Should I end contact with an old friend?

I've had this friend since the 5th grade, and we're in our 30s now. We used to be best friends for years from 5th grade all the way to high school, and beyond. In the last 5 or 6 years, we sort of fell out with each other for no real reason.

My friend vouched for me at this IT company, and got me a job there. Long story short, he ended up getting laid off after a few years and I stayed. I got promoted to a manager level, while he went off and began working for another company.

Ever since his lay off, we sort of stopped "hanging out" I guess. We're not on bad terms or anything, but we're just not close anymore.

I haven't hung out 1-on-1 with him in over... probably 6 years; long before his lay off happened. We chat all the time on discord, but it's not the same. The guy is also completely addicted to video-games, which may have something to do with this. I can see his steam profile, and he games anywhere from 120 hours to 150 hours of games PER 2 WEEKS. It's crazy, but whatever.

He's also made some pretty hurtful comments in the past. Now he's making more money than me in his new job, and one time he told something along the lines of "I'm making more money than you now, and you're still stuck in that shithole" which was totally out of left field and random to me. It was kind of bizarre, because I didn't do anything to cause his lay off. The company lost some contracts, and had to lay off a substantial part of the staff. But, ever since then I've been promoted and I make way better money than I did when we were both working there; but yes, he still makes more than me.

Which I don't understand... If he makes more money than me now, why would he be bitter towards me? I don't really get it.

Point is, what should I do? We don't hang out, we're not close. I don't even know if I could consider him a friend at this point anyway...

Thoughts? Any questions I can field are totally fine. I just want to know if I should just slowly end all contact with him, since it seems like this friendship isn't really serving either of us anymore.

But, at the same time; I have alot of great memories with him from the past and I feel like he's not the same person I used to be close with.

TLDR: Longtime friend has become distant, and no longer initiates 1-on-1 hangouts with me. Unsure if he's bitter about a lay off from a job we both held, or if he's just gotten bored of the friendship. Need advice on how to handle it from my end.

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I (23M) broke up w my now ex-gf (23F) because I was angry at her but instantly regretted and said sorry the next day but she doesn’t have feeling for me anymore. What should I do?

We had been together for over 5 years and had been thru many stages. I broke up with her when i was angry at her and instead of talking it out, i just broke up w her. On the next day, I instantly regretted my action and went to her to say sorry but she said she doesn’t have feeling for me anymore and she feel better on her own, she even deleted all of our photos on her phone. She gave me 1 month to show her that I love her but she didn’t cooperate and acted cold toward me, we still exchange message but she just replied with “ok”, I took her to work and picked her up from work, cooked for her and took her out for dinner… but nothing seem to improve. And I know for now she doesn’t put effort in any other guy. Both her and my parents support this love to become marriage on the next year but this seem so hopeless. Should I give her space or should I try to show her my affection? What should I do?

TL;DR: I broke up with my gf because I was angry at her but regretted and said sorry the next day but she said she doesn’t have feeling for me anymore and I try to save this relationship

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How do i f20 tall about sex to my m20 partner?

How do I talk with my partner about sex?

First of all, im sorry if this is the wrong sub but here it goes, I F20 have been together with my boyfriend M20 for 2 years and we have a good sex life but it's kind of boring, we're each other's firsts and I try to do all kinds of things that he likes, I'm getting him off in a lot of different ways but he doesn't really reprociates that.

Usually we just do the penetrant aspect, he finishes and since that doesn't really do a lot for me, he Usually talks to me until I'm done too (by myself) . I feel kind of left out of the whole thing which is stupid considering that it's something that should be done between the two of us and not just him and don't know how to bring it up without making him feel bad about himself.

Does anyone have tips? Any advice helps, I'm just kind of scared of confrontation

Tldr: boyfriend doesn't really offer variety during sex

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I(30F) RSVP'd for my cousin's(26F) wedding. My dog sitter fell through and my husband (30M) doesn't trust the substitute.

I RSVP'd myself and my husband for my cousin's wedding next week out of town but unfortunately plans with our trusted dog sitter fell through.

Someone on Rover who had good reviews and friendly dogs agreed to sub in, but my husband doesn't fully trust them as the platform has no way of vetting their dog sitters. He's agreed to letting them give them a trial run, but he is going to spend the whole trip worrying about our dog. He would prefer staying home with the pup and for me to go solo.

Back to my cousin, I know wedding planning is stressful and it really sucks for people to cancel after RSVPing. There's currently some family frustration against me for not visiting home more often. My cousin has never expressed any tension, but I imagine she hears some of the conversations about me. I was planning on giving her a cash gift that would cover the food/drink cost of myself and my husband so she at least would not be out of pocket.

