should I text her?

So yesterday I(26m) and my girlfriend(22m) talked about our relationship and we had an argument. Basically she's been neglecting me without any reason for 2 weeks. As i brought it up a few times, she just brushed it off. Yesterday i told her that either we change something or this wont do anymore. She told me she needs a few days to think about it. So should i let her think about it without sending any messages or should i send her anything? I feel kinda bad like this that i dont know what to do.

Tl;dr: Had an argument with gf. She says she needs to think about it. Should i text?

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Can constant miscommunication lead to friendship failure?

[F17] Basically what I’ve realized is this.. when I’m in a friendship and something hurts my feelings, I usually don’t bring it up, but it still affects me. I feel like it’s obvious too and I just become more distant and cold, but I’m still sweet to them if that makes sense. (I’m not the best communicator I know lol)

But when I constantly let it slide and never say how it bugs me, my mind goes other places creating all these other scenarios that I can’t even communicate the real problem in the first place because all these other things are in the picture now, overwhelming me.

I can try and communicate the problem, but the list could keep going either from what they did, or the list of scenarios I’ve created in my head.

And even when the supposed problem is “solved,” something will always feel wrong and I can’t put my finger on it.

Ughhh I don’t even know if this makes sense but it’s such a horrible feeling because often the person is so sweet, things just get to me and it becomes so jumbled up and idjdiosoeiddh, I can’t even process it :(

Then when I try and communicate, it’s not focused on the main problem and I usually end up saying something like “my head is just everywhere” and I either explain everything and feel horrible, or say nothing and also feel horrible. The friendship usually doesn’t end very well, at least in my experience.

Tldr : Can’t communicate to my friends when something they do upsets me. That mistake leads me to overthinking, creating false realities in my head, which makes me feel overwhelmed communicating the original problem in the first place.

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My (26F) sister (33F) and two brothers (31M 34M) are far right antivaxxers who think I'll die from the vaccine, and it's going to ruin our family

Crazy title I know but it's true. My parents are the same as my siblings honestly but they're way more reasonable and honestly just brainwashed via my brothers (who are brainwashed via American politics, we're not even American we're Australian not kidding).

Another aspect to it that worries me even more is that I'm a trans woman and transitioned when I was 21 before they became this extreme, so they were accepting of me then. I worry though that deep down, especially my brothers, they resent the fact that I'm trans, resent needing to use pronouns they don't "politically" agree with, etc. and if I do blow up (which I want to but need real advice first), they'll reveal their true colours in regards to me being trans. They believe not just antivax stuff but also in the spooky New World Order LGBT rights agenda bullshit, hence me worrying I'm not even human to them because I'm trans.

How do I know they think I'll be dead from the vaccine? Apart from them being very loud, they've said it to my face and in front of me knowing I've had the vaccine (2 doses of pfizer due for 3rd). Because I know they'll backtrack years from now when the world isn't actually dead, I decided to ask one of them. Here's word for word the conversation with names removed:

me: Do u think im gonna die in 3 years from the vaccine like brother and brother do?

sis: How many you had? Do u have any symptoms?

me: just wanna know tbh

sis: I think it’s a biological weapon and the more a person has, the more chance for life debilitating illness or death. Why?

sis: There are ways to detox

sis: What's going on? How r u doing?

Her first reply was all I honestly needed to hear. I know she cares, but I'm beyond angry about this. Here's where I need genuine advice. I have bipolar depression, moods already been low for a long time and I honestly am getting close to just exploding on all 3 of them. My only siblings. And by exploding I don't mean in a regular person way I mean in a bipolar way (LOL) which may mean I burn bridges in a moment of too much emotion, and I really don't want to. But she's going to expect a reply and I can't hide how pissed off I am anymore. I want to maintain a healthy close bond with them like we had when we were younger, but I can't anymore with how they're changing.

What on earth do I do? What can I even do? I don't want to say or do anything I'll regret but I'm done keeping my mouth shut.

TLDR: my whole family are far-right antivaxxers and think I'll die from vaccine, they listen to American far right politics/influencers and believe there's an LGBT agenda, I have bipolar depression and am going through a ton and feel like blowing up. I need an objective third person perspective to help ensure I don't say anything I'll regret.

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My girlfriend(19F) broke up with me (19M) and she is now with another guy(20M), a friend of hers

First, I want to clarify things about my (ex) girlfriend. She has a lot of mental issues and she did a school phobia this year, she wasn't able to go to the university, and even more, she wasn't able to go outside at all.
She also has a problem, she has never been able to love someone for a long period. But it was different this time she said to me when we were together that this is the first time that she felt that it could last for a (very) long time, and maybe, maybe for life
So the breakup was really hard for both of us, we cried a lot and all, it was very hard

She started to exchange with her friend in a flirty and sexual way almost a week after our breakup, she know him for almost 3 years now. She swore to me that it was very recent and that she didn't cheat. I trust her.

