Singledom, friends and contentment

I currently have a gf (28f) but she isn't the one (or a one) and I need to end it. It will destroy her, but long-term she'll be better off. This post isn't about that though.

My core group of friends involves 3 married guys and 1 who I'm 95% sure will marry his current gf. 1 of the mates just had a baby, another mate has one on the way. They all seem to do exciting stuff with their partners, go on holidays etc. I currently have 9 weeks annual leave saved up because I never go on a holiday. Feels increasingly like I have little in common with them.

I basically just work (which includes a lot of travel). I personally wouldn't date me, I'm fairly shut off, have what would be described as an avoidance attachment style and I'm not good at expressing my emotions.

I love hanging out with my mates occasionally, but part of me also thinks I'd be happier/consistently neutral if I just worked and watched TV on weekends and cut them out.

I just needed to vent. Feeling lost after catching up with them on the weekend.

Tl;Dr: do I cut out my mates from my life so I can live my life in neutral?

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* This article was originally published here

My [23M] partner [23F] is going travelling for a year - feel hopeless and anxious

We [23M and 23F] have been together for 1 year, and in a few omnths they will be moving country for a year for a working holiday.

The distance would be huge - a 20 hour flight and an 8 hour time difference, which makes it even harder to communicate via call/message

I am very upset by this and it's hard to not feel a bit angry at being left behind

My GF wants to stay together during this time and do a long distance relationship, and believes it can work. I am much more hesitant, but at the same time it feels impossible to break up as our relationship is so good otherwise.

I don't hopeful at all that we would manage to stay happy during this time. I know I will struggle with the lack of physical connection, be worried about her meeting someone else, and overall just find it very hard.

But we love eachother a lot and enjoy being together so much, that I can't end things

The best we can hope for is to see eachother once the entire year. Me going with is not an option unfortunately.

I am not sure I believe long distance for this length of time could work, but they feel otherwise, and say they know many people who have done it - so why can't we?

Its something they have always wanted to do, which I get, but I can't help feel that they are abandoning a relationship that is going very well

This is incredibly hard because a breakup is hard as it is, but that normally happens due to relationship issues. Here we both love eachother and are our enjoying our relationship so much that if it weren't for this we would definitely continue

TLDR: Partner leaving in a few months for a working holiday, for one year. She wants to stay together during this time, but I am unsure. I cannot go with and the distance will be huge, so we could only hope to visit once the whole year. I don't want to break up, but also don't think I could cope with long distance (struggle with needing physical connection, and I would be worried about her meeting someone else). I know I struggle a lot with long distance, and I also can't help but feel a bit rejected. Our relationship was going so well before this. I feel hopeless. Any advice?

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* This article was originally published here

Am I overreacting for being angry at my boyfriend for not messaging me while he was with his friends?

My boyfriend (16M) is a bit of a drinker when he’s with his mates and occasionally alone. I (18F) am absolutely not, I’ve never been drunk or surrounded myself with drinking culture, so I don’t know what’s normal.

Last night he sent me a message around 7pm telling me that his friends dragged him into a night out. I told him to have fun and to let me know he’s alive every now and then. He knows that I worry if he’s going to be out late, especially if I know he’s drinking. In the past he’s always, always told me when he got home so that I know he’s safe, because I usually stay up and wait until he’s back home before I go to sleep.

This time I had nothing all night. I sent him a message at about 10pm asking when he was going to be home, and another one at midnight jokingly asking if he was alive. Around this point one of his friends posted a blurry photo of someone on the ground very clearly not in good shape who I recognised to be him because of a bracelet he wears. I sent another message about this an hour later asking if he was okay and saying that I hadn’t expected him to keep me updated every second, but something would’ve been nice.

I grew increasingly worried as I continued to receive no answer from him, nor from the friend who posted the photo who I eventually sent a quick message to. I gave up and went to sleep with my notifications on loud at around 4am having heard nothing and with nothing else being posted.

I didn’t get a message until 9:30am, at which point he told me “fine don’t worry lmao” and explained that he’d gotten blackout drunk. None of his friends had been as drunk as him, as there are videos from the night of them literally holding him up because he couldn’t even walk. He’d crashed at one of their houses for the night. I’m not happy with him at all and I told him so. He apologised more when he realised I was actually upset.

Am I overreacting? Part of me feels like I should be able to trust him to handle himself for one night out with his friends without worrying, and another part is just pissed off.

TLDR: Boyfriend went on a night out with friends, got blackout drunk, didn’t answer any messages all night, had a photo of himself looking passed out on the floor posted to a friends story at 1am, told me “don’t worry lmao” in the morning

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* This article was originally published here

Here's What You Need To Know About Karmic Relationships & How They Work - Indiatimes.com

Here's What You Need To Know About Karmic Relationships & How They Work  Indiatimes.com

* This article was originally published here

Anyone found happiness after being with a toxic avoidant partner ?

So I am [M33] and have been involved in a long term relationship with a avoidant [F35] who was very damaging to my overall mental health and physical wellbeing. That said from being with her for 7 years I cannot think how I will love anyone as much as I loved her. I am aware of the trauma bond which exists but it is so hard to let go of her. I feel we were each others person and she told me I was her person. It feels like we got caught up in all the drama we created in each others lives and that was addictive it was even fun at times. But very painful also. There could be a sado masochistic element to this but who knows. Anyway I want to here from people who have got into new relationships after feeling like they lost the person they always thought would be there for them and they loved and adored with every fibre of themselves.

TL:DR looking to hear from others who have been in toxic relationships and how they found there new person who they loved and adored.

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* This article was originally published here

Is this okay?

My boyfriend (28M) and I (21F) are in the same friend group and I learned that when we were still flirting, he told our friends about us. The problem is I am a very private person and when we started dating, we decided to keep it from our friends for a little bit and we told them after a month. It turns out they knew it already. I know this for 2 months and we’re dating for 10 months now. Now I feel like they treated me like an idiot. It hurts me and my bf doesn’t think this is a problem. Is it a problem? I feel like I’m way more sensitive than I should. What do you guys think? Also, I lost trust for my friends and I started to think that if we break up, they would cut me off from the group. I feel not connected to them as I was before.

