Two times I have been immediately dumped over opening a conflict. It did NOT involve yelling, verbal abuse or ultimatums. More like "Your (woman) friend is acting a little inappropiate towards you. Can we talk about this?". In both cases, I didn't want them to stop hanging out-or even hang out less, I just wanted to be reassured and taken into consideration. Not that I actually got to expressing the last sentence-they both went into overdrive "OMG OMG you're possessive, I need to get out of this ASAP " territory.
Now, when I look at other relationships around me-they seem to solve their conflicts in a much more emotional/primal manner i.e. He sometimes doesn't answer the phone? She will intentionally not answer the phone. I personally find this immature, but it seems to work. Also, one thing that makes me insecure is the fact that one of ex's exes would actually yell and throw things around the house whenever she got jealous. THAT you can handle without considering her possessive, but an attempt at a mature conversation drives you over the edge?
With another ex...whenever HE was upset about something, I would say "I never thought this would bother you. I will stop doing this in the future"(and I did). He HATED it. He called it lawyer talk. His ex would never, ever change behavior(at least not long term), but she would get guilty/sad/generally emotional if he brought up something she did that bothered him. He didn't say it specifically, but it was clear he much preferred it.
I consider myself an empathetic and emotionally open person. Maybe I don't show it enough? Maybe my experience is very particular and not applicable further than those particular people? Is there something deeper? I don't know.
TL;DR It seems like guys prefer you act over emotional rather than rational when something bothers you. It confuses me, since it seems to go against everything we would be thought in a, say, conflict resolution class.
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