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Wednesday, November 30, 2022

My boyfriend says he isn't ready for marriage

Before i start, my boyfriend and i are both arabs. And arabs don't really date as it is not religiously or culturally acceptable. Thus, both our parents don't know about the two of us.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I 27 (F) and he is 30 (M) years old. As i mentioned earlier, arabs don't have the dating culture as most marriages are arranged. That being said, a guy came to ask for my hand, and based on the current information i have, he seems like a decent guy. I discussed with my boyfriend about that and he was very hesitant at first but was saying he wouldn't want to be selfish and keep me to himself. He kept on making up excuses and claiming he isn't ready for marriage yet and it's not in his 1 to 2 year plan. I love my boyfriend very much and i always thought he is the one, but after hearing him say that and letting me go easily.

TL;DR Does it mean i should get to know the guy (even though i am usually against arranged marriages) or wait for my boyfriend to be ready which is indeterminate?

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* This article was originally published here

Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Bf's sister doubled down on being a jealous brat and everyone sees it, but no one could do anything about it.

Hi. It's 3am in the morning. It's on my mind and I can't sleep, so I'm here to type my frustration away. Thank u in advance.

My bf (24M) and I (22F) have been together for almost 3 years now. He has 3 sisters, all of whom was shy to interact with me at first, since I'm his first ever relationship. Today, the older 2 sisters, 19 and 14, are as chill as an ice cube with me. The youngest sister though, C (13f), she's a different story. She was the most aloof when we first got together. Over the years, C and I were neutral, I came over to his house a lot, cooked for the fam, we bought C her dream kpop light stick for her bday and more. Point is - I tried. Anything from small talk, to spending more time, to inviting her out, to gift giving. She's always been "meh" about it, but hey, I'll take the tiny progresses. [ a bit of background about C: She grew up the youngest in a house of 5 children, her parents never disciplined her (sources are from the people living in this house themselves) and she has a history of yelling, stomping and slamming the door at the parents' faces when she doesnt like something. This is all recent and still happening btw, not 3 years ago one time incident. I hope it gives insight on how she normally behaves to everyone around her...]

However, recently, barely the past 6 months, we all feel like C doubled down for the worst. the vibe just changed, it went from neutral to hostile. Lots of passive aggressiveness, shes just straight up a b to me. - when we go out with just the 3 of us, me, bf and C, she'd only talk to him and exclude me. Every time we try to bring the convo back to being 3 people, she'd shut down, ignore us, then just pick up at where she left off with my bf. Even when I chime in, she'd go quiet, then just ignore it and continue talking to bf like I'm not there. - when we go out in our fam group, with all 3 sisters, bf and me, C would go into wall blocking mode. Every time bf turns his back to look at something, she'd scoot right in between me and him, then just walled me off. The entire night lol. - I'm fortunate enough to have a company car and gas card, living in CA, I always offer my vehicle whenever we go out, its a better economical choice. But I need a headcount of who's coming for insurance purposes should something happen. Well, instead of talking to me about wanting to come along, C basically snuck herself onto my car. She knew about the plan for days, I was in the same living room as her for the entire night, instead of talking to me and asking to come along, this kid just snuck onto my car and saw nothing wrong with it. We were waiting for her to ask to come along too. Nope. Nothing. She ignored me the whole night, then she walked in to my car like she owned it lol. That was the last straw for me.

Listen. I'm just frustrated and tired. I know she's being petty and bratty, but I wasn't going to enter into a cat fight with a 13 year old when she did that shitty jealous gf walling off move. Its comical as much as it is frustrating. I kept on thinking how she resembles every bad trait of the Kardashians girls growing up, turned out, she binged the show this year's summer and that was when her attitude has changed. Now She's entitled, disrespectful, mean, and just straight up a b word. She's not just mean to me, she's rude to everyone else too. The other 2 sisters talked to bf and I about it, bf and I also tried to talk a lot about it. I think the turning point for my bf and the 2 older sisters happened when C mocked of a haunted house actor for his profession, after demanding for everyone to go to the haunted house. From there, everyone has just been on the fence about C. They're convinced she just became a melting pot of all the Kardashians after the binge.

So, we are here. Bf and I talked a lot. We agreed on a few things we could say and do to combat her passive aggressiveness when it happens again. But im mad. I feel like now the responsibility falls on us to "fix" her and make her a better person. I know my bf is feeling that pressure. Their parents are done, they don't want to do anything anymore after all the drama and slamming doors, they just let her be. The other 2 sisters ignore C as much as they could now. She's just so very unpleasant to be around. I know I'm nothing to her, so it doesn't matter what I say, she ain't gonna listen. Bf tried talking to her though, blessed his calm heart he really tried, from pointing out her behaviors to just dropping a truth bomb that she doesn't have much friends because she's been acting like this. Her reaction is usually going quiet, walking away and locking herself in her room; when she'd emerge again, it was as if the talk never happened. She completely disregarded all of it and never addressed it. Every time she doesn't want to hear something, she just goes away. And just like that time goes on and it's been months of her being like this.

So yeah. Idk where to go from here. Keeping distance from her is ideal, I honestly have been doing that, until she invited herself into my vehicle. Bf does see the problem and he's troubled too, he doesn't know how to deal with her either. On one hand, we agreed that we have enough problems on our hands, we don't need to invite more by "fixing" her, it's not our job; but on the other hand, I do understand the sibling love, he worries for her and he just wants her to become a better person. But how do we communicate that with her when she's like this?? I don't think anything would go through to her thiccc skull right now.

Tldr: Bf's little sister turned into a jealous gf/sister against me after 3 years. I'm frustrated because it's literally not our job to "fix" her, all while she's doubling down on being a brat. She's not listening to anyone.

submitted by /u/MorePeas828
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* This article was originally published here

Monday, November 28, 2022

Am I (35F) being too sensitive?

My boyfriend (32M) and I (35F) have been together 13 months. We're LD and from two extremely different countries/cultures. I know his culture well, but he has zero experience with direct women from a country like mine. He's not fluent in English.

We recently got into an argument and he hasn't talked to me in nearly a week because I called him immature for stonewalling.

I've been having trouble with very dry lips and mouth in recent weeks, so during calls I was often trying to moisten my lips and salivating my gums as it was often uncomfortable feeling like everything was stuck together when trying to open my mouth.

I don't remember if I told him why I was doing it, but I started noticing him mimicking me when I do this during our calls. At first I wasn't bothered by it, but when he did it during our last call, he noticed I was upset by this because I couldn't figure out why he kept doing it.

He apologised in text saying he was only teasing me (as he said they tease in his culture when they like someone) and meant no harm, and I said that doing it once was fair enough, but to keep doing it, it felt like he was mocking me as he's done it during numerous calls now. I said, "how do I know you won't tease me about my insecurities?“, because he kept doing it during every call.

Everything seemed fine until I noticed he was becoming more distant. He finaly admitted 4 days later that he was bothered by that comment about insecurities and that he feels like he can't be himself anymore in case I take offense to something he says because I translate it wrong and negatively.

It turned into an argument through text. I told him I wasn't bothered by it until I noticed he kept doing it during every call, I said it wasn't necessary. I was starting to get annoyed.

What are your thoughts/advice and is this a dealbreaker?

Tl;dr: My boyfriend and I got into a text argument over something that could've been a misunderstanding and took offence to calling him immature for stonewalling over minor issues in arguments. Is it worth fixing/am I in the wrong?

submitted by /u/Tatlim86
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* This article was originally published here

Sunday, November 27, 2022

Can you love someone who you think is a bad person?

There is this woman I have had strong feelings for. We are in the same PhD program. When I first met her, I thought she was friendly and innocent, but then she acted flirty to help her cheat in homework. I was not seeking her out, but she acted that way anyways.