TL;DR! My bf (28M) told our friends about us and I (21F) tried to keep it a secret like an idiot

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* This article was originally published here

My strict family is ruining my life

not really sure where to start.. age (25f) with (28m) length - 1.5 years please be kind

been with my loving and supportive partner for the past 1.5 years i am muslim therefore we have to be engaged / married to live together etc

he tried to ask for my hand a few months ago but my parents were very rude & straight up rejected him so we kept it quiet and carried on as normal.

now, we are trying to make our rship more formal and serious but my strict family is being incredibly difficult on the grounds ‘i deserve better’ -family have spoken horrible to me and i got told to choose whether i want him or my family

feeling so lost, confused, heartbroken and just overwhelmed - can anyone please advise me on what to do? - i don’t want to lose either side

tldr: family are saying i have to choose between my partner or my family - how do i handle this situation?

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* This article was originally published here

Outcasted by Boyfriend’s Friends (BF 23M / Me 25F for 1 - 1/2 Y)

Disclaimer: This is a re-upload, but I'm modifying a few things. Please refrain from personally attacking my character, as you do not know the entire story. I'm simply seeking some different perspectives. If the story offends or upsets you, please refrain from commenting at all.

I will begin with our ages: I am a 25 year old woman, and my boyfriend is 23. We have been together for almost 2 years.

As for some relevant backstory, I’ve had a few relationships in the past, but I am my boyfriend’s first proper girlfriend. I prefer not to discuss personal issues publicly, so this post will be taken down shortly after I receive my answers.

My boyfriend and I got together under unique circumstances, as I was initially dating his friend for over a year. To keep it brief, I ended things with his friend to be with him. The breakup with his friend wasn’t excessively messy, and I even remained on speaking terms with my ex for a little while, until recent events unfolded.

For about a year, my ex and his group of friends, with whom we used to hang out, stopped talking to my boyfriend completely. However, a significant argument occurred between my boyfriend, which led to the group reestablishing contact with him while completely cutting off communication with me. It’s important to note that this argument had nothing to do with the group itself.

For over 6 months now, my boyfriend has been spending time with this friend group, including my ex, while I have been completely excluded and isolated from any events they have. This has personally affected me, as it’s hurtful to feel cast aside by my boyfriend and his friends due to personal grudges.

I have repeatedly asked my boyfriend to initiate a conversation with these people, in hopes that I could be reintroduced into the friend group, but unfortunately, this has not progressed at all.

I even attempted to privately message my ex and another member of the group, hoping to open a dialogue, but they completely ignored me.

The best way to describe the situation is akin to living in a room that is flawless with its amazing decor, fancy furniture, and rare paintings. However, right in the middle of the floor, there’s a bag of steaming crap that my partner is refusing to clean up. It may be a significantly small parcel, but it still stinks up the room!

I feel like this group has designated me to be the scapegoat for past arguments, probably because they are still subconsciously angry at my boyfriend for choosing to be with me. It’s quite perplexing, and I don’t know how to handle this situation. I love my boyfriend, and our relationship is perfect except for this clear barrier between me and his friends.

My question is, what would you do in my situation?

TLDR: What should I do about my boyfriend's friends isolating me from everything, because of an old grudge?

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* This article was originally published here

My ex(25f) make me feel bad even if i(28m) do the same

Hello everyone!

As note, we have decided to keep the contact.

As my title said, my ex-gf makes me feel bad while she is telling me about her sex life, but i am getting upset even if i did the same things with other women, but i don’t share with her my sex life, because i don’t find uselful.

I know it’s not my business but i want to understand my feeling regarding this.

I think i am projecting on her what i do and still feeling bad about it.

I don’t understand this feeling and i want you guys to help me with what i am doing bad here.

Tl;dr: My gf makes me feel bad even if i am doing the same things, but she shares them with me

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* This article was originally published here

What do green flags in relationships look like? - OTV News

What do green flags in relationships look like?  OTV News

* This article was originally published here

My boyfriend [24M] and I [21F] just moved. How do we get through it?

I [21F] and my bf [24M] have been dating for almost 4 years and moved into a new apartment about 2 weeks ago and it's been a mix of emotions. We've both been studying the whole time we've been dating, and now that we've both graduated we got an opportunity to rent an apartment that my boyfriend's aunt and uncle owns. This apartment is bigger than our last one and it fits us both really well; I get my own gaming and drawing corner, and he gets a big room to record music in.

Now to the problem: We've always had a bit of an issue with keeping our home tidy. It's not on a serious hoarder-like level, but you can almost always find used dishes here and there, empty fastfood bags in the kitchen, dust and dust bunnies everywhere, overflowing trash bin, (and my biggest pet-peeve) empty containers of "microwaveable food" on the counter, not in the trash bin.

In our defense, I want to mention that during our time dating and living together I've worked weekend and night-shifts in retail while my boyfriend studied full time and took student loans instead to be able to afford everything. During the last year I think both of us have gotten a bit depressed and burnt out from various stuff. I graduated last fall and kept working at my then job in retail which wasn't a good place for me. I also god diagnosed with ADD when I was 17 and haven't gotten to it with trying out medication for it, which boosts the depression quite a bit. I now have a new job which I like a lot better but I think I still haven't had time to rest up from my previous job which has resulted in severe depression and anxiety the last couple of weeks.

My boyfriend also worked really hard all winter to finish his degree and thesis. This also took a toll on him, but he at least has now found a job that he will be starting in a few weeks which I hope he will like.

During the last year and a half I've been going down a spiral of "laziness" and just general emptiness. I don't have any energy to cook or eat a decent meal, if I eat anything decent it's often a plate of plain pasta and maybe some meatballs or chicken which my boyfriend makes for me. Other than that it's often fast food and snacks. This results in the fast food bags in the kitchen. My boyfriend also often just buys "micro-pizzas", throws them in the microwave, and often leaves the packaging from them laying beside the microwave. Since I'm also too tired I also often leave used dishes on the kitchen table and in the sink instead of the dishwasher. This is probably what started it all.

