tl;dr - i love my boyfriend but can’t stop thinking about my ex who i’m actually completely over. does this mean i’m not ready to move on, what can i do?
So I have a new boyfriend. We have been friends for about 8 years prior and have now had a romantic thing for about a month. I honestly have never ever felt this way about anyone.He is absolutely perfect in every way and i genuinely love him so so much.
BUT. prior to him i was single for about 7 months and before that i was on and off with a guy for around 4 years. by the end of things with my ex i was not in love with him at all and i knew we weren’t right for each other and that i didn’t and never again wanted to be with him romantically. to be honest when we broke up i actually felt relieved and didn’t cry or feel that sad - if anything i missed the friendship and what we used to have but i just wanted to move on from him. Me and this ex for the last 7 months of not being together, we wouldn’t speak for a few weeks then would just send the odd message to be like ‘hope your doing okay’ or we would have the odd catch up phone call. if anything i think this was a comfort thing because of such a long attachment and for me no feelings were involved. In these months, even though i was over him and didn’t miss the relationship with him at all, i did feel jealous if i thought of him with someone else. not because i wanted him for myself but because i felt replaced and i wanted him to want me and him being with another girl made me feel a bad way. idk why??? it sounds toxic ik.
anyway, so now i’m with my current boyfriend, i have none of this jealousy about my ex anymore and i have no desire to speak to him but for some reason i can’t stop thinking about him??? like a song comes on when i’m with my new boyfriend and i’ll think of my ex and feel sad, or i will compare everything my new boyfriend is doing to him.
I don’t know why i’m doing this because i don’t love or miss my ex at all and i love my new boyfriend with my whole heart. i just can’t stop thinking about my ex now and it’s stressing me out so much. I was worried it means i’m not ready to move on but i felt perfectly happy single and had done for a while so i don’t know why that would be the case? i also don’t feel as though it’s an issue with my current relationship because my boyfriend makes me feel a way no one else ever has. could it mean i’m not fully healed from my past relationship (it was traumatic during) and that i’m not ready to move on? or is it an opportunity to heal? please help.
does anyone know why im thinking about my ex and what it could mean? and how to stop so i can enjoy my new relationship?
ps. if it is any relevance i have experienced ROCD before and i would say i have anxious-avoidant attachment style
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