We still became friends, but fast forward, we take a qualifier exam. I pass it and she does not. We become friends, 4 months pass and she has to take the retake. Only then, after a month of not talking, does she ask me for help when we had spent the past months talking like best friends. She assumed I was interested in her, so she never wanted to meet me in person, but at the same time she never wanted to study for the exam.

She passes anyways, but later on, she thinks I am interested in her, and after months of not talking to each other in person, she wants me to spend money on a trip for me to have a chance to be with her, even though I had never given her an indication I was interested in her.

Anyways, it doesn't work out, months pass, and we finally have class together, I avoid seeing her, weeks pass and I have to present to the class. I actually see her and I feel an intense depression. I have a feeling she is using drugs because she is depressed. After that, I do not talk to her, but for 2 weeks I have been so sick I cannot sleep or eat. I can barely handle it, I do not why I am feeling this way. I keep thinking that it is her own fault that she did not do well in school and that she is ruining her life.

She is an international student from China, and she always did things that gave me a lot of concern. She does not speak English well and she is extremely shy in person. She is very pretty, but the only interaction she seems to be able to have is with men who she thinks are interested in her. She is extremely awkward and I think she has autism (I think I have autism too, not a joke). I think she is extremely hedonistic. I am quite the opposite. I always did well in school. I do not know if I should care about her. She has treated me poorly and only got interested in me again after I said I was going to get a job (we were arguing, and she started to drill me pretty badly, so I came up with that just to not loose so much face after telling her I still cared for her). She has been trying to rekindle but I keep acting as if I do not know that. I am not sure if she has given up. Should I rekindle our relationship?

tl;dr Woman I have strong feeling for does bad things but I cannot decide to leave her.

submitted by /u/MrOrangeCoin
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* This article was originally published here

Saturday, November 26, 2022

Guy(M30) I'm(F26) seeing/working with told me he never felt like this before now ghosted me

I'm (F26) seeing a guy from work (M30). From the day we saw each other we couldn't stop flirting, after a month I asked for his number as he was keep going hot and cold. I knew he was/will be flaky, but I only wanted sexual relationship, so I didn't care.

Texting between us were quiet intense first week (sexting included). He knew what I wanted, but he asked me to take things slow as he wanted to get to know me better. Anyway he isn't into texting or social media so we'd chat for a bit, but every day, and I wasn't mad about it, because me too I'm not that much into texting, and we started going out.

I think important fact I met quiet a few friends of his, I also was introduced as a friend as we just started going out recently.

During the last outing a few days ago we fell out a few times...

Once for something silly and we laughed at it. The second time we fell out because he said something between the lines while we were kissing and getting touchy that he is in demand and that the same evening he received a message from a girl who wanted to sleep with him. I asked him why he's telling me that because it just ruined my mood. He said that from the day I asked his number he rejected every girl as he is serious about me/us. He apologized saying "he had a life before me", and he understand it wasn't the right thing to say....

After a few more drinks he started to talk about my living situation (I still live with my ex as he can't move out because of the finances and difficult housing situation). I said it was not the right time or place to talk about it as both of us were quite drunk and in public, but he kept pushing and asking about our possible future.

I like this guy, but I don't like his lifestyle, and he knows it. I tried to explain my point of view, but he got offended even though he said that I'm right and he likes my honesty also he added that I read him like book. He got emotional during our conversation, he started to tell me about his childhood and that all the men he was surrounded by lived like he does now. He said that he needs someone to change for, as he won't do it for himself. Also, he asked me how he could prove it to me. I just told him If I could see that his behaviour would change towards excessive partying, I'd like to be with him. I was truthful as he was and I told him back how much I liked him.

The next morning I sent him a message saying sorry if by any chance I hurted his feelings as it wasn't my intention also I added that I wanted to see him again, and just to get to know him better.

He texted me back saying that he was glad I was honest and that everything I said was true and that's why he felt shit. He said he want to carry on seeing me, and that he is going back to sleep. I responded with a smile emoji. Now is more than 2 days, he didn't text me, I didn't texted him. Tomorrow I suppose to see him at work, and I don't know what to do. During our last outing, he said 100 times how much he is into me, and that he never felt like this about anyone the way he feels about me. Keep in mind he is 30, and never had a serious relationship. He keep saying that he want to settle down and how much he likes my personality and me in general. Is he ghosting me now I don't understand.

TL;DR I'm seeing a guy from work. We were hanging out, drinking and having fun and he had a melt down, about his feelings towards me. I was honest with him why our future as a couple is questionable, he agreed with what I said, he also said that he want to prove me that he can change. Now he ghosted me for the last two days.

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* This article was originally published here

Friday, November 25, 2022

Sick and tired of my (26F) partner (29M) “keeping the peace”

I (26F) have been in some form of relationship with my partner (29M) for 10 years and living together for 8. He is my one “great love” for all of you greys fans. One HUGE issue that has affected me for the better part of the last 10 years is the discrepancy in how our families treat the respective partner. TLDR at the bottom because this is LONG.

I have a VERY strained relationship with my family 90% of the time. However. They have always treated my partner as a member of the family and welcomed him with open arms. There is a running joke that even when they don’t like me they’ve always loved him. He even stayed with us the first COVID Christmas and my family absolutely rallied with gifts (normally partners just get an inclusion on the card and a token wrap up) so that he wouldn’t feel like crap on the day when myself and my brother had gifts and he just had mine and a few token bits.

My in laws, on the other hand, have never liked me and everyone knows it. SFIL is ambivalent towards me at best and just blindly follows his wife. I first met them 9 years ago when my partner invited me to stay at their house with him in the summer. During that time my MIL (50s F) decided that I was smelly, because I didn’t shower enough - I, at the time, had BRIGHT BLUE hair and was terrified of staining her bathroom, so whilst I actually showered every day, I only washed my hair every other day and apparently that meant I wasn’t showering. This information was relayed to me after the fact alongside the fact that apparently she thought I was a “lazy {female dog}”. She was nice to my face.

We live several hours away so seeing her has never been an issue. I used to show up when I needed to show up and be polite, but that gets draining fast. I would also always buy gifts at Christmas that rarely went acknowledged much less reciprocated. My partner for the longest time would say absolutely nothing to his mom when she started slagging me off because he wants / wanted to “keep the peace”. This went on for a few years until we had a screaming argument where I told him I couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted out purely based off that and the way it had slowly worn me down over the years.

The double standards came in when his younger brother got his first, more serious girlfriend. She was seemingly welcomed in to the family with open arms and that stung a little but I wasn’t bothered really. It was actually my partner who picked up on, and took issue with the double standards there. Some of which included:

1) I was snarked at / almost berated for choosing not to wear makeup to go out to dinner in torrential rain. BILs ex never wore any to any sort of dinner / outing she went on with them and had nothing said to her.

2) MIL invited BILs ex to go on holiday with them / be with them at family events / come over for Christmas but made it very clear recently that I would not be welcome on their upcoming trip / family events etc.

3) I was told I had dressed inappropriately in the house but again BILs ex and I had a very similar fashion sense. The only difference was she was thin and I am not.

And it’s now gotten to the point where even my partner cannot deny that there is clearly an issue.

However he refuses to confront her about it because “he wants to keep the peace” and “nothing is going to change because this is how she is”. But I told him ca. 7 years ago that I didn’t want to marry him because of how he lets his family treat me, and now it’s something that’s seriously on the cards for us I need him to step up because what I said all those years ago still stands. We’ve also had a few pregnancy “scares” recently and I would NOT be comfortable with my child being around any of them for any length of time, especially without me, because I couldn’t trust their dad to step up if they randomly took a dislike to my child because they’re mine. And I need help communicating this to him efficiently because nothing I’m saying atm seems to make sense to him. He has recently agreed to ask her what her problem is next time they speak but he is putting that off.

