We've been together for 6 years and our history is a mess. We lived together and it wasn't great. He had a great job and my contract had just ended so I wasn't working. Instead I helped him a lot with his business (at his request) and the general running of the house.
He had rented us a big house, a lot of vacations, a lot of drama. We fought a lot. For my part, I came into the experience expecting our relationship as a couple living together would be one way, but it was marred by so many issues. A lot of resentment built up. It became clear that he dealt with conflict by "micro cheating" (texting/flirting with other women). That's a huge trigger for me so we would fight more. He ended up having an affair 3 year ago and I moved out. I've come to realize he's very vulnerable to these situations because he seems to require a lot of attention. I think I know better now how to handle him with regards to this and what makes him tick.
We have stayed together but we haven't lived together since then. Our relationship is also a lot more "platonic" now. We hold hands and cuddle but very rarely have sex. This is due to so much resentment and pain that hasn't been properly dealt with.
Current situation:
- If I don't move in with him, he said it will be over. He doesn't want to live like this anymore (it's been 3 years since I moved out). He says there's no way he would ever cheat on me again...he doesn't want to go through that hell again or cause me so much pain. For my part, I'm fairly sure I could contribute to making our relationship better. I can see ways I could handle situations better within our relationship and I can see mistakes I made from when we lived together.
- But at the same time, I'm very scared I'll be making a mistake either way. If I don't move in, I feel very strongly I'll likely never be in a relationship again (just trust me...I'm nearing 50, time hasn't been the kindest to me, I'm a total introvert and I don't go out so there's nowhere to meet anyone). But if he cheated on me again, I'd be simply destroyed. I also am afraid I'll be back in a similar situation as before (non-stop arguing, him blaming me for everything to do with the house but now I'll also be working full time, finding out he's flirting with someone at work or texting women, etc).
I am wondering what steps to take here. I'm on the fence about just breaking up and facing my future alone, or if I should agree to move in and make marriage counselling a regular part of our next year. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation?
tldr: I have to decide whether to move back in with my partner or break up.
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* This article was originally published here
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