English is my 2nd language so excuse the mistakes.I live in South Asia and we are muslims.
Recent example , we had eid this weekend ( islamic holiday thing ) and i went to his parents place , he spent 2 and half days commenting oh wow you guys are getting along so well didnt you have a big fight last time , subtly complaining to his sisters about me etc.The last evening of eid , my BIL's wife's parents were to visit , so her and me we were coordinating about chores like who does what etc and my partner was again going wow look at you acting like sisters etc i feel like he was looking forward to us fighting or having a screaming match over something tiny.Half an hour before the parents were to visit i told my husband to get my son ( 4 ) to dress up because i was busy in kitchen. I heard my son crying and i asked from the kitchen why is the kid crying and he didnt say anything so i just went ah w/e i will check later because a lot of time when i leave my kid with partner kid ends up crying because either he gets hurt or partner takes away his toys or disrupts his play .and then they come down and the kid has the ugliest haircut and partner is smiling so BIG and i loose it , i told him multiple times to not give him a haircut at home , we were discussing the haircut and i told him to get it after eid because rn the shops are overcharging and we are very tight on money , like barely for food kind of tight , he goes and goes his dad was one who cut the kid's hair and i am too obedient to say anything, its not that bad , they will grow back, i didnt know you like his hair so much. I asked the kid who cut your hair and he says dad.i went back in the kitchen after screaming for 5 minutes and he went to the other room , when the BIL's in laws came my husband went on loudly look how good of a haircut kid has and i have no right to be mad etcSo my question is what explains his behaviour and how do i deal with it until i can leave him ? i am doing everything to take care of my mental health to stay calm with his antics and he refuses couple therapy
tldr; partner does things that he know will piss me off and uses his bad memory as an excuse
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