Phones and relationships - the fine line between trust... - Daily Maverick

Phones and relationships - the fine line between trust...  Daily Maverick

* This article was originally published here

Me (32f) and husband(32m) going through a divorce

Met my soon to be ex-husband 4 years ago. We dated briefly and he broke up with me, saying we're not compatible. I was falling for him so I was really sad, but then things became complicated. Shortly after the breakup I found out I was pregnant, I let him know through his sister because he was not answering my calls, well, long story short, he came to me with a big bouquet of flowers, he said he was sorry about the breakup and that he wants us to try again. We moved in together, he proposed to me about 6-7 months after getting back together. Our son was born prematurely at 32 weeks pregnancy, emergency C-section because I developed preeclampsia. During this time then fiance was the best really. He was very supportive, I don't think I could make it without him really. He was my mental support and gave me strength. He helped me with everything, I had C-section and he even helped me take a shower etc. When our son was very little he helped a lot with everything, did his part of house chores, took care of the baby, even got up at night sometimes when baby cried, all this while working and providing money for us. When our son was 6 months old we got married. It was the happiest day of my life, I thought this is it, I finally have what I've always dreamt of, a loving husband, a baby, a true family. We agreed we wanted more kids, and we agreed I was to be stay at home mom until they were older. So when son was about one year old we tried for another baby, and we succeed at first try. This time it was a daughter, luckily it was healthy pregnancy, everything going like we planned. Except, when I was pregnant we started fighting a lot, falling apart, he was working more and more, I was tired, I felt alone and lonely, very fat and pregnant, taking care of 1,5 year old, taking care of house chores alone, because it all started changing and he wasn't as helpful as before. I guess we both failed to make each other happy, I'm not saying he's the only one to blame, but I really thought when our daughter is born, things will go back to normal. But they didn't, I started to feel even more alone and tired, I felt so so tired... We stopped having sex, we fought everyday. Every woman I had around me told me it was normal. That being pregnant, having a toddler, hormonal issues, then having newborn + toddler is exhausting and that every one of them had a hard time in their marriage during this period. I believed that. But time passed and nothing improved, we did therapy, we talked about it a lot, and nothing changed. In march he told me he want a divorce. That he doesn't love me anymore, actually he said he never loved me, that he married me because I got pregnant... I'm devastated. I begged him to not divorce, just to separate for some time, and see if that's what he really wants. He agreed. But about two months after I moved out with kids, he said he does want a divorce. I know I can't force him to stay with me. I'm just so devastated, so heartbroken. I still love him. I'm also very scared, since I am now alone with two small kids (3,5 and 1,5). I don't work. I want to go back to work in three months when kids will be attending daycare. Still I won't be making enough money to pay for everything. I'm not even sure if I earn enough to pay rent alone. He said he will give us money, he said he wants to see children etc. But I can't help feeling anxious. He said if I give him divorce without problems he will support us, but if I will try to claim it is his fault I am on my own. I don't have place to go, I don't have money saved, and I feel like I need to just do as he wants. I think there is someone else. Don't have any proof really, just a feeling. Well, his Google account was logged in on a laptop I took with me, and I once checked that, it saves Google maps locations of the phone, and I saw he was in a pub, when he said he was home, but when I accused him without thinking, he changed the password and I can't find some more proofs anymore. And I don't have money to hire a detective to check if he really was cheating on me.

What should I do now? How to move on and stop feeling depressed? I feel like I'm dead inside, just on auto pilot taking care of kids and that's it...

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* This article was originally published here

Is my (30F) co-worker (35M) interested or just being friendly?

I've been texting a co worker pretty much non stop since Friday night. We work on the same team but different departments.

Friday night after a team event we took a train home together (it wasn't just us two, there were four of us) and he would NOT shut up about the cat. I was placating him a little throughout the journey home.

At the dinner I was talking about the drinks I was having last night for my birthday, he was in the group and said "oh sweet, text me about it"

So I was like "cool, I'll ask John* for your number and send it on" then John was like "you know he's right here, you can just have his number right now yeah?" So Tom* put his number in my phone and said "call me there" so he would have mine.

He initiated the contact Friday night saying about the cat and it's kinda gone from there.

And it's not anything too "I wanna put my dick in u" explicit but there's also been some deep messages like about his parents divorce and that life is messing him up/has messed him up a bit (no details but given some of what he's said, I'm imagining a break up of some kind) and how he's in a bit of a low and he's gonna start therapy, and like. . . .things you don't talk about with a normal Co worker?

Or in such frequency? Cos don't get me wrong. I love the other guys on my team to pieces. But we rarely text outside work. The only co-worker I regularly text outside work is someone with whom I make a lot of plans and travel on day trips with. My mind is like "he wouldn't message so much if he wasn't into you in some way?"

But also he has showed me his cat. A lot. She's a good girl.

There's never been anything explicitly flirty, but things like making some kind of way to see each other, like me cooking lasagne or him offering to help with furniture if I move, or a round of shots to see which of us can best represent our country (I'm Irish, he's Australian.)

TL;DR a co worker and I have been in pretty constant contact, and I don't know whether it's because he's interested or just as friends.

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* This article was originally published here

When Rishi Kapoor talked about relationship Ranbir Kapoor will have with his kids: 'What he missed out with me' - The Indian Express

When Rishi Kapoor talked about relationship Ranbir Kapoor will have with his kids: 'What he missed out with me'  The Indian Express

* This article was originally published here

Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell Relationship Timeline - Distractify

Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell Relationship Timeline  Distractify

* This article was originally published here

My bf wants to get back into WOW and I don’t know if I should agree to it.

