Hello everyone!
I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for 6 years already. We met in college, and it was a wonderful relationship from the start. We formed an instant bond, and both fell in love. When I saw him for the first time, I was sure that I found "the one," and he said he felt the same. We lived together for a year while we were in college, but as soon as we finished, we moved back home and have lived separately since. He found a job with his university degree as an engineer offshore, so he would be at work for a couple of months then back home. I was hopeful that we will move in together soon and start living like a couple again. This was in 2020, and nothing has changed since. He lost his job in the meantime because his eyesight has been getting worse, and he can't work if his health is not perfect. He is now unemployed, living in his parent's house and doesn't even look for a job, and I work as a manager on a project. Even though he lives only 17 miles away, we see each other once a month for 5-7 days because he cannot drive due to his health issues and has to take a bus. I've been unhappy for a long time, and the fact he won't put an effort to see me is making me very sad.
I've chatted with a friend I met online. This guy (33M) is someone I share interests with, but I never saw him as a love interest. When this guy was in my country in November last year, I met up with him, and I felt an instant bond forming. I've told my boyfriend about my friend, and he said I can meet up with him because I would never go behind his back on something like that. Then it was December. During the Christmas period, I was at home, and my family was here, so, naturally, I asked my boyfriend to join us and celebrate Christmas with me because I can't be with his family due to my work. He declined my offer, said that it's boring to celebrate Christmas with me, and that he wants to be with his family. I felt devastated and figured out he has been avoiding holidays with me throughout our whole relationship. He always prioritizes his family over me. Then it was New Years, and I asked him to come so we can spend it together. Again, he declined the offer and spent the night drinking with his buddies in his town. My birthday was recently, in February, and my boyfriend said he would definitely be there. I waited until evening, and then he said he won't be here for the weekend as planned because it might rain later on, and he can't travel by bus in rain. So he missed my birthday and arrived a day later, even though I asked for a few days off from work weeks before that to properly spend the weekend with him. He arrived when I had to work until 9 pm, then complained how he is just sitting alone in my apartment while I'm at work, and that it's boring. Other than that, when we are together he is kind and caring.
I was devastated and felt very lonely. I started chatting more with my friend I met in November, and during the Christmas period, we even video-called, which became a regular occurrence. He advised me to ditch the guy. We talked more, and I told him how unhappy I felt, and I never talked about my relationship problems with anyone. I opened up to him completely about these problems. He said he wants to be with me and that he was in love with me for a long time. Due to my loneliness, I think I fell for this guy too. I dream about him often, and I think about him all the time. The problem is I am afraid to leave my 6-year relationship, and a part of me just wants everything to be just like it was. Even though he has been neglectful and made me feel bad, I am still hoping he will come back to his senses, sort his life out, and everything will be fine. And yes, I did talk to my boyfriend about everything that has been bothering me, he just says that everything will be fine if I just wait for a bit more. I don't want to lose more time waiting, I want to live my life and have a family of my own.
Please advise me on how to solve this mess. I would like a fresh perspective. Thank you.
TL;DR - Boyfriend of 6 years is neglectful towards me, refuses to find a job, refuses to spend important holidays with me or my family and refuses to try to work towards a goal of having a family. I fell in love with someone else due to the loneliness I feel. Now I am afraid if I am making a mistake by leaving this guy for someone else.
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