ok so for some background me and my girlfriend (also 16f) started dating almost 7 months ago, but weve been friends since 4th grade so we have a way closer bond and stronger connection with each other than most hs relationships
so basically i need help learning how to deal with jealously and abandonment issues, like it gets really bad sometimes
for example, she plays basketball and theres been times where ive cried (a lot) because she had to go to practice instead of hang out with me, and then ill start thinking a bunch of bad things about her teammates, like i genuinely do not like any of them at all, and this is a super dumb reasoning but in my head i feel like a lot of lesbians play basketball so the chances that someone else on the team is gay is actually kinda high, and if one of them is they might have a crush on her or try to ask her out or something, and i try to be nice whenever i talk to the other basketball girls but on the inside i cant help but hate them.
but its kinda like that whenever shes with anybody, and then also whenever im not with her my anxiety starts going crazy and ill start thinking about how she probably doesn't even like me that much and shes only dating me just to date someone, whereas with me like shes the only person i can see myself ever being with, like even marriage isnt enough i literally want to become a part of her (yes ik that sounds weird but idk how else to describe it)
and that kinda ties in to the abandonment stuff because im so terrified of not being with her, like i seriously dont know if i could live through a breakup with her. and then people will say that highschool relationships arent supposed to last and when i hear that i just completely break down, like i can already feel my hewr beating fatser and my breathing becoming more labored and my eyes are starting to tear up just from writing it down so im probably gonna get a panic attack soon now that its on my mmind and im thinking about it so much right now
but im just so scared that all my own issues are gonna end up causing problems, and i keep getting the feeling that im gonna self sabotage our relationship somehow, the worst thing i keep thinking about as far as this stuff goes is that if highschool relationships are supposed to end soon anyways, and i know that i wont be able to handle that, then i should just k myself now cause it'll be less painful than breaking up at some point in the future, and i dont actually wanna do it at all but the thought keeps popping up in my head
but yeah its like super early and my anxiety like scary bad right now so i cant rly think clearly so i forgot what else i was gonna say so hopefully this makes enough since cause i really need help
TL;DR: i get extremely jealous of everyone my girlfriend hamgs out with and im terrified of her leaving me at some point, and im scared that these issues are gonna cause problems in our relationship if i cant learn how to manage them better
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