My bf (25M) and I (25F) have been together for 4 months now. He has recently started expressing to me how much he loved playing WOW for years and hated how his ex made his quit. He has been talking about the new expansion coming out and asking me if he could join a guild (group) and start playing/raiding with them a few days out of the week. He also mentioned that other than those days that he is going to play with them, he would also need time to grind things for his character to stay caught up with everyone else on the team.

He is asking me if I would be okay with that and honestly I don’t know if I should agree or not. One on hand, I would love for him to do something that he loves and see how happy it would make him knowing how much he loves it. But, on the other hand I’m afraid it would ruin our relationship. He himself is telling me that he really wants to do it but is afraid of how he might get addicted to it (because he has a history of doing so as he phrased it himself). And I’ve also seen so many stories on Reddit talking about how the bf’s addiction to WOW totally ruined their relationship and I wouldn’t want that to happen to us.

I also don’t want to tell him that I am okay with it and then change my mind because it would just not be fair for me to let him commit to a team and get back into the game just to take it away from him. But at the same time I don’t want to not tell him how I feel if he got too addicted to it and then end up killing the relationship by not sharing how I feel.

What should I do?

TL;DR My bf wants to get back into playing WOW but I am afraid of him getting too addicted and ruining our relationship.

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* This article was originally published here

Boyfriend decided to take me with him on partners-included team building weekend

I am wondering whether I should be suspicious about my [24F] boyfriend [32M] having decided to not take me with him on team building weekend although his colleagues decided at the beginning that it would be a partners-included weekend. 3 out of 4 of his colleagues are there with their partner, the partner of the one colleague who is also alone couldn’t join them because he is abroad.

When we had the discussion about whether I should accompany him or not, he told me that he would rather go alone since this is the first time he is going to meet his teammates in person (he works remote) and he wants to focus on them and have uninterrupted time with them during the weekend.

He’s there now and I feel a bit hurt about him deciding to not take me with him. I am also wondering whether I should be suspicious about his decision and worry that the reasons he gave me are not genuine. Is it reasonable to not want to include your partner in such an activity even if is a partners-included event?

Tl;dr: partner decided to exclude me from team building weekend although the majority of his colleagues are accompanied by their partners. Should I be worried?

LE: up until May, it was a fixed decision that we would go together. He changed his mind this month after having had some conflict with his colleagues at work. He impulsively decided that he wants to thread the situation carefully and spend time alone with them in order to repair any damage that might have been done.

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* This article was originally published here

My(f21) boyfriend(m21) has really strict parents. How do I help him feel less stressed?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 8 months and met at our university. I'm not sure if this is relevant info but I'm latina and he's asian. I have strict parents too, but they're just not as strict as his imo. I feel sort of bad for him because his parents expect him to do everything. he said it's always been that way since he can remember, but he has a younger sister who's 19 and his parents expect my boyfriend to do everything for her and for them. like he always has to drive her around everywhere just because she doesn't feel like driving. and his parents only expect him to clean the house and do the cooking and chores. his sister does help out sometimes, but the majority of times he does everything. I get it might be because he's the oldest...he said his parents always do everything his sister wants. they don't allow him to really hang out with me. and we only get to see each other once a week and for a few hours on that chosen day. because his mom says why does he need to see me more than once a week. but yet they let his sister go out whenever she wants, and as many times as she wants a week. and he's told me how when he graduates his parents still expect him to send money to them and help with his sisters education because it's "his responsibility". now don't get me wrong, of course I think it's good that he helps out his parents and sister when he can, he's a great guy. but I feel like so much responsibility is put on him, that shouldn't be. I do understand about his parents needing help with certain things, because I also have immigrant parents. there's a lot more, but I'm not going to go into too much detail. I'm not sure how to help him. he has trouble talking about his feelings with me because he said it's not something he's ever learned to do. and I really love him and care for him. I just want him to open up more and know that im there for him. please help it would mean everything <3.

TL;DR! - my boyfriend has really strict parents who expect him to do everything for them and I need help on how to be there for him and make him feel less stressed.

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* This article was originally published here

Boyfriend doesn’t seem to be attracted to me anymore and it’s very hurtful

Hello everybody! I apologize if I make any mistakes while trying to communicate in English, since it’s not my native language.

I (f28) am in a long term relationship (6 years) with my boyfriend (m26). We are living together and he is supportive to me. Marriage and children are in the plans. Or they were in the plans, since our relationship have been changing lately.

There’s a lack of intimacy between us. He seems to be losing interest in sex, although I often try to initiate it. It’s very hurtful to think that he isn’t attracted to me anymore. Other guys try to flirt with me though but I’m not interested in any of them.

We’ve gotten into a routine, like we’re just best friends. After work at the end of the day he spends his free time playing online games. There’s a girl in his game group he meets online often. He is always talking to her, sharing confidences, or even talking about our relationship (even personal things about me which I would like to be private). He is open to me about it.

I feel lonely and like I'm not a priority. I don't want to misjudge or to be toxic to him or the girl, but I can’t stop think he is having an emotional affair. Should I be concerned about it? How to deal with it?

I always had trouble connecting with other people, it takes me a lot of time and efforf to strengthen love and friendship bonds. And I value my time with him, we’ve been through so much together. That’s why it’s so difficult to know what should I do in this situation .

Thanks to everyone who can read and help.

tl;dr: Boyfriend doesn't seem to be attracted to me anymore. He is losing interest in sex. I think he is becoming attached to someone else. I don’t know how to deal with this situation.

