My boyfriend was originally straight until we met and dated together. He usually considers himself as having no label on his preference, meaning probably something similar to pansexual I guess. Lately I’ve been under the assumption he’s pretty intrigued or turned on by vaginas, which would be normal if he’s attracted to both sexes (even I, being gay, cannot lie I’m curious how vaginal penetration would feel) and as he’s never had sex with a woman since I was his first sexual partner. The thing is when I talk about it with him, he tells me and insists that no, « i’m enough », « he doesn’t even thing about that kind of matter » , « he’s not interested in having sex with someone else other than me » and what not but he always ends up contradicting himself and if I push him long enough he will finally admit « yeah maybe I’m a bit intrigued or turned on by vaginas bla bla» but the fact he’s not sincere with himself, therefore not sincere with me makes me mad. I have big struggles trusting others, and I do my best to trust him, but when he acts like this, it ultimately ruins my attempts at improving my flaws. When he lies, he usually has a little childish smirk on his face. Last day, I confronted him and he said it wasn’t true -with that little liar uncomfortable smirk-, that I was annoying by acting so distrustful. The same evening, when he told me something (he was honest this time) he told me I could trust him because this time he didn’t smirk from discomfort, meaning he did lie before. I again confronted him about it and he blabbered as if he didn’t remember and stumbled on his words as if confused and we got upset at each other. He’s an amazing boyfriend, well-attentioned, caring, innocent, loving and affectionate but I hate when he behaves in this insincere kind of way. Should I rationalize and work on myself or am I in the right to be continuously upset by his behavior? Thank you.
Tl;DR: boyfriend in gay relationship seems to be turned on by vaginas but won’t admit it which hinders my attempt at being more trusting.
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