my (19f) girlfriend (26f) cheated on me and im conflicted. i know this sounds bad and admittedly it probably is as bad as it sounds but im just looking for some guidance, and validation i supposeš
for bit of context, we have been together for the past 5 months and she has been visiting for the past month or so, she lives about 3 hours away from me. i am her first exclusive partner, everything before has been poly for her. a little after we got together i found out that ex girlfriend, now best friend and her had been sexting the day before we got together, even though they broke up 7 months prior. They also still called each other pet names. While we werent technically together at the time they were sexting we had been talking for weeks prior, we had been on dates and had made it very clear that we both wanted to get together, it was just a matter of labels at that point. Because of that this really didnt sit right with me and i confronted her about it, she said she didnt realise how soon her and i would get together and it was just a bit of fun, but she was sorry and would talk to her ex about the pet names. She also gave me permission to go through all of her messages
a bit after, 3 or so weeks ago, i did just that and found out that she started sexting her ex again a month after i first confronted her about it, while she was staying at my house. i thought we were done then and there but she just kinda broke into tears, apologising over and over, telling me how much i meant to her and how stupid she was to throw what we had away, over the next few days she reflected on what she did and realised how fucked up it was. shes been cheated on in the past and knows how badly it can fuck you up, but she said she didnt see what she did as cheating until reflecting on it and trying to rationalise why i was so upset. she said to her it was just for fun, the words didnt mean anything and it was just.. sexting. nothing deeper behind it. they did chat about it after i told her to, with my gf telling her ex not to initiate anything anymore (the ex initiated every time it happened) but the chat was incredibly brief, it was brushed over before they went back to chatting like normal friends
i really dont know what to think. on one hand i do want to believe her, both that she wont do it again and that i dont want to think that shes a person capable of hurting others that badly consciously. that being said i dont want to be played for a fool, strung along because im younger and more gullible.
behind that though, the whole thing makes me just miserable. some of her friends pin the blame on me for all this, saying that i shouldnt have went through her messages and that what i did was an unforgivable breach of trust. consciously, i know this is bullshit. subconsciously though? since it happened i just keep thinking of different ways it could be my fault, im less experienced, less attractive, i didnt put my foot down the first time i confronted her or checked that they had talked about it properly. every time i think back to what she said i feel a pit in my stomach, and every time i see them texting i feel ill
i really do like her, ive only talked about the bad here but she has done a lot for me, and i do want to work through all of this, but is it even possible at this point? im sorry if this post has been hard to read, im not a native speaker, but if anyone has any advice for me it would mean the world <3
tl;dr - my girlfriend cheated on me by sexting her ex, she didnt realise it was cheating but is extremely regretful, i don’t know if i can forgive her
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