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* This article was originally published here

Question that I shouldn’t be asking.

Me (22) and my gf (20) broke up due to multiple red flags on her part. I really liked this girl, but knew I had to move on. However, I want her to realize what she’s done and try to change.

Since talking it through did not work, what is the best way to make her truly feel my absence from her life and hopefully make her make a change and come back into my life as a healthier and better potential girlfriend?

Tldr: broke up with my gf because of a few issues. I want her to change and come back to me, what’s the best way to make her feel she has messed up?

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* This article was originally published here

Alice Merton reflects on personal & professional relationships with new album, 'SIDES' – 105.7 The Point - 105.7 The Point

Alice Merton reflects on personal & professional relationships with new album, 'SIDES' – 105.7 The Point  105.7 The Point

* This article was originally published here

My (27f) boyfriend (30m) thinks I should tell him everytime someone flirts with me

I posted a video swimming underwater, in my swimsuit obviously! And he replied to the story: "Would you tell me if one of your exes replies to this in a flirty way"?

This was a Whatsapp status so I told him I didn't have any exes in my contacts but in any case, I would not tell him every time someone hits on me, I would not be unfaithful of course and that would not add any value. I understand this comes from an insecure space (I was unfaithful before, he was as well) BUT I don't think its healthy to "report" on these things, specially when you're not engaging with them.

Am I crazy to be firm about this and to think this is toxic?

He says he doesn't understand why is unhealthy, and asked me to send an article or something. I dont think I need an article because its about the principle and what I expect from the relationship, but want to double-check, I feel crazy

TL;DR: my boyfriend wants us to tell each other each time someone is flirty, is this really healthy?

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* This article was originally published here

I come onto Reddit to speak platonically when I feel isolated or lonely

I suffer with depression and I am very codependent possibly borderline personality disorder. I have been in a relationship for 5 years. We have been living together all this time. We are very close, we are best best best friends and do a lot together. I am also a loner and I love just doing my individual things that calm me and helps my mental health and made it important to also have my own set of shows and games to play. I have become a lot better mentally when I started doing my own set of hobbies. I am very very very content. And absolutely love my boyfriend with all my heart.

However I am so bad with change. I had been unemployed for a year. And now I started work and because of this I feel lonelier because I have been with other people and I have withdrawn from my relationship and feel all weird like the relationship has changed and get paranoid and so scared that's we are drifting. And I have so much social anxiety at my new job that I feel alienated and I come home and withdraw and now I have started coming on here to talk to people platonically. I am being very selfish and I don't wanna come on here for an outlet. I'm creating this problem and I don't really understand it.

Tl;Dr I keep seeking communication with people on here when I feel lonely in my relationship.

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* This article was originally published here

i (24f) feel like i’m turning my family against me because of my toxic mom (43f)

my mom and i have had a really rocky relationship since i can remember. we’ve definitely not been the best version of ourselves, but my really awful days were in my teen years and it stemmed from a lot of her emotional abuse and neglect. our constant fighting and inability to get along made it virtually impossible to have any sort of relationship, so i sought independence at 17 and didn’t talk to my family for nearly 4 years. that was a painful time in my life and i missed them the whole way, as i have siblings (21m, 15f, 13m) and i felt like a horrible sister for leaving them in the dust. my mom and i tried to reconcile a few times in those 4 years and it never worked out, i was still upset at her and she could never forgive me or recognize her own wrong doings.

flash forward to a few years ago, things start becoming more amicable and we start to talk again. i became a pretty present daughter as i tried to be there in any way i could for her and my siblings. this was by spending long hours on the phone, traveling down to see them often, paying for plane tickets and traveling during COVID (not ideal, but i felt it was necessary for me to keep this relationship). i helped pack for their move then, spent most my christmas break there, i stayed an entire summer more or less to help my siblings adjust to a new state, i took my siblings in during my first week at uni while my stepdad and her were fighting, the list goes on. essentially, it feels like there’s always been a crisis of some manner or them needing me to be a “responsible” daughter and come aid them. this wouldn’t typically be an issue, as i really do WANT to help.

the bigger issue lies in the fact that its never reciprocated and my life is never taken into consideration. i live 6 hours away, i am working two jobs and going to school, i have pets and responsibilities here, my own home. i have a lot of life to juggle here that depends on me being a very reliable person. i make a lot of time for others and would absolutely do that for my family, as i have many times in the past. but over the past year (and honestly for a lot of my life) she has made me run around to prove i care and that i’d drop anything. she also doesn’t show up for things or communicate with me for big things in my life, like birthdays, holidays, important events, etc. i would never call myself flaky, but i do try to set boundaries for when i really need to do things.

i let her know 4 weeks ago that i would have time off in the upcoming week, and would love to come see her and my siblings, but i had a new job and needed to plan things accordingly. she never responded for two weeks. then she was in the hospital, concerning head and stomach pains, which other people were around to take care of and i asked to be updated throughout. during this time she never responded to me, never reached out. then this morning i receive a text that i i should travel 4 hours away with a less than 10 hour notice for an event that’s important for my sibling (which i asked to be given a heads up on, they know his schedule far in advance, and he will likely have more of these events this year), and was told that she doesn’t ask a lot of me and i could cancel plans to be there during these stressful times for family.

i’m honestly just hurt. i want to go to support my sibling but i can’t let her keep disrespecting my time and life for it. i could maybe make it happen, but 1) it’d be a really tight fit into my weekend of plans i made far in advance, 2) gas prices are atrocious and i make $12/hr, and 3) i feel like i’m being guilted into something that i would have absolutely made time for and saved up for given even just a few days notice.

i don’t know what to do. how should i address this and should i continue to set boundaries?

tldr; my toxic mom is putting me in a last minute position to attend an event 4 hours away and i am not sure whether to go or set boundaries.

