Boyfriend (now ex) moved in with a girl (super hot) who he used to have a crush on years ago but no longer present. I told him it made me uncomfortable but it was ok, with time, that feeling would go away and I asked him to be patient with me. And so he was. But we had a few issues in terms of what we found acceptable in a relationship, so we did have a few disagreements but had only argued once about it. We’re both 28 but decided to post here because honestly I am at an age where I wouldn’t mind settling and finding a partner for life (I thought it would be him)
But one night he was having dinner with her and he went and bought pasta, wine and he has never cooked for me before and I felt really bad but didn't say anything to him. But when they were having dinner, he didn't reply to me and he knew I was home alone so it made me jealous. I called him and told him I'm not okay with that but by that time I was really angry and was a bit rude to him and he broke up with me due to my “reaction”.
I apologized and explained myself but he told me he felt nothing for me anymore and that the "sweet girl" image he had of me was gone. I told him that it was the first time I got really upset over something that he would reconsider his decision, but he left me. I begged and pleaded and did all those silly things obviously nothing worked so I asked if we could at least talk in person and after a few days he came over.
When we talked in person about our break up, I asked him if I could have joined them for dinner or having wine with some time, them he said absolutely not, that I wasn't welcomed and this was a moment between the two of them. I felt really hurt hearing this as if it were the other way around, I'd definitely want my SO there or at least wouldn't have replied in that way.
To me, it's different than being out with "the boys" or spending time in a group of friends. When I asked him if she was more important to him than I was he said "absolutely" and you don't get to tell me what I do and I don't with my friends. And I told him that I really don't, but it would be nice to have some sort of reassurance when I'm still getting used to the idea of him moving in with this girl. I've never been through a similar situation before so it was really mentally hard.
Not saying he would physically cheat on me, but that kind of dynamic leaves space for creating a bigger intimacy that in my point of view should happen between your partner and you.
I never asked him to stop being friends with her or move out.
He broke up with me saying it was 100% my fault because I overreacted to which I explained to him it’s been an ongoing issue for me as I’m struggling to be ok with it but at the same time I had never acted that way before, I just got really annoyed at that moment, but I think every relationship there's something you can learn, even when I was in abusive relationships on the other side, I still learnt.
I am frustrated as this is really eating my brain alive because apart from that, we got along great, he was the best to me and I was really nice to him as well, we had good communication, looked after each other, laughed at lot, like legit the best relationship I've ever had because it was so organic and natural, and he would also tell me he felt the same so it's still really fresh. I've spoken to several people telling both sides of the story and most agreed they'd be hurt too in my position but I want some outside perspective too.
Truth of matter is, I am REALLY struggling with this. It was a short relationship and it is hurting so much more than my longer ones. I want to crawl into a hole and not come out.
PS: please don't be mean, this has been really tough on me :(
TLDR: Boyfriend moved in with ex crush and got angry at me for feeling upset about them having dinner and wine alone
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* This article was originally published here
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