She was my first girlfriend ever, it would have been 1 year together on May the 12th

Concerning what I will do, I simply said to her that I will never send her messages but if she wants to send me some, I'll try to answer. I will restrict myself to do that (sending her things) because I think that this will hurt me more than everything

The purpose of my post is to ask you all how should I feel? I'm lost, it's a mix of anger and sadness. Did she do something bad? Should I be mad at her? Should I really avoid contacting her? I really need some opinions. Thank you for reading

Tl:dr: My girlfriend (almost 1 year together) broke up with me and dated another guy right after (she did not cheat) and I don't know how to feel

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how to respond to inlaws?

TL;DR: planned to meet inlaws in italy. Son is excited. Now they are backing out. Sad.

DH is scapegoat. Justnomil & dil obessed with gc daughter. Years of trying to get their acceotance (I know.. :( )

Anyways... they had planned a huge trip for their children, so's, and my son to go on a safari in africa next summer. I am 5 months pregnant now so we had to back out due to the nature of bringing a 7 mo old to Africa...

We decided instead to meet them over in Italy after as their heritage is from there and they said thats where they were going after Africa. Ive been there several times and have no qualms bringing a under 1 year old there. This was going to be a trip where my 6 year old could see my husbands "homeland", etc... as his parents have been talking about for years.

So my FIL decides to invite his brother and his wife on african safari to take our spots. No worries. Now, they have planned to not meet us in Italy and go to Spain with them instead.

We will still go to Italy but I am left with a sense of disappointment. Its like pulling teeth to get these people to spend time with us and my son, and they had my 6 yo excited about meeting them there. Once again we feel super pushed to the side by them. What can I say?

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I (27) gave my boyfriend (29) the silent treatment and I regret it and now he's rethinking the whole relationship and said we need a break

He wanted me to come over this past Sunday evening…I wasn’t feeling well nor was I feeling up for it, but I went to see him anyway, because earlier that day, I cancelled on him to go to the beach (Keep in that mind that I initially planned a date for us Saturday afternoon to go kayaking and have a picnic, but he cancelled on that to go hang out with his friends at the beach).

Anyways - while I was over at his place, we were watching the basketball game and he was extremely touchy and dirty that evening (dirty in the sense of him saying things like, “I want you to cum on my face,” and “I want to violate you.”) I’m not sure why I was feeling this way, but I pretty much insinuated to him that I was not in the mood (i.e. telling him I was not feeling well - I think the marijuana he was smoking was making my stomach feel a bit “off,” and I was also experiencing cramps…but I was not on my period yet). Fast forward to after the game, we decided to watch a movie - and he couldn’t keep his hands off me..it got to a point where I just “gave in” and we had sex. Round 1 was good, but Round 2 is where I sort of fucked up, I think? 1- I initiated round 2, but it got to a point where he was fucking me for like 30 minutes straight and I was feeling soreness/pain in my vagina area that I wanted to stop, and I said stop a few times, but he wouldn’t stop. I feel really weird about this because I feel like I might have gave him mixed signals. Well…after the deed was done, I just felt “off” and I no longer wanted to cuddle with him and made the mistake of not spending the night (I left at 11pm) and giving him the silent treatment. I don’t know why I even gave the silent treatment…like I know that’s toxic..but a part of me did not want to blast at him and say the wrong thing, or cry…so I didn’t say anything at all, didn’t kiss him goodbye or anything.

When I got home, he texted me and said that he is basically questioning this whole relationship now, and that we should take a break. I texted him back saying that I was not in the right headspace, wasn’t feeling well and wanted to sleep in my bed tonight, and basically said “ok” to his break.

Now - I’m at this point where I’m not sure what to do and he said he doesn’t know what he did. I feel like an idiot and I’ve just been a bit stressed/have things on my mind lately with other personal issues.

TL;DR: I felt uncomfortable with my boyfriend during sex and felt like I gave mixed signals and did not do enough to stop it. As a result, I did not spend the night and gave him the silent treatment and now he is rethinking the relationship and wants to take a break.

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Bf (M24) clumsily admits to thinking I'm ugly (F22)

Hey guys,

I've always thought I was ugly, and today wasn't a good day in regards of anything. We've been arguing and I just broke down. I started crying on the floor, whereas he joined me. I then started to mention things I disliked about us arguing. Examples K mentioned was that it made me feel less worthy of love... etc.

And so I unfortunately started saying "It's because I'm ugly isn't it? We're fighting like this because you think that." And he said "no, you're not" the first time. To which I replied "But I am...", to which he replied what this whole post is about: "Stop saying it anyway". Which caused me to break down even more, questioning what he just said, resulting in him saying "I only meant "I know you think so, but don't say it anyway", ended with him going to bed, closing the bedroom door afterwards.

I want to believe him, but his explanation sounds like something he just made up, being in distress. How can I move on from this, and how should I think? I know it's my fault for bringing it up, I'm not conventionally attractive, but not completely hideous either, I want to believe. I've heard that I'm ugly, and vice versa a couple of times, so it's hard to figure out what I, myself think. What I know though, is that this really took a toll on me.

Any advice in this regard would help, how do you guys interpret what he said, and would you believe him?