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* This article was originally published here

I want to end my relationship with emotionally distant boyfriend. He's been struggling with depression.

I began dating my boyfriend in 2019. At this point, I no longer see the future in our relationship. We are both worlds apart. Since March, we have only seen each other twice. He responds to my text messages only every few days, stating he’s been busy with work. We live in separate cities. I can’t tell his family has not been receptive to me in his life, considering our age difference. He never talks about our future or mentions any plans to move in together. Our bedroom is dead. Don’t remember when was the last time we had sex. Probably in 2020.

I don’t want to break up with him over the phone. He deserves a lot better than this. But I am scared He’s openly struggling with depression problems. I am afraid he might attempt and do something to himself. He was once married. His former wife cheated on him. He told me it is quite difficult for him to commit and he’s been fearful since then. It even took him a considerable amount of time to tell me he loves me. I bring up therapy as an option to him once in a while, but he tells me he doesn’t need it. He has also been struggling with substance issues. We once broke up over this when he put an edible into my food.

TL:DR: I fell out of love with my boyfriend. It doesn’t help that he’s been emotionally distancing himself from me for a while. I want to break up with him, but he struggles with severe depression. I don’t want his entire family coming after me.

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* This article was originally published here

Mismatched sex drive

I have been dating my [M23] gf [F24] for about 3 years. When I met her, she appeared to be a freaky gal. We would talk about sex all the time, even about other girls. Now, knowing her better, she was just trying to win me over... being "that" girl, one of the boys. We don't live together and we're both students. We see each other approximately 2-4 times a week, 1 time ALWAYS being at each other's house where we have sex every time. However, to me once a week is too little. To be worse, she NEVER initiates sex, I'm always the one who starts warming her up. She never casually touches me in a sexual manner. She never masturbates (literally never, not even once a month, that leading to her not knowing her body or her fetishes/fantasies). When we do have sex, it is great, I make her finish and she makes me finish. It's just, like a barrier. For her there's never a spontaneous start. It's always predetermined, on the weekends she'll come over and I will initiate it. Then we finish and it's over until next weekend. Never a round two, never anything else even that day. If something does happen between the weekends, she does it for me only, making me feel bad. I expressed my feelings to her numerous times. She never does anything about it. I just want to feel wanted. I suggested things such as: sexting (she didn't want to do it until recently just because I pushed it too much. It always ends up like those memes, her cooking doing all the chores multitasking, and I end up invested in it which ends up with me feeling like a pathetic sex freak), meet ups in the car (always happens in the evenings with her pulling the "im tired" card, or "do you REALLY want it right now", or if it's closer to our once a week weekend meet up "just wait until tomorrow"), getting off birth control (she still didn't try, she says it helps with her acne, sometimes she says she will do it but it's been 2 years already). I really love this girl. She's got it all and we're taking this relationship serious. I don't know how should I feel, should I drop my expectations and just adapt to her libido with the risk of it being even worse later on in life, or should I break up with her potentially losing a perfect partner over sex (which could be just a phase and maybe my libido drops down as I get busier in life?). I personally think sex for her is irrelevant part of a relationship, even her life generally. On the other hand, I'm very sexual and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I hope someone had a similar problem and could tell me what they did and how did it end up. Are you happier now? Do you regret it? Any advice is welcome.

TLDR; My girlfriend and I aren't compatible sexually. Advice on improving her sex drive? Is it a dealbreaker? anyone with similar experience?

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* This article was originally published here

Feelings when you’re the one to end LTRs

People who were in very long term marriages/relationships, like 15+ years, was it just as painful to end it, even though it was your doing? Did you grieve at all? We’re you broken for a bit? Did you feel guilt?

My (f46)ex (48)of 21 years left me last summer. Said he just slowly fell out of love with me. No cheating, I know that. He said he also really struggled starting his life over. He said he had to do it, but it was incredibly difficult/painful. We have 2 kids 11, 14.

I’m just wondering what people in these situations feel. It was a wonderful marriage, no hostility, fighting, very caring, respectful. I know if the marriage is shit anyway, the person ending it wouldn’t likey feel bad. I want to hear more from people in a situation more similar to mine.

TLDR: people who had to end relationships because they fell out of love with their partner, was it still painful even though it was your doing?

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* This article was originally published here

Girlfriend meeting a guy friend that likes her?

So I've (29m) been with my girlfriend (23f) for 4 months and she met a guy friend who liked her (just for a day when he visited the country we are in, he lives abroad) and they used to be close (but she said she 'friendzoned' him) and often ignores his calls and has even spoke a bit mockingly about him. This was in the evening for a few hours after she met me. She said when they met for a coffee a female friend (who I know) eventually called her and she went home.

Is it worth brushing this off or should I discuss a boundary - e.g. meeting people who like us could be disrespectful to our relationship, especially as I wouldn't entertain hanging out with a girl who likes me while I'm in a relationship.

I haven't discussed any boundaries about meeting opposite sex friends before, I remember once she got drunk with about 5 guys (who she says known for 7 years) alone (in the first week of our relationship) but that's all. She is otherwise a very trustworthy and respectful person.

TL;DR: Girlfriend met a guy friend who she friendzoned; should I discuss a boundary or ignore it?