Now back to the move; we moved the last boxes and furniture 2 weeks ago and a lot of it still hasn't found a place. All of our clothes are in a huge pile on the floor in our bedroom because we haven't gotten around to fixing shelves for the wardrobes. I have to step over boxes in the kitchen and living room because none of us have gotten around to unpacking, but everytime I look at all the boxes and bags I just feel a big lump in my stomach and can't find myself to getting started, I feel exhausted before I've even begun. My boyfriend is also repainting a couple of windows (the work is taken off of the rent) which is taking a long time because of the many layers of paint that they require, so the unpacking is sort of my job now.

Always seeing all of the boxes and being in a new place has made me easily irritated and feeling down all the time. I know nothing justifies it, but it makes me snap at my boyfriend, like really snap. We've never fought as much as we've done the last month. I get so annoyed when he leaves trash everywhere, and when I point it out, he starts nagging about the used dishes, the moving boxes, the windows and that he's also tired. Even the smallest things like dropping something on the floor or accidentally hitting my knee or finger or something can ruin the rest of the day.

Today was the first day that I felt like taking on a bit of stuff, but after cleaning out a bit of trash, emptying the bin, and failing to move a spare heavy mattress I just lost all interest.

I love my boyfriend, but I wish I could just snap my fingers and make everything go in its right place. I'm so scared that he'll get sick of all my arguing and yelling, but I can't help it. I really don't know what to do. Any input?

TD;LR: Boyfriend and I are both depressed and sorth of burnt out and have just moved into a new apartment. Can't find myself to unpack everything and we both get irritated and argue all the time.

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* This article was originally published here

Almost Dating but in long distance. How should I approach this

Hey there,

So, there's this girl (22f) who's really good friends with my best friend and another close friend of mine (I'm 22m). My best friend keeps insisting that I should ask her out, thinking we could be a great match. Well, I finally met her at a party a few weeks ago, and we had a great conversation. Unfortunately, I had to leave early, but later I reached out to her on Instagram and asked her out. She said she's interested, but said she's going on a 3-month trip to Vietnam, and her flight is in a few days (from when I texted her). However, she made it clear to my best friend that she's genuinely interested and it's only the trip that's keeping her from going out with me. She even told my best friend she'd love to go out once she's back, if I'm still available.

Now, she's in Vietnam, and we've got this somewhat unusual Instagram connection going on. We comment on each other's stories from time to time (I don't post much, to be honest). It's a bit strange because we don't really know each other well, and I find it challenging to get to know someone purely through texts. Plus, I tend to overthink things, so I worry about coming on too strong or texting her too frequently, even though I'm probably just being overly cautious.

My question is, how should I handle this situation? I really want to maintain this connection because I hope to date her when she comes back. I don't want to accidentally mess things up through texting. Should I comment on her stories often? How should I approach this?What are your thoughts on this?

Thanks!

TL;DR: There's a girl who's friends with my best friend and another friend of mine. My best friend thinks we'd be a good match, so I asked her out after a party. She's interested, but she's currently on a 3-month trip to Vietnam. We're staying connected through Instagram, commenting on each other's stories. I want to date her when she returns but worry about texting too much or coming on too strong. Seeking advice on how to handle the situation and maintain the connection.

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* This article was originally published here

People think my(22F) bf(22M) is gay

People think my bf is gay and I'm not sure how to deal with this

I've been dating my bf for a while now and we're happy. But the issue is what the title suggests. When I first met him I thought he was gay too. He has a way of speaking and movements that resemble the way that some gay men behave. I try to not care about what others think and focus on us and only us. But it's difficult at times, when family and friends secretly think that he must be gay. Like my mom said to me "then why does he act like this if he's not gay?". Which is unreasonable but still painful to hear. Or like the other day, he went to a party with a friend (I couldn't go because I wasn't well and he wanted to go since he almost never goes out with friends). His friend was looking for girls to hook up with so my bf was pretty much not participating in the convo, so he had started talking to a group of guys and he told me that one of them asked him if he has a girlfriend or if he's gay etc. I can't really blame the other guy, since I thought he was gay when I first met him. Anyway we've talked about it and he said that he doesn't like how other people make such assumptions but at the same time he doesn't really care all that much. I love him a lot and I could see a future wirh him but it hurts people thinking that I'm dating a gay man. It's like they're questioning our whole relationship, our love, everything. And at times I feel embarrassed.

Tldr; everyone thinks my bf is gay and it hurts me.

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* This article was originally published here

My (23f) relationship with my boyfriend (28m) of 1.5 years is on the rocks and I don't know what to do about it.

Hey guys, any advice or insight would be appreciated. This will be long so apologies in advance. I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years, we both love each other and don't want to be apart but are currently on a two week break to clear our heads and decide how to proceed. This is my first serious relationship where he's had at least one before, for context.

About 4 months in to our relationship I had my first doubts of how different our life values are. Nothing crazy like I want kids and he doesn't (we both want kids, marriage etc) but he disclosed to me he doesn't feel its important for me to meet his family or friends, and he doesn't feel it important to meet mine either, that it would probably happen eventually but its just not important to him. Growing up he did not have a close or bonded family and they live 4 hours away, so me meeting then was never important to me, where I'm extremely close with my family so that seemed extremely alien and hurtful to me - I wanted him to want to be part of my family.

I put it down to a quirk of his and we continued on even though I felt hurt. He met my family a little while later because he knew it was important to me but that's it. I met his parents after almost a year because we went to an event in his part of the country where they are. I also met his friends (he has a large group of friends that frequently go out and do things together, I have a few close friends but not a group) when they were holding events on weekends and I was with him.

He has his own place a 40 minute drive from where I live with my parents and when we met he didn't drive, so it made sense for me to go over there for ease and privacy. He soon learned to drive and got a car, but that just kinda continued. In 1.5 years he's never once offered to come to mine for the weekend to save me driving or spend time with my family, he thinks being around my family is awkward and he doesn't want to. He now hasn't seen my family in 8 months, and has still only met one of my friends because simply we're always at his place.