How do I balance everyone's feelings? Would it be acceptable for me to cancel my husband's RSVP and apologize to my cousin about the circumstances but reassure her she would not be out of pocket. I think my aunt might give me grief, should I tell them a family issue came up for my husband? Should I also send the Rover sitter a small cancellation fee for the inconvenience?

Tl;Dr: Plans with dog sitter fell through. Do I cancel my husband's RSVP and fly solo or use the substitute despite his concerns?

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I can't trust my girlfriend (21M)(21F)

There's this thing that has been bugging me. In one of her previous relationships, my girlfriend went and saw an ex-ex boyfriend of hers during her relationship with an ex boyfriend. While she was on a trip, she asked her ex-boyfriend if she could see her ex - ex boyfriend. And he said he had nothing against it.

I have no clue what happened to them. They supposedly went out for a drink and caught up for a few hours and that's it.

I heard about that story from a friend of mine recently, and when I asked her, she said it's true, from detail to detail. She did see her ex ex, and she did ask her ex, but she did nothing.

Every time she goes to the town her ex lives in (most of her family is there, she goes there every 3-4 months) I'm waiting for a text "hey, I wanna see my ex" or something along those lines.

We talked about the situation and I told her that we'd be done for if she ever saw an ex of hers, and she was very dissatisfied with my boundary but she accepted iy.

She said she believes exes can be friends (bullshit) and she has nothing against that.

How do I gain trust? Whenever she goes there I feel anxious.

Note: She was texting her ex at the beggining of the relationship(first day of the relationship to be exact), and when I told her to stop she did stop. She never texted him again and she removed him from most social media.

tl;dr: I have a hard time trusting my girlfriend because of some things she's done in her past. Do I have right or am I tripping?

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* This article was originally published here

5 Smart Ways to Repair Broken Trust in Relationships - Patheos

5 Smart Ways to Repair Broken Trust in Relationships  Patheos

* This article was originally published here

I 18NB want to breakup with my partner 18F of less than 6 months

I 18NB want to breakup with my partner 18F of less than 6 months

Is it ever acceptable to end a relationship via text? If I followed this route, it wouldn't just be a single text message ending the relationship. I would leave it open for a conversation.

If doing it over text ist an option what should I do? I need advice on how to get them in to come meet me to break up. In the past when we have had serious chats in person and over text messages.

TLDR: is it okay to end relationship over text and if it isnt how to set up the in person meet up?

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My boyfriend is moving away soon and he’s not even sure if he wants to move away with me:

My boyfriend is moving away soon. We have been in a long-distance relationship for almost a year now bc he went on a folk high school. Which was a three hour drive away, but he lives here originally with his family. He is going to college soon and has a lot to think about. He is (M20) and I am (F19) our relationship have lasted almost a year now.

We’ve talked about moving in together, but now that he is getting closer to be moving to college. He haven’t talked about it a lot with me. Now it’s almost a month till he will be moving and I had to have a conversation with him. He said he wants to move in with me where his college is, but that he is not sure what to do or if it’s the right choice. I didn’t know this until recently, so it’s really hard for me to think about what I should do because I thought he was ready to move in with me.

What I knew was that he talked about having a student apartment so that everything would be safe and stable until he was in college witch ofc I understand, but what I didn’t know was that his student apartment had a two month notice period. Witch means I have to wait longer than I expected.

I thought that we were going to move in as soon as he was moving, but then the plan changed. I had to wait a few more months but I never understood what to do with the free time because I also wanted to start my life there, then I thought of maybe moving in my own apartment until we moved in together, but now he is not even sure if he wants to move in with me 😭.

I have graduated high school and could start college the same year as he, but my last year was really hard on high school and there is some subjects I need to take before I can become what I want and to get into what college I want aka the same as he. He is worried about my income because I don’t have much money to own an apartment for a long time without a job. I told him that I’m going to get a job as fast as possible. As soon as we move there and I have a year off, so it’s possible for me.

I have told him that I want to try to move in together bc I want to be with him regardless of the outcome. I know things can’t work out and things can happen but then we have at least tried right? bc he is the love of my life, but now he is not sure what he wants to do so what am I supposed to do in this situation?

I told him I will give him time to take the right decision, but I kind of have to know what his decision is, so I can plan my future to and do what I’m going to do.

TL;DR Me and my boyfriend want to try to move in together because he is moving to college, but now I am unsure of what to do since he is not sure if it’s the right choice to move in with me or not.

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My (28F) bf (25M) recently started PEDs and his attitude has changed a lot and I feel jealous of him.

My bf is the sweetest man on earth. Very quiet and never used drugs, not even a sip of alcohol or coffee his whole life. He recently decided to jump on testosterone cause he said he’s about at that age where it can start to decline. He’s been lifting weights since he was 15 and never even brought up the idea of PEDs until now.