TL;DR: Bf (M24) clumsily admits to thinking I'm ugly (F22)

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My [30M] ex fiancée [29F] of 8 years has told me she thinks she might have made a mistake ending things.

I'm spun out right now.

Basically I've been in an Airbnb the past 3 weeks, she said she wanted a break so I moved here to give her space, during the first two weeks we met up a couple of times, I wanted to see the dogs etc.

Last week she decided it was best if we split up and honestly she was relieved, she said a weight was off her shoulders and she was looking forward to the future.

Now I can't afford to live in the area we do so was going to have to move country to live with my parents again, I had just started a new job but I've handed in my notice, told all my family and friends that I'm moving back and got a job interview lined up for Monday. My boat is due on Friday. I had to move quickly as I don't have enough money to stay in the Airbnb and have a week remaining already paid.

Two days ago she says that she isn't sure she made the right choice and to be honest it really pissed me off, I had told her when we started the break to really think about things and speak to her therapist before deciding what she wants. I told her that when I saw her after deciding to split she seemed happy and hopeful, I was okay with the decision because it was what was best for us both.

She spoke to her therapist last night for the first time in months and called me after like we were getting back together and I'm just so fucking confused, I have literally pulled the plug on my life over here and grieved the end of the relationship this past week and now she pulls this? How am I meant to respond to this?

I don't know if I have everything down right, my head is clearly all over the place, I've had COVID this past week so I had that clouding my brain too.

Part of me still wants to go back to my parents and be alone for a bit at least, I don't know if I trust she wants me back or just misses me being there and helping her etc. I think she might have made the decision irrationally but she has said repeatedly over the years that she wants to be alone (while depressed so never believed her, this time she seemed in a good place so believed her)

Also it really sucks cause she is kinda claiming both dogs, part of me really wants to separate them and have one, I get they might miss each other and she is saying she needs them for support but.. I kinda do too right? Plus I have been paying for everything, food, insurance, vet bills and medicine plus taking them walking probably more than she does. She said she's going to get a dog walker but I don't know how she's going to afford all this..

There's probably more I can write, I'm not thinking clearly but I really need to sort my head out, I was 100% going back and now she's trying to get me back I don't know what to do.

Tldr: my ex fiancée of 8 years broke up with me and a week later wants to get back together after I've pulled the plug on my entire life. Wat do?

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I left her but I still love her

Hey guys!

This is my first time posting anything on reddit, I don't even know if anyone will read this but I have no one to talk to so her we go

3 weeks ago I (25M) left my girlfriend (20F) after 2 years. I didn't want to leave her but I felt like she started falling out of love with me. I talked to her about it and she said that she still loves me.

I don't feel like she does anymore and here's why...

I haven't seen her in 6 months, when I ask her she says she is busy with college and exams and stuff but when she gets the chance she is out with her college friends. Doesn't even tell me, I just know from IG.

We rarely talked after she went to college (which is 7 mins away from where I live btw). At first she would talk to me non stop, wanting to know how my day was, she would do anything to see me, always saying she misses me and she loves me but now, none of that.

When I confronted her, she said she will "try" to do better. We talked for a while after that but I felt like I had to go, she is not the same person anymore.

Right now she is going out almost everyday with her friends, funny how she now has the time to go out and college is not a problem anymore.

I don't know what to do now, I don't know if I made the right decision or not.

Should I talk to her again or not?

Should I stop looking at her IG?

Thanks for reading!

TL;DR: I left my girlfriend because I felt like she is not in love with me anymore, she says she does but her actions don't.

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THG says it will absorb inflationary costs to build long-term relationships with repeat customers as it reports record sales – but a £186m pre-tax loss - InternetRetailing

THG says it will absorb inflationary costs to build long-term relationships with repeat customers as it reports record sales – but a £186m pre-tax loss  InternetRetailing

* This article was originally published here

My fiance (F23) told me she wants to brake up with me (M24) after 8.5 years.

So on Monday evening i got a text from my fiance about how she feels we need to talk about something and asked me to call her. I called immediately and straight away she told me she wants to brake up.

I moved abroad in January and we have been in a long term relationship after that and have seen twice. The brakeup came out of nowhere as i tought things are better than ever with us (disregarding the fact that i live abroad now). My plan was to be here for a year and then return but now i have no reason to go back.

My heart is shattered and i feel so lost and afraid. I love her so much. What should i do? I don’t really have friends here yet and am so lonely. I feel terrible thinking about that I should have not left here or how I should have done things differently. She says that the reason is that she just doesn’t love me like she used to.

TL;DR: I got dumped after 8.5 years and feel bad.

