We have been in a committed relationship for 6 months and went on our first date 8 months ago. In the first half of our relationship, she told me multiple times that after our first date, she stopped talking to other guys as she had strong desire to make something work with me early on. She asked to be exclusive about a month after our first date where she claimed to have not slept with anyone since we met, I believed her at the time.
Last week she brought up the fact again that she had not been with another guy since we met. She would bring this up without me prompting the topic, I guess the intention was to woo me in a way. This time when she made this statement I asked her if she really meant that and that literally absolutely nothing occurred, she paused and starting talking about how she had made plans with a guy before we met who does not live in our city to meet him while he was in town for work. The story was that she drove an hour to see him, they got dinner, kissed and she drove home, no sex. It was hard to believe for me that there was no sex so I asked her to just tell me the truth. She looked me in the eyes and sweared multiple times, there was absolutely no sex and she drove home alone that night.
This stayed on my mind because it was hard for me to believe. Yesterday I unjustifiably went through her phone to read messages from that night. Long story short, she slept at his hotel. By the date, it occurred after our second date and before we were close to being exclusive.
Even though I don’t like it, I don’t penalize her for sleeping with this guy. What keeps me from getting over this is that she lied and was convincing too. I am tempted to have a conversation with her where we first promise to tell each other the truth, even if it hurts the other. If she agrees, I will ask her about the guy she met and see if she really will tell the truth, obviously she won’t know that I am already aware she slept there. Am I playing games at this point? I would prefer to simply put this in the past as the action itself was not condemnable given the timeframe, it just hurts being lied to and it’s tough for me to trust her without truly testing her after this.
It should be stated that during our relationship, she has treated me very well and with respect. I believe she truly does love me and she has stated several times she sees us getting married, that it’s not a matter of “if” but “when”. I have little concern that she will be unfaithful, she’s a very affectionate and loyal person. I don’t want to walk away from her given everything else is great. How do I get over this?
TL:DR:: everything is great in our relationship accept that she lied about a time when we first started dating. How do I trust her to tell me the truth at times when the truth hurts?
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