My best friend (F28) is close friends with a former hs bully and wants me to "move on"

My best friend (F28) and I (F28) have been close since we were little kids. Let's call her Sally. We've seen each other flourish and fail as we navigate our childhood, adolescence, and now adulthood. Each season and chapter of my life, she has been present just as I have been for hers. Our friendship is what I consider a beautiful blessing that helped shape who I am today. I wouldn't be so hurt by the conversation/ incident I'm about to get into if we weren't so close. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this because I'm worried I'm overreacting/ being too sensitive.

Over dinner 2 weeks ago, I asked Sally who her second-in-command bridesmaid would be at her hypothetical wedding (just some silly, harmless girlish talk). I already knew I'd be the maid of honor since she's told me this since we were kids, so I didn't ask that. She responded that her second closest friend is a girl named Edith (fake name). I couldn't hold a poker face. For context, Edith was a high school bully. In my memory, Edith would talk poorly about all the other girls at our school. If one girl was too fat, another was too skinny. If one girl was too bookish, another was an airhead...you get the idea. Specifically with me, she apparently talked about how my eyes were too big for the rest of my face proportions, my voice was too high-pitched, and that my boobs must be stuffed toilet paper. To be fair, all this was relayed to me by another friend at the time so IDK how true it is. However, I do remember Edith looking at my eczema scars on my neck one day and shouting, "Your neck is just black. The skin is dead!" in front of me and guy I liked at the time. I assumed she was just the type to blurt things out, but tbh, she did this a lot. I could excuse all this as petty high school stuff. Afterall, this was a decade ago. However, even during college, my best friend would call me crying every other week (they went to the same college and I went somewhere else) because Edith would look down upon her and make her feel belittled. They were housemates and I guess Edith would be fine when they were alone but shun her/ignore her when they were out in public. They apparently talked about this later and Edith apologized. And then not too long ago, only a couple years back, Edith outted one of our mutual friends to their church community. My friend had to forcefully come out to her parents after they heart the church chatter. If you've been to Asian American churches, you know this is bad. They're not warm and accepting about queerness at all. This is all information Sally is aware of.
Fast forward to the dinner table, my eyes widened and my jaw fell open. My best friend looked hurt. "You know I'm close to Edith!!" Did I know? Sure, I knew they had been housemates in college and they grew closer after graduation. I did know that my best friend was a bridesmaid for Edith, but tbh, I thought it was because Edith didn't have many heartfelt girlfriends after being so mean-spirited. I had never heard anything positive about Edith from my best friend. Not one compliment or recollection of kindness. "I didn't know she was as important as second closest, I guess," I blubbered. I know it wasn't the greatest response. Our conversation quickly dissipated into awkward silence and tension.
Later that night, I asked "Do you think you can arrange a hangout with all of us together? I realize I still don't think positively about Edith and that feels unfair because I haven't really interacted with her in a bit. At best, my impression of her is neutral as of now. If she's someone important to you, and you believe she has changed, I trust your judgment of character, and I would like to get to know her better." Sally paused for a bit and I waited in silence for around 2 minutes. She then semi-curtly said, "Why? What would we even do? Just catch up since high school?" I was taken aback by her defensiveness. I thought she would be happy that I'd be willing to make an effort to get to know Edith. "I mean, we don't have to talk about everything since high school. We can just talk about what's going on now," I said. Sally stayed quiet for a while again and then said, "You don't have to do that. I appreciate you trying to get to know her, but I don't expect you to." She then went on to tell me how she likes to keep her friendships compartmentalized because of the varying dynamics she shares with everyone. I persisted, "I still would love to get to know her as a person." She sigh exasperatedly and said, "Why do you want to get to know her all of a sudden?" Her tone sounded annoyed and this hurt me. I felt like I was going out of my way to make her more comfortable. She reiterated that she doesn't need me to get to know Edith as a person and that it feels "cringey" to merge her friend groups together. She acknowledged how she thinks I'm great at bringing friends from different parts of my life together and bridging good relationships between them, but since I already don't have the best impression of Edith, I didn't have to do that for her. I didn't want to push more after this so I just said, "Okay, we don't have to hang out or meet, but if you can, can you tell me more positive things about Edith? Like just how she's a good friend or the fun times you share? Doesn't have to be immediate! I just want to hear nicer things about her since the only time I've heard of her after hs was when she was being mean to you." To this, Sally agreed and said that she would have done this earlier if she felt like she had a safe space to do so. She didn't feel like I would want to listen about Edith's good moments since I had a transfixed impression. This kinda confused me because as soon as I found out my friend was one of Edith's bridesmaids, I inquired waaay more about her in hopes that Sally could feel more comfortable bring her up if they were indeed closer now. But never had Sally brought up Edith first. But I get everyone has a different idea of a "safe space" and maybe I didn't make Sally feel comfortable enough to bring up that matter. Sally then alluded I should let go of the past and accept the now since we have all changed. More specifically, she said "I think the stuff she did to you was fucked up, but she really has changed and I think we should move on. And not to dismiss my college woes, but I may have been the one to overreact back then since I needed to process my feelings and you were always the first one I called." I told her I don't care about the stuff Edith said in high school to me, but I do care that I haven't heard anything positive about Edith from her. She sighed and asked me what I would do if my partner had a friend I disliked. Would I expect my partner to do anything about it? I think she asked this because she wanted to gauge what she might have to do. I told her, "Honestly, I wouldn't expect my partner to change his friend since humans have no control over that. We all carry our own autonomy and moral systems. But I'd want to believe my partner can redirect his friend from the wrong path if he sees them being immoral or mean." Sally contemplated this and nodded silently. We then just scrolled on our phones separately for 20 minutes and ended the night.

I want to revisit the conversation and ask Sally why she feels uncomfortable about merging friend groups, but I worry it will push her away or make her wildly uncomfortable again. I don't know if it's the right thing to do to ask more about Edith. The thing is – I'm not sure why it makes her so uneasy. Are there heavy discrepancies in the dynamics she holds that she doesn't want to reveal? Is she afraid I will still dislike Edith regardless of her changes? Is she afraid I'll call Edith out? Does she think I'll embarass her or alter their dynamic?