He started a few days after telling me and the results were pretty fast. He’s up at 4 am and working out for hours. He honestly looks amazing, but he seems so cold. I didn’t realize it was possible for him to talk less than he already did. He’s always there to listen but he seems like a brick wall with no emotions at this point.

I’m jealous of how he looks and it hurts me so badly. He already seemed out of my league and now he looks even better. I train to and started looking into taking Anavar but he found out and told me I don’t need and PEDs ever. So I promised I wouldn’t take it. I feel horrible. It’s like he’s so motivated and progressing so much, and I’m just my usual self.

I’m scared he will leave me, but it’s also irrational, he always comes home to me.

Tl;dr bf started taking testosterone and is progressing a ton in his life. I feel jealous, insecure, and left behind.

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* This article was originally published here

My BF (M34) tells me (F38) it's normal for guys to do this, but I'm worried it's more serious

My long term boyfriend (34) often has wet patches in his underwear and I've raised the question is there something wrong because it happens regularly after he pee's daily.

He just says that it's normal and it's nothing and refused to think there might be something else going on. He tells me I don't know what I'm talking about because I don't have a dick and really refuses to talk about it and can get angry if I push it.

I know for me me, if I have a bit come out after I visit the bathroom it's because my pelvic floor has been weakened and Ive read this can happen in men too amongst other things.

I'm looking for some clarity with those that have a penis, I'm wondering is this just due to years of poor bathroom practice or could there be something else going on.

Please help?

tl;dr my boyfriend tells me there's nothing wrong with guys having small wet marks in their underwear shortly after visiting the bathroom to pee but I think theres something more serious happening that he is in denial about.

Thank you

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* This article was originally published here

Tyga and Avril Lavigne end their highly publicized relationship on good terms - Hindustan Times

Tyga and Avril Lavigne end their highly publicized relationship on good terms  Hindustan Times

* This article was originally published here

I found out that my GF is backstabbing me and IDK how to move past it.

My girlfriend (29F) and I (31F) recently had a heated argument amidst personal, career, and family issues. I was hoping she would lend an ear and provide support, but due to my poor communication skills, I failed to express myself clearly. Frustration got the best of me, and I made the mistake of comparing her unfavorably to Redditors, mentioning that I received more sensible responses online than from her when I needed support.

Understandably, she was upset by my comment and confided in her best friend, who interpreted my words as an implication of her intelligence. While I realized the harshness of my statement and intended to apologize, I discovered that her best friend had made several derogatory remarks about me. They accused me of thinking my girlfriend is stupid, avoiding accountability for my actions, blaming her for my career failures, and even telling me that I have an ugly personality.

I confronted her best friend about the hurtful comments without knowing the full context. I also called out my girlfriend for demonizing me without fully understanding the issue and making it about herself. I acknowledged my failure to communicate clearly and apologized for my harsh words. As a result, I decided to sever ties with her best friend, as it will inevitably make things awkward.

My GF asked for forgiveness and In an attempt to process my emotions, I chose not to respond to my girlfriend's messages initially, as she had told me to take my time. However, I eventually went to her place to discuss and resolve our issues.

Unfortunately, I discovered that she had been badmouthing and mocking me to her best friend, claiming I felt like a public figure, only concerned about my reputation being tarnished. Furthermore, she suggested that my friends were neutral towards me because they liked and preferred her company over mine.

Learning about her betrayal deeply hurt me. I had always considered her to be my number one fan, best friend, and confidante—the person who would defend and protect me. Feeling stabbed in the back, I felt betrayed.

My girlfriend is now crying and expressing remorse for the magnitude and impact of her actions. She is begging for forgiveness and the opportunity to work things out.

We had a lot of fights in the past that were far worse than this and I know both of us are in the wrong but we always found a way to work things out with just the two of us.

While I don't want to end the relationship, I'm struggling to find a way to forgive her and move past this situation.

TLDR: I’ve hurt my GF by comparing her to Redditors but instead of us just resolving it together, I caught her backstabbing me to her bestfriend

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Are we related?

So 1(21m) just found out that my gf (19) and I might be related. After 3 years of dating I found out that her grandmas maiden name was the same as my last name. So l done some digging online and found out how we were connected. To put it into words that make sense my great grandfather was my gf's grandma's great uncle. Which means her great great grandfather was my great grandfather's brother. What would this make me and my gf? If anybody that's good at the whole family genealogy thing could tell me I would appreciate it. Should we break up? Wwyd?

TL;DR: I found out after 3 years that I might be dating my cousin.