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Full Sail Partners Hires Kim Stamps to Help Elevate Client Relationships - PR Web

Full Sail Partners Hires Kim Stamps to Help Elevate Client Relationships  PR Web

* This article was originally published here

don't want to lose them

My(24) partner(25) of 4 ½ years has recently been thinking about their gender presentation and how they identify etc. I initially reacted kinda badly but after talking about it a little bit I'm fully on board with whatever they want to do. However they're understandably freaking out and unsure of what they want from life and whether we could work out so I offered to give them space without contact for a week to mull things over. It's only the second day without speaking and I'm really struggling. I want them to be happy and be able to explore and experiment and to have someone to support them throughout it, but if they feel that they can't do that whilst with me then they might end our relationship when I check in with them at the weekend. I'm preparing myself for the worst but I'm hoping they want me to stick around, even if just as a close friend.

TL;DR: Partner wants to experiment with gender possibly without my support, I'm feeling lost

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Need advice on my relationship

Its been about 5 or so months since we started talking. We’ve had many abusive drunk fights, she once punched me in the head while I was driving and tried to swerve my car off the road (I know I should have already left). Even just writing this down makes me realize that I should have left long ago, but now I’m feeling stuck and scared of what will happen if I try to leave. She doesn’t try to understand my pain whatsoever, we have both called each-other awful names. She seems to constantly play victim which enrages me, but then love bombs me while I’m sleeping with texts. I’ve made a lot of mistakes as well but it seems I’m the only one who is truly apologetic.

She’s also threatened to stalk me if we break up and makes comments that I can’t break up with her.

I’m struggling here, this is the same girl who constantly says I’m the love of her life and have treated her better than all of her exes. She has said she wants to have a kid with me since the first few weeks we started talking. It’s very hard for me to give that up because all I want is a family.

I’m spending every day strsssed and feeling much lower than before the relationship started.

Someone please help me, I want to believe that she can change and we will be a happy couple. But the other half wants to run away. I’m feeling codependent at this point. Any advice is much appreciated.

I know most of you are going to say leave but if anyone has any insight to whether this possibly could get better I would really appreciate it.

TLDR: My gf seems to be abusive, I want her to change, it’s been months of constant trauma and my mind feels scrambled. Desperately need advice.

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[UPDATE] I saw boyfriend's (23M) messages and confronted him about it

First part of my post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/u3djlb/i_saw_boyfriends_23m_messages_and_im_unsure_what/?sort=new

SUMMARY OF 1ST PART: My boyfriend forgot to logout of his fb when he used my laptop, so I ended up seeing his messages with his friend (chat box was open). Mainly, it stated how he lowkey wanted to be single to have fun, and that he couldnt stop thinking about this other girl. He also kept repeating how the "struggle is so real," insinuating how it's getting increasingly difficult for him to fight his urges, or to fight off temptation.

So I ended up confronting my boyfriend about the whole thing and he was nothing but apologetic. He clarified that the messages were taken out of context, and it was merely the *idea* of someone having a thing for him (as the girl mentioned in my post asked our other friend if my boyfriend was single) that sparked something in him, which in turn made him miss the single life. He assured me that it wasn't a lingering feeling or anything, it just excited him. He still definitely sees a future with me, calling me his "endgame." He ended up bawling (he never cries) when he realized that he could actually lose me over this. He said that he didn't tell me about any of this in the first place because he thought it wasn't a big deal and it would just unnecessarily hurt me. I explained that he doesn't have to tell me about every single girl he finds attractive, but if it concerns feelings of wanting to be single and thinking about other girls (more than just a fleeting reaction), then he should definitely tell me. He agreed.

I do believe that his words are genuine but I still asked for some space as I need time to think things over. He still messages me, mostly to just greet me good morning or good night, and to tell me how much he loves me. But because of all this, I'm unsure if I am able to fully trust him again whenever he goes out without me (I've never had to wrestle with this feeling ever and it's quite shitty). Also, I still have a hard time not thinking about his thoughts of wanting to be single and of him thinking about other girls -- he kept assuring me that it wasn't a major feeling or anything but what if he's just telling me what I want to hear because it's feeling all too real now that he's about to lose me? I still haven't given it much thought so my emotions are all over place. What I am certain of though is that this whole thing has made me reevaluate our entire relationship -- aka do I even see a future with someone who's ~probably not fully committed?

If you were in my position, how would you feel? would this be a dealbreaker for you? or is it nothing more than a minor hiccup?

TL;DR: I read my boyfriend's messages about wanting to be single and thinking about other girls, he apologized, and now I'm unsure what to do/feel

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I want to die.....she changed overnight....doesn't love me anymore.....wants to get drunk and high with other men

Me (M22) and her (F20) have been together for 3 years....it was the sweetest relationship ever and she became my life...we decided not to really have friends (a mistake probably but it was a mutual decision and we were happy about it)....before she met me she partied, got very drunk and had mostly guy friends (because her and her mum get along with men better...)...but she gave up everything when she met me...alcohol....smoking....and I opened her eyes to her guy friends just wanting her for her body.....I didn't drink....I didn't smoke....I didn't have female friends....she would get scared and beg me not to......

So we were very happy....her family became my family....her home became my home and vice versa....for 3 years we were insanely in love and had future plans together (kids, a house), we started working to save up money for a house....

I WASN'T the best sometimes and she wanst either, we DID argue and have problems but always overcame them together and were happier than ever before...

