really not sure I’m happy but as I said , I can’t compare it to anything else… I’m like happy 4 days out of 7 generally and then 3 days I’m miserable and overthinking everything. I’m a very strong overthinker. Is it normal for people to have these doubts 5 years in? Or is it a big red flag? How can I stop overthinking and be sure this is the right relationship for me?
TLDR: I’m not very sure I’m happy or maybe I’m just overthinking it , but also I’m very stressed about the future with my boyfriend, even though it has been 5 years that we’re together.
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, February 9, 2024
Thursday, February 8, 2024
For those of you who continued a long term relationship with someone you initially felt you were sexually incompatible with. Do you feel you made the right decision?
I (M31) have met an amazing girl (F27). We're not quite exclusive just yet but she ticks all the long term qualities I'm looking for in a SO. Except there's one problem. I don't feel we're quite "compatible" in the bedroom.. it's hard to describe but essentially it's always a very awkward experience whenever we become intimate. Without going into too much detail I struggle with her lack of "ques" as she's very quiet and not vocal at all about the things she likes when we're in the heat of moment.
She always tells after the after the fact she enjoys what we do but as someone who's a little more use to being with people who give a bit more feedback while things are happening, I'm really struggling to not feel like I'm doing a shit job which is starting to mess with me mentally. We've been trying to communicate about all this but there's been little improvement so far.
I'm worried that if things don't improve long term and I commit to this girl that I won't have a very fulfilling sex life and I'm concerned this may create some kind of resentment (which of course wouldn't be her fault. She's just being who she is).
For the record I don't look at her as just an object. I really enjoy taking care of her, taking her out, cooking her dinners etc.. I guess I'm just a little more use to a bit of a spark in the bedroom.
Has anyone here ever stuck it out with a partner long term with some doubt they might not be fully "satisfied" down the road? Do you regret your decision? Any advice is appreciated.
TLDR: Met an amazing girl. Not quite feeling things in the bedroom. Considering committing to her long term but worried I may have an unsatisfied sex life with her down the road and may regret my decision.
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* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, February 7, 2024
My (29M) partner (28F) of 6 years wants to end our relationship
This is my first time posting on reddit and my head is still a bit all over the place so I'm sorry if this sounds stupid.
I'm hoping for some advice on how we can stay together but give each other enough space to grow as people.
When we first got together she had only just recently gotten out of a different relationship. From what she has told me she has actually been in steady relationships from when she was in her teens. I had been single for almost 6 years at the point when we meet.
One of the main reasons she want to break up is she feels she has never had the time to be herself and find out who she is or what she wants. Over the years I feel like I haven't helped with this because we have pretty much been joined at the hip. Anytime one of us is going to do something the other is always there. It was never me or her it was always us. At the time I didnt realise just how upsetting this was to her or how she felt like she had no independence.
We only broke up on Saturday and are still living together. She had asked for some space to let things settle before we talk again and I've been trying to give her that but it's hard when all I want to do is hug her and tell her I understand.
I want to give her the space she needs to find herself but I also dont want to lose the person that I love.
At this point I think she has made up her mind and I'm trying to respect that and be okay with it but more than anything I just want the chance for us to talk and get through this somehow.
I still want to believe that we can have our independence and grow as people but work through this together somehow. But I also don't want to make her feel like I'm some weight around her neck.
I'm just afraid I've realising everything too little too late.
I'm sorry for the long and rambling post. I just needed to say this somewhere I'm losing the person I love and dont know what to do anymoew
TLDR: my girlfriend want to break up because she want room to find herself. I want to give her that but also don't want to lose her.
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, February 6, 2024
Monday, February 5, 2024
Am I being delusional?
My(19M) friend(20F) told me that I'm too possessive of her. We have known each other for 2 years.
I told her that I don't like her talking too much with other people. While I realise this is a little unhealthy, I can't do anything about these feelings.
She's in the college council, so she has to interact with a lot of other people. She assures me that I'm closest to her in college, I don't really believe that.
It's concerning to me that she can easily make me do anything she says.
I didn't talk to her or even look at her for 2 weeks when I felt that she was behaving a little differently towards Me. But I caved in with a single word from her.