I'm also processing lingering anxiety that my friend may, in fact, accept the way Edith has acted in the past and be fine with it. This actually hurts me the most. I contemplated if I was jealous of their dynamic even though I've never witnessed it and my sincere answer to that is "no". I don't feel like their friendship puts ours at risk, but I do feel confused and stung by Sally's adamancy on keeping her friend groups separate. How can I approach this topic without scaring her? I feel like my offers to get to know Edith better came off too strong for Sally. :/ Am I caring too much about this? Should I just let it go completely?

​

TLDR; my best friend is close with a former hs bully and now wants us to all move on from the past. How can I when she doesn't want me to befriend her and get to know her as the person she is now?

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My [31M] GF [30F] having trouble moving from platonic relationship, what to do?

Me (31M) and my long-term GF (30F) of many years have always had an open communication and honesty in our relationship. Recently, we have come across a situation where she disclosed to me that she has feeling and is in love with another man. She ensured me that she wants to stay with me and has no intentions of being with him. Also nothing physical ever happened and it is purely platonic, although they both shared that they feel something to each other.

She wants to move on, however, she is not ready is immediatelly stop communicating with him and consider it something that has to happen gradually. On one hand, I appreaciate the honesty we have in our relationsip and I do believe she is being fully honest with me. I am also OK with her having feeling someone else, as I understand that platonic love can happen while in a commited relationship. I also communicated this to her.

The part I am thinking about is her moving on. I feel like she is having strong feeling for him, and while not wanting to act on it, the feeling are so strong that she can't just completely cut it with him. I kinda feels like we are stuck like this for some time and this is the part that is making me feel hurt.

What are your advice on what we should do in this difficult situation? Should I feel hurt that she can’t move on so easily?

TL;DR: My GF has platonic feelings for other man and is unable to just cut ties with him.

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debating cheating on my gf

I'm (20M) debating cheating on my gf (20F) to experiment with a guy. I love my gf though she hasn't rly been the best and we've had our fair share of issues. regardless, I don't want to lose her but when I get horny I REALLY want to go down on a guy (and further stuff) just to try. I'm bicurious for sure and have experimented with myself but want to try with a guy. i’m extremely uncomfortable telling her this so that’s sadly not an option. l've downloaded Grindr and I talked to a guy (19M) for a few hours, we became friends and he said i could do whatever i wanted on my own discretion , I just don't know if I should or not. we're long distance and I know cheating could end the relationship, I just highly doubt l'd get caught. just don't know if it's worth the feeling of guilt though. ive always said cheating was bad and have been avidly against cheating, but me and the Grindr guy have also managed to convince myself that me just experimenting with a homie isn’t cheating since there’s no emotion involved. but i know if she found out her heart would be broken. I've also done some questionable things that could certainly be considered cheating like beating off with other ppl online and I don't rly feel guilty about that. but I really don't know what to do, cause I very badly wanna try this stuff but I also want to keep my relationship and my mental sanity.

tl;dr really want to experiment with a guy but also don't want to lose my relationship with my gf.

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22F, Unsure of how to date.

Hi, I'm a 22 year old bisexual female. I am autistic. My whole life I have never had a loving relationship or any sort of person who wanted to be with me romantically. I had my few shares of what I call "want-to-be" relationships with women and men which all turned out very abusive. "Want to be" relationships as in, on the outside it looks fine, but on the inside it's not. In my whole life, l've never had men or women seek me out to date me, or had anyone message me complimenting me. And when I did, it was sexual and uncalled for. I never had boys or girls have crushes on me growing up in school either. I recently downloaded a dating app and needless to say I got no likes, and when I did it was people who just wanted hookups. I feel extremely left out, every single one of my friends is dating, has had sex, has been in relationships for long times, and is able to hold someone's hand without wanting to cry.

I guess my question is, how am I supposed to date, when no one seems to like me or want to be near me? I consider myself fairly attractive, and so do all of my friends. I don't know what l'm doing wrong. When I put myself out there all I seem to attract is sex. I don't want that right away. I want a loving partner who actually cares about me and doesn't just want to get in my pants. Please, any advice would help.

Tldr; I feel left out because no one seems to want to date me no matter how much I try. I tried dating apps and it didn't work out. Never have been in a real romantic relationship before. Don't know how to date at all. Looking for advice on how to date and get myself out there.

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Am I overreacting that a girl kissed my bf?

TL;DR; my(F24) boyfriend was kissed by another girl

So my(F24) boyfriend(M22) and I have been over 4 years in a relationship. For the first few months we were extremely toxic and would fight all the time. Now that i look back at it I do not know how did we make it because it was not only person toxic but we were both. But our relationship became really healthy and full of support, especially from his side since my father died and he was the only one with me through it all. Besides that we have the same humor, we travel all the time and our time together is wonderful. A few days ago, we went out and he was really weird. I asked him what is wrong and he said we needed to talk. We never had that happen so I immedietaly said did you cheat on me? He said yes and I just got up without asking a thing and told him we were done and that moment left me really traumatized because in my mind it was sex and it happened few days ago. Well here is the situation. It happened three and a half years ago. He was hanging out with his friend and 3 girls which he knew from before. His friend and one girl went away to be alone and my boyfriend and one girl stayed alone and went to look for the third girl who was kicked out of the club because she was throwing up. They did not find her so they sat down to smoke a cigarrete. He told me he does not remember what they spoke and he does not want to lie and make something up but the only thing he was sure of there was no flirting from either side nor did he wanted the kiss. She just grabbed him and kissed him. He did not actually kissed back but it took him a second or two to back of because he was so shocked that she kissed him without any signs. He was also extremely drunk which he said that is not an excuse. Then he got up and said that they have to go back. The time they were alone was less than 15 minutes. On the way back they found the girl and my bf left them and went back to his friends. He did not tell me that day because it meant nothing to him and he just forgot about it and never thought about it. But few days ago he was thinking about us and how good our relationship is and how he wants to move in with me and he remembered it out of nowhere. He said he was shocked that after all this time he never thought about it and just now remembered. He did now want to tell me now either but he said as soon as I saw you I knew i had to tell you. I keep asking him about that night to get something out of him that was maybe wrong of his side but I get nothing. For some questions he can not give me answer and he does not want to make that up either becuase he wants to be honest (for example who said to sit down and smoke a cigarrete). Then I make up scenarios in my head and start crying to him and he also starts crying because he can not believe how much that hurts me. Am I overreacting and should I just let this go? I do not know why I keep making scenarios in my head. Few days ago when he told me he was extremely sad and remorseful which scared me, but now that he has come to his senses and remembered the whole night he does not feel so guilty anymore other than fact that he did not told me immedieately when it happened and he tells me he is sad that that happened but he did the only right thing he could do.

