I apologize ahead of time for my writing skills and ranting.
I (32)M got married in December to my Wife (30F) and I just slept on the couch again. She's mad at me this time because my gluten allergy is very inconvenient for her when packing lunches for my work. A lot of little things set her off and it can ruin our day or week depending on how upset she is. I don't think she really loves me for me, but says she does and I'm struggling myself with the love. I've always felt I have sacrificed a lot more than her for this relationship. I feel unappreciated and hurt a lot. Which we've argued over before.
Our relationship started by matching on OkCupid back in Jan 2022. I was talking to a few women at the time irl, but I eventually found out she was from the Philippines. Her humble, hard working nature as a catholic school teacher inspired me. Yet, her mental instability at times scared me. Yet, she was a lot more sane than the usual girls that were around me. When I said I didn't want to talk to her anymore due to the distance and her mental state.(Mind you I only knew her for less than a month at this point) She threatened to kill herself and stalked me on my social medias when i blocked her. She never really dated before me and I thought maybe I was being too hard on her. I asked her out the same night like an idiot.
I was in a 7 year on and off relationship before this and tend to fall for controlling people like my parents were. I was raised by my mom to basically be the dad/caregiver of my severely autistic and brain damaged brother. Which leads me to care and serve those less fortunate than me. Even if it almost kills me or destroys my mental state. So I had to leave behind my brother and my ex to survive. Which leaving my brother behind haunts me and she can't really understand that.
Anyways, I visited her twice in May of 2022 and 2023. It was so beautiful there, and we had so much more fun in person than LDR. The first time seeing her and meeting her family almost brings tears to my eyes thinking about it because it was so unreal. I was on the other side of the planet with her and learning so much about a different culture. I proposed to her while island hopping because i felt pressured to be a man from my peers and that our love would grow more in time. We started our K1 visa in June 2022 and the soonest she could arrive was October 25th 2023. During the LDR parts there was a lot of jealousy issues from her end even though I was loyal throughout and she hated asking for money, but sometimes she would only have enough to eat rice once a day. I moved up in my job so I could afford to help her be happy and eventually fly her over. We almost broke up a couple times during the LDR period. I told her i may not be able to afford to come over May 2023 and she was really hurt. She began calling and yelling that I was a Weak Man for saying that and stopped talking to me for a few days. Of course we got back together and I worked overtime to fly over again.
Now, we've been fighting on and off since she arrived. She made me wait until marriage to have sex due to her being virgin. She would say we'd have sex on each visit and night of our marriage, but we never did. Not until a few weeks after our marriage. The sex became really good eventually, but i still felt alone in the relationship. Meanwhile my job was killing me, I'm the sole provider and she can't seem happy unless we're spending money. I really do care for her a lot, but our maturity levels are different. Despite her work, she acts childish which is something her dad warned me about. (For example, I asked her to grab some wires with her fingers through a tv stand hole. I walk away and come back. Shes using scissors to grip the wires. I ran over and stopped her...) Anyway, everyone has been happy for me and mention how beautiful/gorgeous she is. Yet, they don't know what happens behind closed doors. We do have great days playing games and shopping, but I feel stressed, depressed and had to get therapy to survive work and this marriage.
TL;DR: Rushed into Marriage with someone from the Philippines where the relationship has always been rocky for various reasons.
I feel like I wanted to achieve American dream too fast, and rushed the wife, the house and possibly kids in the future. Should we part ways, so I don't waste her years to have kids or is there something I can do to fix this?
Thank you for the help
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* This article was originally published here
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