Everything changed overnight....one day she just disappeared with a friend (f) and went to a bar....she was gone for hours and I didn't hear from her...and when she did finally talk to me late at night, I wasn't happy and she didn't care how I felt.....she then asked for space and didn't want anything to do with me

After a week we spoke....and I said I would do ANYTHING to make it work....she wanted to have loads of friends, she wanted to get drunk and high and do all of this stuff that she said she HATED

I agreed and agreed....but then she said she wanted it to be with men.....she wants to go out with groups of MEN and get drunk and high with the....them take her home.....her go out with them all the time....she said she's not interested in anyone else and never will....but that's just not ok....the amount of paranoia I'd have....and if she ever DID cheat....I would NEVER know or find out.....just as I'm writing this I want to cry just imagining this....my beloved being with men and then she just sleeps with one of them...God I want to just end it right now...but I'm trying so hard....

and that is NOT right....even tho I was in massive pain I still agreed but she said she's not sure is she wants to try again and she admits that she's fallen out of love....

I ENCOURAGED her to meet some friends, I didn't keep her in a box....and it started to work...but she never wanted to go out with men before...

I don't know who she is anymore....the sweet sweet girl that I loved and loved me was gone....overnight.....

I have noone....just 1 friend but he's busy often....I'm afraid of social interaction now and I just want my sweet girl back......but I know that she will be out getting drunk and high with other men....she won't want me back....and even if she does I won't be able to trust her....I'll probably cry every moment and genuinely want to die because I don't know what she's doing or if she's cheating on me....she says she would never do it....but she doesn't love me anymore so why wouldn't she.... She even said that we shouldn't even be in a relationship....maybe just casual dating...

I want to scream in agony, how did this sweet girl just dissappear....how does she just NOT love me anymore...even when days before we were so so happy....

I'm sorry for the long post....if I'm honest I don't even care If someone reads it....I'm just in alot of pain....I did so much for her ...and loved her with everything...and now she's a different person....and I'm completely alone wanting to honestly kill myself....every little joy in my life has been extinguished...I barely eat...and try not to stalk her on social media but I still do....everything around me is her...stuff she's made me...pictures...Teddy bears....little trinkets....every photo I have is of her....clothes that's she's gotten me....sweet letters that she wrote me...drawings....tv shows...songs....everything

I'll probably try to go on antidepressants and try to get myself together.....but I will hurt for a long time....and honestly will never love another woman like her again.....maybe I will kill myself....I'll try my best reddit....but its so...so....hard

TLDR: loving girlfriends of 3 years switches up overnight and doesn't love me anymore, wants to get drunk and high with men.

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Mental Health Conversations | Understanding attachment styles in relationships - New Era

Mental Health Conversations | Understanding attachment styles in relationships  New Era

* This article was originally published here

Finally moving out of my bfs house! help?

I already know this should go elsewhere, however I don't have enough karma to post so here goes nothing... I finally made the decision to move out of this very toxic household. I have separated with my boyfriend, now trying to make it on my own. He is gone today and I need to rent a truck to finish moving my things out. However, I'm short about $70. If anyone can help, you have no idea how much that would mean to me. I've been in this relationship for 9 years and I'm finally doing what should've been done a long time ago. Anything will help. Thank you!🤞 $kjay848

tl;dr moving on from a abusive relationship and need a little help.

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Mixed signals/ Need advice

So I met this girl very naturally and instantly was very attracted with her. We started hanging out a bit mainly just as friends, and flirted a little, but I m(20) had just gotten out of a relationship, and deal with sexual anxiety but did not go much further. About a month ago she sent me a text asking how I felt about her and how she was confused and felt slightly rejected because I had not made any moves. I had expressed that I liked her, and she had expressed that she had always liked me too. Fast foward a few weeks we went to a part and made out heavily, and would have had sex but something came up preventing that. Anyway since then we have continued to snapchat and talk via phone, and have hungout a few times, but i am unsure how to proceed. She has mentioned being afraid to lose our friendship if we continue to go foward, and this prevents me from wanting to advance on her further, but then at times she will come on to me, or put my hand somewhere on her body. Lastly when I am with her I notice she snapchats alot of other guys and what not. Anyway feel free to ask any clarifying questions. Do I have a brutally honest convo with her? Do i continue to not be definitive with my intentions until she is? Do I just tell her how I feel? In person, or over snapchat/text? Help me

Tldr: Ive been getting mixed signals from a girl I really like, and dont know what to do.

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Why am I [M20] craving validation from my ex [F19]?

My ex and I broke up mutually after seeing that being together was terrible for us. The relationship was getting in the way of our lives and happiness.

I would say I am romantically over this person. I know this person is terrible for me and I don't want to get back with her. I wouldn't feel anything if she was with another man.

I still somehow want this person to be happy. Despite her treating me poorly, I know she's just projecting her trauma and insecurities. She has a lot of issues she needs to fix. I don't completely blame her. We just weren't ready to be in a relationship. I know she's not a terrible person either. She's very caring towards her friends. Just not someone I would want to get involved romantically.