TLDR - my partner of 10 years’ family has always treated me like garbage and had massive double standards when it comes to me vs the other partners. I don’t want to marry / bring a child into a family like that. How do I tell my partner he cannot carry on “keeping the peace”?

submitted by /u/ThrowRA_yikesMIL
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* This article was originally published here

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

My fiancé (22M) wants me (22F) to forgive his family for calling me a demon, amongst other things

Hi everyone. My fiancé and I have been dating for almost three years and I had moved in with his family during the Covid phase about a month into our relationship. I understand things moved fast, however it sort of fell into place as I was a student living in a dorm and the dormitories were closing due to the Covid breakout and we thought it would be nice to stay with the family and get to know them for a few weeks.

I (22F) had been living with a cousin due to family troubles and haven’t had a stable home. After some time with my fiancĂ© and his family, I saw stability and love in them so I decided to go for the move.

My fiancĂ©s (22M) mother is hardcore religious catholic with the statues and everything. I don’t mind this but she happens to push her religion hard on everyone around her.

Fast forward to September 2022, I was a recent graduate looking for job opportunities. Where we were residing the job market was almost nonexistent and I was left unemployed and looking for work for a few months. I brought up the topic of moving up north to his sister's house to find a job up there. They quickly turned down the conversation due to my fiancé already holding a minimum wage down south and that we needed to leave together.

I was already receiving messages from interested parties regarding opportunities up north so I felt strongly about making this move. I wanted to start making money so that I could start building a future with my fiancé. Aside from all that, ten of us lived in a single-family house. His brother stayed in the basement, his sister and her three kids in a single room, us in one room, and his parents in the master bedroom. Needless to say I needed space to start my career and future.

My fiancés family believes in strong family ethics and they do everything together. His brother, dad, brother-in-law, and uncle all drive trucks. His sister stays at home to watch the kids and his mother has been a stay-at-home mom since he was born. I have this feeling that they want me to follow in their steps and settle down and have kids while my fiancé works hence then stopping me from leaving.

Eventually, I found a job up north that gave me a generous offer well over my starting range and my cousin happened to be moving into her own apartment in the area. I decided to take the leap and told MIL a couple of days before moving out in the middle of September and I would be making the move for the job. Literal moments before telling her about the move, she came rushing home and asked me to babysit her grandkids for the day and abruptly told me that she will be going up north for gastric bypass surgery and wont be back until the day after I would have already moved out. The thing was I had already taken the job offer and needed to move up north at a certain time. We have known that she would be getting the surgery, however, they needed her to go for some testing the day before and dropped the bomb on me out of nowhere.

As my MIL was packing with her daughter, I dropped the news to her and she did not take it well and passive-aggressively told me 'good luck' before leaving with her daughter for the testing. Not five minutes after that she called my fiance at work and told him I would be leaving to go cheat on him and that I can't be trusted and wanted me gone by the next day. I had enough of the drama and everything else and packed what I could for the day. During the whole day, my fiance and his family had back-and-forth arguments over the phone over me. they called me a demon, that I can go to hell, useless, not right for him. His brother threw me under the bus and snitched to his mom that I was bisexual and smoked weed (although I had been clean for 2 years) just to add fuel to the fire. His dad called him stupid for staying with me.

Everyone sort of piled onto me to make me look bad towards his MIL and everything was just going downhill. My fiance admitted mistakenly over the phone when he thought it was muted that I've made him the happiest in his life and that his family makes him miserable. At this point, my fiance was facing eviction and I was willing to take him with me to my cousins. He had to call his job to tell him he was kicked out and wouldn't be going back. His sister made a jab that if my fiance wanted to end up without family like me by leaving, which I thought was very uncalled for.

After hours of agonizing arguments and realizing that they would be losing their son, they were saying that they were sorry and to please don't go that they she will die without her son. I ended up having a heart-to-heart with my fiance and told him to please stay for the sake of keeping his family otherwise he would lose them for good, and I didn't want to be the reason that they broke apart.

Fast forward to today, his MIL has fully recovered from her gastric bypass, and wants to make amends with me. During the two months I've been away from their home, I had broken up with my fiance due to the stress and panic attacks I would get from his family. We got back together after a week and decided to try to heal things. The problem is this: His mother is famous for saying the worst things she can say to someone, apologizing when she is no longer mad, and then repeating that cycle.

Because I don't have much family, I was happy to take in my fiances family as my own. They owned ten dogs that shit and pissed everywhere, I would always vacuum and mop and clean and help tutor his sister's kids. I was always supportive and the moment I decided to move toward my own life, they pushed back. At this point, I feel like my relationship with them is beyond repair as it would require me to allow them to continue to step on me when they choose to, and I don't think anyone would be offering a sincere apology other than her mom, who is bound to repeat the cycle again.

My fiance wants me to speak with his mom so that our issues are resolved. I still feel very hurt and don't want the issue to be pushed under the rug like I know it will be. His other family members are very stubborn in their belief that they are right and I'm confident that they will see nothing wrong in what they have said to me. It is easy to just leave my finance and turn away from this mess, however, I feel devastated that something that is out of my fiance's hands is what would end our relationship.

TLDR; My fiance wants me to speak with his mom to resolve our relationship after she called me some nasty names. I feel strongly against it.

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* This article was originally published here

Tuesday, November 22, 2022

Help me(m22) pls, I can't stop thinking about her (f20)

I am suffering emotionally. I've been single for the past month, and I definitely have moved on from the end of the relationship. The problem here is that even though I'm not dwelling on the sad ending of my past relationship, I'm stuck on this wonderful lady I've known for a little over a year.

She's more than a lady, she's a DEAR friend of mine, whose conversations, attention, and time I can't ever seem to get enough of. In my bed on sleepless nights, I drift between various thoughts in my head; the thought of me being her man is a recurring one, and one I can't seem to suppress. I started folding origami cranes when I'm lost in thought about her. It's hardly been two weeks and I'm averaging 2 cranes a day.

I know there's a "no-date" window when it comes to recently single people, plus I KNOW that I need to focus on myself. All I can say is, it'll be months before I can see her in person; if she ends up in a relationship before then, no matter my circumstances, I will be HURT. I would be supportive, however.

I'm writing this post so I can avoid the urge to text her. It used to be that I could talk to her freely and look forward to chatting again. Now I fear she'll grow tired of me and will no longer want me as a friend. Once I find the date of when I get to see her again, it'll be marked on the calendar. Until then, I'll treasure her in my memory and in any brief conversation we have; so that when the time comes I can treasure her in person, like I couldn't do when we first met over a year ago.

Its times like these I hope to God women aren't lying to me about the friendzone being a myth.

TLDR: I have a massive crush on a distant friend. I cannot stop thinking about her; I know I'll see her in person soon. I just hope I can see her soon enough so I can tell her.

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* This article was originally published here

Monday, November 21, 2022

How we met: ‘She was bloody gorgeous. As soon as she said hello, I knew I was in trouble’

Andy, 46, and Shalini, 39, met six years ago at a Christmas fair on the Caribbean island of Curaçao. They plan to move in together soon

In 2016, finding love was the last thing on Andy’s mind. A scuba diving accident four years earlier had left him with a spinal cord injury, and his primary focus was recovery. “I am from Curaçao and there isn’t much social security here, so I’d moved back in with my parents for support,” he says. “I spent my time blogging about life with disability and I set up a business selling lanterns made from recycled cans, to make some extra money.”

That December, Andy was invited to a Christmas fair to sell his products. After he set up his stall, he saw a woman behind him, who had arrived late. “Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed she was bloody gorgeous,” he says. Throughout the event, he tried to avoid speaking to her. “I’m a sensitive person and knew I didn’t want to fall for anyone at that time,” he says.

Continue reading...