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Meeting my boyfriend's teenagers for the first time... with their Mum..

Am i the AH?

Hi! This is my first time posting on reddit! Il try and keep this as brief as i can.
Me (30F) and my boyfriend (40M) are both divorced with three children each. Mine being younger than his, 6, 8 & 9 and his 11, 13 & 15. We have been seeing each other for around a year and a half. We waited to make sure it was going to be serious before we talked about meeting each other's children. He met my children about 3 months ago and has seen them now three times, we both work full time on mostly opposite shifts for the time being so it has been pretty difficult. (Me and my ex have our children more or less 50/50 most of the time and have a great co parenting relationship).

The conversation recently came up about meeting his children and i am very keen, he mentioned his ex wife wanted to meet me before i met the kids and that she had a new partner who my boyfriend had not met so we could do sort of a double meeting. I agreed although i felt it may be awkward as him and his ex do not get along too well. I found out that her new partner had met his children for a while prior to my partner knowing about him and actually wanted to move this man in to the house with the children after 3 months, so i felt her asking about meeting me before i meet the kids was a tad hypocritical. (My partner has his kids about 40/60 with his ex) still i agreed to the meeting and it went very well, although she (36F) made a comment about my age and that my partner is a "cradle snatcher" and that because of my age i am a "child-girlfriend".

This upset me but non the less i moved on. She has now asked that i meet the kids with both my partner and her present, possibly for a meal, and thats how i will meet them for the first time. I was a bit unsure that this would be the most suitable way, maybe the kids would feel uncomfortable not knowing how to interact to me with their mother present and i know i would feel conscious of how i interact feeling i was being watched. Although on the flip side maybe it would be nice for them to see that their mum and i could get on okay. When i tried to raise my concerns casually in conversation to my boyfriend he flipped out and said i was putting up barriers. I reminded him that my ex husband understood when he was worried and anxious about meeting him before meeting my children and he caused big issues over that and I validated him and found ways to make him comfortable. I put the wants and needs of him and my children first to make the first meeting of them comfortable and easy but he is saying he feels caught in the middle now over what i want and what his ex wants even though she makes life very difficult and awkward for him at every opportunity.

TL;DR I want to try and have a good relationship with his ex for the sake of everyone involved as i have a wonderful working relationship with my ex husband and his new girlfriend. AITAH for voicing my concerns and asking for mine and his children's preferences to be considered before his ex wife's?

Any advice would be so much appreciated!

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Meeting up with my ex soon, need advice/thoughts.

My (32F) ex (M42) broke up with me 5 months ago after being together for 1.5 years. Been in no contact until I broke it a few days ago.

Texted that I'd been thinking a lot about our relationship and that the time apart made me realize the mistakes I made. Told him I was toying with the idea how things could be if we were to meet again.

He gave a long reply updating me about his life, asking about mine and told me he was open to meet up.

I suggested dinner "sometime soon". He said his next two weeks were slammed (he works crazy shifts and is a single father so I know it's not unusual for him to not have many free nights) but was free after than and that he'd get back to me with more specific suggestions.

Now, my question is, how do you guys think my message came across? I told him at the breakup I was not interested in friendship and he said he wasn't either.

Do you think it sounds like he is at least open to the idea of rekindling things? I don't think he is the type to have casual sex.

Tl;dr ex (M42) agreed to meet me (F32) after 5 months of no contact. Do you guys think there is any chance of rekindling things here?

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How do I enhance my tidying habits and address my partner's concerns about minor oversights while maintaining open communication and a positive relationship dynamic?

Hello everyone,

I wanted to share something that's been on my mind lately and get some advice. Overall, the relationship between me [35m] ]my partner [35f ] is great, but there's one aspect that's been causing me some anxiety. We live together with our 4-year-old daughter, and a few weeks ago, my partner and daughter were away for a couple of days. When they returned, my partner was disappointed in me for not taking better care of our home, addressing some specific things she asked me to handle before they left.

I did complete the tasks she assigned, but I must admit I neglected some general tidying up. I felt ashamed because I value keeping our home in good shape, and I know it's important to her. I didn't think much of it at the time and took the opportunity to rest and do other things. I've reminded myself to establish better routines for tidying up, but I admit I can be a bit distracted and may not always notice when things are amiss.

My partner later apologized, citing various reasons for her emotional reaction. I promised to improve my tidying habits, and I genuinely have been making an effort. However, I've noticed that she can still get upset if I happen to overlook something minor. I'm not sure how to navigate this situation.

Here are my questions:

1. What can I do to become less distracted and gain better organization and insight into maintaining our home?

2. Is it reasonable for every small oversight to be pointed out, considering I won't be perfect? How can I address this without seeming like I'm avoiding responsibility?

I appreciate any advice or insights you may have. Should I also mention that I may not achieve perfection in this aspect? Thanks!

​

TLDR:

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"I've promised to get better at tidying up at home, but I'm unsure about what steps to take for improvement. Additionally, I want to avoid feeling like I'm doing something wrong, no matter how I approach it.

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my girlfriend cheated on me

my (19f) girlfriend (26f) cheated on me and im conflicted. i know this sounds bad and admittedly it probably is as bad as it sounds but im just looking for some guidance, and validation i suppose😭

for bit of context, we have been together for the past 5 months and she has been visiting for the past month or so, she lives about 3 hours away from me. i am her first exclusive partner, everything before has been poly for her. a little after we got together i found out that ex girlfriend, now best friend and her had been sexting the day before we got together, even though they broke up 7 months prior. They also still called each other pet names. While we werent technically together at the time they were sexting we had been talking for weeks prior, we had been on dates and had made it very clear that we both wanted to get together, it was just a matter of labels at that point. Because of that this really didnt sit right with me and i confronted her about it, she said she didnt realise how soon her and i would get together and it was just a bit of fun, but she was sorry and would talk to her ex about the pet names. She also gave me permission to go through all of her messages

a bit after, 3 or so weeks ago, i did just that and found out that she started sexting her ex again a month after i first confronted her about it, while she was staying at my house. i thought we were done then and there but she just kinda broke into tears, apologising over and over, telling me how much i meant to her and how stupid she was to throw what we had away, over the next few days she reflected on what she did and realised how fucked up it was. shes been cheated on in the past and knows how badly it can fuck you up, but she said she didnt see what she did as cheating until reflecting on it and trying to rationalise why i was so upset. she said to her it was just for fun, the words didnt mean anything and it was just.. sexting. nothing deeper behind it. they did chat about it after i told her to, with my gf telling her ex not to initiate anything anymore (the ex initiated every time it happened) but the chat was incredibly brief, it was brushed over before they went back to chatting like normal friends

i really dont know what to think. on one hand i do want to believe her, both that she wont do it again and that i dont want to think that shes a person capable of hurting others that badly consciously. that being said i dont want to be played for a fool, strung along because im younger and more gullible.

