This is a throaway account for abvious reasons My husband(32m) and I (29f) have been together for 6 years and married for 4 months. The first months of our relationship were rocky as he was very distant and cold and then like 3 months in the relationship things got better and here we are today. I have to also emphasise that we met through a datin app. Back in 2019 we were engaged at the time ( this is important to the story) he was about to show me sth on messenger and he was scrolling down to old conversations and i was sitting next to him and that's when I spot that he had numerous conversations with girls dating back to when we first started dating i asked him about that and he gave me consent to go through them. These are girls that he met through the dating app (before dating me) and to be honest the girls were so flirty but he stated that he now has a gf and is not interested anymore except from one girl that i will call amanda. There were no flirting with amanda but constant talking and I discoverd that they used to meet back in 2017. He said that she was just a friend and he said he told me about meeting her. I have no recollection of that and the first time i ever heared about this friend amanda was in 2019. But i moved past it. Fast foraward to 2 months ago i was on his whatsapp sending myself the honeymoon pictures he took. He is the one who asked me to do it myself he was busy doing sth else. When i opened whatsapp i spotted a conversation that dates back to 2018 with this amanda. To be honest i had sneak peack and there was nothing alarming but i felt big unease. They would talk about their lives, he would ask about her daily details like where she is studying now what are her future plans he would recommand movies... while she was always the one initiating the conversations he is always there to respond. Funny thing at that time we are already between 1 and 2 years ln the relationship and he never mentionned my existence.I brought this up and he said that they haven't talked since 2018 that she is nothing but a friend who he used to know since 2015 and that was it. Not very proud but i went through his conversations with his best friend only to find out that amanda was his crush for 1.5 years and he wanted to date her but she declined for some reasons. Remember our first 3 months of dating? While he was litteraly ignoring me he was venting to his Bff how she is not responding to his messages, how she is changing her profile photo and being active without responding how sometimes he thinks about blocking her to feel better and then he would say " but u know now i have a girlfriend" I confronted him about this and he said that yes he used to like her but since she friendzoned him she is nothing but a friend and he did not lie because he just considered her as a friend. He said that i'm the love of his life and that she means nothing and i'm digging up old stories with no meaning because they haven't talked for 4 years. I said what if she pops up again in his life and he said she won't. Well guess what? i discovered that she has sent him a follow request on insta 3 weeks prior to this conversation and while he did not accept her he did not deny her as well and he looked in my eyes and lied saying that she won't pop up when she already did. He defended himself by saying that he did not accept her so he blocked her from being in his life and that's why he said she won't pop up. He also said he was afraid of my reaction because what are the odds she would send a request in this period so he just brushed it off While we talked this through and it's been a little over a month now i still feel shit about it. I feel shit because he lied about the real nature of the relationship( while he thinks he did not lie she is nothing but an old friend for him and he said that this is not a significant story to bring up and she has no place in his life and that bringing up insgnificant shit from the past won't do us any good especially that they haven't even kissed she is just a girl he liked and nothing happened and then he fell head over heals for me) I feel hurt because he knew she was a crush and he kept talking to her even though we were dating for over a year. I feel shit because he would always respond to her. I feel shit because he never mentionned me ( he said he did not mention me because they never bring up their dating life and their conversations is always platonic ) and i feel shit for not telling me the truth when l asked. I feel shit because i don't know if he ever stopped liking her when were dating. Espacially the first 2 years when they were texting He applogized to me and said that he should've been more transparent and because he knows deep down that she means nthing to him that's why he did not bother go into details. He said that he never cared about any of my past relationships and what matters is when we got together. He said he never even thought about cheating and he responded out of friendship. I'm not mad because he had a crush on some girl back in 2015 and 2016 i'm mad because he lied when i asked. Am i overreacting and being paranoid over a nonsense story or is my husband hiding something? Idk what to think. I would appreciate some insghit
Tl;dr found out that my husband used to have a crush on a girl while he always stated that they were just friends and I don't know how to feel about it
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