My first real upset was in October when I was meant to be driving 4 hours to meet him and go to previously mentioned event, he was already there for something else. I had just recovered from glandular fever, and was apprehensive about doing such a long drive in a horrible city I'd never been. I called him a few days before, said this and asked if I could go on the train there and then he drives us both back. He was then upset because he'd have to leave a day earlier than he planned and miss out on an extra day with his mates. This upset me as I had just been very ill, was run down and nervous of such a long horrible drive and he was more bothered about an extra day with his friends. He did it but wasn't happy about it.

Then in November a close friend of mine died. I was distraught. I found out when I was at work and messaged him, he never offered to come see me, I had to ask him to. That also hurt. I wanted him to want to come and make sure I was alright. Then, not long ago, we were at his friends for a party and it got to midnight and I was tired and fairly tipsy, said I wanted to go home and wanted to order an uber. He said fine but he isn't going home yet, so he let me go home in an uber by myself drunk at midnight so he could spend an extra hour with his mates. Again, this really hurt.

A few times in our relationship I'll say I want to visit X place or do X thing, more often than not he'll say he's already been or done something similar, so he doesn't want to. Or, a few times we've organised something, like I said I wanted to go to the beach, looked forward to it all week, the day before came and he says he can't be bothered, its due to rain and he doesn't want to. I end up upset so we go, but again I know he isn't happy about it.

Another thing to consider is that I work in the veterinary field, I live breathe and adore animals. He's not an animal person, never has been, and is slightly allergic to dogs (my pet of choice). I can't love without a dog, he doesn't know if he can live with one.

It's been a known fact its likely he'll have to move to a large city 4 hours away for his niche type of work this time next year. I've always known and been apprehensive, but it came to a head after a small argument about something silly a few weeks ago. I knew in my heart I didn't want to leave my whole life and move from my family, job I love, and all my friends to a huge city (I'm a country gal) and the thought scared me. We nearly ended it, but agreed to wait it out and he'll do his best to get a close job so it doesn't happen.

After this, things still just felt weird. I'd see my friends partners surprising them with a day trip somewhere for their birthday, or writing them sweet words in their birthday cards (none of which my bf has ever done for me, I get 'to (me), happy birthday! love from (him)'. I started thinking more about all the previously mentioned occurrences. I was upset and worrying that I'm not getting the effort I need and deserve from him and started a conversation. It was tense and I was upset and crying, I looked over and he had fallen asleep. As I was crying over our relationship. A little later he woke up, we spoke about him never wanting to do the things I suggest and he said 'why should I bore myself to entertain you'. That was my final straw that day, it seemed to encapsulate all the little worried I had about him only doing things that serve him and me just being convenient. I gathered my things and left his place. We agreed we needed space and set a time to speak again, as I was leaving things were calm but sad, we were both teary, hugged and kissed and told each other we love each other but we need time.

All my friends and family I have told this to are shocked at what he said, says he doesn't put enough effort in and I deserve better. A large part of me agrees. But a large part of me loves him and the great parts of our relationship because there's plenty. Ge gets me thoughtful gifts, he's loyal, he's kind, he's physically effectionate that I love, we have great bedroom chemistry, we laugh all the time and he does make me very happy most of the time. But it does often come back to examples of me not feeling like his priority, not feeling like he'd go out of his way for me - he loves our relationship as long as its convenient for him.

I'm torn. I don't know what decision to make. I love and miss him dearly and he said he misses me too and didnt want me to leave, but I want to feel like I'm someone's priority, and don't right now and haven't for a while. Any insight is massively appreciated.

TLDR, my boyfriend and I are on a two week break from 1.5 years of relationship, our relationship has wonderful parts and we love and miss each other but I often feel like he doesn't prioritise me, and will only actively be in our relationship so long as its convenient for him.

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* This article was originally published here

Does my bf (M,30) love me anymore (F,32) ?

We've been dating for almost 4 years. During our relationship I had many projects where I was a beginner / had imposter syndrome (eg. changed jobs, passed drivers licence), all that implies I had to persevere & be strong.

My partner has been supporting of me since I am more anxious and I am thankful really. But sometimes it feels like he's a life coach to me & lives with loving my potential, not who I am now.

With all the projects done etc. I guess down the road I lost some confidence in myself (never really had a support system so I needed reassurance during these projects), he says he liked me better at the start of the relationship cause I had more self-esteem. He says I seem "limited" in my beliefs and actions (playing small, am not strong enough, should know how to reply to ppl to defend myself, etc.).

Even though I agree with some of his comment and am working on it, I can't help but think he doesn't love me anymore I don't feel his equal, but more like a construction site...should I accept being talked to like this?? :( Makes me feel like I should just be thankful that he stays with me.

Or should I just forget, accept it as a feedback & be thankful that he shared it and doesn't break up with me & try to work on it for myself?

TL;DR Bf is giving brutal comment about what should change in me but makes me wonder if he loves me for who I am.

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* This article was originally published here

Self-Doubt and the Desire to Mother a (Yet-to-be-Fostered) Child

I'm grappling with a personal issue, largely rooted in my low self-esteem. My partner and I have been together for 4.5 years and we're both in our mid-thirties. The inevitable tick-tock of my biological clock has begun to echo more loudly in my ears lately. My partner, however, does not wish to have biological children, and his reasons are quite noble: his sisters and aunts are adopted, and he was raised in a family that normalized adoption. Driven by his love for children, he wishes to provide a better life for those already in existence, rather than bringing new ones into the world. He believes in giving a chance to a child who's waiting for a loving home, instead of contributing to overpopulation.I have gradually accepted this perspective, having been reassured by many mothers that genes don't necessarily dictate the strength of the parent-child bond. The consensus seems to be that biological ties don't guarantee a healthy, fulfilling relationship with one's children.

This past weekend, my partner's nephew (9 years old) came to visit us. My partner loves his nephew like his own child since the child's father was never there and my partner lived with the child until he was 3. Initially, I viewed the visit as an opportunity for him to bond with his uncle and aunt. However, plagued by the fear of feeling like a third wheel, I quickly withdrew. Usually, I have dance class on Saturdays, and I had planned to forego it to spend time with the young visitor. When my partner suggested I go to my own place on Friday (probably to prevent waking them up early for my dance class), I felt ousted. Instead of expressing my desire to stay and spend time with the family, I retreated, feeling disheartened.

