tldr; guy (i think) is leading me on but claims to only see me as a friend. not sure where to go from here, they’re the only person i’ve ever truly loved
never thought i’d have to come to reddit for advice but i’m desperate here. i met this guy studying abroad in england couple years ago, and we got really really close. even that is an understatement honestly. we both cared deeply for each other but as time went on we started talking less (distance and what not). eventually though i moved to his city (not for him just coincidence) so we’ve reconnected in ways.
when we started talking more i wanted to have a serious conversation to clarify what ‘we’ were. since throughout our weird relationship he’d say things like i love you, but then later would take it back. and then add that he meant it platonically. i’m oversimplifying since i don’t want to go super into detail.
as for how i felt about it, i was exhausted. it was such an intense relationship and i was always so confused by why he was saying or doing the things he did. it was honestly like a mental tug of war.
so i called them and explained my thought process, pointing out all the things he’s said and done that are making me believe that our relationship wasn’t just platonic. more importantly i needed to know who i was to them. they said i was their best friend.
ah yea. a best friend who has been your wallpaper screen for 2 years, your “best friend” who you invited over for thanksgiving to meet their family, who you bought a valentine’s day gift (with hearts chocolate and flowers might i add), buying them expensive gifts and paying for their meal, who you tell “you give me a feeling stronger than love”, and then says there’s nothing going on?
i brought up the valentine’s day gift. i told him it was making me uncomfortable, because (yes i clarified) he said it was 100% platonic and “a joke”.
he disagreed with everything i said. he said how love was sacred to me(?? how is that related) and he should have known sooner. and then said that i had an insecurity i wasn’t telling him about. said he grew up with valentine’s day being a time for him to give loving presents to his friends. he talked about how the gifts weren’t expensive. said something about how it shouldn’t matter if we were just friends. and then said i was priceless and my company was all enough for him.
i realize this is like. a million red flags in one. but i guess im still in denial. i really loved this person. they were incredibly smart moral and actually understood me. perhaps i’m naive. but i cant explain all the nuances that went down in a reddit post.
i guess my question is that is it worth it to try to communicate this more to work it out? or should i just cut my losses. or hell i dont even know maybe i did something wrong too.
sorry for such a long post. thank you for anyone who took the time to read it. any advice is appreciated :)
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