behind that though, the whole thing makes me just miserable. some of her friends pin the blame on me for all this, saying that i shouldnt have went through her messages and that what i did was an unforgivable breach of trust. consciously, i know this is bullshit. subconsciously though? since it happened i just keep thinking of different ways it could be my fault, im less experienced, less attractive, i didnt put my foot down the first time i confronted her or checked that they had talked about it properly. every time i think back to what she said i feel a pit in my stomach, and every time i see them texting i feel ill

i really do like her, ive only talked about the bad here but she has done a lot for me, and i do want to work through all of this, but is it even possible at this point? im sorry if this post has been hard to read, im not a native speaker, but if anyone has any advice for me it would mean the world <3

tl;dr - my girlfriend cheated on me by sexting her ex, she didnt realise it was cheating but is extremely regretful, i don’t know if i can forgive her

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Zodiac signs that turn relationships into stylish affairs - Times of India

Zodiac signs that turn relationships into stylish affairs  Times of India

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Shoaib Malik and Sania Mirza divorce: Shoaib’s past relationships and what went wrong in the paradise - IndiaTimes

Shoaib Malik and Sania Mirza divorce: Shoaib’s past relationships and what went wrong in the paradise  IndiaTimes

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BF [20 M] lied to me [23 F] about meeting his ex / best friend

Me [23 F] My boyfriend [20 M] have been dating for 3 months, he has had one previous relationship when he was 18. He got me out of depression and to thank him I pay everything when we go out etc. also because I love him. He was the one who flirted first and wanted the relationship and I love you first.

His ex (also his best friend) was his first love, his first time sexually. She broke up with him, and became best friend. (They broke up 2 years ago)

Before dating, I set a boundary : I told him if we are on a relationship you cannot see her alone there needs to be one more person and asked if that is okay with him, he was skeptical at first but he finally agreed.

Long story short I saw that she hung out with him, and asked him if it was the case he then proceeded to lie and gaslit me through messages and then in person. After 1 hour of arguing face to face and added lies on lies he admitted they hung out just them two, they only went to the mall and grabbed something to drink. I saw the pic. Before all of this 3 months ago he told me « you can also meet her and you will see it’s only friendship ».

What action did I take that might be wrong ? : My boundary that I set might have been toxic and inconsiderate?

Why this action could make me the bad person here ? : As this might just be a friendship just like the others. Maybe that friendship I could not understand because of jealousy and insecurities.

Maybe I should talk to her ? In order to understand that exes CAN, in fact, be best friends and that even though he lied it’s because she is real friendship. To weigh my reasoning maybe I am acting just like for example spouses that forbid their partener to go clubbing or have male friends or wear cleavage. Maybe my jealousy made me do wrong and he lied cause he couldn’t take it anymore because to him seeing his friend is just a normal thing and he should not be forbidden to do that.

Or he is clearly still in love with her and using me ?

What do you think?

TL;DR! - : BF is best friend with ex gf (first love), she broke up 2 years ago. We agreed that he could see her but only with a third person. He lied and went to the mall alone with her regardless, I had to debate several hours to get the truth out of him. But maybe I am wrong bc maybe I am blinded by insecurities and jealousy and they are truly just best friends now. Please be honest, sending love

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“TL; DR;: My boyfriend has not ever said I love you to me. What should I do?”

My (35f) boyfriend (55m) have been dating for almost a year now and he never once mentioned that he loves me. -I consider our relationship a great one cause we support each other, have the same sense of humor and make each other feel important.

-Whenever we have problems with each other we take our time to talk about it and find a mutual ground. -I sometimes get hurt that in this time of the relationship he never once said I love you to me even if I have said it to him multiple times. -He said, it triggers his anxiety due to past relationship traumas. What should I do? TL;DR.

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My husband (M44) gets overwhelmed by boundaries and rules that I have (F42)

I don't even think there's a word for this behaviour. I'll try to describe his behaviour and give examples. We've been married almost eight years.

Whenever I have a negative opinion or state a boundary, he will apply that to other related things in a general way even if I don't want him to. It's hard to describe but I think of it as a "blanket ban". He doesn't seem to be able to stop himself. It can happen for anything, no matter how small, and has resulted in me trying not to express opinions or, to avoid the situation, overly explain everything I say.

Example one: he likes to play pool with his friends. It's a great hobby, he has a lot of fun and meets people, and it gets him out of the house. Early in our relationship I said that it's great, but I'd rather he didn't do it more than twice a week because I'd like to spend time with him. A couple of years ago he started going out three or four times a week and I reminded him that I'd rather it be twice a week. He then stopped playing pool except for once a week or once every other week. Sometimes it's once a month. And he thinks I don't want him to play, even when I specifically say that I'd like him to and that he should. I think he resents me for it when he's doing something I didn't even want him to do.

Example two: I don't like to have sex right after eating (it's uncomfortable to me) or right before bed (it wakes me up too much). When I shared that with him the frequency went down to zero. This was approximately five or so years ago. We've had so many conversations after that where I've asked what was wrong and he pointed to my boundaries and said that he doesn't know what to do and is afraid to initiate. I've told him this is unacceptable. We tried relationship counselling for this one but it didn't work because it didn't address the central issue - his "blanket bans".

Example three: I believe in something not many people do. I understand it's silly, but ultimately harmless. Think crystal healing. I find it a fun things to talk about, so I have been wittering on to my husband about this for almost a year. A week ago he told me he didn't believe in it at all, and I was embarrassed and said I'd stop talking about it then. Since then, he has barely talked to me about anything other than food, etc., and told me this morning his feelings were hurt about it. I think he's taken my saying I'm not going to talk about crystal healing to meaning I'm not going to talk to him about anything at all.