On Saturday, I attended my dance class and then went home, spending the remainder of the day sleeping until Sunday morning. I ignored my partner's updates on their activities, even though they were invitations to join them. On Sunday, I informed him of my decision not to join them, citing my discomfort of feeling like an outsider. His understanding response was: "That's totally okay, I just don't want you to feel bad." Secretly, I had hoped for an enthusiastic insistence that I join them, an assurance that I was not an outsider.

This incident has sparked a concern regarding our adoption/foster child plans. I'm afraid I won't be able to forge a strong maternal bond with our future adopted child because my partner, who is incredibly good with kids, may inadvertently overshadow me. Furthermore, I'm still wrestling with the idea of not having a biological child, and the thought of struggling to connect with a child not born of me is intimidating. My fear is that I may end up feeling more like a competitor for my partner's attention than a mother.

A few years back, during a visit to my ex-boyfriend's friends' home, I felt uncomfortable around their kids. My inexperience was apparent, and one of the children even declared, "I don't like her." Despite the other adults' attempts to include me, I couldn't enjoy the visit, struggling to shift my focus from my need for my partner's attention to the children. In the end, I managed to navigate the situation, but I couldn't fully share in the joy of caring for the little ones like the others did.

I guess I'm looking for your thoughts on my feelings and behavior. I'm seeking advice or perhaps similar experiences that could provide some comfort and hope. I yearn to embrace the role of a mother, but I'm uncertain if my yearning is sufficient, or if my struggle to shift into a nurturing mindset is a sign that I should rethink this path. Could my difficulty in connecting with children and fears about having a foster child be indicating that this may not be the right choice for me? Any insights or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

​

TL;DR: I'm dealing with feelings of inadequacy and fear of being overshadowed in my relationship, especially regarding our plans to have a foster child. A recent experience with my partner's nephew intensified these feelings. I'm also unsure about my ability to connect with a child that isn't biologically mine. Looking for advice, shared experiences, and insights on embracing motherhood through adoption.

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* This article was originally published here

My boyfriend (M25) and I (F25) have been together for over a year and he is currently away on holiday with friends and has been following other girls on Instagram since he’s been there

My boyfriend (M25) is currently away on holiday with a group of friends. We’ve not been texting as much and he just says that he’s been busy and has not been on his phone as much which I completely get. I recently saw that he’s been following a few girls on instagram since he’s been there including a dancer at a club, every girl apart from the dancer has followed him back and they’re all also in the same place as him so he’s clearly meeting them in person and then adding them. Am I wrong to be upset by this? I don’t have a problem with him having female friends but I don’t see the point of him having random girls from holiday on Instagram. I also can’t help but wonder in what sort of situation you would exchange instagrams, like you clearly have to be speaking to someone to do that, none of his other friends that he’s away with are following these girls either, it’s just him - would I be wrong to confront him and tell him that I’m upset by his actions? As I don’t want to come across as crazy.

TL;DR my boyfriend is currently away on holiday and has been following new girls on Instagram since he’s been there

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* This article was originally published here

helping my (22M) girlfriend (22F) that get triggered (because of my mistake)?

long story short, i had mental problems in the past (1,5-1y ago), and i used to vent to my friends, and have ever talked shit about my girlfriend. now im at much better place after professional help. it is not justified at all and i admit my wrongdoings. now our relationship is 2+ years old.

she snooped through my phone and looked at those old messages. and have lost trust in me. were on the verge of break up and she's been changing daily. one day we are never going back, the next she comes back to me, the next she says we're never going back again, the next she still gives me chance again.

she said she knows that it is in the past, but just couldn't help thinking how cruel i was talking behind her back. she took a break from social media, but recently came back and a certain word triggered her. of course ive been apologizing every single day, showing how regretful i am of things i did and i love her.

she says whenever she feels fine it is fine, but whenever she sees social media she always gets triggered and remember my wrongdoings.

she wants concrete evidence from me, showing how i really have changed. i suggested couples theraphy, she said she doesn't feel comfortable doing that, as she only shares her personal life to those closest to her (including me), and how i broke that trust.

how can i help her regarding this manner? showing concrete evidence to show her how changed of a man i am. we are on long distance as i study 6 more months abroad, and im not really sure how. ive really shown how changed of a man i am and our relationship has been wonderful lately, until she decided to snoop through old messages.

thanks in advance for the suggestions/comments!

tl:dr- mental problems in the past made me rant and talk shit about my girlfriend, now im a much better place after professional help. relationship been wonderful, then girlfriend saw old messages. gets triggered on a certain word nowadays. how can i help her and built trust back, proving im a different man now?

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* This article was originally published here

She (26F) got mad at me (32m) for not calling her after 1st date

Hey,

Met this girl on Facebook , she seemed cool and very gorgeous, so we went on 1st date, she seemed really to like me and had a strong crush on me, while since I"m still affected by the break up with my ex recently, I liked her, Called her after 3 days of the date and she went ballistic on why I didn't call during the last 3 days, I said to her I have been busy with work .. which I'm.. but she can call whenever she wants I'm happy to talk to her, and she went even more angry and cancelled the 2nd date

Am I supposed to stop what I'm doing to babysit girls to help them deal with their insecurities? Is dating has changed or am I living in a cave ?

Tldr: I met a girl on Facebook and we had a great first date. However, when I didn't call her for three days afterward, she became angry and canceled our second date. Now I'm questioning whether I should prioritize someone's insecurities and if dating norms have changed.

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* This article was originally published here

Is my friend getting catfished/scammed?

I have a friend (25M) who met a girl (19F) on a dating app/website. They have been talking online for three months and have FacedTimed and he has confirmed she is a real person. They supposedly even talk on the phone every night. He booked a flight to Canada to visit her next week (we are on the East Coast). Based on the information he has given me, I’m very skeptical of her intentions.

