My husband’s constant complaining about not having a career and “pursuing his dream” is driving me insane.
My husband (33) and I (30) have been married for seven years and have two beautiful children together, and living what many would consider the American dream. We aren’t rich but with both of our incomes combined we make a comfortable living. Since before we got married my husband always wanted to pursue a career in Aviation, and becoming a commercial pilot has always been his lifelong passion and something he’s dreamt of doing since he was a child.
He completed a two year program and earned his Associate’s degree in Aviation but due to some roadblocks along the way with getting his private pilots license due to a medical condition that required clearance he was not able to obtain his private pilot’s license and pursue his career path. He was finally able to get clearance however all of his tests expired and things got put on the back burner as a result. We met and married a year after he finished school. He now has an associates degree in aviation that cost us 15k worth of student loan debt (paid off) and there is nothing to show for it. We also paid off my student loans in the process another 15k.
Since that time he has worked what he would consider dead end jobs, jumping from one job to the next. He’s initially happy when he first gets a new job but within six months to a year he falls into the same pattern of burn out and depression. Complaints about how his life isn’t going anywhere, that’s he’s depressed, that I do nothing to help him pursue his dreams that I don’t support him, how he wishes he could just start over. He’s always looking for someone to blame and it’s usually me. Then he begins the job search all over again for what he would consider another “dead end” job. After seven years of this constant cycle it has really began to weigh heavily on me. I’m now at a point that when he starts the complaints and job searches that I just ignore him because I’m so mentally exhausted, and I know nothing I say will make a difference.
I love my husband so much, he’s an amazing husband and father and I would give anything to see him happy, and pursuing his dreams. I wish love and support was all that were necessary and if that were the case we would have been there by now, but money is a huge factor. Becoming a commercial pilot is an extremely expensive and time consuming endeavor 80-100k minimum just to obtain the license itself and not including the 1500 hours that is required after that to even get hired anywhere. I’ve tried to get my husband to pursue getting a more “affordable” degree or to take on a trade just so he can have a solid and stable career with benefits and job satisfaction just as a stepping stone to fund his flying in the process. However, he never sees anything through, and he never likes the options I give him, and the things he has pursued never work out. He wants to snap his fingers and watch everything magically fall in his lap. But the hard truth is the career he has chosen to pursue will take him years to complete unless we get ourselves in a bunch of debt just so he can get it done quickly.
I know he’s never going to be happy until he is doing what he wants to do and this will continue to weigh heavily on our marriage. Some people are content just having a job to pay the bills and make a comfortable living, he will never be that person. I feel like he’s always going to be like the highschool quarterback who would have made it to the NFL if it wasn’t for an injury that held them back and I’ll never hear the end of it. He knows how I feel, we do well with communication in our marriage. I’m just so tired of repeating myself like a broken record that I’ve resorted to silence with him.
We only get two days off together every two weeks due to our schedules and he’s ruined our weekend off together because he’s been sulking about his job and lack of career.
TDLR: I’m just frustrated and needed somewhere to vent my thoughts. Thank you for listening.
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* This article was originally published here
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