I (22F) have had a laughably tragic dating life. I know I’m young, but I’ve dated many people and no one ever seems to want to commit to a relationship with me….
When I ask them, they never say that I’m the reason they don’t want to pursue something, it’s always something with them or the circumstances. For example:
My HS gf cheated on me with multiple ppl and was in love with her straight best friend
My first college fling: Talked to this one guy for 2 months, things seemed fine, then one day he cuts me off because he has a new girlfriend….
Talked to this slightly older one guy in college on and off for a couple years before giving him a chance. We went on dates, texted, he took my virginity, and things seemed good for a few months…then he ghosted me/my birthday plans and cut me off because he had just gotten into a long distance relationship…this one hurt quite a bit because we were friends for a couple years
Went through a series of short lived flings after this. This period lasted like…a year
Talk to this one guy exclusively for like 9 months. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship with me yet but wanted to date me in the future. His reasoning was relationship anxiety and the fact that he was busy with his new job. He would get super passive aggressive if I brought up talking to other guys. Every time I tried to tell him I don’t think were compatible he’d get upset and change his behavior for like 2 weeks before reverting back. Never asked me to be his girlfriend but we were exclusive, went on dates, bought eachother gifts….yeah. It eventually fizzled out and I moved away.
(Present situation) About 3 months later I move to a new city and start talking to another guy. He wanted us to talk exclusively too because “he doesn’t compete”. I’m not used to being told this so early on but I apprehensively went with it. We went on dates, texted constantly, would have sleepovers, he would kiss me at my doorstep and get sad when I fell asleep before him….yesterday we had another date/sleepover and he kissed me and dropped me off. 10 minutes later he texts me that he doesn’t think we should be a thing because he’s going to be busy with school, working out, and work, doesn’t feel romance with me, but was also afraid of “simping” for me (his exact words). This only lasted a month but I’m pretty bummed. I feel blindsided but also embarrassed. I feel like im just not worth pursuing something with.
I want to fix myself but I don’t even know what’s wrong because no one will be real with me. On paper I feel like I seem interesting: I think I look fine (scroll through my profile to see what I look like), I have a good job (I do research at a prestigious hospital), I have hobbies that aren’t just media consumption (hiking, cooking, crocheting), and I’ve always been told I have a cute/funny personality by people. I started researching attachment theory and I keep getting anxious or avoidant attachment depending on the test. I’m trying to get into therapy but the waitlist I’m on is weeks long……idk what to do at this point
TLDR: no one I date, no matter their race or gender, seems to be interested in pursuing a relationship with me. I feel unlovable and want to fix myself but im unsure how to.
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