These are the bigger things, but it seems to happen for almost everything. He reacts to everything I say as if it's some sort of criticism, and he overreacts. I tried to reach out and pat his shoulder today because he's been so remote and seems stressed, and he immediately said that he's sorry about his hair and he'll do better about it. I told him that I was just trying to express affection and I can't believe that he'd take it as a criticism. I feel like he's acting like I'm evil and mean and will yell at him about everything, even if it's small. I don't know where he got that impression. I am very reasonable and nice and have only been upset with him a handful of times in our eleven year relationship.

Counselling: yes, we tried couples counselling, didn't get anywhere because they didn't address the central issue. He tried individual counselling but I think he only talked to them about stress at work. I haven't seen any improvements at all.

My individual counsellor says there's nothing wrong with me, but I am becoming depressed. Which isn't surprising. I don't want to divorce my husband. I love him.

TL;DR! - Husband catastrophises everything, is very sensitive, and the slightest thing can have longstanding consequences. Is there anything I can do in this situation other than counselling because we tried that and it didn't work?

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* This article was originally published here

I 22M dont know how to act about my 23F girlfriend actions

Hello,

TLDR: girlfriend who use drugs without me

I'm dating girl for 9 months. We are doing great, love each other, care about each other, considering about living together. She got good carreer, have a degree. But.. i'm worried about her past. Her last 2 years was a mess when she found out that her long time boyfriend had slept with her friend. After breakout she partied a lot, did amount of drugs, had one night stands while on drugs.

Both her and me are rave, festival fans. I had doing drugs in my past also. In a past couple a months we had couple raves, did some drugs together also. Right now she reduced amount of parties. But in a couple of weeks she is going alone to another city to visit her good friend, because she divorsed with her boyfriend and want to talk in person, spend some time together and also to go to big event of rave together. I know there will be a lot or coke, maybe mdma.

I know how it is, preparties, parties, long afterparties, where sometimes are unknow people.

So, to put it simply i dont know if i trust her honestly. Divorsed good friend who will be doing a lot of drugs while my girlfriend also will not resist. That sounds like a plan to break from the chains that evening.

What should i do?

thank you, sorry for bad english

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* This article was originally published here

I M18 DONT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY GF F19, COZ OF INSTABILITY IN RELATIONSHIP

Hey, fellow Redditors, I'm in need of some advice regarding a situation in my relationship, and I hope you can offer some insights. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and lately, we've been facing some challenges that lead to frequent arguments and temporary breakups. One of the significant issues revolves around the topic of intimacy.

To provide some context, my girlfriend has expressed her desire to take our relationship to the next level, specifically in the form of a physical connection. However, I've been hesitant, emphasizing the importance of stability in our relationship before taking such a step. My intention was to ensure that we establish a strong foundation, minimizing the chances of regret or complications down the road.

During a recent conversation, I conveyed that I wanted us to overcome our tendency to engage in unnecessary arguments and breakups before introducing the element of physical intimacy. I expressed concern about the possibility of either of us regretting our choices, especially after witnessing my girlfriend grappling with feelings of regret regarding her first kiss with a past toxic ex. Somewhere deep down I am scared of sex, I don't know why. it scares me. i just need time to accept my body and come over that fear

Unfortunately, it seems my words were misunderstood, and she perceived me as a coward and a potentially regretful partner. This misinterpretation led to an emotional breakup, and now I'm left trying to clarify my perspective.

I want to make things right and ensure she understands that my intentions were rooted in a desire for a stable and emotionally secure relationship. Any advice on how to effectively communicate this to her would be greatly appreciated.

TL;DR: I MALE 18 DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY GF FEMALE 19, COZ OF THE INSTABILITY IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND FEAR OF SEX THAT I HAVE COZ OF THE INSECURITIES ABT MY BODY

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* This article was originally published here

Boyfriend never picks up my phone calls no matter when I call

Doesn’t matter what time of the day, he never picks it up.

I’ve (29F) voiced to him (28M) many times that it annoys how he never picks it up and he says his phone doesn’t vibrate and he only sees it if he has his phone on his hand. However, he has literally ignored my phone calls even when on his phone. Sometimes he’ll call back sometimes he completely ignores it and texts hours later as if nothing happened.

And it’s not like I call him multiple times, I just call once a day to say goodnight or once every two days. Or if we need to solve something quick and I call rather than text.

He calls me sometimes too and I may have missed one or two phone calls and that’s it.

I’m not concerned about cheating, rather more about how he’s dismissive about it. I’ve asked him if he doesn’t like it when I call or if I should and he said he does like it, but if he picks it up 1/10 times I’m lucky.

He can change his phone to vibrate yet he chooses not to.

I’ve tried searching similar situations here but only happens when the partner is upset or if it’s abusive, in my case, we can be blissfully having the time of our lives and he’ll still not pick it up on the day I call 💀

Is this something worth discussing about? I feel silly as it’s just a phone call but at the same time I feel as if I’m repeating myself to a wall and he doesn’t seem to care that it bothers me. Apart from that the relationship is great, but I feel like I’m an annoyance, when in reality calling your loved one is a normal thing, with him I feel like I’m a weirdo or something.

TLDR: boyfriend never picks up phone calls

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* This article was originally published here

Please kindly tell me that my guy friend, who is taken, is just trying to be a good friend.

I [25F] came to develop feelings for one of my guy friends who is in a happy relationship with his girlfriend of over 4 years. I know it's bad and so I always try to keep some distance, but because he is such a nice guy it's hard for me to get over my feelings.

I hate crushing on someone taken, but I have been overthinking a recent interaction lately and need some objective third parties to tell me that he just sees me as good friend. Nothing more.

For context we aren't best friends or anything, but he is one of my closer guy friends and I can say we both always enjoy each other's company. He is very friendly towards me and likes to talk to me about our shared hobby and usually he is the one reaching out to me over something through text. I try to avoid reaching out to him since it would feel inappropriate as I have feelings and I don't want to be inconsiderate towards his girlfriend. For some reason, it feels like he understands how I'm feeling and appreciates me for who I am and that has unfortunately been making it harder for me to get over him.