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What can I (30m) do to navigate a hostile situation between me and my step-dad (57m)

So I'm (30m) in a bit of a pickle here. So I currently live in a house that I found that I rent from my parents (47 f and 56 m) (because I didn't make as much money back then as I do now) and I went from paying the land contract to paying a discounted rate and then getting my rent raised twice (contrary to my folks telling me that I would only need to pay them 250/month and giving me the house after two years. My rent got raised to cover a mortgage that they have on another property (which I was covering while it was cheaper when my remt was 250 and no one knew for two years.)

Then I met my gf (now newly fiance) and my dad said he'd sell me the house for less than he bought it for if we got married. Then he thought this place would be too small for us both and I'm like fine I'll just find my own because I'm tired of being jerked around. All this has been over the span of nearly 3 years. Fast forward to today and my mom spotted her dream house (which can house the whole family including my grana who's sleeping in the family room) and her income can cover it but her credit isn't the best and dad couldn't do it because of his job being part time. So me and mom came up with a deal. I help her get the house and her and dad can just give me the house like originally intended and I don't have to pay any rent anymore starting in the fall.

Now at this point I was hesitant because I'm not a fan of cosigning personally and things have changed up too much with dad so I wrote up an agreement to keep it honest. Then last night my dad decided to alter the deal by my paying rent until the end of next year until his job is good and his credit is clear. Now I'm kinda pissed and I leave and I get calls from both of them. Mom was going to cancel the loan request and was kinda mad at dad for taking the wind out of things amd dad called me basically telling me to help her get her house because that's my mother and to stop being disrespectful. I laughed at that because during the last 10 years I have done everything they ever asked for and then some from helping put together their church (with a lot of time, effort and some of my own money), I've helped them get their rentals through my connections, helped them by going to bat for them for the real estate loan that got them their new roof and dad's classic car and a few other things as well as one of the rentals. I have given my mom my truck to help her get to work when her car was down and went into debt to buy my current car that I paid off very quickl. I told them to take care of it and I end up having to pay for the repairs when it broke down twice without their help (even though mom did give me half of the repair bill money which was nice because dad wasn't ) and a lot of other stuff.

I guess at the end of the day I know mom is looking to help me out by giving me the house and I feel like dad is jerking me around and it's causing me to really not want to respect him because over the last several years he's cheated on my mom, lied about several situations, started getting a little more vulgar in how he talks, getting really aggressive with everyone verbally, started smoking and even smoked in my car knowing I'm not a smoker and didn't even offer to help me detail it and clean it when I finally towed the thing home.

I feel like I want to help my mom because she's doing her best to look out for me (and I'm a mommas boy as my biological dad was never really there until my step dad came into the picture ) but I don't want this to bite me in the ass given how dad likes to mess stuff up. I don't want my kindness being taken advantage of. I feel like that could happen and could possibly impact my credit that I worked so hard to build. I want to help my mom but I really don't trust my step dad. I don't know what to do anymore at this point. Should I go through with this agreement or should I just say bump it and just move later and abandon this house that was supposed to be given to me?

Tl;dr my mom and I came up with a deal to give me a house I've been renting from her and dad and my dad is being an ass and altering the deal and I'm worried this will come back to bite me because of previous instances with him.

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Girlfriend (24f) got annoyed when I (26m) pointed out her hypocrisy

My gf and I have been together for around 2 years. She came back from work and was talking about one of her co-workers, lets call him James, and his girlfriend, lets call her Beth, and how they're going through a rough patch. Apparently Beth is very insecure which James knows about but according to my James, she has no reason to be. Well one of his friends thought got his gfs name wrong and he told Beth about it.

Well according to my partner, she went really quiet and checked his phone later and told him he's making her more insecure and she was asking why they thought she was called something else. My gf starts ranting about how Beth shouldn't be making her insecurities James' problem and that it's not fair on him. I pointed out that while that is true, James also knew Beth could be insecure and proceeded to tell her his friends thought she was called something else so there was no good outcome really.

My gf just keeps saying how bad it is to be that insecure while you're in a relationship and even if its because of things that happened in the past it's not fair on your partner and my gf would leave someone if they were like that. I pointed out that early in our relationship my gf herself was insecure due to past relationships and started multiple arguments with me when I saw friends, even pretty much ruining 2 weekends away due to her insecurities and accusing me of cheating. I just asked if she thinks I should have left her there instead of working through things like we did and getting to the point we're at.

My gf just said I was wrong for bringing that up and that this is different. I pointed out it isn't that different and she's being a hypocrite by saying how James needs to leave Beth because of how she's acting but then expecting me to forgive her when she did something worse. My gf just repeated that I was being unfair by bringing up the past. Does anyone have any advice?

tl;dr my gf was complaining about her co-workers gf and how everyone at work thinks he should eave her because of her struggling with insecurities but then my gf got annoyed when I pointed out that she had done worse things that her coworkers gf in the first year of our relationship. My gf said I was wrong to bring the past up and that I was being unfair. Does anyone have any advice?

