I found out recently that my mum is sad that she does not have a strong connection with her daughter (my sister) and wants to be closer to her. The problem is that she often says things that are hurtful, especially about people's weight.
My sister is somewhat overweight and it is a sensitive subject for her; she blames my parents for causing her food issues in her teens, something she has been in therapy for. My mum has always been quite slim, and has her own issues with food that we trace back to our grandfather who was always teasing his wife about her weight. Mum is not that bad, she doesn't say things directly to my sister about her weight, but she will comment on other people being "fat" and "gross"; is quite obsessed with nutrition and will steer a conversation towards the subject; will make comments during meal times like "oh I could not possibly manage a dessert after all that" after a small main course.
My sister is not the kind of person who will directly confront her about it, but instead she keeps my mum at arm's length and never spends one-on-one time with her. In a group setting things are manageable but can get quite tense if the conversation turns to food, as it often does.
I think our mum is somewhere on the autism spectrum and doesn't quite realise how offensive she is being. I think my sister agrees but still can't bring herself to be direct about it.
Mum is only getting older and I worry that she will spend her final years without the sense of closeness that she wants from her daughter, and likewise my sister will miss out on being able to treasure her last years with her mum.
We're going on a group trip this weekend and I have some time alone with my mum beforehand, and I want to broach the subject but I have no idea how to do that without offending her or otherwise putting her on the defensive. In some ways it's not my place to interfere with their relationship but I also feel like I am the only person who can see what's happening and am in a position to try to make things better.
TL;DR What is the best way to put my mum in a receptive mood to take my advice ("stop offending your daughter with fatphobia/nutrition advice") in the way that it is intended?
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