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* This article was originally published here

After 10 years together my partner (wife 29F) says she doesn't know if she has ever loved me (30M)

But I don't really know what to do. I (30 M) guess I'll start at the beginning.

Growing up my wife (29F) had a lot of trauma. Abusive parents. Undiagnosed ADHD. Alopecia. Chronic UTI's. And a lot more.

I have been with my partner for around 10 years, married for about 4. We have always had our ups and downs. She was intensely jealous. Over time I became less connected to my friends, because she was an intense introvert with bad social anxiety.

Things became bad around 6 months ago.

- 6 months ago, a few things happened. The first thing is I started a business. It was something we spoke about for a while. She was against it initially because for her financial security is extremely important to her. But in the end we decided to do it.

- With me running a business, I spent a lot of time making it work. Honestly I've always been a hard worker. I worked and worked and worked. But when we signed up for it we knew that this was what it was going to be like. This was the expectation. But as a result I'm drained. I don't have the energy to listen to everything she says at work (and there is a lot going on at work, a lot of names and acronyms I have to remember).

- Her boss in her corporate organisation resigned. She cried for weeks. Heartbroken. The best way to describe is that her boss was like a father figure and with her abusive past she needed that connection.

- She moved to a new team. And in this team, the boss took away the work she wanted to do and in a general sense bullied her.

Last week she attempted suicide. In front of me and my mum. She hid a fistful of pills in her hand and tried to down them. Because of her work. We called an ambulance and they took her away to the hospital. She was furious. So angry. She was calling until 4AM not letting me sleep. Because she wanted me to suffer "like she was right now".

Later she apologised and said that she had PTSD flashbacks of when she was younger and had to go to hospital. After one night apart I came back.

A couple of days ago (out of the blue) she told me that though she loved me, she has never "been in love with me". For 10 years. She was with me because of the trauma she went through and because I made her feel safe and loved. She didn't say it out of anger or indifference. She was heartbroken. She was crying and apologizing. Which made it worse.

In subsequent conversations she said that though we have a physical and emotional connection we are lacking a mental one.

She has felt stronger connections with other men and that's what made her realise she might have a better connection elsewhere.

To say I am heartbroken is an understatement. There were some signs earlier sure, we argued about how much I wasn't at home or not able to listen to her. But at no point did she say that she was never in love with me.

I don't really understand what I want. I'm not sure whether I should stay or go. I'm not coping well.

Honestly I just want to know if anyone else has gone through this. Or something similar. Is there a reason why? How can a person just flip a switch and destroy something over 10 years. Without any warning

tl;dr:

My partner (29F) of 10 years has told me (30M) that she has never been in love with me and needs time to think. How have other people coped with this? (General advice/input welcome)

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* This article was originally published here

How long to introduce kids to new partner?

TL;DR- How long do you wait to introduce kids to a new partner? How do you know you know someone well enough?

We’ve been dating for 9 months f(34) m (36) everything’s going well so far but how do you know when the right time is? He’s got two kids and I’d like to meet them at some point now but I’m not sure if he is unsure or just being cautious? I’m starting to worry that we’re not really moving forward ..I fully understand and support that it needs to be well thought out but I feel like our lives are separate at the moment I’m feeling closer to him that I’m wanting to start thinking about bringing us together more!

Am I wrong for feeling like this?

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* This article was originally published here

I (24M) need help understanding my girlfriend (21F) and if she needs space or break up

Hey there so my girlfriend and I have been together for a year and six months. It’s been great for the most part. For those who wanna know I’m a cancer and she is a Scorpio. We were also friends for 3 years before dating.

Back in December her and I took a two week break. It was initiated by me. At the time she was pressuring me to let her move in and wouldn’t stop so it stressed me out. She already had my house key cause she would house sit when I was out of town.

Starting in February she started talking about how much her parents were making her stressed about her life. She deals with depression and anxiety by the way. Ever since February she’s been trying to find a place to live on her own. Over that time the stress from family and work started getting into the relationship. We would bicker more as time went on to the point that in early May we got in a fight and decided to give each other space for the weekend. After that weekend I realized she’s the one and I want to live with her. She then said she still needed time to decide if she wanted to live together because her family was making her question her direction in life.

So after a week, my out of town family came in to town and she wanted to meet them. Over that time things were amazing and we were happy. I then left for vacation four days later and we were still great. Three days later she left for her own vacation and things were still good.

The next day she gets home to her family and all of sudden she’s being distant and short. Still saying she loves me though. (This was a week ago) Then we see each other the next day and I asked her about the distance all of sudden. She then started talking about her family, her job, and not knowing her living situation were all stressing her out to the point where she now needs space. I asked if she wanted to break up and she said no because she still loves me and didn’t want to break up and me not go back to her when she was ready. In that conversation she also stated that she could see herself marrying me but it scares her and that if we were to live together she could see herself being happy as well.

Since that conversation we have barely talked. Only things she has mentioned is that she needs space and that I have been giving her none to the point where she feels more pushed away. I also told her if we were broken up then she needs to get her stuff from my house and give my house key back. She stated that she didn’t need anything from my house. That’s the last thing she said to me 3 days ago and I haven’t heard from her since. I still have her things at my house and she has my house key.

My question to everyone is do you guys think she’s ready to move on or is she truly so stressed out in life she just needs a break from the relationship?

TLDR: Girlfriend of a year and a half wants space because stress from family, not knowing what to do with her career, and feeling like she doesn’t have enough money to move out. Once I invited her to live with me which is something that she wanted to do 6 months ago. She asks for space and time because her life is already too much.

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* This article was originally published here

My husband refuses to let me cool down and it resulted in a huge fight.

