In this post I'm going to talk about two people: K and D. So, long story short, some years ago I realized I was in love with my friend K. The thing is, some time later K realized I was in love with her, but we stayed friends anyway, it was all okay until this year, in June, she decided to break up our friendship, so not talking or meeting anymore. I was destroyed. (Note: If you are reading this and you've helped me when I made a post asking if I was in love with K some years ago, thank you and I'm sorry all went wrong). And here it comes D! (For more information, my friendship with K lasted for 5 years, ending this year, and I was in love with her for 3, and D and me started talking in July 2021, so we've talking for a year and some months, and this year we became closer)
At first I couldn't sleep at night, so I started doing Netflix parties with my friend D. Those Netflix nights with D helped me sleeping well, and soon we incorporated them as our thing, like we did a Netflix Party almost every day. And these Netflix nights made me feel better. In these months I became much closer with D than what I was already, D was a great support for me, we spent more time together and we also met in person for the first time. D started working in September and we started talking less and doing less Netflix nights, because she was always really tired. And then I started missing D more than what I missed K, even if K wasn't my friend anymore and there was no contact and D and me just were talking less and watching less things together. But I missed her more, like I was so busy missing D and thinking about D that I had less time to miss K. It's strange. And I started being okay with not having K anymore. I saved all the things I had in my room that reminded me of K, and where it was a photo of K and me, I put a photo of D and me of when we met in August. And I changed a drawing of K in my wall for a drawing of D. And now when I see them I smile thinking of D instead of being sad thinking of K. And I smile so much when D sends me audios telling me about things that happened in her work, things that make her happy or just about her day or whatever. Listening to her audios just make my day better. And when I met her it was an amazing afternoon and I felt so warm inside. And, even if I'm really insecure (that's why K left me, because she said she wasn't fine mentally to put up with my insecurities), D makes me feel safe. I can talk with her everytime I'm insecure with the calm that she won't get mad (which I hasn't got with K, I was always scared to tell her when I was feeling insecure about anything related to our friendship, like if I ask "did I bother you?" for example more than once she would feel overwhelmed and talk to me in a bad way). I even sent D some audios some days ago, when I never (never!) send audios because I'm scared and shy to and feel more confortable with text. She was surprised and I am too. But she was so excited about it and it brighten my heart seeing her so happy just because I sent her some audios. D is really cute and sweet and I love it. I also had dreamed with her twice, in the first one I only remember that we were running together holding hands, but in the second one we were dating, we were holding hands, we hugged and we kissed. And I liked it, it was a cute dream. I also started imagine how would it be living with her and sharing my life with her, and I compared to how it was in my mind doing it with K, coming to the conclusion I'd rather live with her than with K. A friend of mine, A, who knows about everything, says I'm falling in love with D, she's sure that, at least, I like her.
TL;DR! I was in love with my (now ex) friend K and she broke our friendship some months ago. I was destroyed and my friend D has been a great support, we became a lot closer and I'm now thinking that I maybe started to like her romantically.
Do I really like my friend D or am I just confused because she was a great support after K left me? I don't want to use D as a sustitute to K and I don't know if I'm doing it or not. What do you think?
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* This article was originally published here
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