Recently, my group of friends (my guy friend was in there too) and I had been in an online call together, I was a little quieter than usual as I had been feeling down due to a few of the people the past few days (not him though). After I hopped off the call, I was shocked to see he sent me a really considerate text saying how he wanted to apologize in case I was feeling down, but that he might be overthinking it since he was a little drunk (a few of them had gone out earlier that night). I was honestly really surprised as he'd never been considerate like that to me before and I hadn't told anyone I was feeling down or what the reason was. I was surprisedthe noticed something was off, along with the fact that he somehow knew the reason and cared enough to text me still slightly drunk. I cried pretty hard after reading his text as it had genuinely touched me and all the sadness and resentment I hadn't realized I was holding in the past few days came pouring out. Needless to say, it was now another reason why I was struggling to get over my feelings. But I know it can't happen, so I would appreciate being told that he is just trying to be a good friend.

Any advice on how to get over him without completely ignoring him (he's still a friend I care about) would be great as well.

tl;dr My taken guy friend is too friendly and nice to me so it makes me hard for me to get over my crush on him. Any tips would be appreciated.

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* This article was originally published here

My (25 f) husband (25 m) doesn’t think I’m attractive

TL; DR; my husband spends his nights gaming and it makes him not attracted to me.

Hi guys, like I said in the title, my husband doesn't think I'm attractive. I did everything to make him feel satisfied with my looks. I'm not ugly. I'm tall, blonde, skinny woman. And he still doesn't compliment me, doesn't look at me like he used to. He doesn't touch me. We don't even have intimacy anymore bc he says he's stressed with the situation that's been solved some time ago. He says he needs more time, but it's been a year and still nothing changed. I don't really know what to do. I get compliments from other guys on daily basis, but it's still not him. He doesn't pay attention to me. I know he's not cheating on me. He spends his nights gaming with friends, and I go to bed alone almost every single night. When he comes to bed, he spends hours on TikTok While I sleep (I have to get up early for work) so it leaves no time for intimacy. He doesn't even want to have sex with me. I tried to talk to him so many times about it, but he only gets irritated that I mention this topic again. It makes me feel so unattractive and unappreciated. I do everything for him to make him feel like the best man ever. And yet I get nothing like that from him. I don't know what to do. Is there any chance I can change that?

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* This article was originally published here

Breaking Free: 8 Tips To Move On From A Toxic Relationship - Zee News

Breaking Free: 8 Tips To Move On From A Toxic Relationship  Zee News

* This article was originally published here

How To Recognise Relationship Red Flags During Disagreements - News18

How To Recognise Relationship Red Flags During Disagreements  News18

* This article was originally published here

Should I (24F) be paying more rent than my boyfriend(26M)?

I (F24) live with my boyfriend (M25) of 4 years in large city. We moved in together 1 year ago after I had recently gotten a very good new job, that increased my income. We currently pay $730 per week rent, which has been split $400 (me), $330 (my boyfriend).

For context I have been on $180k for the last year, an increase from my job for the year prior to that where I was on $65k Whilst my boyfriend has been on c.$80k.

Whilst I make a large amount more than my boyfriend, he has significantly more savings than me. I have $100k, saved up mostly from my last year working. My boyfriend has $190k, saved up from working, and also a significant recent investment payoff of c.$80k which his parents helped him with.

He believes that he “makes no money” and it is good to “have a security blanket” and I should continue to pay more rent. I am happy to pay a bit more, as I have done over the past year, however I don’t think it’s exactly fair to keep paying more given overall he has a large amount more money than me.

It is probably important to note too that I grew up in a lower income household and don’t have anyone else to rely upon for money except myself. I think I have a pretty good grasp of the value of money, I am very greatfull to have such a high paying job at a young age. My goal is to save as much money as I can whilst in this job for a house deposit to help set myself up for the future. Especially as my current job is very high intensity and I likely won’t stay in this job long term.

Whilst my boyfriend has come from a wealthy family who have supported him financially all his life (eg. providing investments, paying for his university degree) and still continue to give him c. $200 a week to help support him given he “makes no money”. He has a security blanket and can always fall back on them. I am understanding and happy he is able to get that kind of support from his parents although it frustrates me when he refers to himself as not doing well financially and me doing well.

Lastly, he is working in a job that provides very good exit opportunities and if he wanted could get another job likely around $150k. However, is currently pursuing athletics alongside his job and given the time commitment doesn’t want to leave his relatively flexible job.

Am I in the wrong for feeling this way? How should we be splitting the rent?

TLDR: I make more than my boyfriend but he is more wealthy, should I be paying more rent?

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Bf (35m) said I (32f) would look better from different angles

I’ve been with my bf for a few months, we’re long distance and have been doing a lot of video calls etc ;)

Last night after we had a really nice time being intimate he said words along the lines of ‘you look lovely but better from different angles, but that’s the same with everyone’. I was in a post-o bliss and didn’t really process what he said but now I’m really upset and hurt.

I’m a bit overweight, I’m curvy, had a soft tummy. I’m not unhealthy, but I enjoy food and exercise.

It’s not the first time he’s commented on my body and I’m starting to think he has some fatphobic thoughts.

He says he loves me but I can’t help think he can’t if he secretly doesn’t even like my curves and shape?!

TLDR: my bf made a comment on my body and now I feel really uncomfortable

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What should I do about my gf(20) guy bestfriend

Tldr: I was wondering whether I should try and push my girlfriend to decide whether to chose between me or her guy bestfriend and was wondering what would you do?

My girlfriend(20f) and I (21m) have been dating for about 4 months now.

Hi all here to ask for some other insight into my current troubles with my girlfriend of 4 months. There has been a guy friend who has honestly completely messed with my head and before you call me insecure or controlling please hear me out. So this guy who I’ll call B has been a good friend of my girlfriend from before we met and I’ve never had good feelings about B I’ve seen there previous chat logs and it’s all abdomen pictures and my girlfriend had also sent provocative photos in return (mind you this was all before I knew her) when I asked about these photos and what there relationship is like and whether I should be worried she shrugs it off tells me they had a “moment” one night and realised they didn’t find eachother attractive and didn’t do it again. Fast forward a week after that conversation my girlfriend and I had a small argument like couples do and she went to him for support, she told me what he said about the argument and what he thought about it to which I blew up and told her she shouldn’t be going to other guys about our problems to which she agreed and to my knowledge hasn’t done it since. Then I kid you not, not even a day later he “accidentally” sends my girlfriend a provocative photo to which I don’t find out about till about 1-2 weeks later. Obviously I was quite upset I wasn’t told and when I asked why I wasn’t told she said because she thought I was going to tell her to block him. To be fair as much as I’d like to say block him I can’t, I do not control her and it is entirely her decision she can decide what to do judging by my reaction to the situation and how it benefits our relationship. This was quite early in the relationship and during our relationship up till now I’ve definitely brought up concerns where I see her not giving me attention at all or shrugging my efforts to text him and her responses to me bringing up my concerns is usually met with silence, anger toward me while she completely defends him and claims he was there throughout all of her struggles. Fast forward to today I thought to myself while she was asleep whether the provocative photos I saw way early on were still there which led me to do something I hadn’t don’t before which was go on her phone and check there chat. I found every single photo they had sent before our relationship including the provocative ones. And what I found was there was so many more than I remember spanning from when they first started texting up till a couple weeks before I started dating my now girlfriend. Which has made me question whether it was “just a one night thing” and this is where my problem arises how do I bring this up to talk about with her and what my next move is. Thanks for reading desperately need another opinion on this.