Now I'm feeling like shit again and don't want to talk to her.
I not very good at any type of relationships, I'm a very childish and jealous person. I listen to advise from others but, i doesn't matter, my brain doesn't accept anything that it doesn't like.
What do I do? How do I change?
Tl;Dr: I'm delusional about people and need help.
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, February 4, 2024
Is it possible to change your mind about someone overnight? Did I cause that?
I had a long distance relationship with a man for some time, where he was so interested to begin with. The first time we met was in person and I felt he was interested in me. He messaged consistently called consistently asked me lots of questions and made time for me. He started to bring up serious topics like marriage. It turns out we were compatible on values and future goals and it all made sense really. He made plans for a future together asked me when I want to marry him, asked me about the proposal the rings the honeymoon everything. It was going really great. He was supportive and consistent in communication. I really fell for him.
At the same time as the marriage talk started I noticed he changed slightly. Although initially he liked to joke around a lot and throw digs at me here and there, the jokes increased to things like ‘you’re so old that..’ ‘seems you have memory issues and Alzheimer’s because of your age’ ‘you’re so stupid’ ‘such a b****’. I did make it clear I don’t like these jokes but he would stop then start again. I also noticed he called other women degrading terms. He called some of my career decisions stupid also because he didn’t agree with them. I always took an interest in his hobbies and did them but when I asked him to do the same back he wouldn’t. I guess I noticed this stuff but just saw it as his character and that he didn’t mean anything bad by it because that’s what he told me.
We got some time to spend together recently which I was looking forward to. We had planned to get engaged quite soon. But he acted so different from the moment we met again. Admittedly I was a bit shy initially around him but otherwise was my normal self. He was quite cold and formal and almost bored. He wasn’t smiling or laughing. A few days in I called him up on this and he said there is no connection. He said conversation was awkward - it wasn’t, he just wasn’t interested in what I had to say. It felt like he was making excuses. This was a massive shock to me because he seemed so excited for a future a few days earlier. It ended nicely and I left. I told him that his jokes had upset me and he says he didn’t realise but will change for his future partner. I’m reeling and don’t know what I did wrong. Any ideas? I’m scared I won’t find someone consistent again.
TL;DR: 35M left me 33F out of the blue despite him pushing for a future almost overnight. Where did I go wrong.
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, February 3, 2024
Girlfriend (f22) has given up on me (m23) because she doesn't feel loved/desired. What now?
Long story short we've been together for a little bit more than a year and she just (a week ago) realized that she has never felt loved/desired and I don't love her, I don't feel passionate towards her. Now she has given up on me, doesn't believe a thing I say, and more importantly has stopped walking naked in front of me after the shower/while changing and doesn't feel comfortable hugging, kissing or having sex at all anymore since last week. She says she's not comfortable touching me anymore and has given up on all of that.
She's a person I value more than my own life. I do and would do everything for her. If she needs anything I feel genuinely good to help her out. Before we lived 50km apart, I with my parents, she in the dorm, she's an international student and comes from a different continent. I moved to the city where she studies, and pay bills together. I have always delayed and put my own things aside for her, my work, my bodybuilding, everything. I was extremely depressed before getting to know her and she had saved me. She filled a giant hole on my body that I couldn't fill in by anything. I will not spend a day without her on this planet. We've talked about the future a lot, kids, pets, the house, everything. I take care of our pet, take care of the dishes most of the time and same goes for cleaning the apartment. I make breakfast, and dinner mostly too. I take care of the groceries because of her being so busy with studies and honestly also pay for 95% of things (I don't mind that, I always praised my money as "our" money and that we both can spend the income I get. Even encouraged her to get and save money for herself and things she wants, while I wear the same pair of shoes/sneakers from summer to winter until the sole wears off and I can feel the ground I'm walking on).
