TL;DR at the bottom of the post. Thanks in advance for any/all insights.
We've been in a really rocky state since the pandemic... it keeps circling back to my need for reassurance that he views me as an equal partner.
I'll admit that I've been depressed and had low self esteem basically since our honeymoon phase ended (5 years ago, 3 year honeymoon phase tyvm). Although he's not completely the responsible for my poor sense of self (lots of other factors did that) he definitely did not help me. I tried to break up twice during the pandemic but we would agree to stay and try and work it out because I felt like I was being too hard on him/blaming him for too much.
I mostly have trouble getting over stuff he's done/said to me in the past. I realize it's because a lot of those things (I feel, based on my observations) came from a place of him not respecting me as an equal partner. I've been trying to think of ways to get him to prove to me he thinks I'm an equal partner. Like I asked him once to tell me something he liked/valued about me but he couldn't come up with anything... then I asked him to take time and think about it and write a list and he could only come back with "I like hanging out with you at home" and that I had good social skills (which I think this refers to the fact that I will go with him to social events and put on a pleasant face. But this feels so inauthentic to me because I've been withdrawing so hard I hardly recognize myself...).
I told him a few days ago that I'm stil having these thoughts, and he was understandably upset. I didn't put it exactly like I need validation in this regard, so I'm planning to do so tonight but I'm wondering if it's even fair/healthy to put this on him? It kind of sucks, but it feels like this is the only option? For me the signs, the logic of it all points to that he doesn't see me as equal, but then I also recognize that I have such a low sense of self worth that I will just naturally assume that he thinks less of me. But then he shouldn't have a problem providing this evidence for me then?? After all, I do it for him all the time because he tends to naturally think I do things/make mistakes on purpose to attack him. So I have to provide evidence that that's not the case. (This dynamic is something thats improving BTW, I realize it's not a healthy one).
My gut thinks it's over, but my head and heart think there's hope if I can get validation that my partner views me as equal. I don't know how else to get this validation other than from him, and I'm also not sure that I can hear this validation for what it is. Do you think it's unreasonable to demand this from him? Or is this something on me?
TL;DR - I'm an insecure GF who needs validation from my partner that he views me as equal. Is it unreasonable to put this on him to provide?
[link] [comments]
* This article was originally published here
No comments:
Post a Comment