Me [23 F] My boyfriend [20 M] have been dating for 3 months, he has had one previous relationship when he was 18. He got me out of depression and to thank him I pay everything when we go out etc. also because I love him. He was the one who flirted first and wanted the relationship and I love you first.
His ex (also his best friend) was his first love, his first time sexually. She broke up with him, and became best friend. (They broke up 2 years ago)
Before dating, I set a boundary : I told him if we are on a relationship you cannot see her alone there needs to be one more person and asked if that is okay with him, he was skeptical at first but he finally agreed.
Long story short I saw that she hung out with him, and asked him if it was the case he then proceeded to lie and gaslit me through messages and then in person. After 1 hour of arguing face to face and added lies on lies he admitted they hung out just them two, they only went to the mall and grabbed something to drink. I saw the pic. Before all of this 3 months ago he told me « you can also meet her and you will see it’s only friendship ».
What action did I take that might be wrong ? : My boundary that I set might have been toxic and inconsiderate?
Why this action could make me the bad person here ? : As this might just be a friendship just like the others. Maybe that friendship I could not understand because of jealousy and insecurities.
Maybe I should talk to her ? In order to understand that exes CAN, in fact, be best friends and that even though he lied it’s because she is real friendship. To weigh my reasoning maybe I am acting just like for example spouses that forbid their partener to go clubbing or have male friends or wear cleavage. Maybe my jealousy made me do wrong and he lied cause he couldn’t take it anymore because to him seeing his friend is just a normal thing and he should not be forbidden to do that.
Or he is clearly still in love with her and using me ?
What do you think?
TL;DR! - : BF is best friend with ex gf (first love), she broke up 2 years ago. We agreed that he could see her but only with a third person. He lied and went to the mall alone with her regardless, I had to debate several hours to get the truth out of him. But maybe I am wrong bc maybe I am blinded by insecurities and jealousy and they are truly just best friends now. Please be honest, sending love
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