I (19F) love my boyfriend (19M) and he has many great qualities. We’ve been together almost 2 yrs and have lived together for 1. But there are some things that are grating on me and I’m not sure if I’m being fair to him. 1. He plays around with me physically (not sexually) like poking, wrestling, etc. Which is fine with me, but it mostly ends up that he’s doing something that hurts like pinching too hard or poking too hard etc. and it actually does hurt. So I tell him to stop but he never does and keeps going further and then the only way I can get him to listen to me is if I “over-react” and fight him off. Then he gets all sulky and distant when I tell him seriously that it hurts and I don’t like it and I want him to be more gentle. Cause he just thinks I’m overreacting. And when I bring this issue up to him he doesn’t really say anything to me and just gets all upset and distant. His excuse is that he doesn’t see how it could actually hurt cause he’s not doing anything serious. So he just doesn’t believe me??? 2. I have adhd and anxiety, which I understand can be hard for my partner to deal with. And I understand if he gets “burned out” by my constant forgetfulness or clumsiness or messiness. But he belittles me by “subtly teasing me” all the time. And although it’s said jokingly, it’s not actually a joke. And it makes me feel like a burden. We’ve talked about this, and he apologizes for belittling me so much, he says that he gets burned out by me and doesn’t express that properly. And he says he just needs to deal with the fact that I take “work” to be with. But he apparently still love me so much and thinks I’m great and doesn’t want me to feel bad about myself. But I feel like his actions and words don’t always align. 3. He doesn’t put any romantic effort into our relationship. And tbh I don’t really either, but occasionally I do try to plan dates and get him nice things. But he almost never reciprocates the romantic gestures. He is really sweet and loving in a regular setting and when we spend time together day to day he’s always doing the right things. But he doesn’t seem to try for more than that. 4. He just generally seems fed up with me sometimes. He’ll say things like “I need to remember to let you speak cause I always know what you’re going to say” or “you’re just weak, and you’re probably going to die young cause you’re just so afflicted, idk why I’m with you if you’re just going to die early” (which I’m not btw) or “you’re not much to look at, but I love you and you’re beautiful”. And whenever he says some mean shit and he senses I don’t like it he suddenly goes “we’ll wait, let me think if that’s true” and then he comes up with some more palatable bs. 5. He also has a sort of flirty personality and loves attention (from everyone but especially girls) and he goes out of his way to get attention from girls in group settings. And although he doesn’t really step over any boundaries, seeing what that attention does to him really icks me out. In every other way he’s great and he is really nice and thoughtful for the most part. But these things are getting to me and I’m not sure what to make of the situation. Please help me figure out how to view the situation and what you think I should do (break up, have a serious talk, give him a chance, etc). How much of this is normal?
TLDR: my (f19) boyfriend (m19) is great for the most part, very understanding and loving and we get along well. But I have some issues with him such as consent issues, belittling me, seeming fed up with me, and being flirty/attention seeking from other women. And I’m not sure what to do about it (should I just break up with him or give him a chance) or how much of it is normal.
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