I wanted nothing more than to end things with happiness. To look back at the relationship and smile. Maybe even laugh about it. Nobody did anything morally wrong, we didn't cuss or yell. We weren't mean. But my ex is seeing things with so much negativity. She's going out of her way to humiliate me and spread rumors about me. I was so shocked (because mostly this was behind my back) so I asked her about it. She is refusing to give me an answer.

While I am over ex, I am not over the fact that my ex hates me. It makes it feel like all the time spent was wasted. It makes it feel like everything was fake. I don't want to get back together with my ex, but I want her to at least acknowledge the amount of effort I put in and respect me for what I did. It's the fact that I still strongly care about someone who went out of their way to hate me. It's beyond humiliating.

TLDR:

I'm over my ex, but not over the fact that someone who cared about me now hates me.

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* This article was originally published here

My husband’s constant complaining about not having a career and “pursuing his dream” is driving me insane.

My husband’s constant complaining about not having a career and “pursuing his dream” is driving me insane.

My husband (33) and I (30) have been married for seven years and have two beautiful children together, and living what many would consider the American dream. We aren’t rich but with both of our incomes combined we make a comfortable living. Since before we got married my husband always wanted to pursue a career in Aviation, and becoming a commercial pilot has always been his lifelong passion and something he’s dreamt of doing since he was a child.

He completed a two year program and earned his Associate’s degree in Aviation but due to some roadblocks along the way with getting his private pilots license due to a medical condition that required clearance he was not able to obtain his private pilot’s license and pursue his career path. He was finally able to get clearance however all of his tests expired and things got put on the back burner as a result. We met and married a year after he finished school. He now has an associates degree in aviation that cost us 15k worth of student loan debt (paid off) and there is nothing to show for it. We also paid off my student loans in the process another 15k.

Since that time he has worked what he would consider dead end jobs, jumping from one job to the next. He’s initially happy when he first gets a new job but within six months to a year he falls into the same pattern of burn out and depression. Complaints about how his life isn’t going anywhere, that’s he’s depressed, that I do nothing to help him pursue his dreams that I don’t support him, how he wishes he could just start over. He’s always looking for someone to blame and it’s usually me. Then he begins the job search all over again for what he would consider another “dead end” job. After seven years of this constant cycle it has really began to weigh heavily on me. I’m now at a point that when he starts the complaints and job searches that I just ignore him because I’m so mentally exhausted, and I know nothing I say will make a difference.

I love my husband so much, he’s an amazing husband and father and I would give anything to see him happy, and pursuing his dreams. I wish love and support was all that were necessary and if that were the case we would have been there by now, but money is a huge factor. Becoming a commercial pilot is an extremely expensive and time consuming endeavor 80-100k minimum just to obtain the license itself and not including the 1500 hours that is required after that to even get hired anywhere. I’ve tried to get my husband to pursue getting a more “affordable” degree or to take on a trade just so he can have a solid and stable career with benefits and job satisfaction just as a stepping stone to fund his flying in the process. However, he never sees anything through, and he never likes the options I give him, and the things he has pursued never work out. He wants to snap his fingers and watch everything magically fall in his lap. But the hard truth is the career he has chosen to pursue will take him years to complete unless we get ourselves in a bunch of debt just so he can get it done quickly.

I know he’s never going to be happy until he is doing what he wants to do and this will continue to weigh heavily on our marriage. Some people are content just having a job to pay the bills and make a comfortable living, he will never be that person. I feel like he’s always going to be like the highschool quarterback who would have made it to the NFL if it wasn’t for an injury that held them back and I’ll never hear the end of it. He knows how I feel, we do well with communication in our marriage. I’m just so tired of repeating myself like a broken record that I’ve resorted to silence with him.

We only get two days off together every two weeks due to our schedules and he’s ruined our weekend off together because he’s been sulking about his job and lack of career.

TDLR: I’m just frustrated and needed somewhere to vent my thoughts. Thank you for listening.

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* This article was originally published here

My father [M63] wants to be closer to me. But his emotional side triggers my avoidance. I [M18] feel really bad because I care about him. How can I fix this?

I am so grateful that I have people in my life that care about me. I'm very close with my mother, my friends, and I have a pretty secure attachment style. I love building intimacy with others.

But this doesn't apply to my father. His feminine, emotional side just weirds me out in a way. I feel terribly sorry because I know he cares about me but it's not really a father figure that I am looking for.

I find it extremely hard to open up to him. I can't ever show him my emotions and when he does show his and reaches out it's feels suffocating and I need space.

Again, I don't know why because I'm usually never avoidant with anyone else. He's made so many sacrifices for my education and I am so grateful for that. And I know there are many people who would want a father like mine. It's my last year home before I move to college so I want to make my relationship with my father better.

TLDR:

Basically the title.

