Am i the AH?
Hi! This is my first time posting on reddit! Il try and keep this as brief as i can.
Me (30F) and my boyfriend (40M) are both divorced with three children each. Mine being younger than his, 6, 8 & 9 and his 11, 13 & 15. We have been seeing each other for around a year and a half. We waited to make sure it was going to be serious before we talked about meeting each other's children. He met my children about 3 months ago and has seen them now three times, we both work full time on mostly opposite shifts for the time being so it has been pretty difficult. (Me and my ex have our children more or less 50/50 most of the time and have a great co parenting relationship).
The conversation recently came up about meeting his children and i am very keen, he mentioned his ex wife wanted to meet me before i met the kids and that she had a new partner who my boyfriend had not met so we could do sort of a double meeting. I agreed although i felt it may be awkward as him and his ex do not get along too well. I found out that her new partner had met his children for a while prior to my partner knowing about him and actually wanted to move this man in to the house with the children after 3 months, so i felt her asking about meeting me before i meet the kids was a tad hypocritical. (My partner has his kids about 40/60 with his ex) still i agreed to the meeting and it went very well, although she (36F) made a comment about my age and that my partner is a "cradle snatcher" and that because of my age i am a "child-girlfriend".
This upset me but non the less i moved on. She has now asked that i meet the kids with both my partner and her present, possibly for a meal, and thats how i will meet them for the first time. I was a bit unsure that this would be the most suitable way, maybe the kids would feel uncomfortable not knowing how to interact to me with their mother present and i know i would feel conscious of how i interact feeling i was being watched. Although on the flip side maybe it would be nice for them to see that their mum and i could get on okay. When i tried to raise my concerns casually in conversation to my boyfriend he flipped out and said i was putting up barriers. I reminded him that my ex husband understood when he was worried and anxious about meeting him before meeting my children and he caused big issues over that and I validated him and found ways to make him comfortable. I put the wants and needs of him and my children first to make the first meeting of them comfortable and easy but he is saying he feels caught in the middle now over what i want and what his ex wants even though she makes life very difficult and awkward for him at every opportunity.
TL;DR I want to try and have a good relationship with his ex for the sake of everyone involved as i have a wonderful working relationship with my ex husband and his new girlfriend. AITAH for voicing my concerns and asking for mine and his children's preferences to be considered before his ex wife's?
Any advice would be so much appreciated!
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