My husband refuses to let me cool off and it resulted in a huge fight.

Pretty much what it says above. We’re in our late 20s/early 30s and have a generally very good relationship. Every once in a while though we have huge blowout fights.

This almost always happens because I realize I’m not in a mental place to able to have a conversation about whatever he is upset about in that very moment. I know that I need to cool down first.

I try to communicate this to him and he refuses to stop or leave me alone. It usually results in him getting louder and more physically intimidating. He would never hurt me but he is a big guy and looms over me and refuses to give me the physical space to feel safe. I just keep telling or often even yelling at him to stop and leave me alone over and over again and he gets more and more frustrated and in my face.

I’m so genuinely deeply upset after this fight. I feel so powerless. If he refuses to give me space and let me cool down, what can I do?

TL;DR: My husband refuses to let me cool down and it resulted in a huge fight. I feel powerless. What can I do?

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* This article was originally published here

Working on feelings of jealousy

TLDR: Felt some boundaries were crossed between GF and male best friend. Talked to her about it, drew some boundaries, agreed on them. Still uneasy. Need help.

​

My GF of 1 year has a male best friend who Im friends with as well though not nearly as close. They hung out a lot and would do things that I felt strangely about ( they would go for dinner, a walk and then go get ice-cream and he would pay for it). Was a bit uncomfortable that I was never invited to a single of their meetups and always got the feeling that at some points he was interested in my GF especially before we got together (I have known them both about 5 years now). Either way, I was confident about our relationship so I never really questioned it and just thought maybe thats just their dynamic.

Then she invited him (just him) to her place so she could cook him dinner during a weekend (during a time when we were both incredibly busy so weekends were kind of sacred as we set them aside for each other) on top of that, I was having a absolute shitfest of a week (grandma diagnosed with terminal illness, almost failing out a class at college etc.) so I felt that crossed a line. Set her aside, talked to her about it and it went well and she said she never knew I felt that way and would make sure to invite me next time.

This was all a few months back and things have been perfect since but I still find myself struggling with (jealousy?) / general uneasiness when i chance upon the hopelessly long chains of text they send each other. The "problem" has already been solved so how do I get over myself?

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* This article was originally published here

I’m pulled of both sides and I don’t know what to do

I (17M) am in a relationship with my girlfriend (18F) since almost 2 years now, but I am loosing the love that I used to have for her, the thing is that I clearly know it’s still the case for her.

I noticed that my feelings for her (and a lot of things, almost everything actually) were going down, so I want to tell her what’s happening. One of the big issues is that I know that when I will tell her, it will completely break her, she have some mental health problems and already tried to take out her life a lot of times before we knew each other.

My plan is to tell her family and her closest friend that I plan to leave her and I will explain why I’ll tell them.

Two of the major keys of this story are :

1 : we are passing the equivalent of the exam for the High School Diploma soon, and this cause a lot of stress to my girlfriend. If I tell her my feelings before, she will completely fail and wont get the Diploma, which is necessary for her studies next year.

2 : this is also the period where we see in which school we’re accepted. She have an osteopath school near where we live, and I have a landscaper school that accepted me far away. She wants to do some paperwork so she can go at the same city as I, but if I leave her, she will be completely lost and alone in a place where she have no other attachments except me. Even though I don’t really love her anymore, I still like her a lot and wish her the best.

If I just wait until the end of the exams, it will probably be too late and she will get the paperwork done. If I do it now she will fail her exams and it will probably create a vicious circle where she won’t get over it, and I am afraid that, if it’s the case, she will end her days one way or another.

Tldr : I (17M) want to leave my girlfriend (18F) because I don’t really love her anymore but if I do it now, she will be completely broke mentally, and if I don’t do it now, there’s a big probability that I’ll have to stay with her for at least a year.

My question is : how do I handle this situation ?

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* This article was originally published here

I 22 (Male) need to get over a crush on a 21 (female)

So I met this girl and immediately developed a crush. She is kind, funny, and almost inhumanly beautiful. We started talking, I thought things were going well, she invited me to her house to ride horses, but because it’s a long drive I called her and decided we needed to have a conversation. She explained to me that she isn’t looking for a relationship, she has too many toxic exes, and she thought we were just friends. I also, through this conversation and talking to her cousins and brothers, determined that we would not make a good match for several reasons. I then spent some time avoiding her in an effort to get over her. Now I see her every couple weeks as she’s in my friend group. Even after months though I feel smitten with her. I’m helpless when she’s around and act like a “lost puppy dog” so to speak. Every time I see a picture of her on instagram I start fawning over her, despite the knowledge it would never work out. I want to see her as just a friend/acquaintance, I want so bad to have zero romantic feelings for her. It’s so confusing and difficult to try to move on and find someone compatible, while still having what feels like the deepest crush ever. Also it would not be fair to any other girl for me to start a relationship and have this strong of feelings for someone else. What should I do? Is this normal? How I get over someone like this? I don’t even feel heartbroken anymore, it’s more of an objective judgement of someone who seems perfect, and legitimately could be a model.

TLDR: I 22( male) need advice on how to stop having feelings for someone who a relationship wouldn’t work out with, 21 (female).

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* This article was originally published here

I'm (F25) unable to mask anymore and have lost all of my friends. I'm in so much pain

Undiagnosed woman here who have realized for the past two years that I'm on the spectrum. I've always been seen as weird and quirky but age has caught up to me and I've noticed the gap in maturity between me and the few friends I've had.

