TL;DR: My gf (22f) a third year at a state university seemingly lacks basic science, math, or literature and is on the verge of failing out. Not only that she has no motivation to improve herself or achieve any goals. She only says she wants to go to grad school but does nothing for it. She also claims to have no hobbies. All of this is really getting to me because I am head over heals in love with her and want a future with her. I am the exact opposite and I don’t know what to do, how do I approach this situation?
So I want to start of my saying I do not mean to sound condescending or be rude. I am in no way a genius or even “smart” but I feel like my gf is kind of dumb. It’s getting to the point that her intelligence is making me question our future.
My gf and I have been dating for about 6 months. I (22m) recently graduated with 2 bachelors degree and want to go to medical school, my gf (22f) on the other hand is still in school & on the verge of failing out. She says she wants to go to grad school but doesn’t understand how that is not realistic with her GPA. Knowing that she struggles in school I offer to help, which usually results in me doing it all for her. Overtime this cycle of me having to do her work after offering to help has gotten me frustrated. So I’ve been trying to not offer help or care about her school, but when I don’t offer to help she just doesn’t do the work leading to her failing. When I see that she isn’t going to do the assignment I end up doing it for her because I want her to do well in school and achieve her goals.
She struggles with even the most basic math like rounding, consistently making rounding mistakes. Not to mention she seems to have too ambition whatsoever. Like I mentioned before she says she wants to attend grad school but has taken no real steps that show she wants to. In fact we would have so many fights during the week leading up to her GRE, because I would beg her to study and she would say something along the lines of “don’t tell me what to do”. When she finally took the GRE she scored in the 2 percentile,and this score did not seem to bother her. She simply shook it off saying I’ll work harder, and then proceeded to get mad at me for asking her to take it more seriously and being disappointed in her score. She claimed that I was “not being supportive and making her feel stupid” because I asking her to take it seriously from now onwards.
To give some contexts on how I approach standardized exams: when I first took the MCAT I scored in the 15th percentile, disappointed I took the next 2 months to study almost 15 hours daily and scored in 100th percentile. So her disregard for her GRE was alarming.
In addition to struggling with math, things she does makes me wonder if she has any common sense. Like one time she called me crying because someone had convinced her that she had autism and needed treatment.
I also recognize that people have different areas where they can thrive in and there are different types of intelligences. But the issue here is that she seems to lack that as well, she has no hobbies, no activities she does, nor does she have any leadership abilities. I played football for a D1 school, meaning working out is a big part of my life; and she doesn’t even want to work out. All she really seems to be passionate about is her baby niece. She loves to take care of her and basically acts like her mother.
She is also extremely unmotivated, and does not seem to want to achieve anything.As someone who grew up in poverty, I’ve always worked to achieve something like going to college on a football scholarship or working to get into medical school. I just don’t get how someone can just not care? She may have a unmanaged mental health condition, but she has refused to see my psychiatrist(I have adhd) every time I’ve tried to mention it.
I love her a lot, she is the kindest most compassionate human being I have met. She is the woman I would want as the mother of our children, but the lack of motivation and obvious difference in intelligence is really getting to me. I am very worried about the future. I don’t want to break up with her because she is “dumb” but all of my attempts at motivating her have failed. What do I do?
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* This article was originally published here
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