* This article was originally published here

Sunday, November 20, 2022

He wants to convert to Islam

I (25,F) have been seeing this guy (25,M), who is a very kind and lovely person for a couple of weeks. He treats me very respectfully and we seem to have great chemistry. He even gifted me a sentimental necklace, which is something no man has ever done for me. I have been wishing to find a serious man who shows effort and commitment.

Now on to the issue: I am an atheist who left my church and has no plans on having religion in an active form in my life. He used to be an atheist as well until a few years ago (now he believes in god) and wants to convert to Islam. Part of his family comes from an Islamic country in Africa and he wants to fully connect with them through Islam. I have no issue with my partner believing in a higher power or being part of a religion especially if for instance his parents decided that for him as long as he is not practicing or a too devouted believer.

However, this is not the case here. The thing is, he told me that he is in fact planning on actively practicing Islam (No drinking, Praying, taking part in Ramadan, maybe stop eating pork,…). He would not expect me to convert or believe the same but that I respect and support his conversion and practice. What worries me is that he is very young and already so deeply motivated to becoming a part of a another religion and even would like to actively practice it. It makes me think it’s quite a bit a different scenario to beeing born into it and going along with it and I wonder if he could become more and more involved in the religion as time goes on.

Ultimately, I ended things with him because I do not think that I can support him the way he‘d wish/need me to. And I am very worried that since he will be a converted believer, who actively practices, his beliefs will only get stronger and stronger with time and age as I already mentioned.

However, I still regularly see him in our friends group and we do have great chemistry and I greatly appreciate the person he is. I am wondering if I overreacted and said goodbye to a possibly great match but I take relationships and religion extremely seriously and believe that it’s important to be on the same page when it comes to beliefs especially when actively practiced.

Would you have given it a serious long term shot if you had been in my position?

Tl;Dr I ended things with a guy I was seeing because he wants to convert and actively start practicing Islam

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* This article was originally published here

Saturday, November 19, 2022

Am I anything to him? Im so confused

I (21F) have strong feelings for this guy (25M). Unfortunately i met him 2months ago, 5days before i moved abroad for studies :( When i met him for the first time it felt like i knew him for ages. We have had 10 dates so far. 4 days in a row before i moved. And 7 dates in a row last week when i was visiting home.

When im not around he doesnt text at all. I guess cuz there is no point. Unless i do ofc then he replies. He also never complimented me or expressed his feelings.

But when I was around, he already brought me to his office, introduced me to his colleagues, invited me to his friends hang out, trusted me with his house keys when i slept over and he had to leave early for work, he met my friends, and yeah he did go out with me days in a row...

TL;DR: We met very recently. He treats me like a gf but never unitiated or expressed anything...

submitted by /u/Consistent_Project52
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* This article was originally published here

Friday, November 18, 2022

Reconnecting with my EX

I dont want to hear that i shouldnt or things like that please.

We were together for 1 year.

So obv we broke up...but not in a bad way she wanted to stay like a friend but i couldnt do that so i cut everything with her and then i started going on therapy that helped me change perspective about that. Now i can see that we can maybe rekindle our relationship and start again but there is small problem.

It was long distance relationship and we were connected through discord and i dont think that going to visit her is good idea rn. but now that we were not together anymore she found new friends on discord from diffrent contries so she is spending time with them and obv she cant just go and start doing all the activities that we used to do together again with me after few days(few days of texting her)...i need to reconnect somehow so we can talk more or text more but i dont know how to do that...i dont want to push her and spam her. I dont want to text her everyday so i dont feel pushy and needy + spamming her isnt good idea. But i kinda just dont want to text her once in a month. I would like to try reconnect slowly but im clueless how to do it

yesterday when we texted she said that she doesnt want to open to another person about her problems cuz others just refuse to "know her" ( i mean her fav things and so on) and that i was the only one who cared.

so i would like to ask you Reddit How should i proceed and not fuck up things? how should i not look needy and pushy and not annoying her with my texts?

TL;DR! : We broke up i refused to be friends i cut all connection. i went to therapy and they changed my Prespective and now we are Reconnecting but i would like to ask you how to do it properly so i dont fuck things up,

submitted by /u/Arsanicc_
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* This article was originally published here

Thursday, November 17, 2022

Am I[28f] a bad person for cutting off my best friend[27f] for dating my ex[29m]

Earlier this year I had an opportunity of mine to see an ex at a bar he worked at, let’s call him Tom. Tom was a terrible partner but we had 8 years of on and off serious history and despite the fact a lot of it was bad he remains a very big part of my past. I had a lot of therapy following the breakup over the year after it stopped and have very much moved on in my life until he reached out.

Due to the nature of our relationship and how things ended I wasn’t comfortable seeing him alone at the bar he worked at and thought I’d run it by my best friend, let’s call her Louise. She offered to come with me and we would sit outside with our dogs and only really see him while he was serving so I could get whatever sort of closure I was looking for but so that I wouldn’t feel unsafe around him and I could use her as an excuse to leave. All in all everything was pleasant but after I left I had no intention of having contact again.

A few weeks later Louise causally mentions she was talking to Tom about a party she went to which completely blindsided me, I was curious as to why she had been talking to him as they had no reason to even be connected on social media and she made up an excuse about having some mutual friends. A few more weeks go by and it doesn’t get mentioned at all until all of a sudden it seems like every conversation Louise is bringing up Tom. At this stage I reiterate a TLDR version of the hell he put me through and advised that maybe he’s not someone she needs to maintain a friendship with and that it makes me uncomfortable hearing about him so much, but ultimately they’re both adults.

Apparently this wasn’t clear enough as a few weeks later she is still mentioning him and my old friend group and sharing stories to which I acknowledge yes I know all of these people they were in my life for years and hearing her talk about them and Tom made me very uncomfortable and that I wasn’t okay with her being friends with him or dating him. Louise says that she understands and that she will end it because I made it very clear that it would cost our friendship as I’m not okay with him being in my life even in the sidelines and she lets slip after much prodding that they were already sleeping together but that it would stop because she has too much respect for me to hurt me like that.

Louise starts dating her plan b and seems happy but in a conversation when we are hanging out I recommend she think about if she actually has feelings for him or if she’s just settling and using him as she seems very apathetic about their dates. After this I get a novel of a message from Louise after we had just finished hanging out. It outlined that despite my boundaries she wanted to continue to continue seeing Tom since she didn’t have real feelings for plan b but she hoped I could be happy for them. I tell her that our friendship is over because I don’t want Tom in my life and go scorched earth on social media.

The next day I get a message from h r saying she needs me in her life and she already misses me so much and that no matter if I let her back in or don’t she will get Tom out of her life because of the respect she has for me and our friendship.

I replied saying I needed to sleep on it and today I get a message saying she’s going to drop something off, and while I’m eating dinner she does. It’s a photo album of all of our adventures with our dogs and the last page says she wishes we can fill up with more memories. I take o a moment to process and send her a message thanking her for the book and asking how Tom took the friendship ending. She said she didn’t do it but she loves me so much and wants me back in her life despite dating Tom. I replied with no uncertain terms that the friendship is dead.

submitted by /u/Saltpeanut
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* This article was originally published here

Wednesday, November 16, 2022

Married(37m) in love with my boss(55f)

Okay, here we go... I(37m) have been working for my boss(55f) for 5 years. Very intelligent woman, married, beautiful, mother of 4 and in a wheelchair for 15 years. I haven't stopped thinking about her since the first day I started working with her, I've been living with my wife (36f) for 4 years, we have a son (2), we have a good relationship but I see "us" more and more as a routine, I know that it doesn't help my relationship to always have my boss on my mind, and this surprises me, I've had a healthy dose of relationships, casual sex, friends with benefits and even compared to my current relationship I've never been in love to this extent.

