Is it normal to have emotional hiccups and insecurities in healthy relationships? Or does my partner need me to let them go to grow? (21M and 26F)

I am never one to ask for advice, especially when it comes to relationships. But this matters enough for input.

I met my current partner 'Y' inbetween the on and off periods of a 12 year toxic situationship, and developed some subtle feelings for them while they were also in some kind of controlling relationship. The reason I brushed this off was because I was 21f and they were 16m at the time. I was also their manager at work. It was just a fleeting thing.

Fast forward I'm 2 years in situationship and 'Y' integrates into my friend group. I was emotionally cheating. I resolved to meet with them to cut them off late one night completely. However, this person confessed and spoke to me in a way I had never heard before. They were honest with me and open about their thoughts and feelings. I felt as if someone was actually wanting to have a genuine relationship with me instead of me fighting for someone who didn't care.

For the first time I broke up with 'X' and am now with 'Y'. 6 months in, everything has been great. However we had our first issue. I noticed some distance between us and called it out, wanting support. They apologised for being a bad boyfriend and I did not respond or get a reply for two days. Something was wrong. I managed to meet them and they have explained they are upset because they think I'm too good for them, they are a bad parter and will hurt me if the relationship continues due to how they are feeling. But don't want to breakup. They have a habit of pushing people away when under stress which I think has been caused by a work transition recently. They were quite distraught about not knowing when they would come out of this feeling. I suggested that if we still want a relationship, to move forward for a tad longer and see how we feel. Could be a short term hurdle that I'm sure every relationship has and both of us have said we wanted long term. The day after I felt closer to them strangely and not worried or sad. I thanked them for talking and reassured them I wasn't hurt, but greatful. It was as if they were showing me their vulnerability.

I have mixed feelings about what to do or how to act now. I'm questioning if I'm too invested due to breaking off a long relationship for this one and need to make the hard decision to leave. I want this relationship to continue. I just don't know if I should:

1. Take a passive approach, give them space and let them contact as they feel. Rebuilding the trust and intimacy slowly.
2. Break it off now and cut contact for their good. I can't be friends or keep contact. That is my boundary.
3. Take an aggressive approach and keep contacting them as normal, for intimacy and closeness.

Tl;Dr Do I support a younger male partner who doesn't want to breakup with me through times of insecurity and struggle or do I make the decision to let them go? What does he need or not need from me?

submitted by /u/Simple_Strawberry161
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* This article was originally published here