• Her family owns a very successful restaurant and they have a large sum of money. But she hasn’t given him the name of the restaurant to confirm (for “privacy reasons”).
• She claims she has people after her and her family because of their wealth/business.
• She has social media (Instagram), but her mom created the account and won’t share it with him (for “privacy reasons”). She claims she will give him access to her phone and social media after they meet in person.
• She has offered to show him a video tour of her house to verify her wealth, but when he brought it up, she deflected and became aggressive towards him.
• She is going to pick him up at the airport or they will meet at a public restaurant.
• They only talk on Discord and Snapchat. He doesn’t have her phone number or e-mail address. She also shares her Snapchat account with her friend.
• She was supposed to come visit him here, but her parents wouldn’t allow it, so he is going to her instead. However, her parents let her travel internationally with her assistant, who is a male. They supposedly just went to Europe. However, she didn’t send him any pictures until after the trip because her phone got taken away by her mom and she was using her assistant’s phone.
• She lives with her family in Vancouver, but she is supposedly driving with her friend to Regina for 18 hours to hang out with him for a week at her own house (he booked a hotel room).

Whenever we tell him how sketchy this sounds, he claims that she is not like us common folk and that she has these protocols for security/privacy reasons. What are the odds that he is getting catfished/scammed? He says she has never asked him for money or gifts.

​

TL;DR: My friend met a girl online and he is flying across the continent to see her. She has no Internet presence and we cannot confirm anything this girl has said.

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* This article was originally published here

How do I (F20) politely leave a group of friends of 7?

I met them all in 2019 when I was in high school, we quickly created this little group and everything was perfect. But since covid and confinement, and then our respective studies, we have moved away. We still have this discussion group on whatsapp but no one talks except to organize activities together but for years we have not been able to see each others anymore because everyone is too busy. I speak to only one person in private message very rarely, and for most of them absolutely never. I just feel like we keep some semblance of contact out of habit but I've grown up, I'm not the same anymore, and I don't feel connected to them anymore.

How do I politely walk away from them? I don't know what to do

tl;dr: How do I leave my old group of friends with whom I feel like I speak (very rarely) just out of habit?

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* This article was originally published here

Am I (28M) his insurance or he's (26M) just unable to tell me to go?

Hey, this might be longer to read and I appreciate everyone's time beforehand. But I'm confused of my ex's behavior. I'd love to hear your POVs, thoughts,... I appreciate it alot.

My ex, 26yo guy, nerdy, scientist, geeky, cute, passionate about his hobbies, gamer, Introverted, comes from loving family, idealistic and creative, empathic and emotional guy (yet so super cold and distanced towards me after the break up). Me 28y, sensitive and emotional, nerdy, business guy, extroverted 68%, active planner, dreamer, loyal and supportive, comes from bad family surroundings, heartwarming and still in love obviously. We were both our first big love and relationship.

We broke up 10m ago, in a good faith. We've had 4,5y long relationship, we were a very cute and adorable couple, we've had many stuffs in common, attracted to each other alot, yet we've had our ups and downs and communication issues about stupidities... (selfishness, sometimes demanding or grumpiness). We broke up in a agreement as we were back then frustrated from each others behavior and also because of a difficult season we both have had at works, etc.... So we kind of a, gave up I'd say. Soon later I realized what's he worth to me and that I don't want to lose him. However, he was fine with the decision of breaking up, felt like we r not supposed to be together, rather friends. When I told him that back there, I hurted him as he didn't expect me to lay all my emotions on him and I was very dramatic there tbh and made a "scene".

He needed space back then from me.

After a gap of some time. We've tried being friends, agreeing, seeing where it leads.... (me hoping to be in a relationship with him again, which I did mention and he always said, don't bet on it but we'll see, there might be chance...) but it didn't work, from my side.... I always ended up asking about us... I told him some time later, on our trip together, that I lied and being friends is hurting me and I'm constantly depressed, thinking of him, hurted, missing him super much etc...... Back then when I told him that, he looked at me with glossy eyes, while I cried softly, and he said, he wishes to be friends and we'll see if we make it back (he mentioned that many times).

But I told him, as much as I respect his decisions, he must respect mine which is that I can't suffer anymore by being friends. I want him to take some time to reconsider whether we try, truly, or we forget about each other smh.... I told him, begged him to be direct to me and not to rub honey around my mouth, that I don't want to live in hopes and I can take it... He nodded. I don't want to push him to decide into my favor, but I also want to get rid of this pain and I believe we can make it work and be happy together. (Am I the selfish guy here?)

He said he will think of it and let me know how he decided. Back then when we've last seen each other, I was supposed to take my bike from his place and he was like "you can take it next time"... (Another sign of him wanting to see me again?).

Since then, nothing. I texted him two weeks later just to see if he thought of it and he said he haven't decided yet, that he needs some more time to think it through and he promises to let me know...

Well, that was another month and I blocked him being hurted and "on hold" (I didn't want to be able to see his socials)... I know as he's introverted he takes time to think things through and is sensitive and ..... Yeah, I don't want to excuse him, I'm also a human being right? However, if I asked him to be honest with me and end my suffering, and he says he doesn't want me to suffer and "needs time to think it through"... Why did he never tell me directly his "no" ? What's happening here? Am I absolutely not on his mind or is he afraid to be honest to me to reveal his emotions? Other then that, I feel like moving on is best for me (as I'm wasting my time obviously), but he's Incalculably valuable to me, he is a specific person and a little "weirdo" which I like him alot for, one has no idea how much. I care for him incredibly much as he basically was my family.

Back then, I was grumpy because of stuff hapenning in my life (work crisis) selfishly expecting his support and not thinking of him having his own things to deal with. (Guess it was too much for him back then) Sometimes I was needy or demanding towards him, invading his introverted bubble, not respecting his boundaries. I can see he's scared of that hapenning again. Sadly, I learned how to maintain all of that after the break up thanks to some reading, Psychotherapies, learning about myself better.... Sometimes people realize their mistakes when it's too late and honestly, he had his bugs too. But I can see he was best of a boyfriend to me when I was able to maintain these boundaries as I could see when he felt respected, loved and supported, he was able to return his love multiple times back.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, don't hasitate to be direct, I need it. Though I think I'll always think of him as my soulmate.

Just to add, we never kissed or anything since the breakup. For him, it's not right and he seems to not be thinking of me sexually or anything as we broke up.