I am an anxious person/attachment style, she's an Avoidant. I feel anxious whenever I feel like she's in a bad mood and always want to help, to the point where it's annoying, she frequently shuts down, ignores me, stonewalls and is insulting me. We live together for 8 months already. She doesn't like deep or even relatively deep conversations and just picks up the phone while talking to me to browse Instagram reels. 95% of the time serious conversations become arguments, her heating up, saying "you never", "you always", her slamming the bathroom door, to the point where it has somewhat traumatized me and have made me feel like I'm alone with my emotions, my anxiety and my needs, I can't say no, I have to agree with everything or it's gonna be 3 days of silence, stonewalling and her independence shooting up - not letting me help with anything, wants to do everything alone, doesn't text me while at university (she's still studying, I'm done with studies and work from home) and other similar things. I've become traumatized where I go to the bathroom, kitchen and cry while washing the dishes, weep at home on the floor after dropping her off at university every morning. I've learned to treat her as carefully as I can not to suffer anxiety from not talking/having several bad days in a row because she gets angry. I have to admit I've started to control my anxiety because of reading about attachment styles, and have told her about it too. She doesn't seem to do much about her childhood traumas and her being so avoidant.
I'm her first boyfriend, she's my first girlfriend. She's my first sex partner, while she has had +-20 partners because of a heartbreak that made her feel undesirable and then she went rogue to "show him" how undesirable she is.
Here's what she has said/have never made her feel desired because:
1.She doesn't like being asked permission for kissing, hugging, having sex. She wants to be kissed randomly, hugged from the back spontaneously and "bent over the bed and just fucked and dominated". I have "never" kissed, hugged or had her randomly picked up and fucked. (My response has been that I have been randomly kissing her, hugging her while she washes the dishes, but have been lacking with dominant sex as my sex "language" has always been passionate, slow, kiss full sex. Her's is borderline r@p3 (as she's asked me to try that one day on her). I have feared rejection not only about sex, but also hugs and kisses because I'm afraid to make her angry and make her shut down for days which makes my head think I'll loose her, make the relationship bad. She has repeatedly pushed me away and rejected my hugs and kisses while angry so I learned it's not something I should do and just give her time to rest, cool off)
1.1 I never solve arguments by just coming to her and just hugging her. I always want to talk instead. "some things are not fixed by talking". (I've done all of that, been swatted, or pushed away, and learned a lesson not to do it anymore because it makes matters worse, so why gamble if I should hug her and will it make her feel better in some universe, or I should ask her consent first instead)
2.I don't respect her boundaries - a)not getting her things when she's angry, like flowers or chocolate, b)and not pushing on conversations to her when she doesn't want to talk. (I don't get her things anymore after she told me not to, we had a conversation about it, but made a mistake of getting her flowers for the start of the new university semester starting just a day after our argument, she took it as "you are buying me, my feelings again and dont respect what I said". As for the conversation topic, she made a test if I could let an argument we have slide and not push her to it. I politely asked if she wants to talk about it, she said no, I asked if we can talk about my feelings then and what hurt me in that instance whilst keeping her side out. I'm a firm believer that communication is key and I still, despite being hurt over and over for showing my emotions, try and bring things up to clear resentment and have a better relationship. Unfortunately asking to talk about my feelings in this situation made her really angry, I broke her boundary/her test.)
Now we had a serious conversation, I of course apologized for everything because I feel like I had to, explained my point of view and was asking her about all the boundaries, what I can do to improve the situation. I apologized for being so careful with her and asking consent, I told her I have a different love language and just because I don't love her by always randomly kissing her, hugging her, I still ask as it's on my mind and I still want to. I gave her several new promises, told her I'll change some ways and not give up on her, our love. I won't stop trying. She says she's uncomfortable holding my hand even, we haven't touched each other for 4 days now, and so we can't even really go outside because she doesn't want people to think we're not together. She's given up, "we're going in circles" and I'm "either ignorant or just don't care about her". She said "be patient", "maybe we won't ever touch again", "do anything but respect my boundaries and don't touch me".
I have never been angry to this woman in my life, never raised a voice, a hand, have always been there for her when she's crying, have ran to the university when she forgot her pencils at home, make her fresh school lunch every day with a special note/joke inside to brighten up her day every day, I fix her bike the first thing I can when it breaks down alongside so many other things but I'm just not enough. I don't make her feel desired.
I will never leave this woman by myself, so please don't tell me to. Is there any advice, absolutely anything I can do to win her heart again?