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Harrassment or am I being dramatic?

I (19F) and my boyfriend (21M) dated for about three months andI recently broke up with my now ex-boyfriend. We met at the common institute and started dating after knowing each other for almost 2 months, we never really talked to each other during this period except the regular handshakes and "hey". We dated when a mutual friend introduced us to each other.

And here's the point, we were actually in a long distance relationship because of priorities back then and used to call and text. And I went to his home, he took me to his room and stated that he was 'turned on' and how I make him 'hard'. I told this guy that I'm uncomfortable. I'm the most insecure about my body and have struggled with this inferiority complex for years given the fact I'm suffering from an autoimmune disease that destructs the melanin pigment and as result you develop white patches on your body. I've shared the same thing with my now ex-boyfriend that I'm utterly insecure about the way I look and he seems to be okay (?) with that. However, he kept sliding his hands under my shirt and in my pants, to the point I even pushed him to please stop as I wasn't feeling okay. However, he didn't seem to budge. After coming from his home, I told him how badly he hurted me and I want to breakup with him for this reason as matter of fact if he can't respect my boundaries how will he respect me in future. But he told me he was excited and in the heat of the moment, he couldn't think straight. Our mutual friends explained me that a guy goes through this so you should probably give him another chance, which I did.

But it looks like my feelings were gone way back after that incident took place. It's some sort of assault and harassment (a few people on here might not agree with on that though) but I found myself loosing interest in him as each day passed and it ultimately lead me to breakup with him.

Idk if I've made a right decision or was I wrong for giving him another chance when my feelings were long gone. Thoughts on this..?

TL;DR broke up with my boyfriend who seemed to be sexually assaulting (?) me. Thoughts.?

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I understand why some women prioritize a partner they can have children with over a partner who loves them right.

My (32F) friend (35F) and I were talking this evening after dinner about our relationship history over the last year. She met the love of her life in June and is planning on having a child with him in the next 2 years, an unprecedented change for her from being avowedly child free for most of her life. As I listened to her talk about what that mental shift was like, I realized why I was so devastated over a short-lived relationship I'd had last year.

I had really wanted to have children with him. And I'd never had that feeling with anyone else. I knew he didn't love me the way I needed, and even though he ended the relationship with me, I cut him off for good after he reestablished contact because of this. But I was in touch with the fact that he did love me after a fashion, and that his life situation was conducive to having and raising children. I had watched him with his family and his 7yo cousin, and felt the "urge" for the first time in my life - including a former marriage to a man who, on paper at least, was perfect father material. Never felt the urge with him, and felt like I dodged a bullet when that marriage ended.

But yeah, I never wanted kids until I met that man this summer. I'm back to not wanting kids now. Closing the door on that relationship forever really felt like saying no to a completely different version of me. I almost felt like I could have chosen that life for a second, one where I wasn't loved in the way I needed or wanted, but one where I became a mother. It was frighteningly easy to see myself just accept the love he could give and flip a switch in my brain. I'd had a vision in my head the first night we slept together of me being heavily pregnant and pushing, and of him letting me squeeze his hand. It was absolutely indelible and profound.

But I said no to that vision. Over the last few months I've been realizing that I'm in love with a friend of mine (42M) and that he's in love with me. He loves me in the way that I need, in the way I've been longing for. I don't want kids with him, not really, not in the same way I wanted them with the ex. But I believe now that love is more important than having children. I won't have to choose like that ever again hopefully - but if I do, I know what I'll choose. Every minute of every day. That love fills me and completes me in such a way that I don't need children.

I get why women choose having children with an imperfect man whose love is either warped or non-existent, though. I almost did. It's tempting to feel that a baby will make up for what you're missing from your partner.

No regrets about my choice. But women who decide the other way... I feel you.

tl;dr it's hard to prioritize a perfect love over the possibility of having a baby with a good enough man, I get it now

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* This article was originally published here

The Art of Maintaining Independence in Relationships - Essex Magazine

The Art of Maintaining Independence in Relationships  Essex Magazine

* This article was originally published here

I 18F need advice on stuff my boyfriend 20M does.

i have been with my boyfriend (20M) for 10 months now and hes been great, we have alot in common and hes a great guy, except for some things that he has done over the past few months.

​

the first thing he ever did was like other girls pictures on instagram, and i know that doesnt sound like a big deal but i was so broken and insecure for months and i still am. i know he doesnt do that anymore but the fact that he did it just hurts me.

also he admited to getting off on another girl, he did that only once and at the begining of our relationship and i have forgiven him, but it hurts so bad.

then recently we got into a fight (the details of the fight arent important it was just me being insecure and scared hes still doing some bad stuff) after a while he started ignoring me which really hurt me alot since i hate being ignored more than anything else after he ignored me for a while i said sorry to him for starting a fight over me being insecure and he just said what do u want from me now i kept saying sorry to him because i felt so so bad but he just wont stop being mad at me.

​

also sometimes i just feel like he doesnt understand me at all, like when something happened thats making me really sad, he just doesnt understand why im sad and just tells me to think more positive and thats all, i can never really communicate my feelings with him because whenever i do he gets mad at me and tells me i should just think more positive. i know it all may not sound that bad and maybe im just insecure and childish but its really hurting me, i always wanted someone that can listen to my problems and give me advice but all he ever does is tell me to think positive.