In particular the most recent two years have been so hard. I feel incapable of masking at all. All social situations are anxiety inducing. I can't even have small conversations anymore. I actually 'came out' to my friend a couple of months ago and feel like it was a bad decision. She is a couple of years older than me but I feel like she treats me like a child now and not a woman in my mid 20s. Our friendship has changed. I've lost almost all the friends I had previously. I'm not even sure I had friends.

I don't know what to do. I feel depressed. Nothing matters anymore. I have a couple of courses left to graduate from college but I can't make myself care anymore.

I feel like I've been acting my whole life and now suddenly I've lost the script. I'm in so much pain.

TLDR: I'm (F25) unable to mask anymore and have lost all of my friends. I'm in so much pain

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* This article was originally published here

All of my [24M] friendships are situational.

Hello,

I am a 24 year old male. I've always had a hard time developing relationships with other people due to having bad Social Anxiety and lack of Social Skills. Despite my issues, I've managed to meet various people from school and work that I liked and got along with. However, I notice that ALL of my relationships NEVER go beyond their context.

When I would meet potential friends from school, we would never talk or hang out outside of school. It was never a, "Hey! Would you like to come over my house this weekend? Hey we should hang out sometime. I'm having a party, would you like to come?" We would never text or talk on the phone just to have conversation and keep in touch. In school we would get along just fine. We seemed to enjoy each other's company. However, after school, the weekends, and on Summer vacation I wouldn't hear from them. Whenever they would end up changing schools, I would never hear from them again.

It's been 7 years since I've been out of High School, and I don't keep in touch with anyone.

When I was in College, I would meet people from my classes in a given Semester that were cool, but then when the Semester would end and we no longer had classes together I wouldn't hear from them again. I would run into them on campus and we would acknowledge each other and that was about it.

I am still going through the same thing now that I am working. I've been at my job going on 3 years. I've met quite a few people here that I really liked enough to want to pursue a friendship with. We see each other at work and get along really well, but our relationship never extends beyond work. Those people no longer work there, and I haven't spoke to them since they left.

I notice this pattern with ALL of my relationships. My relationships never go beyond their context; they're always situational. I have a hard time keeping in touch with folks.

I get lonely.

I just wish I had people I can talk to and spend time with outside of work and school.

How can I break this habit?

tl;dr: All of my life for all of my relationships, they're always situational. They never go beyond their context. I'll meet people from work and school that I like and get along with, but we never spend time together or talk outside of school and work. When they end up changing jobs or schools, I oftentimes never hear from them again. I wish I had people to talk to and spend time with outside of the places I see them in. I want to break this habit.

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* This article was originally published here

my boyfriend has completely changed and I don't know how to bring it up

There will be mentions of sex in this post, I just did not know if it was enough to need a NSFW post.

I (F17) have been with my boyfriend (M18) for coming up on three years. We met on one of those weird snapchat apps that is basically a kid dating site.

For the very first few months everything was amazing. He was my first boyfriend and he gave me so much attention and had said I love you before we had even met up in person. We kissed on the first date and he asked me out, I felt like I couldn't say no because I have a huuge problem with feeling like people hate me if I don't do whatever they want. This lasted three months, then things started to come to light.

First, I found a whole collection of nudes in his phone of his exs, that was password protected with my name. Next I found out he had been dating a 13/14 year old at the same time he was dating me. I found out because she dm me calling me names and how she was better for him. He blocked her, only for me to find out they actually kept talking for a few months just under different names.

Then he started the constant messaging of over girls, making new accounts and hiding them, and then eeverytime I confronted him he would deny, deny, deny. He even denied the time I caught him in front of me planning to meet up with a girl and smoke.

I know the simple answer is leave, and I should've left when it very started. At the beginning when I would say I can't be with someone who do this, he'd start crying and begging and promising he'd change. That he wouldn't be able to live without me and probably wouldn't go on. I have that in text somewhere. Because of this, I even told him if he didn't get help we were truly done. He had been blaming the cheating and the rudeness completely on his mental illness. So he started taking his meds and going to therapy again, for about two months and then he gave up.

Well now we're here. He hasn't cheated on me, unless he's gotten super good at hiding. But he's not like he used to be. I don't get the nice paragraphs I used to get, or just the nice words in general. If we are not physically hanging out it's like a switch flips completely. He'll yell and snap on me for easy things, most often if I interrupt his 8+ hours video game time with his friends, he calls me names like b**** and dumb c***.

Also, a bit tmi given my age, but at the start of the relationship I was very hypersexual. I have trauma from childhood and when I found a guy I thought was so in love with me and nice, something happened. Since discovering all this, among other things that have happened, I've become pretty much completely put off with sex. If I don't say yes anymore though, he keeps asking and asking. Says he'll be quick and make food after, says I'm only refusing to punish him and he's already been punished enough. Sometimes I wake up at night to him trying to start, he had just waited till he thought I was passed out.

Leaving isn't something I can do, at least not now. I don't know how to describe it because I understand people will think I'm just weak or pathetic. But it physically hurts so much when I think about it, or even when I try to break up with him. Like he's the one constant in my life, even if it's a bad one.

This weekend he went out with his friends, they're the type to always be cheating and getting into legal trouble. I asked him to please update me one an hour or so, and set a timer. -I said to set a timer because his reasoning for not updating me and even his reasoning for not "remembering" cheating is because he has ADHD that he refuses to take medication for. I know that the medication can have bad side effects, and so I understood when he didn't want to take those.- he agreed. So far, that has not happened.