TLDR: I want to get back together with my ex but he's unable to tell me directly his decision and takes his time to think it through, but haven't decided yet...

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* This article was originally published here

Queenie and Jacob Are Harry Potter's Best Romance - CBR - Comic Book Resources

Queenie and Jacob Are Harry Potter's Best Romance  CBR - Comic Book Resources

* This article was originally published here

F27 and m27 with completely different views on sex and intimacy. Does sex naturally come from being kind, sweet, and going out of your way for your partner or does sex need to happen in order to want to be good to your partner ?

My partner and I have completely different views of this. He tells me he can’t give me what I need on an emotional level unless he’s getting sex. That means he can’t and doesn’t want to go out of his way for me, saying kind things to me, or help me out with things unless it leads to sex. He says he doesn’t want to put the work in unless it’s going to result in something.

I, on the other hand, feel that being kind and sweet to one another is a prerequisite to sex. I don’t want to be having sex with someone who’s not treating me correctly. He says it’s my responsibility to be fucking him and that I owe him sex because I’m the only person he can get it from.

TLDR: Am I wrong for thinking emotional connection and build up are what leads to sex? Is it crazy that my partner expects me to give him sex in order for him to want to put effort into treating me how I want to be treated ?

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* This article was originally published here

He (55m) is going to break up with me (48f) unless I move in with him and I'm torn.

We've been together for 6 years and our history is a mess. We lived together and it wasn't great. He had a great job and my contract had just ended so I wasn't working. Instead I helped him a lot with his business (at his request) and the general running of the house.
He had rented us a big house, a lot of vacations, a lot of drama. We fought a lot. For my part, I came into the experience expecting our relationship as a couple living together would be one way, but it was marred by so many issues. A lot of resentment built up. It became clear that he dealt with conflict by "micro cheating" (texting/flirting with other women). That's a huge trigger for me so we would fight more. He ended up having an affair 3 year ago and I moved out. I've come to realize he's very vulnerable to these situations because he seems to require a lot of attention. I think I know better now how to handle him with regards to this and what makes him tick.
We have stayed together but we haven't lived together since then. Our relationship is also a lot more "platonic" now. We hold hands and cuddle but very rarely have sex. This is due to so much resentment and pain that hasn't been properly dealt with.
Current situation:

- If I don't move in with him, he said it will be over. He doesn't want to live like this anymore (it's been 3 years since I moved out). He says there's no way he would ever cheat on me again...he doesn't want to go through that hell again or cause me so much pain. For my part, I'm fairly sure I could contribute to making our relationship better. I can see ways I could handle situations better within our relationship and I can see mistakes I made from when we lived together.
- But at the same time, I'm very scared I'll be making a mistake either way. If I don't move in, I feel very strongly I'll likely never be in a relationship again (just trust me...I'm nearing 50, time hasn't been the kindest to me, I'm a total introvert and I don't go out so there's nowhere to meet anyone). But if he cheated on me again, I'd be simply destroyed. I also am afraid I'll be back in a similar situation as before (non-stop arguing, him blaming me for everything to do with the house but now I'll also be working full time, finding out he's flirting with someone at work or texting women, etc).
I am wondering what steps to take here. I'm on the fence about just breaking up and facing my future alone, or if I should agree to move in and make marriage counselling a regular part of our next year. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation?
tldr: I have to decide whether to move back in with my partner or break up.

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* This article was originally published here

I (34f) think me and my friend (34f) have a mutual crush

I'm starting to think that my friend (34f) and I (34f) have a mutual crush on each other. We met in the beginning of this year, never spoke about being attracted to women just guys. I like our friendship and that is why I'm trying to be just a friend. We talk about light and deep subjects, we laugh and we like to practice sports together. I find her funny, smart, grounded and just the right amount of being crazy and enjoying the life. She is also very good-looking and that was confirmed by my other friends.

So I have a "small crush" on her. The thing is I wouldn't be paying much attention to my crush-related feelings but I think she flirts with me in some ways. She doesn't compliment me or touch me a lot, but it happens sometimes and she holds me in high regard intellectually-wise and she thinks I'm caring. I consider myself quite decently looking and in the last couple of months a few friends and aquintances (even her boyfriend) told me I have a great body, so let's say at least I have a fit body (I practice sports on a regular basis). So because of her boyfriend I don't want to make any moves and I just try to be a good friend and treat her as a close friend with only platonic feelings. Regarding flirting she likes to spend time (and I like it as well) with me and it happened in the past she changed her prior plans with her bf to meet with me, sometimes alone and sometimes with my friends. We laugh and tease each other. Anyway, in the last few days I think her body language towards me was really flirty and it was difficult to not look at her in a more physical way. We went to a beach (not our first time) and she wanted my towel to be put on hers, so we laid pretty close. We spent the whole day together. On the beach this time she was playing with her hair from time to time and exposed her underarms and her chest a lot. For example when standing in front of me she just lifted her arms and put her hands behind her head for a while or on the towel she was lying on the side and she would flip her hair so she had her hair just on one side and her chest was more visible and brushed her hair for a few seconds. I guess she is a happy how her cleavage looks and I must say I glance at it from time to time without thinking because it indeed looks good (I wore my sunglasses). She brushes my hands from time to time, but lately she started to touch my hair. There have always been accidental touches between us, like she touches my hands or she touches my legs with her legs. If we are in a group we always find a bit of time to spend together without others. Lately I proposed her to something with a couple of friends and she said she prefers to do things together were there are not many other people. There are more signals she likes me in some way, but recently I was surprised a little how much she "showed off" her body and flirty body language when we were together because I think she knows she is good-looking but she's not the type of girl who wants everyone looking at her too much.

I'm not sure if I should try to protect myself somehow in case she (involuntarily) leads me on? Not sure if she is playing with me (she is mature and I believe she doesn't like to hurt people she cares about)? I'm not sure if it's just a regular friendly interaction or there is something going on, but at the same time I don't think she deliberately wants to lead me on. But I do think we both like the attention we get from each other and we like to spend time together.

Tl;dr I have a small crush on my friend. I'm fine with being platonic friends, but I think there is some tension and it results in flirting with each other.

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* This article was originally published here

Am I wrong or is my friend making excuses to not meet me?