​

so thats why i came here to ask for thoughts of other people. is it just me being insecure and its not that deep or is it really a problem in our relationship that we should work on. also the first things i said like liking other girls pictures, i said that so you know why i may sound so insecure. also he gets mad at me often for staring unneccesary fights about things that happened long ago, for example when i wanted to ask him something about the whole instagram liking thirst traps thing he instantly gets mad at me and says that its so unneccesary to talk about it because it was long ago and i just wanna start a fight, which isnt true most of the times i just want to know something and he instantly thinks i want to fight.

​

TL;DR: my bf did questionable things like liking other girls thirst traps, getting off to another girl,ignoring me, instantly getting mad at me and thinking i want to start a fight when i just wanna ask something and i need opinons if im just being insecure or if it really is a problem and we need to fix it

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I [M33] met a girl [F22] on OKcupid, unsure whether I should go for the relationship?

Can't believe I'm actually posting this, lol.

I've met a girl on OKcupid 10 weeks ago. There is a lot of mutual attraction, we have a similiar sense of humour and get along nicely for the most part. She was looking for a serious relationship, I was open for anything, but I developed strong feelings for her and she says the same is true for her. There are a few potential and real issues, tho:

• She is 11 years younger than me, I am 33, she's 22.

• She has a daughter, 3 years old. While I can see myself being a father, I'm not sure I can do it at the stage I currently am. We've seen each other 2 times now, havent seen the daughter yet.

• She had a rough childhood/past with verbally abusive parents, toxic ex-partners. Had 2 or 3 episodes with A LOT of casual sex through partying and dating apps (as a form of self-harm, but says she doesn't regret her experiences). We've talked through most of this and I gave her a lot of emotional support. She claims to "hate men", says she feels like she might be 22 body wise but 50 in her mind.

• She wants another child or 2 in the next 6-7 years, also to prevent her daughter to be a lot older than her siblings. While I can understand having that wish and all that biological clock thing going on - I think that's the wrong order to approach this. I've always been a fan of meeting someone special and fitting first, then think about children and marriage. As she never had a safe and stable home in her past, that's her biggest wish though.

• She doesn't really wanna go out. I partied a lot when I was her age (vastly different life situation though, ofc) and while she'd like to go to the restaurant or go for a walk once in a while, she doesn't wanna stay up all night and dance and have fun (with a babysitter at home, of course). Might be a problem, cause I'd like to be able to do that occasionally.

• She suffers from Borderline. I'm quite understanding and careful with conditions like that due to having cases in my family and among my friends and she says I'm handling that well, but I don't always think she's handling it perfectly. I often feel like I'm walking on egg shells, trying to avoid triggers (like hanging up the phone too quickly, cause that triggers her fear of losing someone/me in that case). We have fights over things like this regularly, as while she claims I'm generally handling her condition well, I am not careful and considerate enough in situations like this, which is true I guess.

• She's becoming a state secretary, regular daily schedule (also bc of her daughter). I'm a student still, will be done in a year or so. I sleep longer than her, more free-time etc. Also, would be a long-distant relationship as long as I still need to be at university. She lives near my hometown though, to which I wanted to return after my studies anyway.

I developed feelings, I'm unsure whether I should really go for it for several reasons. Might sound more negative than it is, among other things the sex is great, I like her personality a lot, find her funny etc

Just writing this down already felt great, but I'd love to hear some neutral thoughts on this. Hope I didn't forget anything important.

tl;dr: girl I met and developed strong feelings for has a child and mental issues, wondering whether I can provide what she needs

Thanks for any input!

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* This article was originally published here

My gf(19) thinks I (20) am not over my ex

So, my gf thinks I'm not over my ex gf and I don't know how to show her that I'm over and I don't have feelings for my ex.Every time she brought this topic I say I don't care about her(ex) and I'm over,bot she doesn't belive me because when my best friend and my ex got together a few days before I send a text to him to say my gratulations and I'm done with him too,because it's not a thing that a friend would do and my gf freaked out.

So any sugestions that a can prove to my gf that I don't care about them and I only love her?

Sorry for my english,it's my third language

tldr:my ex doesn't belive me when I say i'm over my ex

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* This article was originally published here

What is the most sensitive way to have a conversation about weight loss/a lifestyle change in a relationship?

TL:DR My girlfriend’s lifestyle (no exercise, smoking) has caused her to gain weight since the beginning of our relationship and I’m concerned for her health. How do I address this in as sensitive a way as possible?

My [25M] Girlfriend [23F] and I have been going out for over 6 months now. Since we started going out, she’s put on considerably more weight than before she was in the relationship (15-20kg) and there are certain incidents that have made me quite concerned for her health.

For further context, we lead very different lifestyles. I have a full time job, do my best to exercise 3–5 times a week and prioritise it as one of a few ways to help manage my asthma. She’s studying for a Masters, does no physical exercise at all and smokes. I have asked her not to smoke around me because of my asthma and that’s a boundary she has respected up until now thankfully.

On a trip abroad recently, she had to stop and catch her breath on multiple occasions whilst walking up a gentle incline and sometimes struggles to maintain a conversation whilst out walking. In the bedroom, there’s a considerable gulf in stamina due to fitness levels which has left me feeling quite unfulfilled. Physical attraction hasn’t waned for me yet but I have to be honest and say it might if she keeps gaining weight.

I have been friends with her for 5 years (we met in college) before we started this relationship and thoroughly enjoy her company so would really like to see if there’s a way to make this work. Her mum and aunt have had blunt conversations with her about her weight gain and she’s lamented this to me, she has also been for checkups to rule out thyroid issues, etc. so as far as I can see, her weight gain purely due to her lifestyle.

During any conversations surrounding her weight gain, I have empathised with her but held back how I’m feeling on the topic as I don’t want to make her feel worse. I am also aware of how our different lifestyles and fitness levels could make anything I say seem quite patronising to me. She has also openly stated that she hates exercising so even suggesting she find some sort of physical activity she likes will be met with resistance. I have also asked her if she had considered quitting smoking too which has only caused her to smoke more.

All of the above has left me confused, upset and unsure of how to handle the situation or potential conversation. I want to voice my concerns about her health but I don’t want to do so in a way that makes me sound like a mouthpiece for her mum and aunt. I also want to highlight my unmet needs in the bedroom but want to do so in a way that’s as sensitive as possible.

I’m sure I’m not the first and won’t be the last to ask this question, if you could give me constructive advice or anecdotes on how to address this touchy subject I’d be most grateful.

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* This article was originally published here