It is planned on January 2nd that I will go to work elsewhere within the organization, a promotion to use my new degree, I have been miserable, I will earn more salary, but I am sad that I will no longer see and talk to her every day, that she wont be confiding things in me, asking me for kisses and hugs when she is sad or when the spinal injury gives her even more pain than usual. I can only imagine myself with this perfectly imperfect woman and my son.

TL;DR - Married in love with a much older women that i can't take out of my minde and it's destroying my relationship.

submitted by /u/Expensive-Cattle-844
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* This article was originally published here

Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Is he hiding sth or am I just overreacting

This is a throaway account for abvious reasons My husband(32m) and I (29f) have been together for 6 years and married for 4 months. The first months of our relationship were rocky as he was very distant and cold and then like 3 months in the relationship things got better and here we are today. I have to also emphasise that we met through a datin app. Back in 2019 we were engaged at the time ( this is important to the story) he was about to show me sth on messenger and he was scrolling down to old conversations and i was sitting next to him and that's when I spot that he had numerous conversations with girls dating back to when we first started dating i asked him about that and he gave me consent to go through them. These are girls that he met through the dating app (before dating me) and to be honest the girls were so flirty but he stated that he now has a gf and is not interested anymore except from one girl that i will call amanda. There were no flirting with amanda but constant talking and I discoverd that they used to meet back in 2017. He said that she was just a friend and he said he told me about meeting her. I have no recollection of that and the first time i ever heared about this friend amanda was in 2019. But i moved past it. Fast foraward to 2 months ago i was on his whatsapp sending myself the honeymoon pictures he took. He is the one who asked me to do it myself he was busy doing sth else. When i opened whatsapp i spotted a conversation that dates back to 2018 with this amanda. To be honest i had sneak peack and there was nothing alarming but i felt big unease. They would talk about their lives, he would ask about her daily details like where she is studying now what are her future plans he would recommand movies... while she was always the one initiating the conversations he is always there to respond. Funny thing at that time we are already between 1 and 2 years ln the relationship and he never mentionned my existence.I brought this up and he said that they haven't talked since 2018 that she is nothing but a friend who he used to know since 2015 and that was it. Not very proud but i went through his conversations with his best friend only to find out that amanda was his crush for 1.5 years and he wanted to date her but she declined for some reasons. Remember our first 3 months of dating? While he was litteraly ignoring me he was venting to his Bff how she is not responding to his messages, how she is changing her profile photo and being active without responding how sometimes he thinks about blocking her to feel better and then he would say " but u know now i have a girlfriend" I confronted him about this and he said that yes he used to like her but since she friendzoned him she is nothing but a friend and he did not lie because he just considered her as a friend. He said that i'm the love of his life and that she means nothing and i'm digging up old stories with no meaning because they haven't talked for 4 years. I said what if she pops up again in his life and he said she won't. Well guess what? i discovered that she has sent him a follow request on insta 3 weeks prior to this conversation and while he did not accept her he did not deny her as well and he looked in my eyes and lied saying that she won't pop up when she already did. He defended himself by saying that he did not accept her so he blocked her from being in his life and that's why he said she won't pop up. He also said he was afraid of my reaction because what are the odds she would send a request in this period so he just brushed it off While we talked this through and it's been a little over a month now i still feel shit about it. I feel shit because he lied about the real nature of the relationship( while he thinks he did not lie she is nothing but an old friend for him and he said that this is not a significant story to bring up and she has no place in his life and that bringing up insgnificant shit from the past won't do us any good especially that they haven't even kissed she is just a girl he liked and nothing happened and then he fell head over heals for me) I feel hurt because he knew she was a crush and he kept talking to her even though we were dating for over a year. I feel shit because he would always respond to her. I feel shit because he never mentionned me ( he said he did not mention me because they never bring up their dating life and their conversations is always platonic ) and i feel shit for not telling me the truth when l asked. I feel shit because i don't know if he ever stopped liking her when were dating. Espacially the first 2 years when they were texting He applogized to me and said that he should've been more transparent and because he knows deep down that she means nthing to him that's why he did not bother go into details. He said that he never cared about any of my past relationships and what matters is when we got together. He said he never even thought about cheating and he responded out of friendship. I'm not mad because he had a crush on some girl back in 2015 and 2016 i'm mad because he lied when i asked. Am i overreacting and being paranoid over a nonsense story or is my husband hiding something? Idk what to think. I would appreciate some insghit

Tl;dr found out that my husband used to have a crush on a girl while he always stated that they were just friends and I don't know how to feel about it

submitted by /u/ConsiderationTime681
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* This article was originally published here

Monday, November 14, 2022

How we met: ‘Losing my wife and child was very hard. Then Rhiannon came into my life’

Dirk and Rhiannon, both 53, got chatting on a goth music forum in 2010. They married in 2014, and now live together near Frankfurt in Germany

In the early 00s, Rhiannon was a big fan of dark wave goth music. In 2010, she joined an online forum to follow German band Deine Lakaien. “I was living in London and working in a university,” she says. “I had studied languages in the past and thought joining the group would be a good way to improve my German, as well as learn more about the band.”

Through the forum Rhiannon, who is from Shropshire, soon met Dirk. He lived in Rödermark, near Frankfurt, and worked in logistics. “My hobby was writing about bands and taking pictures of them for different blogs and forums,” he says. “My friend had told me about this band because the singer had such a special voice. I wasn’t that into dark wave music, but this particular singer was really good.” Dirk and Rhiannon began to chat online, in German, and learned more about each other. At Christmas, Dirk gave Rhiannon a traditional festive Christstollen cake. “I’d asked her if she had ever tasted one and she said no, so I decided to send her one,” he says. “The way she wrote to me was very open and kind.”

Continue reading...

* This article was originally published here

Sunday, November 13, 2022

Is it shallow to want to date only woman with no past?

i think it's insecurity only.

Actually I (25 M) have not been in any relationship due to various reasons primarily my shy, introvert and nerdy nature. In my school I used to be very introverted and didn't talk much to any girl. In my college there were very few girls as I was in an engineering institute though it was a premier institute but gender ratio was very skewed. Now I am very well settled in high paying stable job but I get very anxious whenever I thought about my future partner. Sometimes I think I have missed an important part of life that is being in a relationship, being loved by someone in wake of my career. Now everywhere I see people in relationship, loving each other.

Now when I see people so much in love, caring for each other I think how would they ever forget these loving memories even if they had breakup, now this makes me anxious if i will be in a relationship with any woman having past having these loving memories of years will she ever forget them wouldn't she compare me with her ex and what if she found me lower than that what she expected would she leave me.

Sayings like "first ones are so special" make these feelings much worse and sayings like "you should never ask about the past of any woman" makes me feel paranoid about even starting a conversation with any girl.

I have been very close to my family, I have seen long relationships and I know or at least I think that long term relationships are best, that's why whenever I think about a relationship i think about it as a long term and because of all these reasons i asked on this poll.

I know that even a woman with no past can do anything that I mentioned but it still feels to me more secure

Tl;DR: Feeling insecure because of not having any relationship, need help.

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* This article was originally published here

Saturday, November 12, 2022

Me [29F] hurting bf [29M] feelings when communicating?

We’ve been together for a year, moved in together after 6 months. This is the most healthy relationship I’ve ever been in. We’re both big on communicating and talking things out.

I have unresolved trauma from a past relationship (thought time would heal everything but that didn’t happen). I’m working on finding a therapist and I pride myself on being self aware and being in tune with my emotions.

That being said, whenever I’ve ever brought up something that’s bothered me or upset me, I end up feeling like the bad guy. He acknowledges how I feel but then always gets sad because he feels like he’s not “doing enough” or “doing things right”. This in turn makes me less inclined to communicate my feelings but I’ve done that whole “bottle it up, grin and bear it” bullshit and I refuse to do it again.