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Im not sure whether I (18M) should break up with my girlfriend (18F)

TL:DR My girlfriend has been treating me terribly forn a while and I just dont know what I should do, its not stopping nor is it getting better, would appreciate any advice or insight

hey guys im just really confused on everything at the moment and I would really appreciate some insight from an outside perspective. Ive been dating my girlfriend for 10 months now and I just dont know what to do anymore. Shes constantly hurting me and gaslighting me constantly. Heres a list of things that have happened
-swears at me even though she says its one of her big things that I should never do (I dont)
-yells/raises her voice at me even though she says its one of her big things that I should never do (I dont)
-hits me
-gaslights me into thinking im the problem when shes upset me
-complains about things just to complain and make me upset
-belittles me (calls me childish, to grow up)
-hypocritical in every sense of the world
-happily goes and hangs out with her friends but threatens to break up with me if I try to see my friends
-does not apologise whatsoever
-does things just because she knows it will hurt me (like throwing the necklace I bought her on the floor)
-says that aftercare after sex is important yet her aftercare is shocking
-sent nudes to a guy on "accident" claimed they were meant for me
-calls me dumb/stupid/unintelligent
-gets mad at me if I cant help her, even in situations where it is physically impossible for me to help her
that all i can think about for now. I know I also havent been perfect in this relationship but I havent done anything nearly as bad as any of these but i still do love her. Im just really confused and stuck and would love for anyone to comment<3

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Am I (24F) reading too much into this post-it note gesture from my crush (39M)?

I've been working at this company for about 6 months and have known my crush for the same time.

I'm going to sound like a complete psycho. I think I've built this little gesture up into something it isn't. Please, online strangers, drag me down to reality.

Okay, let's start. I (24F) have a crush on my male co-worker (39M). I know, age gaps blah blah. It's quite a casual work environment (experimental research facility) and we have a friendly but reserved relationship. He's a really kind, intelligent, and helpful person who is always willing to make time for others.

A couple weeks ago I asked him for some help finding a specific item needed for one of my experiments (my entire team is on holiday so there was no one else). He helped me search the building to make sure we didn't already have it stocked, then offered to order it for me (I can't access the PO system yet).

I wrote down the specs of the item on a post-it note (bright neon pink) and casually handed it to him when I walked past his desk later that day. He ordered the item and it arrived in time. Perfect. My experiment was saved.

Well a couple of weeks have passed since then and, when I was walking past his desk the other day, I saw a flash of neon pink. I did a double take and noticed that he still had the bright pink neon post-it note I had given him on his desk. It wasn't like he had discarded it randomly to the side or forgotten to throw it away. He had stuck it on the base of his main monitor so it would be in direct line of sight every time he sat down at his computer.

I was surprised because he definitely didn't need it anymore, especially weeks after the item arrived. We don't work on the same projects or are even in the same team, it also wasn't the kind of item you would re-order any time soon. The rest of his desk is well-organised and ordered, so he wouldn't keep unnecessary clutter on his desk.

The hopeless romantic in me is thinking that he kept the post-it note on his desk because he secretly likes me and wanted a reminder in the form of my neon pink message.

He's been friendly with me since, if a bit reserved, no different than normal. I can't help daydream about "what if..." and I feel a surge of excitement each day I walk past his desk and the post-it note is still there.

But then, I feel stupid. I am a grown-ass woman losing sleep over a post-it note on my co-worker's desk. I feel like I am definitely reading too much into this, but just wanted a second opinion and to vent a bit.

TL;DR: My crush has kept the post-it note I gave him on his desk, weeks after he needed it. Is it because he likes me or am I a hopeless romantic?

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* This article was originally published here

I can only climax in one position. Why do my lovers try to talk me out of it?

This was never an issue with my ex-husband. But now, whenever I specify my preference to be on top, partners try to coax me into the missionary position

I can only orgasm when I am on top during sex. This wasn’t a problem with my ex-husband when we were married, but when I try to explain this to a potential partner, their ego kicks in and they assure me I will orgasm in the missionary position with them. However, this is never the case for me.

You are the architect of your sexuality and have found the right way for you to achieve an orgasm. Beware of people who might try to convince you otherwise. Men who think they will never fail to bring a woman to orgasm during penetration are lacking in the correct knowledge about female physiology and sexual response. When you are on top, you are in control. You can angle your clitoris to receive maximum stimulation with the exact level of pressure you need. Find a partner who admires the way you take responsibility for your own pleasure and avoid the uneducated.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer. Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.

Continue reading...