When I brought up how he didn't follow through with what he agreed, after asking him nicely to remember to text twice yesterday, he blew up over text. He told me that he was sorry he fucked up all the time and that I had to find every single flaw in his brain. And then went on to say this, exactly, which is why I'm posting. I know it may seem like a small thing, but i think I'm just at a breaking point, and I mean mentally.

"I'm done talking now, im too pissed off and stuff. I'm trying, ya see I haven't called you any names because you said it 'hurts your feelings' so, You're Welcome."

I guess I'm asking for advice on ways to try and make him see my point of view, because I feel like I've tried every way, but I know that I could be handling it wrong because this is my first actual relationship. I try and compare and ask him how'd he feel if I did xyz, but he just says that's a different situation. I gave up on not crying in front of him, maybe hoping he can see what he did, but when we're on the phone he does nothing, and when we're in person he hugs me and says all these nice things and swear he loves me and he's sorry and feels bad. I also know this will sound odd, but I swear half the time when I cry in his arms he ends up smiling until I look up.

I know this is long, I started typing and I just couldn't stop really, I haven't told anyone about all of this before, although there is a lot more. I can't talked to my siblings or parents, because then they wouldn't let us stay or me hang out. I used to talk to my best friend but I don't want her to have to deal with hearing about a situation I guess I put myself in.

I understand if I am the one in the wrong here, and need to change. But please don't say anything insulting regarding the fact that I don't/can't leave. I already know I'm a push over and kind of or really pathetic.

TL;DR: my boyfriend completely changed from the guy he used to be. He went from sweet paragraphs every day, saying he loved me all the time and always complimenting me, to cheating and calling me names. I want advice on how to make him see my point of view, or how to set up a conversation with him about this, because my ways are always getting shot down.

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* This article was originally published here

Best way to ask where things are going?

So I've (m24) been seeing this girl (f26) for the last 3 months (at least once a week for 2 months) and its been going well imo but I'm a bit confused on how she feels about it, she is super keen in person and is always the one to ask when we can next meet up and comes up with plans as well but she is terrible at talking when we aren't together and can not reply to texts for hours or a day.

She says she doesn't like texting which is fair enough but it just feels a bit weird to me because everyone else I've been with I talk to everyday so I'm not used to not talking to someone I'm seeing for days and it's confusing me on if she is really that interested

It says she wants a relationship on her dating profile but we haven't had the what are you looking for conversation so I'm wondering how to best have the conversation so I have a rough idea on where things are going and maybe ask for exclusivity.

Any help would be much appreciated

TLDR - Girl (26) is super keen on me (24) when in person but is bad a texting so I want to find the best way to ask how she sees thing going?

submitted by /u/KieranID98
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* This article was originally published here

My friends won't meet for the last time before college ends.

As the title states, our college has finally ended only the finals pending and I am going back home unti then. I've been friends with these people for the past 3 years. I'll admit that we haven't been the closest of friends because of the pandemic and shit, we weren't able to meet and get acquainted as much as we would have been if the colleges were open. Still we were are cordial. There are a total of 5 P(20,F), S(21,M), K(21,M), U(21,M), M(20,F).of us.

P, S and U bonded over the lockdown. So there's always have been a thin line diving these 3 P, S and U of them from the rest of us since the lockdown was lifted. P has been a good friend of mine. I won't say the bestest of friend but I always help her, telling her about the assignments we were given, the meetings that happened, in short all necessary details.

And I hadn't expected this from her. I proposed to meet one last time but they denied for the mere fact that they didn't want to get out of their comfortable A.C units in the scorching heat. It's not like we would be sitting under the sun, they'd only have to deal with the heat for the commute.

I would have proposed an evening get together but I really cannot as I have a curfew at home.

Should I compromise here for the sake of meeting them?

What should I do?

I'm just so perplexed.

Tl;dr- my friends won't meet me oy because it's uncomfortable for them to get out of the house in the sun even when the college is ending and this would be our last meetu

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* This article was originally published here

Oooo he (26M) is really getting on my nerves

I (22F) and my boyfriend live together in an apartment in a big city. I have expressed since he moved in last summer that I wanted to move out of the city because I hate it here. I have major sensory issues and it’s been wearing me down. I barely get any sleep because of people shouting and laughing and screaming. If I do sleep I get woken up at 5am sharp every morning to the howling of the dogs in the apartment. And we sweat. During all seasons our apartment is in the 90s because we are on the 4th floor. We have no ac unit so we have our own portable unit that does nothing for us. I work from home which means I’m here almost 24/7 and it makes me angry like the type of angry where you start to cry. And I get rageful at night when people start coming home because of all the noise. The only room in the apartment that isn’t as hot or as loud (still is) is the bedroom because it has a fan but I can’t sit back there because our wifi won’t work in the bedroom (of course). It has really put a strain on our relationship since we moved here.

Well my boyfriend works as an assistant manager and part of applying to become the actual manager is picking what area you want to work. Which I thought he had been picking out since he became eligible in November. But no. He waited until this month with under a month to find a place. Even though I have been sending him potential apartments around us and asking for where he’s going to work almost on the daily since then. And now we can’t find a place. All the places I had saved are all occupied now.

So we just had to sign the lease to live here for another year with a $300 increase in rent to an already expensive apartment that I can’t even get sleep in. And now we will be stuck here in the city because who moves stores after a year of working there. It makes me want to go mad. I love him but it almost makes me want to break up with him so I can get an apartment that would allow me to sleep.

TL;DR!: boyfriend waited until the last second to find housing for us and now we are getting trapped into another year in an apartment that is hot, loud, and expensive.

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* This article was originally published here