I want to throw up every time I remember what I did yesterday. It was nothing super serious but I feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself.
So we had a work party yesterday and there were all my coworkers, including the guy I have a crush on. Short story: I always liked him and though he was was hot and 2 months ago we suddenly matched on tinder and actually talked for some weeks. He really seemed interested but then he started answering more and more slowly and we just stopped talking.
After that all our live interactions are super mega awkward. He talks with all girls super normally but I'm literally the only one he ignores and he didn't even try to hide it.
So yesterday I was a little bit drunk and I started doing tooo much to grab his attention. Like going to the group of people where he was to try to enter in the conversation even thought I don't have anything in common with them and my friends were on the other side. Then I tried one time to go to the bathroom at the same time as he just to try to intercept with him. Then I standed awkwardly in the kitchen where he was just to he there, I really wasn't doing anything. And the final one, I tried to go home in the car with the group that he was going. And that I think was the most stupid and creepiest one.
He doesn't care about me. I even have the feeling that every time he would enter in a room and see that I was there he would just leave because of me. There was even a time when He, me and another girl were sitting together, they were talking (super energetically and enthusiastically, if he doesn't have a crush on her it really felt like he has lol) and as soon as she left the room, he got up and also left the room in rush just to not talk with me AHAHAHA.
As soon as the alcohol started disappearing from my body I understood the things I did the entire day and I felt so irritated and stupid. Begore leaving the party I didn't even said Bye to him because I was feeling that he's so done with me. But he actually waved to me with a smile.
I regret so much going there. I wish I could just ignore him and show him that I doesn't care, as he does. But everytime I have the opportunity to be near him I just can't walk away. What should I do next time when something like this happens? At this time I don't even think there's a possibility of juat being friends because he's afraif to rven ask me how my job is going. That tinder match ruined everything argh.
Tl;dr - Was trying too kuch to grab the attention of my coworker that I like and I feel so stupid.
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* This article was originally published here
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