I make sure to try and speak in “I feel..” statements and after one conversation, he asked for me to bring things up as a “compliment sandwich”.

Well last night, I was very upset because he knows I’m upset about a family emergency that is happening this weekend. He was out with family which I was obviously fine with but he didn’t text me once in the 3 hours he was gone to check on me. My emotions were high so I wrote out in my phone exactly what I wanted to say to him when he got home, but my anxiety got the better of me and I wanted to solve the problem right then and now so I texted him instead of waiting for him to get home. This lead to me getting a response that made me even more upset (it wasn’t mean spirited, he just texts very dryly and I struggle to understand tone, over text and in person) so by the time he got home, I was an emotional mess. I started just rambling and totally forgot to include the compliment sandwich I had even written down in my notepad. He responded by reminding me of all the things he was going to do for me this weekend, and iterated that he feels like he’s not doing enough. Once I had calmed down a bit, I read him my note

Long story short, by the time we were done talking, he had apologized for his tone and I apologized for my behavior. Now the problem is that this has left a bad taste in my mouth. I’m mad. I’m sad. I’m upset. Because I feel like I can’t communicate with him anymore. Every time I do, I just end up with my feelings hurt because I’ve hurt his, regardless of how hard I try not to. He tried to cuddle me last night and I didn’t want us to be touching at all, which makes me even more upset because I really do love this man. But him throwing an originally kind, supportive gesture in my face has me angry. I don’t want his support this weekend if he’s going to hold it over my head. At the same time though, I want to tell him how I feel and try to work this out but again, I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

So I’m at a loss. I don’t know if I should just stop trying to communicate all together and let whatever happens, happen; or if I should keep trying to communicate and still risk hurting my bfs feelings, while still doing everything I can to keep that from happening.

TL;DR

As hard as I try, I always end up hurting my boyfriends feelings when I communicate my own to him in the most constructive, healthy way I can and it’s maki me want to bottle up everything.

submitted by /u/ArsenicSpork
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* This article was originally published here

Friday, November 11, 2022

My (21f) girlfriend (18f) came out as bisexual. How do I approach this?

Hi. Burner. I have a problem.

I've known I'm a lesbian for years now, pretty much since I was 14. Men never really attracted me, and I've always been treated better by girls than by men, and since I've been aware about my lesbianism for the longest time, I've started noticing how different it is to be around women who love men than around lesbians.

With lesbians, I can always be sure I'm in a safe space. No men around, and it's always guaranteed I won't have men forced into my life ib any capacity. Lesbians treat women as people, and can separate us from men, which many straight, bi and pan girlies unfortunately tend to have a problem doing. (If you're het, bi or pan and you don't, congratulations. I'm not talking about you.)

In one of these safe spaces, I've found a girl I've gradually shifted closer to. We've bonded mostly through mutual respect and separation from men, through our shared worldviews and love for deconstructing the world around us. I've always found safety in knowing she would never put me in potential danger of bringing a man into our lives and that comforted me immensely.

We got together 2 and half years ago. A week ago, she came out to me as bisexual.

Now, let me just explain something really quick to people who aren't lesbians and aren't familiar with the lesbian experience. The LGBTQIA community is meant to be a safe space from homophobia which comes from homophobic straight people. But lesbian community is at even higher risk - not only are we threated by homophobia, we tend to also be threatened by men. And by extension, very often we're also victims of people attracted to them, often because these people suffer from internalized misogyny. And even though that makes them victims too, that changes nothing at how poorly it causes them to treat lesbians, since we're the only sexuality that doesn't effectively prioretize men in this patriarchal society.

This, among other identities, includes bisexuals. And bi women in the area where I live aren't particularly friendly, so forgive me if my experience is different from those of other gay people.

So, picture this. After years of constant support and safety within lesbian spaces, you suddenly lose all of that. Suddenly you can't bond over lesbianism with your girlfriend because she's busy thinking about men. Suddenly your safe space is no longer a safe space for people who separate themselves from homophobic men - suddenly, you learn that years of love and praise from your girlfriend were a lie, and she actually puts you -a lesbian- on the exact same level she'd put a man on. Suddenly you're no better than a man in her eyes. It probably doesn't sound bad to most people, but to me as a lesbian separatist, it's absolutely dehumanizing.

This is how I felt the first two or three days after she came out to me. So I started browsing various subreddits on my main to find anyone who might have had a similar problem before I go to my therapist with this. I didn't find a lot, and most posts were from people who either came out as bi afterwards, or suffered some prior issues with abuse from men. I'd prefer answers from lesbians - any lesbian, with or without prior experience with bi women in relationships.

To clarify, I haven't been abused by men OUTWARDLY. But as years went, I've watched my lesbian friends constantly be harassed by men, belittled by them and discriminated against in favor of men or people who are attracted to them. And knowing I live in a world where I can start being treated like shit by anyone who puts them on a pedestal has not been easy for me.

TL;DR, I'm angry. I'm heartbroken, I feel lied to, I feel like my own girlfriend is putting me in danger of being treated like shit by men. I feel like I've wasted two years trying to bond over my experiences with someone who secretly never agreed with them. And I want to sort my feelings out and get an outside perspective from people who have had this problem before.

What do I do about this?

(English isn't my first language, I'm so sorry for any possible mistakes.)

submitted by /u/lesbipocalypse
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* This article was originally published here

Thursday, November 10, 2022

Am I (23F) falling in love with my friend (22F)?

In this post I'm going to talk about two people: K and D. So, long story short, some years ago I realized I was in love with my friend K. The thing is, some time later K realized I was in love with her, but we stayed friends anyway, it was all okay until this year, in June, she decided to break up our friendship, so not talking or meeting anymore. I was destroyed. (Note: If you are reading this and you've helped me when I made a post asking if I was in love with K some years ago, thank you and I'm sorry all went wrong). And here it comes D! (For more information, my friendship with K lasted for 5 years, ending this year, and I was in love with her for 3, and D and me started talking in July 2021, so we've talking for a year and some months, and this year we became closer)

At first I couldn't sleep at night, so I started doing Netflix parties with my friend D. Those Netflix nights with D helped me sleeping well, and soon we incorporated them as our thing, like we did a Netflix Party almost every day. And these Netflix nights made me feel better. In these months I became much closer with D than what I was already, D was a great support for me, we spent more time together and we also met in person for the first time. D started working in September and we started talking less and doing less Netflix nights, because she was always really tired. And then I started missing D more than what I missed K, even if K wasn't my friend anymore and there was no contact and D and me just were talking less and watching less things together. But I missed her more, like I was so busy missing D and thinking about D that I had less time to miss K. It's strange. And I started being okay with not having K anymore. I saved all the things I had in my room that reminded me of K, and where it was a photo of K and me, I put a photo of D and me of when we met in August. And I changed a drawing of K in my wall for a drawing of D. And now when I see them I smile thinking of D instead of being sad thinking of K. And I smile so much when D sends me audios telling me about things that happened in her work, things that make her happy or just about her day or whatever. Listening to her audios just make my day better. And when I met her it was an amazing afternoon and I felt so warm inside. And, even if I'm really insecure (that's why K left me, because she said she wasn't fine mentally to put up with my insecurities), D makes me feel safe. I can talk with her everytime I'm insecure with the calm that she won't get mad (which I hasn't got with K, I was always scared to tell her when I was feeling insecure about anything related to our friendship, like if I ask "did I bother you?" for example more than once she would feel overwhelmed and talk to me in a bad way). I even sent D some audios some days ago, when I never (never!) send audios because I'm scared and shy to and feel more confortable with text. She was surprised and I am too. But she was so excited about it and it brighten my heart seeing her so happy just because I sent her some audios. D is really cute and sweet and I love it. I also had dreamed with her twice, in the first one I only remember that we were running together holding hands, but in the second one we were dating, we were holding hands, we hugged and we kissed. And I liked it, it was a cute dream. I also started imagine how would it be living with her and sharing my life with her, and I compared to how it was in my mind doing it with K, coming to the conclusion I'd rather live with her than with K. A friend of mine, A, who knows about everything, says I'm falling in love with D, she's sure that, at least, I like her.