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* This article was originally published here

KidsMatter 2 Us – Importance of relationships - Positively Naperville

KidsMatter 2 Us – Importance of relationships  Positively Naperville

* This article was originally published here

My[28F] new bf [28M] is making me choose him or my mom

I've recently started dating again, and in a short amount of time became exclusive with this one guy I've felt a strong connection to. We enjoy hanging out and dating, but I can't spend as much time as he'd want me to because I also have to take care of my disabled mom. My mom has, among physical issues, mental health struggles. She also has paranoia and tends to have outbursts if I spend long amounts of time somewhere, especially if it's with somebody that I haven't known for a long time or that I don't know well (I need to call or text her periodically to reassure her).

Recently I've had to delay a date because I've needed to help her with some things as well as to wait for a good opportunity to leave her alone for longer than usual. It's something I have to basically prepare for.

He thinks that I'm choosing my mom over him and is basically putting a wedge into our relationship until I "disobey" my mom. To me, this isn't a question of obedience, but that I'm trying my best to maintain a relationship and at the same time cope with my mom's deteriorating health. But he thinks she is ruining things because she's the reason that I can't date or visit him any time that he'd like us to.

Does he have a point? Does it look like I'm clinging to my mom or that she's manipulating me, and I'm actually in the wrong for thinking I can balance both relationships? It's never occurred to me that this was an issue, because it never came up with any of the guys I've dated previously; they were ok with me taking care of her and delaying dates if it was necessary. They themselves would delay dates in order to attend a friend's party or take care of a visiting relative or do overtime at work, and I never held it against them either.

​

TL;DR: I take care of my mom, who has (mental) health issues that make it hard for me to go on long dates (>6h). My bf thinks we can't maintain a relationship because of it, and now I'm looking for input from others, whether I'm in the wrong and should listen to him, or I should continue the way I'm doing things.

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* This article was originally published here

My bf left me alone in another country

My boyfriend(25M) of 4 years and I(25F) moved abroad 3 months ago. We moved to a country with a 2 year visa and where he has some relatives but I do not have any.

Some important points for context: - The move was more important to me than to him but we had planned it for 2 years before finally moving and he repeatedly said he was sure about the move.

• We are lucky to both work remotely and so out work and financial stability was not affected by the move.

• He is not very close with his immediate family and so there was no big loss in that relationship by moving.

So since we moved he has made it clear he does not particularly like the country and since the pandemic he has been struggling with his mental health. He stopped seeing his therapist a few months ago despite my objections. He also said the move has made his mental health worse.

3 weeks ago, he told me he wanted to go home and figure out if was in a position to be in this relationship. We argued and he went to a hotel for a couple of nights. We both thought he would come back after a few nights of space.

Over the phone, we came to the conclusion that he should go home and I should stay to figure out what we both want. I wanted him to stay but didn’t push it because I didn’t want him to resent me if I tried to prevent a trip home.

He got a flight out the next day without coming back to our place to say goodbye.

I spent the next 2 weeks feeling extremely upset. I ultimately felt like he should have stayed to figure it out together and I was angry he never said goodbye.

I also gradually got more and more angry that he left me in a foreign country entirely alone.

After 2 weeks of an emotional roller coaster , he has decided he wants to come back with the agreement he will be going to therapy for his mental health and we will only stay in the new country for about another 6 months.

Before he booked a flight back, I ended the relationship because I felt angry that we came here together and then he just abandoned me here.

Now I’m unsure if I made the right choice or if I am being unreasonable. All advice welcome.

TL;DR: my boyfriend and I moved to a new country together. He struggled with the move and got a flight home by himself, leaving me alone for for weeks. He wants to come back but I ended it. Not sure if I made a mistake.

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* This article was originally published here

There’s no such thing as ‘no-fault’ divorce – the phrase they’re looking for is ‘everybody’s fault’ | Zoe Williams

I’m all for making break-ups less traumatic. But the new divorce law can’t strip out all the emotion

On Wednesday, the “no-fault divorce” law comes into effect in England and Wales, the result of years of campaigning by lawyers and family rights groups, to take the acrimony out of separation. The law until now was peculiar in ways that you probably wouldn’t realise until you were at the point of getting divorced – tethered to old-world values about the sanctity of marriage, with workarounds to reflect the modern understanding that, sometimes, shit happens.

So if you wanted a divorce and hadn’t been deserted or gone through the process of separation, you had to sue your spouse for either adultery or unreasonable behaviour. In the first case, obviously that had to be brought by the “adulteree” rather than the adulterer, which was kind of rum, that one party would get cheated on and made to carry the burden of legal admin. As for what’s unreasonable, the bar was set incredibly low, and unless you said: “He has this way of breathing where it always sounds the same,” a judge would be unlikely to refuse you. It sounds easy, but it set the tone: two people scrabbling through the mud of the marriage to find the worst bits in it, which intensified the adversarialism. Even couples who managed to keep it “round the table” (a mediated separation) rather than head to head (with a family court involved) would nonetheless often be embarking on their journey as co-parents with a whole list of charges and counter-charges, burning away at their brains, offending their natural sense of justice.

