This was never an issue with my ex-husband. But now, whenever I specify my preference to be on top, partners try to coax me into the missionary position
I can only orgasm when I am on top during sex. This wasn’t a problem with my ex-husband when we were married, but when I try to explain this to a potential partner, their ego kicks in and they assure me I will orgasm in the missionary position with them. However, this is never the case for me.
You are the architect of your sexuality and have found the right way for you to achieve an orgasm. Beware of people who might try to convince you otherwise. Men who think they will never fail to bring a woman to orgasm during penetration are lacking in the correct knowledge about female physiology and sexual response. When you are on top, you are in control. You can angle your clitoris to receive maximum stimulation with the exact level of pressure you need. Find a partner who admires the way you take responsibility for your own pleasure and avoid the uneducated.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
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