* This article was originally published here

Steps to build better relationship with yourself - Hindustan Times

Steps to build better relationship with yourself  Hindustan Times

* This article was originally published here

Boyfriend [24M] doesn't really support me [24F] in my hobby

A bit of a weird argument I'm having with my bf.

We have been on and off long distance for 2.5 years now while he completes his degree abroad. The last time we met physically was a year ago, so we manage by video calling, sending photos of our day, watching movies, etc.

I dance for a hobby and maybe once or twice a month I'll send him a video of a choreography I worked on, or a cover I did of somebody else's choreo. I only send him ones that I'm really really happy with, because he's not much into dancing and I don't want to force my hobby onto him. I just thought it would be nice to show him clips I'm really happy with.

He watches my videos on mute... because he says the type of music (usually pop, hip hop) is not his style and he just doesn't like the songs. But he says he really appreciates my dancing and says I keep improving.

Bear in mind, my clips are maximum 3 mins long-- but usually just 1 minute. Again, I only send him a clip like once a month.

I told him that him muting my videos is absolutely ridiculous because it's literally just one minute of audio. The whole point of my dancing is that it syncs to the music. I put effort into making sure the music comes to life through my dancing so what's the point? I'm not a mime. Lol

He composes music for a hobby so he is very picky about music and I know he's more informed than me in terms of what constitutes a good beat, lyrics, etc. I get that. I do. But is it that painful for him to suck it up and listen to 1 minute of a generic pop song to support me?

He says that I'm forcing him to do something that he doesn't want to-- I.e listen to music he doesn't want to. I said okay. Then I'll just stop sending you clips of my hobby. He said that's fine with me.

When he sends me clips of his music, I listen all the way through even if it isn't what I normally listen to. He is incredibly talented and I try to support him as best as I can. Is it unfair of me to expect him to support me in that way? Or am I just forcing him to support my hobby? Being in a LDR I thought something like this would just make sense but now I don't know anymore.

TLDR; I send my bf videos of my hobby, dancing. He watches these videos on mute and does not understand why I find that ridiculous. I feel like I'm crazy.

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* This article was originally published here

19m - my new gf, 20f, wants to go on holiday with her ex as friends

I recently got into a relationship with a girl who just came out of one. They had booked a holiday today and couldn't cancel it, so are talking about just going as friends. She asked if I'd be okay with it to which I said no, I would probably end the relationship. She is upset that I am not letting her continue her friendship with the ex (btw I wouldn't have a issue with them seeing each other for like coffee or something) Am I in the wrong?

Tldr - my new gf wants to holiday with her ex as friends and is upset I don’t want her to

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* This article was originally published here

My gf (23F) is pissed that I (25M) cheated, but I was DRUNK when I did it

So I ended up sleeping with a Woman while drunk and told my gf bc honesty is the best policy and she IMMIDIETLY dumps me hangs up the phone, and about 20 minutes later she comes by to get all of her stuff, and when trying to explain to her she just ignores me, and once she's done packing leaves the house.

I think this is super unfair yeah I cheated, but I was drunk and out of my mind. She could have easily talked to me about this and we could make some kind of deal, but instead she was stubborn about it and couldn't be understanding I was willing to have a conversation and she wasn't. Was what I did that deep? I was super drunk and was surprised when I had woke up the next morning

tl;dr slept with a Woman when drunk and gf dumped me without even trying to talk it out

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* This article was originally published here

Crap, I (27M) miss my Ex(27F)

TL;DR Im maried but i missed my ex after a facebook notification for her birthday popped up.

Im married to my wife (27F) of 3 years with a 1y/o child.

So today is my Ex's birthday so a notification popped up on facebook. This causes a tidal wave of emotion memories and many things. I love my wife and cherish my marriage, and I'd hate for this to affect what i have.

I hate that i miss my Ex. I know its probably a fleeting thing but it seems every other month or year these feelings surface up and i cant bare myself to discuss this with my wife.

Perhaps there are unresolved things ? I dont know. I could really use some help . Cheers.

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* This article was originally published here

Elliot Page writes about relationships with Olivia Thirlby and Kate ... - NationalWorld

Elliot Page writes about relationships with Olivia Thirlby and Kate ...  NationalWorld

* This article was originally published here

Advice on halted relationships

This will be a long one so strap in.

TL;DR - Me and my boyfriend (32M 32F) have been together 3 yrs, everything is otherwise affectionate (cuddles, kisses, stroking my body etc) but the sex stopped after 9 months of being together. He still avidly watches porn a few times a week, just for context (not just videos, he was paying for OF as well, but has stopped it seems).

It all started great on the relationship part until his parent died of a long term illness, around the time we stopped being phyiscal and we moved to his home town in washington to be closer to his family, as we were long distance before.