Zoe Williams is a Guardian columnist

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* This article was originally published here

Project Blue Light to Deter Crime, Build Relationships - WGRT Local News

Project Blue Light to Deter Crime, Build Relationships  WGRT Local News

* This article was originally published here

Blind date: ‘At one point he asked if I had hairy armpits’

Abigail, 27, designer, meets Ryan, 30, telecoms engineer

Abigail on Ryan

What were you hoping for?
Somebody who doesn’t take themselves too seriously but is still ambitious, like-minded and up for a laugh.

Continue reading...

* This article was originally published here

please could someone give some help

tl;dr - i love my boyfriend but can’t stop thinking about my ex who i’m actually completely over. does this mean i’m not ready to move on, what can i do?

So I have a new boyfriend. We have been friends for about 8 years prior and have now had a romantic thing for about a month. I honestly have never ever felt this way about anyone.He is absolutely perfect in every way and i genuinely love him so so much.

BUT. prior to him i was single for about 7 months and before that i was on and off with a guy for around 4 years. by the end of things with my ex i was not in love with him at all and i knew we weren’t right for each other and that i didn’t and never again wanted to be with him romantically. to be honest when we broke up i actually felt relieved and didn’t cry or feel that sad - if anything i missed the friendship and what we used to have but i just wanted to move on from him. Me and this ex for the last 7 months of not being together, we wouldn’t speak for a few weeks then would just send the odd message to be like ‘hope your doing okay’ or we would have the odd catch up phone call. if anything i think this was a comfort thing because of such a long attachment and for me no feelings were involved. In these months, even though i was over him and didn’t miss the relationship with him at all, i did feel jealous if i thought of him with someone else. not because i wanted him for myself but because i felt replaced and i wanted him to want me and him being with another girl made me feel a bad way. idk why??? it sounds toxic ik.

anyway, so now i’m with my current boyfriend, i have none of this jealousy about my ex anymore and i have no desire to speak to him but for some reason i can’t stop thinking about him??? like a song comes on when i’m with my new boyfriend and i’ll think of my ex and feel sad, or i will compare everything my new boyfriend is doing to him.

I don’t know why i’m doing this because i don’t love or miss my ex at all and i love my new boyfriend with my whole heart. i just can’t stop thinking about my ex now and it’s stressing me out so much. I was worried it means i’m not ready to move on but i felt perfectly happy single and had done for a while so i don’t know why that would be the case? i also don’t feel as though it’s an issue with my current relationship because my boyfriend makes me feel a way no one else ever has. could it mean i’m not fully healed from my past relationship (it was traumatic during) and that i’m not ready to move on? or is it an opportunity to heal? please help.

does anyone know why im thinking about my ex and what it could mean? and how to stop so i can enjoy my new relationship?

ps. if it is any relevance i have experienced ROCD before and i would say i have anxious-avoidant attachment style

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Am I (25f) being unreasonable demanding validation from my partner (30m) that he considers me an equal partner?

TL;DR at the bottom of the post. Thanks in advance for any/all insights.

We've been in a really rocky state since the pandemic... it keeps circling back to my need for reassurance that he views me as an equal partner.

I'll admit that I've been depressed and had low self esteem basically since our honeymoon phase ended (5 years ago, 3 year honeymoon phase tyvm). Although he's not completely the responsible for my poor sense of self (lots of other factors did that) he definitely did not help me. I tried to break up twice during the pandemic but we would agree to stay and try and work it out because I felt like I was being too hard on him/blaming him for too much.

I mostly have trouble getting over stuff he's done/said to me in the past. I realize it's because a lot of those things (I feel, based on my observations) came from a place of him not respecting me as an equal partner. I've been trying to think of ways to get him to prove to me he thinks I'm an equal partner. Like I asked him once to tell me something he liked/valued about me but he couldn't come up with anything... then I asked him to take time and think about it and write a list and he could only come back with "I like hanging out with you at home" and that I had good social skills (which I think this refers to the fact that I will go with him to social events and put on a pleasant face. But this feels so inauthentic to me because I've been withdrawing so hard I hardly recognize myself...).

I told him a few days ago that I'm stil having these thoughts, and he was understandably upset. I didn't put it exactly like I need validation in this regard, so I'm planning to do so tonight but I'm wondering if it's even fair/healthy to put this on him? It kind of sucks, but it feels like this is the only option? For me the signs, the logic of it all points to that he doesn't see me as equal, but then I also recognize that I have such a low sense of self worth that I will just naturally assume that he thinks less of me. But then he shouldn't have a problem providing this evidence for me then?? After all, I do it for him all the time because he tends to naturally think I do things/make mistakes on purpose to attack him. So I have to provide evidence that that's not the case. (This dynamic is something thats improving BTW, I realize it's not a healthy one).

My gut thinks it's over, but my head and heart think there's hope if I can get validation that my partner views me as equal. I don't know how else to get this validation other than from him, and I'm also not sure that I can hear this validation for what it is. Do you think it's unreasonable to demand this from him? Or is this something on me?

TL;DR - I'm an insecure GF who needs validation from my partner that he views me as equal. Is it unreasonable to put this on him to provide?

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* This article was originally published here