TL;DR! I was in love with my (now ex) friend K and she broke our friendship some months ago. I was destroyed and my friend D has been a great support, we became a lot closer and I'm now thinking that I maybe started to like her romantically.

Do I really like my friend D or am I just confused because she was a great support after K left me? I don't want to use D as a sustitute to K and I don't know if I'm doing it or not. What do you think?

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* This article was originally published here

Wednesday, November 9, 2022

My (29M) Girlfriend (25F) Wants Kids and Says I'm Wasting Her Time & I'm Selfish

I have been with my girlfriend for a few years.

The topic of kids has come up a few times throughout our relationship. I have always stated that I don't want kids now and that I'm not sure if I will want them in the future. She has never had a problem with this that she has expressed to me.

I am starting to think that she may not have taken me seriously when I said I wasn't sure if I would want them. My opinion hasn't changed; I am still unsure as to whether or not I want kids. I see it as a very important decision that I don't want to make until I am absolutely sure, and I simply don't know if I ever will be.

The topic came up late last night and continued a bit today. She has suddenly expressed to me that though she also doesn't want kids now, but she is 100% certain that she will want kids in the future because it's the "normal" thing to do. She also said it's "just traditional" and asked me "What would your parents think if you told them?" I said they would probably be disappointed but they'd understand it's my decision. I think this is true.

She has also said that my opinion is "too unstable" — I think she just can't handle that I am unsure about the topic and wants a concrete answer right now.

Finally, she called me "selfish" and "self-centred" because I don't know if I want children. She can't explain why she thinks this, she just does. She is concerned that we might get to our 30s or so and I still won't want kids, and this would be "wasting [her] time".

Actually, I completely understand that. I can't see the future; I just don't know how I'll feel in a few years. Also, as a man, my biological clock is obviously far, far less of a factor than hers. Since she is 100% certain that she wants kids, it *is* a waste of her time to stay with me. I understand and respect her opinion in wanting kids at some point, I just don't share it. The idea of tradition doesn't mean much to me.

The thing I take issue with is that she called me "selfish". I really don't think that's the case. I'm not above giving up my time and energy for someone else; I do it for us frequently, and I really don't begrudge that at all. I value our relationship and try to put work into it. I just think that kids are a far bigger investment of love, care, time, and money, etc. Raising kids basically *becomes* your life for at least a decade. I don't feel an urge to sacrifice everything else in my life for that.

To be honest though, I don't hold strong opinions about rising populations & humanity's impact on the Earth, though I understand that this could be a huge factor in why others might decide to go child-free. This may be one way in which I could be considered "selfish" — my reasons for not knowing whether I want children *are* personal, rather than societal.

However, I still see the benefits to having kids. I do think it could be great to raise a child, see them grow, share my hobbies with them, see myself reflected in them to some degree, etc...

Anyway, my girlfriend and I live together and I love her, but I don't want to waste her time either. I feel like we're circling the drain at the moment with other recent arguments about unrelated topics, and a breakup may be inevitable.

I just wanted to get this off my chest and maybe ask for advice as to how I can deal with this. I suppose I'm also looking for validation that I'm not actually a selfish person, or at least that it's okay to be selfish, or something...

TL;DR: Although I have always been honest about my uncertainty around having children, my girlfriend seems not to have taken my opinion seriously all this time. She thinks I'm being selfish and that I might be wasting her time. I feel that she is casting a lot of judgement on me about this and I feel pretty upset and bad about it.

submitted by /u/PM_me_your_PhDs
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* This article was originally published here

Tuesday, November 8, 2022

Relationship advice

Hi I'm a 15 year old guy and I was just wondering if I could have some advice on getting out of the friend zone, I have only asked out 2 girls before and both said they just wanted to remain as friends and I have respected their decision and still remain as friends to them, and a girl who I have been chatting to for weeks and where I thought I was dropping decent hints towards her she still only sees me as a close friend which she has said many times while she talks about guys she is talking to currently, I just want to know if I'm at fault here and is there anything I can do to fix it

I also value my friendship o have with her so I most likely won't ask her out Thanks

tl/dr need relationship advice on getting out of the friend zone hopefully

submitted by /u/Brickdwall
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* This article was originally published here

Monday, November 7, 2022

partner of two years left me while I was sleeping

Me and my partner have been together for almost 2 years and i'll have to admit not everything has been easy. We both have mental issues and sometimes that comes in between us. In the past when we couldnt agree on something he would threaten to break up with me until I begged him to stay or he would apologize after and come back to me. I would get upset that everytime something about me bothered him, he would just blow up and start saying mean and hurtful things like, that he "doesn't care about my meaningless problems" Or is "happy when I smoke weed so I shut up"

Even about a month ago he said he wanted to be alone away from me for a while to see if he still wanted me, so I let him and then when a week had passed he was very apologetic and said so many nice things. I used to have to try really hard to get him to go out with me or spend time with me or even see me as a priority and then all of the sudden he wants to come over all the time, do stuff together and honestly I haven't had the time to process the other times he's hurt me. And I'll admit I've grown a bit bitter towards him, i cant let myself fully love him anymore because I was too scared to be hurt like that again.

But yesterday was the kicker, we started drinking and everything was fine, I was really tired and a bit grumpy, I said something about him paying for booze next time (booze isnt cheap, high gov tax) ultimately I didn't care that much I just dont want to become a financial pushover. He got really upset at it and the gave me the drink and said "you drink it then!" I didnt want it so i gave it back and got mildly annoyed. Not too long after I fell asleep.

I woke up at 3 am with him missing, I checked my phone and saw he left me three long messages saying he's done with me and that I'm really annoying, always complaining and that he doesnt know why he spends time with me at all and said he's "been thinking about it for months" The sencond message got even meaner saying that I had become a privileged b**ch and that he deserves better. He said "There is a reason why no one wants to hang around with u, even ur family. The problem is clearly u and not me and i know u know that, but yet you dont do anything about and have the audecity to complain about litteraly anything" Then he started telling me that I don't really have ASD and that I just use it as an excuse (I have only ever had an informal diagnosis in childhood) Called me pathetic and added a middle finger gif at the end of the message.

I honestly have no clue what to think of this and haven't heard anything from him since. I wonder if I am actually that terrible. Altough the part about my family not wanting to hang out with me or friends is not true. I choose to be alone most of the time because I prefer it. If anyone can help me with just putting things in to perspective I'd be grateful. I've been anxious all morning.

TL;DR: partner of two years has a habit of saying really mean things and then comes back to apologize. He broke up with me over very mean text messages after leaving me at 2 am when I was sleeping.

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* This article was originally published here

Sunday, November 6, 2022

I've been ghosted [26, f] by a guy [28, m] I fell for and seemed really nice. Stunned and shocked.

I am really lost for words right now and in disbelief. I have experienced various abusive relationships and men who have been quite horrible to me. I met this guy in July who seemed like a dream come true. He was so lovely with a kind heart. Always checking up on me, concerned about how I was and really caring. We spent a lot of time together over the past few months and I couldn't believe that I had finally met a guy who seemed to be genuine and sweet. Well all of a sudden yesterday, I called him and he didn't pick up. I called on no caller ID, he answered and once he heard my voice, he said "I'll call you back I'll call you back" then swiftly hung up. I called later that day and he declined the call. I sent him texts asking if he's okay and he had read all of them with no response.