Sexy time has always been a problem to us, my sex drive is 3x higher than hers. She hasn't been wanting to have sex for the last half a year and told me to "initiate it more, think of new positions, be more dominant", which I have done and she has admitted to me doing a good job at it.
Apart from singing to her whilst playing the guitar and asking her to be my valentine, I am not sure how to act now.
tl;dr girlfriend feels like im lying and i dont love her because of her feeling like i dont respect her boundaries - me being anxious and too careful with her, not initiating sex the way she wants me to and now is uncomfortable with physical touch, huggs, kisses. Breaking up is not an option, so what can i do?
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, February 2, 2024
My [20F] boyfriend [22M] has made a few harmless, but eyebrow-raising statements about female anatomy. Should I try and educate him, or suggest he does it himself?
I just want to preface that he isn’t hostile or misogynistic in his claims, he is pro-choice and he’s never disrespected me or hurt me in any way. He isn’t disgusted by periods, pregnancy and other things, and he trusts me when I state my preferences in bed. Things he has said seem to be rooted in ignorance, since in my country there’s literally no sex ED at all. The only woman in his family is also his mom, so, there’s that.
Some examples: 1. Before we had our first time (which was also the first for me) he asked, sheepishly: “What if your hymen is too elastic and we won’t be able to break it?”. 2. When I was having my monthly mental breakdown before my period (granted, I struggle during that time), he asked: “Is this normal? Shouldn’t you see a doctor because you get mood swings?”.
3. We were watching “Quiet place”, where a pregnant woman (and mother of three) is shown to measure her blood pressure in a post-apocalyptic setting. He said: “Wow, she must be a doctor of some sorts! She seems to know what she’s doing”. One of our friends then mentioned that she’s literally pregnant with her fourth, so it’s pretty expected of her to measure her blood pressure. He took a moment to think and said “Oh, yeah. That’s right”. 4. During a discussion he said “egg cell” when meaning “uterus”. After we cleared that out, it seems like he thought those were the same thing? As in, “a cell that contains eggs”. 5. We had an argument where, after a pretty insensitive joke from his friend, I said that “vaginas don’t permanently stretch or get loose”, and he started arguing about semantics and mentioned that “a vagina permanently stretches after childbirth”. I left that conversation because it was too much, and I still wonder wtf that was. It happened like a year ago.
I know these are all pretty harmless, but I have to admit I’m a bit embarrassed that he doesn’t know some stuff I personally consider common knowledge. I once sent him a video (a short 3D animation, nothing graphic) about how the female body functions monthly, and he said he didn’t really want to watch it. I didn’t push, but it kind of made me sad that he isn’t curious about those things. I am honestly wondering if I’m in the wrong.
Should I get off my high horse and just deal with it? It doesn’t really harm our relationship in any way, and I feel like me thinking he’s ignorant is me being a douchebag. But it’s also not like I know everything about male bodies, either.
TL;DR: The title. By boyfriend seems to be ignorant about female anatomy, but it doesn’t manifest in any harmful or negative behaviors. Though it bothers me that he doesn’t understand how my body works and says pretty stupid stuff sometimes. Should I bother bringing it up or is it better for me to chill out and let him be?
Any thoughts? 😬
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* This article was originally published here
Thursday, February 1, 2024
I (31f) found out that my bf (30m) got a happy ending massage
We have been dating for 7 years now and living together for 3 years. And I recently found out that he got a happy ending massage a year ago.
Talked him about it and asked how could he do that to me knowing my past trauma with cheating (parents cheated, got left and cheated by baby daddy).
He told me that his friends/coworkers went there before and keep talking about it so he got curious what it is about and went there. And said he only did the handjob, nothing else.
I am devastated and broken and I don’t know what should I do. I think I am in state of shock that up until now I can’t believe that he was able to do that.
He is a nice guy, and a good stepdad. I know he loves me but I felt disgusted and shattered. I don’t know what to do.
I know I don’t want to break up with him but it is so hard for me to even look at him. Though he told me this is the only time be did it. And this is the first time and last time. And promised me he will prove and show me how much he loves me and how sorry he was.
TL;DR caught bf of 7 years got a happy ending massage and hid it from me for a year. Asked why he did that, told me he was curious because his friends went there and keeps talking about it
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* This article was originally published here
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