Throwaway account just to be safe.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. He's a very sweet guy and I like him a lot, but there are some issues at hand.
I'm his first in basically everything. First serious relationship, first kiss, etc., and while that was all endearing to begin with, I can't help but feel like I've trapped myself in something now. I'm a very independent person after going through a lot of struggles in my life alone, and how often he wants to be with me is almost suffocating at times. I feel bad telling him no, but I just don't want to see him all the time, especially when it feels like he's almost constantly asking. Also, I have some PTSD due to my childhood life, and he has some anger issues that don't exactly make me feel comfortable. He gets decently angry over small things, especially video games, and it changes the entire mood of having fun and playing around when he gets like this.
I've tried to bring things like this up, but he really doesn't respond well to confrontation and almost shuts down. It feels like there's a way bigger age gap between us a lot of times, and it makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells with a guy in high school while I'm a grown woman.
I know the best thing is to probably break up with him if he's making me feel like this, but I am genuinely scared of the backlash if I decide to do so. As I said, I'm his first, and I don't want to be that person, but I really don't feel happy anymore.
What should I do? Should I just bite the bullet and break up? Or should I risk making things awkward by bringing these things up again and trying to fix the relationship?
TL;DR: I feel trapped in my relationship but I'm terrified of being the one to cut it off.
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