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Wednesday, September 13, 2023

I need advice for dating someone with a very different financial situation

I need advice for dating someone with a drastically different financial situation

I'm 27F, he's 34M. We've been dating a little over a month, and finances have come up in conversation a few times, and I'm unsure how to approach it or what the best way to handle it is.

Sometimes he'll complain about something, and I'll recommend he get something that might help his problem, or I'll mention something I did/bought and he'll say "I wish I could afford that." Stuff like a new keychain, or a trip to the movie theater. Not crazy expensive stuff. He also is against the idea of me paying for our dates, so we don't go out.

I knew his job doesn't pay much, but yesterday he told me he only has $2 in the bank despite getting paid 3 days earlier. I know it's none of my business, so I didn't say anything. I have about $25k saved up, have a very good job, and budget thoroughly. I also have a retirement account with a few thousand in it. We had very similar childhoods and I live very frugally, so I don't think he knows how stable I really am.

I'm just looking for advice on how to approach this relationship, how to get him to let me pay for our dates, and if I should discuss finances with him. It seems way too early for that, but I want to be able to treat him occasionally! I don't look down on him at all for his financial situation, and I don't want him to find out that I'm not struggling and start thinking I look down on him at all. I hope this doesn't come off that way, I've never really talked about money with anyone but my ex, and i was broke a few years ago before getting my job. I know I'm fortunate and very lucky, I dropped out of high school and never thought I'd be in a good place. I really like this dude and want to handle this the right way.

Tl;dr: I have a decent savings, my boyfriend is broke. How can I make this relationship work?

submitted by /u/Definitely_NotAHobo
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