This will be a long one so strap in.
TL;DR - Me and my boyfriend (32M 32F) have been together 3 yrs, everything is otherwise affectionate (cuddles, kisses, stroking my body etc) but the sex stopped after 9 months of being together. He still avidly watches porn a few times a week, just for context (not just videos, he was paying for OF as well, but has stopped it seems).
It all started great on the relationship part until his parent died of a long term illness, around the time we stopped being phyiscal and we moved to his home town in washington to be closer to his family, as we were long distance before.
My OH struggles with his mental health and this (obviously) made it worse, of course it would. He has also gained some weight and has health issues as a result, making him not want to go and do things together because his body hurts too much. I feel broken, lonely and self conscious, i’ve cried to him more than once, told him how the no sex, but porn watching is really affecting me and i dont feel wanted and i don’t feel like we’re really together and he just says he’s not in the mood for sex, his back is painful, and he hates himself and the world. He says i love you so much, i couldn’t do life without you but i’m sorry i just can’t be intimate with you rn.
It’s been a year and a half and we have had sex a couple of times, even though it didn’t feel like he wanted too, more to to keep me happy because I initiated it, after he said i don’t initiate enough. The porn watching is what really upsets me, but he doesn’t see it as a problem and in the heat of the argument said stop being jealous of girls on a screen, which he apologised for after things had calmed down. He always sees my side when we talk about it but nothing changes.
Do you think he’s just comfortable in this relationship and doesnt feel the need to break up with me or is he genuinely struggling. I moved my whole life and left my friends and family hours away to be with him and I’m struggling to know if i’m wasting my time. I know i’m probably the closest thing to answering this but i need outside opinion. I’ve been cheated on before and struggle with trust and my own self confidence so i’m on the fence about whether it’s genuinely over between us, but he knows how to say the right things to keep me here or i’m self sabotaging. Please help
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