TL:DR My girlfriend’s lifestyle (no exercise, smoking) has caused her to gain weight since the beginning of our relationship and I’m concerned for her health. How do I address this in as sensitive a way as possible?
My [25M] Girlfriend [23F] and I have been going out for over 6 months now. Since we started going out, she’s put on considerably more weight than before she was in the relationship (15-20kg) and there are certain incidents that have made me quite concerned for her health.
For further context, we lead very different lifestyles. I have a full time job, do my best to exercise 3–5 times a week and prioritise it as one of a few ways to help manage my asthma. She’s studying for a Masters, does no physical exercise at all and smokes. I have asked her not to smoke around me because of my asthma and that’s a boundary she has respected up until now thankfully.
On a trip abroad recently, she had to stop and catch her breath on multiple occasions whilst walking up a gentle incline and sometimes struggles to maintain a conversation whilst out walking. In the bedroom, there’s a considerable gulf in stamina due to fitness levels which has left me feeling quite unfulfilled. Physical attraction hasn’t waned for me yet but I have to be honest and say it might if she keeps gaining weight.
I have been friends with her for 5 years (we met in college) before we started this relationship and thoroughly enjoy her company so would really like to see if there’s a way to make this work. Her mum and aunt have had blunt conversations with her about her weight gain and she’s lamented this to me, she has also been for checkups to rule out thyroid issues, etc. so as far as I can see, her weight gain purely due to her lifestyle.
During any conversations surrounding her weight gain, I have empathised with her but held back how I’m feeling on the topic as I don’t want to make her feel worse. I am also aware of how our different lifestyles and fitness levels could make anything I say seem quite patronising to me. She has also openly stated that she hates exercising so even suggesting she find some sort of physical activity she likes will be met with resistance. I have also asked her if she had considered quitting smoking too which has only caused her to smoke more.
All of the above has left me confused, upset and unsure of how to handle the situation or potential conversation. I want to voice my concerns about her health but I don’t want to do so in a way that makes me sound like a mouthpiece for her mum and aunt. I also want to highlight my unmet needs in the bedroom but want to do so in a way that’s as sensitive as possible.
I’m sure I’m not the first and won’t be the last to ask this question, if you could give me constructive advice or anecdotes on how to address this touchy subject I’d be most grateful.
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