I am really shocked because this is very unlike him and I am confused. I don't recognise him and I feel as if it's a different person. I thought that I had finally found the one and then it came to this. I am very hurt right now and trying to stop myself from crying. Has anyone ever experienced this before? I don't know how I can recover from this and trust a man ever again. I've lost all faith and hope. Late last year a guy I thought was nice disappeared too, and it's happened all over again. I don't know how to process this :(

TL;DR Have been ghosted out of nowhere by a man I fell for and thought was really sweet and caring to me. Shocked and hurt. We haven't had any problems or arguments. How to heal?

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* This article was originally published here

Saturday, November 5, 2022

How do I (29f) get my husband (29) to stop being mad over everything?

we have been married for 10 years, I'm feeling stressed to be at home cause every day it's a new verbal argument and it eventually turns into me raising my voice at him and slamming a door in his face. The arguments consist of anything he can complain about like

A Facebook group i belong too to help women catch cheaters.

Having my child's, friends- parent numbers to work out sleep overs and play days for the boys (the man has full custody of his kids, so I have no choice but to have the dad's number) My husband is gone on weekends so i can't have him make the plans.

kids having friends over when Hes not home and i need to ask

someone said I was beautiful, and I replied thank you

an old male coworker from 2014 reached out to me and said it's been a long time it's time to have lunch soon! (I never opened it or responded)

I have male clients, I'm a hairdresser.

I do schoolwork while Hes's home (I'm working on my masters, and he can help me with the kids)

I'm a girl scout leader and boy scout leader (there are no scouts in our area giving my kids a chance to be a part of anything so i stepped up and formed troops)

And i went and signed up as a chaperone for my kindergartener's school trip (they needed more, or they couldn't go.)

Thats only from this week

this morning I blew up as he walked out to go to work when he said about my phone and how he went through it while I was sleeping, and he saw the Facebook group and my old coworker messaged me and it was in spam. I'm not even mad he went through my phone he can look anytime he wants. its the fact of him being mad over something i didn't see or reply to, or being mad at a group I belong to, to help women. How can I get him to stop arguing with me all the time? am i really being that shady like he says?

TL;DR My husband keeps fighting with me on things I feel like are not worth fighting about

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* This article was originally published here

Friday, November 4, 2022

i need some guidance on my broken relationship

Hey ladies and gents

Im abit stuck in limbo here and need some guidance.

So to cut a long story short iv been dating a girl for nearly a year, at the start of the relationship she was pushing it too quick, after a month of dating i had her and her family questioning me about why i haven't made it official yet and also very early in lets say about 2 months she was asking me if i love her and i kind of felt forced to say it.

During our time together she has displayed many red flags which made me question her loyalty to me, she was liking pics of other men, she had sneaky convos with some guy on snap chat and then deleted the message thread in front of me, lied about deleting it but then when i threatened to walk knowing what i saw and then she confessed but said there was nothing wrong being said in the messages. She also came home from working in a club with a guys number wrote on paper which i found by her bed. The list just goes on.

By this time i was in love with her but lost attraction and sexual desire due to feeling disrespected and although i knew i loved her i didnt leave and stayed to work on things.

Over the course of the last couple months this changed me as a person, i felt insecure, not wanted and not respected, we argue about the smallests of things and disagree on certain things. She has a moody personality too which she admits too.

This time round, last week she ended it with me saying she doesnt feel the same, she says romantic side of things isnt gone completely but the feelings aren't as strong. I said ok and let her walk and didnt contact her for 3 days. During that time i reflected on everything, i felt like she abandoned me real quick but when i felt like she did i stayed to fix it but i do feel like when things were good they were really good and i didnt want to lose her so decided to fight a little for the relationship.

I spoke to her yesterday by video calling and we both agreed we have pushed eachother away, although shes willing to see if we can try one last time but she she wants to go back to dating and not in a relationship. She said dating is all she can offer. The convo was left at we'll go out on dates but theres no guarantee the flame will relight, we're meeting up tomorrow.

At the time of video calling her, fixing things is what I wanted but after thinking and feeling a real negative energy on the call i kind of feel im more interested in fixing it than she is. I feel im fighting for her to be attracted to me again and its making me feel like this isnt the right thing to do. Personally i dont want to go back to dating, i dont want to go about things wondering if she is attracted to me again. I feel like she doesnt value me although i bought more to the table than she ever did.

Should i let her go and say i dont want to go back to dating, we either fix the relationship or we don't or say that after thinking im also willing to go on a few dates but if i dont feel the energy from her then i think she was right about ending it?

Tl;dr Broke up with ex, she lost feelings but is willing to go back to dating to see if we can relight the flame. Should i leave or stay.

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* This article was originally published here

Tuesday, November 1, 2022

I (25m) think the woman I'm seeing (35) is maybe a narcissist. Should I take these signs seriously?

I met this woman 3 months ago. Probably an irrelevant detail, but she's a very very beautiful woman. And elegant.. and she's really tall (5'11, I'm only two inches taller). When I go out with her I notice a lot of people check her out.

We aren't in a relationship, but we have been intimate.. four times.

Anyway, after I met her we immediately started texting each other for hours. We had a lot of chemistry immediately and we started calling each other cute names. Like.. because I'm younger, she would call me ''puppy''. We have no weird kink, at some point I jokingly said ''you're such a mummy'' when she did a few nice things for me, she was like ''ohh, so cute, I like taking care of you''. I like her because she doesn't only have the looks, she comes across as very sweet, caring and understanding.

At some point she asked ''do you think this will go on? Maybe we shouldn't text each other so often. Maybe we shouldn't see each other very often.'' I asked her what was going on, she was very blunt and said ''I'm afraid I will get used to you very quickly and I will dump you''. She talked about her past relationships and revealed that she ended her previous relationships because of that.

She has asked this question a few times: ''do you still like me as much as you did before?''

It feels like she doesn't believe things can last.. and when I say that yes I like her as much as I did before if not more, she says ''it kind of feels forced. I lowkey feel like we're already past the honeymoon phase, it doesn't feel as intense as before''

I'm paraphrasing, she's very subtle when she talks and not as dramatic, and even when she isn't very subtle, she uses a lot of words so that what she says doesn't sound blunt.

Another strange thing is that while she tries to come across as a good human, she sometimes drops that attitude altogether and jokes about how bad she can be when she gets mad. Like, ''we haven't had an argument yet, you should see what I'm like when I'm mad, you'd run so fast'' and sometimes talks about her past and how she was a total bully in high school. When she talks about something bad she has said or done in the past, she tries to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal, or she tries to sound like a person who acknowledges that what she did was bad. Like ''uhm, I know this was bad, but uhm..I got mad at my friend and threw a little stone at her haha''

then she quickly returns to her current attitude and says ''ohhh, I've changed so much. I was just a kid. I'm so kind and caring now.'' And she proves it. Just an example: I was hanging out with her. But I had had a bad day at work, I wasn't in the mood to have fun. She said, in a very gentle voice, ''hey, it's okay. Nobody is happy all the time. Tell me what happened at work'' and she gave me emotional support and then she even kissed me.

Three days ago she uploaded her Whatsapp pictures, it wasn't a picture, it was a quote ''did you hear my covert narcissism that I disguise as altruism? A tale as old as time''. I randomly googled these words, turns out it's a song. But if you put all these little pieces together... I don't know... I'm starting to worry, there's something a little sinister and eerie about her. She does seem to be a little self-centred in general, but I'm not sure if it's pathological narcissism. It's very subtle though, like, she wears her red lipstick as soon as she wakes up, then she talks about the guys who hit on her and says ''the guy was cute, I was tempted, you've got competition lol. Joking, as soon as he talked to me, I reminded myself that I have you''

I realize this may sound like a generic question, but should I take these signs seriously? Am I just reading too much these little things?

TL;DR I'm worried the woman I'm seeing may be a little narcissistic.

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* This article was originally published here