My OH struggles with his mental health and this (obviously) made it worse, of course it would. He has also gained some weight and has health issues as a result, making him not want to go and do things together because his body hurts too much. I feel broken, lonely and self conscious, i’ve cried to him more than once, told him how the no sex, but porn watching is really affecting me and i dont feel wanted and i don’t feel like we’re really together and he just says he’s not in the mood for sex, his back is painful, and he hates himself and the world. He says i love you so much, i couldn’t do life without you but i’m sorry i just can’t be intimate with you rn.

It’s been a year and a half and we have had sex a couple of times, even though it didn’t feel like he wanted too, more to to keep me happy because I initiated it, after he said i don’t initiate enough. The porn watching is what really upsets me, but he doesn’t see it as a problem and in the heat of the argument said stop being jealous of girls on a screen, which he apologised for after things had calmed down. He always sees my side when we talk about it but nothing changes.

Do you think he’s just comfortable in this relationship and doesnt feel the need to break up with me or is he genuinely struggling. I moved my whole life and left my friends and family hours away to be with him and I’m struggling to know if i’m wasting my time. I know i’m probably the closest thing to answering this but i need outside opinion. I’ve been cheated on before and struggle with trust and my own self confidence so i’m on the fence about whether it’s genuinely over between us, but he knows how to say the right things to keep me here or i’m self sabotaging. Please help

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* This article was originally published here

Should I (f19) break up with my boyfriend (m19) for mild consent issues, belittling, and seeking attention from other women, or should I give him a chance?

I (19F) love my boyfriend (19M) and he has many great qualities. We’ve been together almost 2 yrs and have lived together for 1. But there are some things that are grating on me and I’m not sure if I’m being fair to him. 1. He plays around with me physically (not sexually) like poking, wrestling, etc. Which is fine with me, but it mostly ends up that he’s doing something that hurts like pinching too hard or poking too hard etc. and it actually does hurt. So I tell him to stop but he never does and keeps going further and then the only way I can get him to listen to me is if I “over-react” and fight him off. Then he gets all sulky and distant when I tell him seriously that it hurts and I don’t like it and I want him to be more gentle. Cause he just thinks I’m overreacting. And when I bring this issue up to him he doesn’t really say anything to me and just gets all upset and distant. His excuse is that he doesn’t see how it could actually hurt cause he’s not doing anything serious. So he just doesn’t believe me??? 2. I have adhd and anxiety, which I understand can be hard for my partner to deal with. And I understand if he gets “burned out” by my constant forgetfulness or clumsiness or messiness. But he belittles me by “subtly teasing me” all the time. And although it’s said jokingly, it’s not actually a joke. And it makes me feel like a burden. We’ve talked about this, and he apologizes for belittling me so much, he says that he gets burned out by me and doesn’t express that properly. And he says he just needs to deal with the fact that I take “work” to be with. But he apparently still love me so much and thinks I’m great and doesn’t want me to feel bad about myself. But I feel like his actions and words don’t always align. 3. He doesn’t put any romantic effort into our relationship. And tbh I don’t really either, but occasionally I do try to plan dates and get him nice things. But he almost never reciprocates the romantic gestures. He is really sweet and loving in a regular setting and when we spend time together day to day he’s always doing the right things. But he doesn’t seem to try for more than that. 4. He just generally seems fed up with me sometimes. He’ll say things like “I need to remember to let you speak cause I always know what you’re going to say” or “you’re just weak, and you’re probably going to die young cause you’re just so afflicted, idk why I’m with you if you’re just going to die early” (which I’m not btw) or “you’re not much to look at, but I love you and you’re beautiful”. And whenever he says some mean shit and he senses I don’t like it he suddenly goes “we’ll wait, let me think if that’s true” and then he comes up with some more palatable bs. 5. He also has a sort of flirty personality and loves attention (from everyone but especially girls) and he goes out of his way to get attention from girls in group settings. And although he doesn’t really step over any boundaries, seeing what that attention does to him really icks me out. In every other way he’s great and he is really nice and thoughtful for the most part. But these things are getting to me and I’m not sure what to make of the situation. Please help me figure out how to view the situation and what you think I should do (break up, have a serious talk, give him a chance, etc). How much of this is normal?

TLDR: my (f19) boyfriend (m19) is great for the most part, very understanding and loving and we get along well. But I have some issues with him such as consent issues, belittling me, seeming fed up with me, and being flirty/attention seeking from other women. And I’m not sure what to do about it (should I just break up with him or give him a chance) or how much of it is normal.

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* This article was originally published here

How do I respond to my very ‘zen’ partner?

