I had a long distance relationship with a man for some time, where he was so interested to begin with. The first time we met was in person and I felt he was interested in me. He messaged consistently called consistently asked me lots of questions and made time for me. He started to bring up serious topics like marriage. It turns out we were compatible on values and future goals and it all made sense really. He made plans for a future together asked me when I want to marry him, asked me about the proposal the rings the honeymoon everything. It was going really great. He was supportive and consistent in communication. I really fell for him.
At the same time as the marriage talk started I noticed he changed slightly. Although initially he liked to joke around a lot and throw digs at me here and there, the jokes increased to things like ‘you’re so old that..’ ‘seems you have memory issues and Alzheimer’s because of your age’ ‘you’re so stupid’ ‘such a b****’. I did make it clear I don’t like these jokes but he would stop then start again. I also noticed he called other women degrading terms. He called some of my career decisions stupid also because he didn’t agree with them. I always took an interest in his hobbies and did them but when I asked him to do the same back he wouldn’t. I guess I noticed this stuff but just saw it as his character and that he didn’t mean anything bad by it because that’s what he told me.
We got some time to spend together recently which I was looking forward to. We had planned to get engaged quite soon. But he acted so different from the moment we met again. Admittedly I was a bit shy initially around him but otherwise was my normal self. He was quite cold and formal and almost bored. He wasn’t smiling or laughing. A few days in I called him up on this and he said there is no connection. He said conversation was awkward - it wasn’t, he just wasn’t interested in what I had to say. It felt like he was making excuses. This was a massive shock to me because he seemed so excited for a future a few days earlier. It ended nicely and I left. I told him that his jokes had upset me and he says he didn’t realise but will change for his future partner. I’m reeling and don’t know what I did wrong. Any ideas? I’m scared I won’t find someone consistent again.
TL;DR: 35M left me 33F out of the blue despite him pushing for a future almost overnight. Where did I go wrong.
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* This article was originally published here
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