Am I wrong or is my friend making excuses to not meet?

My (23f) school friend (23f) is moving out of the country. She’s been inviting me to come visit her city for years and now that she’s moving she told me “so when are you coming”

I told her I’ll come on her birthday, and when her birthday comes around and I am about to book the flight, she kind of ignores me. After insisting , she replies that she can host me but her house has too many guests, no place to sleep, it’ll be better if I come a few days later. So I say okay makes sense. I say we’ll chat again when I am about to book.

Her bday comes. I put up a bday post and she reposts saying “come soon”

Few days go by, I text her about booking flight tickets. She says she’s free the whole week, and later she’s busy. Now I text her the 2 days out of the free week when i can go. She stops replying ( we were texting instantly)

I wait an hour and send her a voice note, saying reply to my text. She calls me then, tells me she’s busy with other commitments. So I say okay cool we’ll meet when we meet then.

I am confused, and a bit annoyed coz she’s been adamant on me coming to meet her. And when I come around to going, she acts weird.

Now she’s leaving and I dont know if Iam supposed to call and chat it up with her.

Tl;dr - my friend who insists I come to visit her before she leaves the country, ghosted/ became busy when I tried booking tickets to meet her. Idk if I should be a bit annoyed or call and chat with her before she leaves.

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I feel like my(34F) partner(36M) enjoys pissing me off

English is my 2nd language so excuse the mistakes.I live in South Asia and we are muslims.

Recent example , we had eid this weekend ( islamic holiday thing ) and i went to his parents place , he spent 2 and half days commenting oh wow you guys are getting along so well didnt you have a big fight last time , subtly complaining to his sisters about me etc.The last evening of eid , my BIL's wife's parents were to visit , so her and me we were coordinating about chores like who does what etc and my partner was again going wow look at you acting like sisters etc i feel like he was looking forward to us fighting or having a screaming match over something tiny.Half an hour before the parents were to visit i told my husband to get my son ( 4 ) to dress up because i was busy in kitchen. I heard my son crying and i asked from the kitchen why is the kid crying and he didnt say anything so i just went ah w/e i will check later because a lot of time when i leave my kid with partner kid ends up crying because either he gets hurt or partner takes away his toys or disrupts his play .and then they come down and the kid has the ugliest haircut and partner is smiling so BIG and i loose it , i told him multiple times to not give him a haircut at home , we were discussing the haircut and i told him to get it after eid because rn the shops are overcharging and we are very tight on money , like barely for food kind of tight , he goes and goes his dad was one who cut the kid's hair and i am too obedient to say anything, its not that bad , they will grow back, i didnt know you like his hair so much. I asked the kid who cut your hair and he says dad.i went back in the kitchen after screaming for 5 minutes and he went to the other room , when the BIL's in laws came my husband went on loudly look how good of a haircut kid has and i have no right to be mad etcSo my question is what explains his behaviour and how do i deal with it until i can leave him ? i am doing everything to take care of my mental health to stay calm with his antics and he refuses couple therapy

tldr; partner does things that he know will piss me off and uses his bad memory as an excuse

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* This article was originally published here

I'm (23f) so disgusted about my yesterday behavior with a guy (26m) I like

I want to throw up every time I remember what I did yesterday. It was nothing super serious but I feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself.

So we had a work party yesterday and there were all my coworkers, including the guy I have a crush on. Short story: I always liked him and though he was was hot and 2 months ago we suddenly matched on tinder and actually talked for some weeks. He really seemed interested but then he started answering more and more slowly and we just stopped talking.

After that all our live interactions are super mega awkward. He talks with all girls super normally but I'm literally the only one he ignores and he didn't even try to hide it.

So yesterday I was a little bit drunk and I started doing tooo much to grab his attention. Like going to the group of people where he was to try to enter in the conversation even thought I don't have anything in common with them and my friends were on the other side. Then I tried one time to go to the bathroom at the same time as he just to try to intercept with him. Then I standed awkwardly in the kitchen where he was just to he there, I really wasn't doing anything. And the final one, I tried to go home in the car with the group that he was going. And that I think was the most stupid and creepiest one.

He doesn't care about me. I even have the feeling that every time he would enter in a room and see that I was there he would just leave because of me. There was even a time when He, me and another girl were sitting together, they were talking (super energetically and enthusiastically, if he doesn't have a crush on her it really felt like he has lol) and as soon as she left the room, he got up and also left the room in rush just to not talk with me AHAHAHA.

As soon as the alcohol started disappearing from my body I understood the things I did the entire day and I felt so irritated and stupid. Begore leaving the party I didn't even said Bye to him because I was feeling that he's so done with me. But he actually waved to me with a smile.

I regret so much going there. I wish I could just ignore him and show him that I doesn't care, as he does. But everytime I have the opportunity to be near him I just can't walk away. What should I do next time when something like this happens? At this time I don't even think there's a possibility of juat being friends because he's afraif to rven ask me how my job is going. That tinder match ruined everything argh.

Tl;dr - Was trying too kuch to grab the attention of my coworker that I like and I feel so stupid.

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* This article was originally published here

Partner texting my new female acquaintance

I’m in an age gap relationship since 7 months back. My boyfriend (53) and I (28) went to an event in April where I met a woman my age that I spoke to. This woman reached out to my last month saying she liked me and asked if I would like to hang out one day. We decided that we are going to meet for a friend date, however we haven’t gotten the chance to meet her yet due to busy schedule and me getting sick. I told my partner about her snd said it would be fun to connect to her because I want to have more female friends in my age.

I found out today that my partner had added her on social media as a friend and has been texting her without telling me. He showed me the first message he sent her where he said that he is friends with me and is looking for new friends.

Am I wrong for being furious at him? I’m disappointed that he reached out her, I find it embarrassing and strange that he is writing to her. They didn’t even talk at the event we met her at. And I’m also mad at him for saying he is friends with me when we are clearly in a romantic relationship. What’s your opinion in this?

(I know it’s a huge age gap but we have a lot in common and same interests which led is to connect really well).

TL,DR: My old boyfriend is texting a new female friend behind my back

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* This article was originally published here