My partner (28M) and I (22F) are engaged. He’s a nice guy, but there’s been one thing that gets on my nerves. He’s all about meditation and reading self-help books and growth mindset and watching YouTube shrink videos about how to be your best self. That’s all great, but then he started asking me why I don’t do any of those things.

It went something like, “if you don’t read self-help books, what about your personal growth?” “I want you to be the best version of yourself” “read books XYZ”

The thing is, its great that he does all that. But i just find it so boring. We’ve had different upbringings and lives, where he’s lived alone in a first world country and I’ve grown up among a big social community in a developing country. And I extract my growth and reflections from so many different sources, like my family, my relationships, going to therapy. I’ve even identified and worked on countless things through films and books, but all fiction. I’m addicted to fiction, basically, because I need that form of escapism in my life.

I just don’t know how to respond to him when he asks those things of me. Is it okay to ask him to just let it be? I’ve always been someone who’s worked on themselves by myself. I’ve told him some of these things softly and the constant ‘I want to see you be XYZ’ has stopped, but he still asks me to read self-help books and sends me videos on how to get ahead of the masses.

TLDR: partner loves to ask me to read/watch self help material to be the ‘best versions’ of myself. It annoys me.

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* This article was originally published here

I (22F) want to make my boyfriend (25M) to dress better

Actually it's not about his style, I like his style, and I wouldn't try to change it. It's more about quality(?) of his clothes. He alone said that he should buy some new clothes because these which he has are old. I can buy something for him from time to time. He can try it, if he won't like it I can always return it I think. I bought him like 3 things of clothing and he always liked it and is wearing it daily. I don't know if it is okay to feel this way, and I maybe should mind my own bussiness?

tl;dr I want my boyfriend to dress better, it's not about style, but old clothes

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* This article was originally published here

I (f30) infantilize myself by acting ditzy, helpless and wounded. It’s ruining another relationship (bf, m30). How do I stop?

I had a very abusive childhood and my family is out of the picture. People were always fascinated by my life story and called me strong and brave for getting through it. I’ve felt validated by that attention which is why I think I’ve turned it into a part of my identity. I keep bringing my past up as soon as I feel it’s socially the right time when I meet new people, but it’s especially bad when I’m drunk as I tend to overshare too soon and sometimes I try to talk about the most terrible things to get a reaction out of people for attention. I’ve realized that I do this to come off as more interesting and to make people feel protective over me to force a closer relationship with them.

I’ve had a bf for about a year now and I’ve realized that I’m not even myself around him. I talk in a baby voice, I act ditzy and dumber than I am like a ”damsel in distress”. It’s caused a weird dynamic between us where if I do something wrong, he’ll be afraid to adress it to me because he’s afraid of hurting my feelings.

I can tell that he’s in his head while having sex with me because he’s trying to be so gentle that he’s not enjoying himself, and even though he knows I like it more rough I’m too shy to be more active and engaging in bed so I end up being passive which makes him feel weird.

Because my family is out of the picture I tend to have my whole life revolve around my boyfriend too, while he has a lot going on with his family, career and friends.

I know I need therapy, but I can’t afford it. Please tell me how to stop acting like this. I hate it. I just want to be myself and not make the people I love prisoners of my own victim mentality.

Everyone around me only see my past when they look at me… And I’ve made it that way, even though I live a safe stable life now.

Is there anything I can tell my boyfriend to backtrack this whole dynamic I’ve created and make our relationship healthy? And how do I act right moving forward? I’ve had so many previous relationships end because of this.

Tl;dr : I identify with my past traumatic events and make my bf want to protect me and feel bad for me even though I feel better now, and it’s causing him to be afraid of critizising me, having open communication and enjoying sex with me.

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* This article was originally published here

How do I get rid of unresolved anguish?

Last year, my boyfriend of 1 year got together with my bestfriend of 8 years (he was a common friend) before breaking up with me and she went along with it. So I completely cut them off from my life

I just suffered for 6 months to get to a level of peace where I wasn't overthinking every detail. He just blamed my anxiety as his turn off ( saying giving constant reassurance wasn't his thing) and she dismissed her mistake by saying she deserves to be happy

I was very hurt by the whole ordeal as I was noticing him being distant and did ask her and him if something was going on, they both denied and called me paranoid.

I just completely got over it but certain days are still triggering. Recently I heard they are getting engaged, through a common friend and she just wanted to let me know, I really don't know how to feel, I don't want to talk to either of them but I feel like I was the only one who suffered and they got their happy ending.

Is it wrong that I don't wish them well? Is it wrong that I am not okay with common friends hanging out with him? Why do I still feel icky whenever I hear about them? My common friends just ask me to be better person, I just don't know how to view this tl;dr need a different perspective to cheating ex getting engaged

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* This article was originally published here