Never posted something like this before, but really struggling with processing this. I had given up on finding someone I could be happy being myself with, until I connected with someone on a dating app. Right off the bat, the banter was good. Within a few days of connecting, we met up for dinner, and talked for hours, until the restaurant closed and we moved to the bar next door and continued talking and hanging out until the bar closed too and we got kicked out.
I think from that night, I was instantly in love. It has been years since I felt this happy with someone, from just talking. I could be myself, didn't have to put up an image, and I felt she was being herself too, just sharing her story as I shared mine. A few days after this date, I asked her to go on a day trip with me. She had mentioned that her birthday had recently passed and she hadn't celebrated it at all. So I planned a trip to a farm a few hours away, and found some small town bakeries, got a 3 and 0 sparkle and a birthday candle. Picked her up from her place, and we went on the trip. Again, the conversations were amazing, the farm was so much fun, we walked around the small town, holding hands and laughed and talked for hours. Drove around by the water, made fun of each others playlists, found trails to check out. Finally stopped at a store, and I got her fav icecream, and put a candle in it to celebrate her belated birthday. She was surprised, and had the most adorable smile on her face. We shared the ice cream, and then continued driving. I wanted to find a clear spot to see stars, but the weather didn't cooperate...so eventually i just stopped on the side of the road, and asked her to step out with me for a minute. She was def confused, but I took out the sparkles and again wished her a happy belated birthday.
On the 4 hour drive back that night, we held hands the entire way. It felt genuine, she'd put her other hand on top of mine, change positions, but we kept holding hands the entire way back. I dropped her back at her place, tried to go for a kiss, but she faced away, so I kissed her cheek and said goodnight.
This was a sunday, next morning I didn't hear anything from her, I messaged her but didn't hear back until the night that she had a busy work day and is going to bed now. Next two days, the conversations were like this, dry and absent. Then the dreaded message came "I had a great time, but for personal reasons I can't continue this, hope you find the girl you're looking for, take care"
I've had so many dates that led nowhere, long term relationships that ended...and maybe I have forgotten how much those breakups hurt, but this seems extra hurtful. I didn't know how to respond, so did the usual "I'm sorry you feel this way, best of luck to you as well and I hope you find what you're looking for", and deleted her number and unfollowed her from social media. But then quickly went and saved her number again. It's been 3 weeks now, and I can't stop thinking about her. I sent her another message a week later, saying that I felt a connection after such a long time, and wished that there was something I could do to have her open up to me and see if we could resolve the personal reason she had to not continue. But no response, she kept following me on social, didn't block my number, but no response.
I know time will heal, but just wanted to get this off my chest. I've never fallen for someone this quick, and then be given such a vague reason for things ending. I think if she had told me I was not funny enough, or too ugly or something of that sorts, it'd been easier to process...but not knowing what made her end is driving me crazy. I've lost my appetite, and just feel hopeless that i'll feel this way about someone again or if I even should.
TLDR: Had given up finding someone I could be myself with, found someone, and went on a rollercoaster and crashed
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* This article was originally published here
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