There will be mentions of sex in this post, I just did not know if it was enough to need a NSFW post.
I (F17) have been with my boyfriend (M18) for coming up on three years. We met on one of those weird snapchat apps that is basically a kid dating site.
For the very first few months everything was amazing. He was my first boyfriend and he gave me so much attention and had said I love you before we had even met up in person. We kissed on the first date and he asked me out, I felt like I couldn't say no because I have a huuge problem with feeling like people hate me if I don't do whatever they want. This lasted three months, then things started to come to light.
First, I found a whole collection of nudes in his phone of his exs, that was password protected with my name. Next I found out he had been dating a 13/14 year old at the same time he was dating me. I found out because she dm me calling me names and how she was better for him. He blocked her, only for me to find out they actually kept talking for a few months just under different names.
Then he started the constant messaging of over girls, making new accounts and hiding them, and then eeverytime I confronted him he would deny, deny, deny. He even denied the time I caught him in front of me planning to meet up with a girl and smoke.
I know the simple answer is leave, and I should've left when it very started. At the beginning when I would say I can't be with someone who do this, he'd start crying and begging and promising he'd change. That he wouldn't be able to live without me and probably wouldn't go on. I have that in text somewhere. Because of this, I even told him if he didn't get help we were truly done. He had been blaming the cheating and the rudeness completely on his mental illness. So he started taking his meds and going to therapy again, for about two months and then he gave up.
Well now we're here. He hasn't cheated on me, unless he's gotten super good at hiding. But he's not like he used to be. I don't get the nice paragraphs I used to get, or just the nice words in general. If we are not physically hanging out it's like a switch flips completely. He'll yell and snap on me for easy things, most often if I interrupt his 8+ hours video game time with his friends, he calls me names like b**** and dumb c***.
Also, a bit tmi given my age, but at the start of the relationship I was very hypersexual. I have trauma from childhood and when I found a guy I thought was so in love with me and nice, something happened. Since discovering all this, among other things that have happened, I've become pretty much completely put off with sex. If I don't say yes anymore though, he keeps asking and asking. Says he'll be quick and make food after, says I'm only refusing to punish him and he's already been punished enough. Sometimes I wake up at night to him trying to start, he had just waited till he thought I was passed out.
Leaving isn't something I can do, at least not now. I don't know how to describe it because I understand people will think I'm just weak or pathetic. But it physically hurts so much when I think about it, or even when I try to break up with him. Like he's the one constant in my life, even if it's a bad one.
This weekend he went out with his friends, they're the type to always be cheating and getting into legal trouble. I asked him to please update me one an hour or so, and set a timer. -I said to set a timer because his reasoning for not updating me and even his reasoning for not "remembering" cheating is because he has ADHD that he refuses to take medication for. I know that the medication can have bad side effects, and so I understood when he didn't want to take those.- he agreed. So far, that has not happened.
When I brought up how he didn't follow through with what he agreed, after asking him nicely to remember to text twice yesterday, he blew up over text. He told me that he was sorry he fucked up all the time and that I had to find every single flaw in his brain. And then went on to say this, exactly, which is why I'm posting. I know it may seem like a small thing, but i think I'm just at a breaking point, and I mean mentally.
"I'm done talking now, im too pissed off and stuff. I'm trying, ya see I haven't called you any names because you said it 'hurts your feelings' so, You're Welcome."
I guess I'm asking for advice on ways to try and make him see my point of view, because I feel like I've tried every way, but I know that I could be handling it wrong because this is my first actual relationship. I try and compare and ask him how'd he feel if I did xyz, but he just says that's a different situation. I gave up on not crying in front of him, maybe hoping he can see what he did, but when we're on the phone he does nothing, and when we're in person he hugs me and says all these nice things and swear he loves me and he's sorry and feels bad. I also know this will sound odd, but I swear half the time when I cry in his arms he ends up smiling until I look up.
I know this is long, I started typing and I just couldn't stop really, I haven't told anyone about all of this before, although there is a lot more. I can't talked to my siblings or parents, because then they wouldn't let us stay or me hang out. I used to talk to my best friend but I don't want her to have to deal with hearing about a situation I guess I put myself in.
I understand if I am the one in the wrong here, and need to change. But please don't say anything insulting regarding the fact that I don't/can't leave. I already know I'm a push over and kind of or really pathetic.
TL;DR: my boyfriend completely changed from the guy he used to be. He went from sweet paragraphs every day, saying he loved me all the time and always complimenting me, to cheating and calling me names. I want advice on how to make him see my point of view, or how to set up a conversation with him about this, because my ways are always getting shot down.
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* This article was originally published here
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